A Ballerina Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 I was showing my current boyfriend pictures of my exes and he seemed ... perturbed. I was showing him because I wanted to see pictures of his exes, just to get an idea of what he liked before me. I think he thinks less of me now ... He just looked at them and said "Oh, (my name in exasperated tone, slightly rolling eyes)"... One sentence worth a thousand. But I don't know exactly what those thousand are. To put it in perspective, I used to date mostly what people would consider very attractive men, I guess I had a fetish for blue eyes and handsome faces, what can I say. And although he is the sweetest, my current boyfriend is a lot more "nerdy" looking than the other guys ... so I wonder if he really looks down on me now or if it's just insecurity. I don't know, I dropped it but it bugged me. What if I had looked at his previous girlfriends and acted disgusted with him? And I didn't show him a huge amount of exes, just 5. I know it's a small incident but it has been nagging.
Buddhist Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 I think you need to work on your empathy a bit here. I don't want to be too harsh with you. But how would you feel if you boyfriend had a portfolio of models he used to date and insist you scanned through them. What kind of questions would be floating in your mind? Perhaps..... - Are you comparing me to them? - Do you want me to see how much of a step down I am? - Are you trying to tell me you can date hot women so I'd better be careful in case you dump me for one of them? Even though you might not be thinking these things when you showed him, he probably was. What were you thinking? Did you not consider how easily this could be misinterpreted or how he would of course compare himself to those handsome faces and feel less than? If you wanted to see his exes you should have just asked him if you could out of curiosity and then accepted it if he said no. There was no need for you to throw your dating history in his face like that. It's not a nice thing to do, and that is probably why he is now considering where your heart and soul are right now. You should know that everyone, no matter who they are, what they look like have insecurities about themselves. Yes even hotter than hot people too. A caring partner would not expose their loved one to their own insecurities in such a raw way. I'm sorry but there is nothing wrong with your boyfriend and there is a lot wrong with what you did, if you cared about him. 22
Author A Ballerina Posted March 3, 2016 Author Posted March 3, 2016 I wasn't trying to compare him, I was just trying to open sharing. I thought about the differences between him and the others in hindsight. I get what you are saying, it could have hurt his feelings. I don't know whether to bring it back up and apologize or just let it fade now... I seriously thought he was internally sexually shaming me or something though, but now I see that may not be the case.
Emilia Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 Sharing too much. I know exes crop up but there shouldn't be this 'who was there before me' nonsense. In many ways it's none of your business and a lot of people would rather not know 8
scorpiogirl Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 If a man did that to me, I wouldn't feel insecure, nor would I look down on him. i doubt he would see me again because there's no reason for him to be doing that. In fact, I did have a boyfriend who had a huge folder of women from his past on his computer and he showed it to me one weekend I was to stay over. I packed my bags and left. I don't blame your boyfriend for whatever negative reaction he has to it. 12
todreaminblue Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 it was probably a mistake to show five guys you have been with before as it was for him to show his exes....personally if a guy asked if i wanted to see pictures of his exes or ex ...i would say.." ill be right thanks anyway"..who came before me is of no consequence on what they looked like because i consider most women to be better looking than me and as far as the guy i date....he is always the most handsome guy to me.....over all others. what matters most to me is the present and the connection i have with that guy physical emotional and mental connection..but...i dont think him showing you pictures was to sexually shame you...how did you feel when showing the pictures of your ex.....did you feel a bit like it was revenge on him for trying to shame you at the time you thought that he was attempting to shame you......deb
health Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 I was showing my current boyfriend pictures of my exes and he seemed ... perturbed. I was showing him because I wanted to see pictures of his exes, just to get an idea of what he liked before me. I think he thinks less of me now ... He just looked at them and said "Oh, (my name in exasperated tone, slightly rolling eyes)"... One sentence worth a thousand. But I don't know exactly what those thousand are. To put it in perspective, I used to date mostly what people would consider very attractive men, I guess I had a fetish for blue eyes and handsome faces, what can I say. And although he is the sweetest, my current boyfriend is a lot more "nerdy" looking than the other guys ... so I wonder if he really looks down on me now or if it's just insecurity. I don't know, I dropped it but it bugged me. What if I had looked at his previous girlfriends and acted disgusted with him? And I didn't show him a huge amount of exes, just 5. I know it's a small incident but it has been nagging. How about you never show pics of your exes to a new boyfriend again? Some don't care - others do a lot. It's like you're playing with him. An ex should be out of your mind, gone, healed/dealt with and put away. Photos and "stuff" should be put away too - not up in your new boyfriend's face. You probably freaked him out. You could apologize and move on, or just move on. 3
Robratory Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 Wow, I can't believe you did that. Hell, I can't even believe you keep pictures of your exes. Why? They're gone. They're history. As far as your life is concerned, they should be dead to you. If you offered me a million dollars per photo of my exes, I would collect exactly $0.00 from you. Yes, you should apologize to your boyfriend. It has nothing to do with him being nerdy and your exes being model-like. What you did was insensitive. For what it's worth. Women don't like to be shown catalogs of their boyfriend's previous women either. Here's a hilarious and modern remake of the "Madamina" scene in Don Giovanni. I usually don't like modern interpretations of classical operas, but this one is just fantastic! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fCah83LOF9M 2
basil67 Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 I've got pictures of my exes and so has hubby - they are all in our ancient photo albums. Now, I like old photos and love looking through his history and he's seen all mine. But the context was in sharing our history - it's wasn't "hey, look at my exes" If you wanted to see pictures of his exes, you should have said something about wondering what he used to look like and asked him to show you all his favourite old photos. 2
Justanaverageguy Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 (edited) I was showing my current boyfriend pictures of my exes and he seemed ... perturbed. I was showing him because I wanted to see pictures of his exes, just to get an idea of what he liked before me. To put it in perspective, I used to date mostly what people would consider very attractive men, I guess I had a fetish for blue eyes and handsome faces, what can I say. And although he is the sweetest, my current boyfriend is a lot more "nerdy" looking than the other guys ... so I wonder if he really looks down on me now or if it's just insecurity. And I didn't show him a huge amount of exes, just 5. How old are you ? 19, 20 ? The whole idea to me just sounds creepy weird and immature. Seriously its normal to discuss ex's if they come up in conversation .... its not normal to set up a viewing session to go through and catalog each other exes and compare. Thats just plain weird. Also your wording comes across as if you have some self esteem issues. Wanting to emphasis that your previous boyfriends were hot (I mean what can I say ?), that your current one isn't as hot (but hes the sweetest), and now your'e upset he doesn't approve of your previous boyfriends (clearly because all your boyfriends were just soooo hot in the past). It really seems like you deliberately trying to paint him as inferior and set out to show him how hot your exes were to prove some sort of weird point. Sounds pretty narcissistic to be honest. Edited March 3, 2016 by Justanaverageguy 6
Toodaloo Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 I really do not get this. I would never dream of showing a new beau my exes. Equally I would never want to see theirs! Why? For the love of small farm animals why would you want to? Screams insecurity and drama to me! Urgh. Major turn off. If a new beau did that to me I would just say "bye"... Or come out with the classic "we are not compatible" line... Dear lord no no no. This is just so wrong! 5
elaine567 Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 All so wrong. What was this about? Bragging? - Look what a catch you landed, I could have had anyone but I put up with nerdy old you... you should be grateful. - Show me the pics of the "5"s you managed to attract before me, to make me feel better... 5
Lorenza Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 When my current boyfriend checked out my most recent ex on facebook and complained about him being hot (he was only able to see the profile pic), I dug up the most ugly pic I had of him and showed it to my bf: "Look, that jerk's not hot at all". I saw how pleased bf was, haha. Men can be just as insecure about looks. I agree with everyone, what you did was insensitive and the way you explain it in your first post, gives me a strong gut feeling that you did that to show him that you were able to score handsome guys before him. 1
Lorenza Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 Photos of exes? Throw them away. Why? Just because a relationship didn't work out, are we supposed to pretend the history didn't happen? The years will pass by, exes won't matter anyway, but you'll want to check out pictures from certain periods of your life and there won't be any. I only delete all kinds of intimate pics, but pictures from travels, parties, going out stay even if there is a face of an ex all over. That DID happen and there's no point pretending it didn't. Of course the current boyfriend doesn't have to see those folders though. 2
Toodaloo Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 I can understand putting the photos away but dragging them out to show your new beau? That is just crass behavior. Not at all dignified or pleasant... Leave a bad taste behind. 5
road Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 I was showing my current boyfriend pictures of my exes and he seemed ... perturbed. I was showing him because I wanted to see pictures of his exes, just to get an idea of what he liked before me. I think he thinks less of me now ... He just looked at them and said "Oh, (my name in exasperated tone, slightly rolling eyes)"... One sentence worth a thousand. But I don't know exactly what those thousand are. To put it in perspective, I used to date mostly what people would consider very attractive men, I guess I had a fetish for blue eyes and handsome faces, what can I say. And although he is the sweetest, my current boyfriend is a lot more "nerdy" looking than the other guys ... so I wonder if he really looks down on me now or if it's just insecurity. I don't know, I dropped it but it bugged me. What if I had looked at his previous girlfriends and acted disgusted with him? And I didn't show him a huge amount of exes, just 5. I know it's a small incident but it has been nagging. Why? Just because a relationship didn't work out, are we supposed to pretend the history didn't happen? Because the same way it is best to not talk about past BF's/GF's. All it does is create retroactive jealously which has ruined many a relationship. And as already pointed out. It may not of been the OP's intent but for her to ask her current BF to show her photos of his past GF's came across as look how much hotter I am then any other woman that you have dated in the past. That further implies that he only dated uglies. Of course this then led the BF to see the photos of her ex's. Those photos had to crush his esteem. He saw that based of looks she is really dating down now. I think the OP had a need to see that she was hotter than all of his past GF's. That is why she asked to see those photos. I think the BF asked to see her photos of her past BF's as a way to get her to drop the idea of photo sharing. The GF did not take the hint. So the BF took the hit to his ego when he saw the photos of her ex's. I hope that the OP now see's why it was a bad idea to share those photos. 1
SSJROMANCE Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 Lol. What's next? Maybe pics of them flexing? How about some penis pics? This is just wrong. Way to make him feel insecure.
TheArtist Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 Honestly, my nuts have gone way up into my body. Way up. You may have said, 'Look at these guys I dated, I prefer you though...', what he actually heard was, 'ALL THESE GUYS HAVE PLOUGHED ME RAW. THEY'RE GOOD LOOKING FOR SURE BUT I'VE SETTLED FOR YOU.' Delete them all and never speak of it again. 10
Art_Critic Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 Why on earth would you show your BF pictures of your ex's... I've been married almost 9 years and my wife has never seen a picture of an exgf or my exw. You wanted to see pictures of his ex's to make sure you were hotter.. he didn't want to see your ex's... Learn from this.. nobody wants to go thru that, it must feel like having your nose rubbed in it... 2
Toodaloo Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 Honestly, my nuts have gone way up into my body. Way up. You may have said, 'Look at these guys I dated, I prefer you though...', what he actually heard was, 'ALL THESE GUYS HAVE PLOUGHED ME RAW. THEY'RE GOOD LOOKING FOR SURE BUT I'VE SETTLED FOR YOU.' Delete them all and never speak of it again. I don't have nuts but my uterus is dry... Does that count? I am struggling to think of anything more likely to kill off a perfectly good relationship. 5
lino Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 I cannot see any point to doing something like that but it isn't surprising to be honest. The women of today love this sort of 'd*ck measuring' so a guy has to be prepared for something like this.
GunslingerRoland Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 Of course sometimes a picture of you and your ex might come up, that's normal. But I don't know why you would go through this exercise... it's so odd. I could imagine a lot of ways, how it hurt him, I wont try to guess at which nerve it actually hit.
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