RoxStar Posted June 13, 2005 Posted June 13, 2005 So this guy I have known for a while has expressed that he is interested in me. He asked me out and we have hung out at the local bar and usually have a good time. Here is the problem... He has also openly told me about his bipolar disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder and that he is schitzophrenic. He is not medicated at all. I dont honestly know if he has been professionally diagnosed with Schitzophrenia or if he just thinks he has it. I have seen his OCD and I believe the bipolar part because he can change moods in seconds. ANYWAY. I am not judging him but I dont know if I want to get involved in someone that has all these problems. I just got out of a relationship with someone that was borderline agoraphobic and suffered from severe depression and panic/social anxiety issues. I could and would still be this guys friend but I dont know if I want to have a relationship with him based on some of these issues. Am I creating my own objections here or should I just kind of see where this goes???
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 13, 2005 Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by RoxStar Here is the problem... He has also openly told me about his bipolar disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder and that he is schitzophrenic. He is not medicated at all. Am I creating my own objections here or should I just kind of see where this goes??? Sweet Roxie, only you could ask this question. I would definitely avoid a guy with this many unresolved problems. Especially if he is not submitting to medical treatment. Question is: why do you keep going for guys with mental problems? What in you attracts you to these guys? Are you a rescuer, for example?
Author RoxStar Posted June 13, 2005 Author Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by ReluctantRomeo Question is: why do you keep going for guys with mental problems? What in you attracts you to these guys? Are you a rescuer, for example? Excellent question. I dont know why or how. Its not like I have a sign around my next that says "Do you have mental issues? If so I would love to get to know you." I dont get it. I feel like I really dont want to get involved with him but I just needed someone to tell me I wasnt being overly judgmental and possibly not investigating an opportunity. Thanks RR.
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted June 13, 2005 Posted June 13, 2005 Have an open and honest discussion with him to find out why he hasn't sought treatment, and if he would be willing to do so. Tell him that you want to be with someone who takes care of their health, and that you can't settle for any less. If he's open to that, then if you are very close with him, you may want to offer to go to the doc with him to lend some moral support. This could work out just fine as long as he is willing to do what it takes to get and stay well.
Marshbear Posted June 13, 2005 Posted June 13, 2005 Passing on someone who has this many problems is not being judgemental. Ina relationship you are not looking for a basket case; You want a partner. Keep him as a friend. Peace...
alphamale Posted June 13, 2005 Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by RoxStar He has also openly told me about his bipolar disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder and that he is schitzophrenic. He is not medicated at all. How old is this dude? At younger ages the brain is still strong enough to fend off these diseases. Unfortuanately they become progressively worse if not treated over time and the body (and brain) become weaker with age. He will eventually need meds, and probably lots of them just to stay functioning at a minimal level. Drug and alcohol abuse is probably in the future somewhere for him also not to mention being able to hold a good job. I believe the bipolar part because he can change moods in seconds. so can other "normal" people. this "changing modds in seconds" is not part of bipolar disorder. the mood swings in this malady occur slowly over months, from hi to low. Originally posted by ReluctantRomeo Question is: why do you keep going for guys with mental problems? What in you attracts you to these guys? Are you a rescuer, for example? yes, RR. See...guys like this are exciting and different and fun to be with. Unfortuantely there is also a down side too. Some women love the roller coaster ride and to be a "nurse" and make him get better (which won't happen BTW!).
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted June 13, 2005 Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by Marshbear Passing on someone who has this many problems is not being judgemental. Ina relationship you are not looking for a basket case; You want a partner. Keep him as a friend. Peace... That might be a bit harsh. Mental illness affects 10% of the population, and is very treatable in most cases, just as other physical illnesses are. It would probably be best for her to take it slow, find out the facts and then make an informed decision.
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 13, 2005 Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by RoxStar Excellent question. I dont know why or how. Its not like I have a sign around my next that says "Do you have mental issues? If so I would love to get to know you." I dont get it. Puzzling, isn't it. I had a couple of girlfriends with one particular issue. I'm beginning to understand what caused the attraction, but it has been difficult coming to this understanding. I feel like I really dont want to get involved with him but I just needed someone to tell me I wasnt being overly judgmental and possibly not investigating an opportunity. Honey, you're not being judgemental. There's a world of difference between judging someone as a person or friend on the one hand and on the other hand deciding who you would like to date. A *reasonable* degree of mental stability has to be on your list. As does the point that Jen-Jen raises - a willingness to deal with the issues that are there. Thanks RR. My pleasure.
alphamale Posted June 13, 2005 Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by jen_jen_heartbroken That might be a bit harsh. Mental illness affects 10% of the population, and is very treatable in most cases, Actually J_J_H....it depends upon you definition of what mentally ill is. Using a broad definition of it you could probably say up to 50% of the population is mentally ill in some form or another. Mental illness in not "very treatable in most cases". It cannot be cured....in many cases it can be controlled but that is all. No one I know of can cure schizophrenia, bipolar or mental retardation.
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted June 13, 2005 Posted June 13, 2005 Considering that I used to date a psychologist, I do have a bit more insight into the actual facts of mental illness than most.
Author RoxStar Posted June 13, 2005 Author Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale How old is this dude? 28 Drug and alcohol abuse is probably in the future somewhere for him also not to mention being able to hold a good job. I think I am already seeing the alcohol abuse. He was telling me the other day that in January he got a DWI and was in a treatment center for a while. He commented that at one point he was drinking a fifth of Gin A DAY. I think after reading the replies to my post I have convinced myself that I am cool being friends only but nothing more. Thanks!
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted June 13, 2005 Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by RoxStar I think I am already seeing the alcohol abuse. He was telling me the other day that in January he got a DWI and was in a treatment center for a while. He commented that at one point he was drinking a fifth of Gin A DAY. Now THERE's your reason for not dating him.
Author RoxStar Posted June 13, 2005 Author Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by jen_jen_heartbroken Now THERE's your reason for not dating him. Well he was exaggerating about drinking a fifth of Gin but I do see signs of self medication via alcohol.
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted June 13, 2005 Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by RoxStar Well he was exaggerating about drinking a fifth of Gin but I do see signs of self medication via alcohol. The issue seems to be his irresponsibility with regards to his own well-being. If he was taking charge of his health, then the fact that it was mental illness versus diabetes would be moot. It sounds like he could use some good friends to help him get back on track, but he doesn't sound like he's in the right place to be in a mature relationship.
cleoelliptical Posted June 13, 2005 Posted June 13, 2005 My ex was a bipolar manic depressive schizophrenic who couldn't afford to seek treatment nor was provided to him becuz he was temp. This is not an issue of being judgemental. It just only gets worse especially with schizophrenia after the age of 30. This is a battle you will not win. Even being a friend will have its difficulties, becuz you stay out of pity in the long-run. He will say and do things that will scare you. I'm sorry.
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted June 13, 2005 Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by cleoelliptical My ex was a bipolar manic depressive schizophrenic who couldn't afford to seek treatment nor was provided to him becuz he was temp. This is not an issue of being judgemental. It just only gets worse especially with schizophrenia after the age of 30. This is a battle you will not win. Even being a friend will have its difficulties, becuz you stay out of pity in the long-run. He will say and do things that will scare you. I'm sorry. There are various degrees of schizophrenia and other mental illnesses. Let's not be too quick to generalize or make assumptions. Everyone has different brain chemistry.
cleoelliptical Posted June 13, 2005 Posted June 13, 2005 Everyone has different brain chemistry, and there are always exceptions. But those conditions never get better with or without treatment. They only get worse. Nothing against your knowledge, but let experience speak for itself. He's not the only loon I've dated. And I'm not that sane either.
alphamale Posted June 13, 2005 Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by jen_jen_heartbroken The issue seems to be his irresponsibility with regards to his own well-being. If he was taking charge of his health, then the fact that it was mental illness versus diabetes would be moot. There are many people who are normal (i.e. not mentally ill) who have a real hard time taking care of their health needs.
Author RoxStar Posted June 13, 2005 Author Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by cleoelliptical He's not the only loon I've dated. And I'm not that sane either. When I was reading your reply I was wondering if we might have been talking about the same guy! Seriously though I am not the most 100% sane person either and I dont think he is open to serious treatment at this point in his life. As destructive as it is he likes going out drinking and having fun which if he went on meds he would likely need to quit because of drug interactions etc with drugs used to treat mental illnesses. I dont think I have it in me to do it. Plus I dont want to be the "nurse" type and I dont want to fix him - he needs to fix himself if thats what he wants.
cleoelliptical Posted June 13, 2005 Posted June 13, 2005 Too funny, when I read yours, I was thinking the same exact thing too. I dated him before the schizophenia was high, and I didn't know, nor why he was unresponsive in many ways for 3 months (which was the bi-polar). We broke up for a year got back together, but by then his conditions were in full swing. On a funny note, not in a mocking way, but in the middle of the night, he would wake me up to see if I heard the midgets in the room. He also had to shut the bedroom door all the time to lock the grey man out, and he refused to live anywhere but a dome house in the middle of no where. And I don't mean to say any law-breaking things, but p-o-t helps with the schizophrenia. But anyway, it's not just tough. It's exhausting.
moimeme Posted June 13, 2005 Posted June 13, 2005 changing modds in seconds" is not part of bipolar disorder. the mood swings in this malady occur slowly over months, from hi to low. I'm sorry but you're dead wrong. There are several types of bipolar and some are 'rapid cycling' meaning that a person can change moods several times a day. I believe your dad's specialty is at the other end of the body...
alphamale Posted June 13, 2005 Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by moimeme There are several types of bipolar and some are 'rapid cycling' meaning that a person can change moods several times a day. I have never seen nor hear of a person having both clinical depression and psychotic mania within a 24 hour period. Maybe within a month. Most times, clinical depression lasts 8 to 12 wks or longer and same for the manic phase (hypo or full blown). Rapid cycler alternate between depressive and manic phases but it is still over the course of months and not days.
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 14, 2005 Posted June 14, 2005 Originally posted by moimeme I believe your dad's specialty is at the other end of the body...
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