ashy555 Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 I would like to hear other stories of anyone who has been ghosted after months of dating or even worse in a relationship! I recently have been ghosted by someone I was dating for about 5 months. Someone who chased me for 4 years. One morning I received a normal long message asking to see me that night. I responded, then spent the whole day cleaning and cooking for that night. Then he never responded. He also opened my snapchat and no response.. Spoke every day for 4 5 months, went on actual proper dates all the time and POOF. And wow.. Ghosting is actually such an awful experience :(. It has made me realise how much i did like him.. (as much as i tried to lie to myself). I was fine for a few weeks, then I became absolutely riddled with anxiety. I couldn't eat. I just kept wondering what happened. Who he had met?! I played everything that happened the last time i saw him over and over in my head. Usually i get closure and i am fine within a few days. I figured through social media that he had met another girl. I would dream of him and this girl. I would wake up feeling so down. It is absolutely maddening how much jealousy and anxiety it can cause. Ghosting really knocks the wind out of you. My self esteem has taken quite a hit. Please, just don't do it ever. Every man that I have dated properly has either faded me out slowly or ghosted me. It just makes me really sad that men don't seem to find me worthy enough of an actual breakup You would think after 5 months, I deserve a little more respect than that. What makes it worse is that my last message to him told him to come round that night(because he asked) and that I had just had a sex dream about him and to get out...(we were pretty comfortable with each other by that stage) :laugh: How humiliating!!!!! haha 2
Author ashy555 Posted March 3, 2016 Author Posted March 3, 2016 no he certainly wasn't married. I just think I was played. As much as we got on I had a weird feeling he was bad for me which is why I was about to end it. In a civil way face to face. I wanted to have a nice chat and tell him how i thought we were after different things. I almost fantasised about it. I wanted to feel empowered as i was always the one left embarrassed lol
BeholdtheMan Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 He chased you for 4 years? Wasn't very attractive eh?
Author ashy555 Posted March 3, 2016 Author Posted March 3, 2016 He chased you for 4 years? Wasn't very attractive eh? We actually went out a few times when we first met, but it didn't work out as I was still not over someone else. We kept in touch though. He lived overseas for 6 months and we skyped often but things just kept getting in the way. One day we were supposed to meet up but he flaked and didn't let me know until late. I was pretty annoyed, then found out about a month later he had a gf so was not sure what his intentions were or when he got with her. That was the only reason I had doubts about him so ignored him from then on. He would message me at least once a month.
yxalitis Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 Ghosting literally makes you crazy!! No, it only figuratively makes you crazy... *sigh 4
katiegrl Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 No, it only figuratively makes you crazy... *sigh I dunno, I read about a girl who had a breakdown after being ghosted (after dating her bf a year). I think in some cases, it *can* literally make you crazy. 1
Author ashy555 Posted March 3, 2016 Author Posted March 3, 2016 I dunno, I read about a girl who had a breakdown after being ghosted (after dating her bf a year). I think in some cases, it *can* literally make you crazy. After a year? Damn... That would be tough. I also think it depends on how stable you are beforehand haha 2
katiegrl Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 After a year? Damn... That would be tough. I also think it depends on how stable you are beforehand haha Very true. Prior instability would certainly play a role.
AMJ Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 It's so sad that this happens so often nowadays that it's an actual term. I've read about this, and it leaves the other person feeling so much worse than you'd normally feel after a breakup because not having the decency to actually break up makes you feel worthless. Yes it's happened to me. More than once. I think men who do this are so very very small. They can't stand to hurt a woman so they think the better thing to do is disappear. It's selfish, immature, cruel. I thought that maybe I just had a difficult time handling breakups until I experienced a proper breakup where we actually talked about why the relationship was ending. What helps getting over this, is thinking- why do you even want this person, who has no respect or consideration for you, in your life to begin with? If they aren't even strong enough to end a relationship the right way, how will they handle the big things and challenges in life? Its a very damaging thing to do to another person. 3
AMJ Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 Also, sometimes they ghost because they want to keep you on the back burner. They don't want to shut the door completely. 3
Dreamworld Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 Yes the dreaded fade away as I like to call it. Happened to me quite a number of times and even though some of them I wasnt consider being serious with, they still hurt my pride when they did that. I even dubbed myself the 2 months girl, because that seemed to be the extent of the fun times before the slow fade started to happen. Either it could be me, or I am just bad at screening out guys. Still figuring that out. For me it was always gradual. They didnt just go poof one day. It started subtlely, less contact, less calls, less urgency to meet up, cancellations when meet ups were planned when before they were accomodating me into the busiest of schedules, me starting to contact them more, them taking longer to get back to me, and when they did get back to me, shorter and shorter texts and conversations.....and gradually no contact. No explanation no nothing. And by this time i knew to give up. It was the same if i never got physical with them or slept with them 5 times. To be honest the one guy who did this after we were naked more than once hurt my pride. Serious or not serious relationship i think it would be at least decent to get closure with someone you got naked with right? And there's just really no answer as to why they do this I think. But it tells a lot about their character. A character i do not think is respectable at all. So now I can totally tell when it starts to happen and no questions, no analyzing, no wondering, I move right on.
ff12343 Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 I was ghosted and then after I pulled her teeth out to get an answer weeks later, all I got was "I did that so I wouldn't hurt you". Insane right? I also can't believe it's so common now that it's an actual term. It CAN make you go crazy with anxiety. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Time heals. ...It does.
adarna Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 I was ghosted and then after I pulled her teeth out to get an answer weeks later, all I got was "I did that so I wouldn't hurt you". Insane right? I also can't believe it's so common now that it's an actual term. It CAN make you go crazy with anxiety. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Time heals. ...It does. I hate this so much. People who ghost and say this don't do it so they don't hurt their partner -- they do it so they don't have to deal with it. In what universe does it hurt less to have someone completely ignore and disappear on you? My story: I was ghosted on a couple years ago. It started after the 5-month mark with a bit of a fade -- calls/texts slowed down and he stood me up a couple times. It was always excuses like "work is so insane right now" and "I've just been so busy with family." Then one day he just stopped responding. After about a month of NC, I ran into him and he acted like nothing happened. I called him out on his crap and he tried to turn it around me, saying I stopped calling him. We both knew this was completely untrue. He thought he could get away with it, but I still had our texts/call log on my phone and proved him wrong. Finally he confessed that he had met someone else he "liked better physically" (ouch) and started dating her. He didn't want to tell me in case it didn't work out with her because he still liked me, but he knew that if he told me I'd effectively cut him out of my life and he wouldn't have a chance to come crawling back. I'm fine now, but it messed me up for a while! Made me so paranoid and insecure with guys I dated after him. Any slight shift in communication or him saying he was busy or cancelling on a date felt like the kiss of death, always wondering if he was about to ghost on me too. 1
Saracena Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 (edited) Also, sometimes they ghost because they want to keep you on the back burner. They don't want to shut the door completely. This is what I believe is very often the case while they make up their minds or explore other options. In addition (from guys I've spoken to and posts I've seen on here, including a recent one) it can also be because they truly believe the other person isn't that interested so they're testing the waters, provoking a response etc. This actually happened to me once but I managed to turn it round. My own personal MO is that I would call the ghoster ONCE in a cool, calm way asking if they're OK etc (especially in longer term relationships) and after that just let them ghost! I seem to remember your other thread OP when this first happened and meant to suggest the same to you but later forgot, sorry. Edited March 3, 2016 by Saracena
LookAtThisPOst Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 I would like to hear other stories of anyone who has been ghosted after months of dating or even worse in a relationship! I recently have been ghosted by someone I was dating for about 5 months. Someone who chased me for 4 years. One morning I received a normal long message asking to see me that night. I responded, then spent the whole day cleaning and cooking for that night. Then he never responded. He also opened my snapchat and no response.. Spoke every day for 4 5 months, went on actual proper dates all the time and POOF. And wow.. Ghosting is actually such an awful experience :(. It has made me realise how much i did like him.. (as much as i tried to lie to myself). I was fine for a few weeks, then I became absolutely riddled with anxiety. I couldn't eat. I just kept wondering what happened. Who he had met?! I played everything that happened the last time i saw him over and over in my head. Usually i get closure and i am fine within a few days. I figured through social media that he had met another girl. I would dream of him and this girl. I would wake up feeling so down. It is absolutely maddening how much jealousy and anxiety it can cause. Ghosting really knocks the wind out of you. My self esteem has taken quite a hit. Please, just don't do it ever. Every man that I have dated properly has either faded me out slowly or ghosted me. It just makes me really sad that men don't seem to find me worthy enough of an actual breakup You would think after 5 months, I deserve a little more respect than that. What makes it worse is that my last message to him told him to come round that night(because he asked) and that I had just had a sex dream about him and to get out...(we were pretty comfortable with each other by that stage) :laugh: How humiliating!!!!! haha Funny you should bring this up. Met this person online, we talked back and forth...actually got her number pretty quickly and we talked a bit...then set a firm DATE at a place, time, all of it. Then about 2 days before the date, she said her boss needed to come in and work that day...so I asked about the following week...she said she'd be out of town all week, but that the following WEEKEND would be good. During that week she was out of town, she was in Amish country, so she took some interesting pictures out in the field and texted them to me, and we conversed occasionally. Time was getting closer to said weekend and then I noticed she deleted her online dating profile. I asked her about this and she just texted back, "Yes." But offered no reason. I asked for a reason and if we are still on for that weekend. No response. I waited a day, texted her again if she even got my message from the day before. No response. That was that. Was quite irritating.
Marco Pierre Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 Risky reply this I know. Im sorry ladies to say but in my past as a young man. Im not proud of it and remembering it after reading this has embarressed me. I would certainly never treat anyone like that again. In my case I had been talking to the girl for a while and quite fancied her. After s couple weeks we slept together and it wasnt exactly a firework display to be honest, but I was still relatively interested. However, tge following day I found out she had dated a friend of mine but I was not aware of this. By all accounts she treated him like **** and tried to control him. I could see this because he is a lovely lad, gentle and passive and she was quite a princess. I instantly panicked and 'ghosted' her. I hope she doesnt think it was because of the sex. Apologies ladies, rest assured I have grown up and learnt the error of my ways
smudge21 Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 Can't say I've ever done it but had it done and feel it's heading that way now (but I've accepted it). It does suck as you're left not knowing what has happened. Often too the temptation is to reach out and see what's going on, but you're advised not to as that seems desperate. I'm in the other camp, where I prefer to find out or at least test the water. Okay, you may come across as desperate to them, but who cares what they think, they're walking away from you anyway. At least you get to find out. Currently it's clear she's backing off after I reached out one final time. Yeah, that sucks, but I'd take the sudden reality over that long term dragged out ghosting scenario. I've also seen it happen in other areas too, even with friends and wedding invites (some people didn't turn up for wedding where it was quite expensive per head, six months later they get in touch as if nothing had happened). I think people are just plain cowards; maybe they do want to keep people sweet so being honest means losing them for good, maybe they just don't care enough to say goodbye, maybe they're simply just total morons who shouldn't be around other human beings if they don't know how to treat them.
joseb Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 OP, did you ever hear from them? I've had ghosting after a date or two, but never anything like this. If this happened my initial thoughts would be did they have an accident or something? Seems pretty odd that they would go from daily contact for months to nothing overnight. 1
Lansing Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 The old excuse of a lot of women who do this is that they are afraid how the guy will react. They are afraid he will start crying and beg them to stay or start doing "crazy" stuff. I think that is BS, and I feel like a lot of time the person is just too lazy or wants to save their own feelings/emotions. Having been on the receiving end of ghosting it is WAY worse than the person saying "hey, I don't think this is going to work out... " or whatever. When you have dated someone for a few months and then they just disappear it really does do a number on your confidence going forward. For me, I kind of have those past experiences in the back of my head and then it makes you hesitant to go forward in new relationships as you think they might just pull the rug out under your feet at any moment. 1
Saracena Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 I instantly panicked and 'ghosted' her. I hope she doesnt think it was because of the sex. Almost certainly she did! Just out of interest how honest would you have been had she called you? A similar thing happened a friend at uni (he mistakenly heard she'd cheated) but because we mixed in relatively close circles the truth came to light shortly after. Otherwise she'd have been left wondering what the hell happened. I think it's good we're hearing from some ghosters and the reasons behind their actions. Normally it's the ghostees posting for help.
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 I don't want to offend anyone and I have been dating for a long, long time but I was almost never ghosted. I think it's due to the fact that there are subtle signs that the guy is losing interest. If you read them correctly, you can move on yourself before it happens. Also I read no answer as an answer too. If the guy is meeting you and contacting you less and less, even if he says nothing is wrong, you don't wait around. I have met plenty of lukewarm guys and I'm sure they would have ghosted/faded if I was happy enough to take their crumbs.l of attention. I grew up with a brother and have had plenty of male friends. There is such a marked difference in how the same guy acts when he is really interested and when he is "meh". Guys are not subtle when they are interested. There aren't mixed messages. If it's not clear, it's not there. Not that I'm excusing guys that ghost. You can't change other people though. You can only learn to protect yourself from unnecessary trauma. 1
Gaeta Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 Everyone regular on here know my story. We were in an official relationship for 6 months. Family, friends and children involved. He got on a plane to leave for a trip. Before leaving he told me he loved me, he can't live without me, he'll go crazy without me in his life, and he'll call me as soon as he land in that other country. I never heard from him again. I called, text, email. It didn't make me crazy. It made me bitter, mad, it made me feel betrayed, it made me hate men, again. I have moved on and I met someone else. He is everything I am looking for and he makes me so happy but in the back of my mind I always carry this fear that one day he'll disappear. It sucks having gone through this. It does something to us that can't be undone.
truth_seeker Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 It's so sad that this happens so often nowadays that it's an actual term. I've read about this, and it leaves the other person feeling so much worse than you'd normally feel after a breakup because not having the decency to actually break up makes you feel worthless. Yes it's happened to me. More than once. I think men who do this are so very very small. They can't stand to hurt a woman so they think the better thing to do is disappear. It's selfish, immature, cruel. I thought that maybe I just had a difficult time handling breakups until I experienced a proper breakup where we actually talked about why the relationship was ending. What helps getting over this, is thinking- why do you even want this person, who has no respect or consideration for you, in your life to begin with? If they aren't even strong enough to end a relationship the right way, how will they handle the big things and challenges in life? Its a very damaging thing to do to another person. I agree. I think people are afraid of hurting the other person and looking bad in doing so. They figure, if I go away, so will they, and it's just the easier thing to do. I'm guilty of doing this. It was when I was younger and immature. I've also had it done to me, so karma evened everything out.
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