1Jessie86 Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 So tired of the dating game. It's so hard to read people. I'm almost 30. I went out with a guy a couple times. I'm an introvert and tend to be socially awkward and have a hard time on dates. Is it ever okay to just straight up ask a guy if they're still interested after not hearing from them for a few days?
fitnessfan365 Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 Well you've been out with him a few times now. So maybe you could try reaching out first for a change? Just send him a quick text to touch base. Then see if he takes the hint from that and uses it as an opportunity to ask you out again. If he responds but doesn't bring up getting together again, or he doesn't respond back at all, then just take it at face value and move on. 3
kpl Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 you could ask but typically if you have to its not working 2
katiegrl Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 Do it only if you won't feel worse if he doesn't respond back. Trust me, he is not waiting for you to contact him. You have only had two dates. If he were interested, he would be contacting you, locking you down for another date. After 4-5 dates, I might suggest reaching out, initiating a date, NOT asking him if he's interested though. Asking shows insecurity and that is a turn off in early stages. But two dates? If it were me, I wouldn't unless we had an earth shattering connection on the first two dates and it was clear we were into each other and agreed we'd be dating awhile. Just live your life, meet other guys. He may call again asking you out. Patience. 2
Popsicle Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 you could ask but typically if you have to its not working Pretty much.
d0nnivain Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 It's always acceptable to politely ask another person where you stand. It is your life after all. However, the way you phrase it sounds confrontational which is not good. Instead of being blunt, be a bit more coy. Since you are a self described introvert & a shy person, coy may not come easy to you. Instead of demanding to know if the other person is still interested, you express interest & see how they react. If they haven't reached out for days, rather than sit on your hands & dithering, you call them. If you don't get an enthusiastic response, then you know they are no longer interested. Because you claim to be shy, introverted & awkward, sometime you may have to acknowledge that your behavior gave the other person the mistaken impression that you weren't interested. Accordingly it's OK to clarify. Just be subtle.
smudge21 Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 In this situation I always ask myself which is worse, walking away, never knowing and wondering what if... or... making contact and getting shot down but at least having closure. Of course, you may not get shot down and you may not be allowed to walk away, but I just weigh up the worse possible scenarios and decide which will hurt the least (hardly the optimist). 4
Author 1Jessie86 Posted March 3, 2016 Author Posted March 3, 2016 Amazing reply. Thanks for the help. It's always acceptable to politely ask another person where you stand. It is your life after all. However, the way you phrase it sounds confrontational which is not good. Instead of being blunt, be a bit more coy. Since you are a self described introvert & a shy person, coy may not come easy to you. Instead of demanding to know if the other person is still interested, you express interest & see how they react. If they haven't reached out for days, rather than sit on your hands & dithering, you call them. If you don't get an enthusiastic response, then you know they are no longer interested. Because you claim to be shy, introverted & awkward, sometime you may have to acknowledge that your behavior gave the other person the mistaken impression that you weren't interested. Accordingly it's OK to clarify. Just be subtle.
SwordofFlame Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 I have a decent amount of experience going on dates with shy, introverted women. I can tell you that the guy is probably having just as hard of a time reading you too. Sometimes I get the vibe that they're disinterested. You might want to show you're interested in him by setting up the next date. 2
czanclus Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 Yes, it's absolutely OK. Keep in mind, however: 1) almost always, if it comes down to you having to ask, you won't like the answer. 2) no answer is a NO, and time to dismiss him as a prospect.
truth_seeker Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 I think it would be hilarious if you said: "Hey, Dude, ummm... you f-cking into me or what?" 1
AMJ Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 So more than once, I've learned that I give the impression I'm not interested, which is why they don't contact me. I'm sitting there wondering- why is there no second date, and later find out he thought I wasn't interested. Honestly, if you like the guy- who cares about rules- ask him out yourself. Life is short, and it's not easy to find people you connect with. You have nothing to lose. Worst case scenario, he doesn't respond to you. That's no different than where you're at now. 2
phineas Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 Do it only if you won't feel worse if he doesn't respond back. Trust me, he is not waiting for you to contact him. You have only had two dates. If he were interested, he would be contacting you, locking you down for another date. After 4-5 dates, I might suggest reaching out, initiating a date, NOT asking him if he's interested though. Asking shows insecurity and that is a turn off in early stages. But two dates? If it were me, I wouldn't unless we had an earth shattering connection on the first two dates and it was clear we were into each other and agreed we'd be dating awhile. Just live your life, meet other guys. He may call again asking you out. Patience. Maybe. Or perhaps OP is so introverted and socially awkward she did not convey interest in the man and he has moved on? 1
truth_seeker Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 Honestly, if you like the guy- who cares about rules- ask him out yourself. Life is short, and it's not easy to find people you connect with. You have nothing to lose. Worst case scenario, he doesn't respond to you. That's no different than where you're at now. I wholeheartedly agree. Why the posturing? The unnecessary games? The subtle hints? What is in BOLD above speaks volumes! We waste so much time analyzing and fretting over people we shouldn't even be with and because of insecurities and shyness possibly let the "one" slip away. Someone told me a great line once. We meet people for a REASON, a SEASON or a LIFETIME. REASON - teach us a life lesson about people SEASON - a friendship or relationship LIFETIME - a friend till the end or a life mate For me there have been too many REASONS and SEASONS... 1
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