ronsons Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 I recently came out of a 7 year relationship - 3 months ago I feel I am ready to move on. There is a female colleague I have thought was really nice for sometime, in the way "she would make a nice girlfriend" but the feelings have grown lately. Due to it being a large corporate office, I rarely see her other than passing in the walkways. I have spoken to her on nights out and felt a strong connection with her, the most recent in December and seems to have a degree of interest, touched my arm pupils enlarging etc she knew I was in a relationship (the end of it) and I didn't give her any encouragement, she is a quiet educated girl and I've learned she is currently single, on a dating site so this has prompted me to use some urgency, I have added her on facebook however I really want to ask her for her number face-to-face. By coincidence we walked into work together from the parking lot last week and I just broke the ice but there wasn’t time to ask for her number. I'm struggling to think of a non-creepy way to do it. Waiting in the parking lot before our start time and trying to start a conversation as we walk in again, messaging her using facebook might look like I have no balls. Or I wait it want till our next night out which maybe be just 1 or 2 times per year. What would you do in this situation?
GemmaUK Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 You see her in the walkways around work. Ask her when you see her. If I were you though, be more direct than asking for her number - actually ask her out for a drink. You will gauge much better whether she is interested in that way if you ask her out rather than get her number and start texting her. Plus if you get her number you'll still have to work up to asking her out. One fell swoop will get you a faster answer. 1
Author ronsons Posted March 3, 2016 Author Posted March 3, 2016 Thanks Gemma UK, thats a good idea I'll ask her for drinks . The walkways are in an open plan office. I'll hopefully bump into her in the next 2 weeks otherwise I'll have to resort to talking over Facebook.
preraph Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 Can you walk up to her work station or desk? If so, pre-write your home number on your business card and write "Dinner Saturday? Let me know." on the back, and so that no one notices anything weird, just walk up and smile and put the card on her desk and then leave. If you never hear from her, you have your answer. If she contacts you, contact right back with a time, "7:00? Your address? I'll pick you up."
truth_seeker Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 Options... 1) Seek her out, ask her for drinks 2) Write number down, with note: "Dinner? Drinks? :)" 3) Quick message over FB: "Hey, how have you been? I haven't seen you around the office. How about catching up over drinks?" From my experiences... The first option is best as you're direct with her, you'll get an answer. The second option isn't bad, and I know two people who have done the note with the number and both resulted in marriages. The third option, eh. I've tried FB as a last resort and the results weren't good.
AMJ Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 I love office crush stories! My friends and I are big believers in organizing a group happy hour with several coworkers to break the ice. It's a good opportunity to hang out outside the office, and then you can escalate to asking her out one on one. If you're brave, and you think that she's also interested, don't bother with the group HH and just ask her out. The only reason I mention the group HH is that often we don't want to take that leap at work...if the other person isn't interested, it's really awkward to have to see them or work with them every day.
Author ronsons Posted March 3, 2016 Author Posted March 3, 2016 Thanks for your suggestions, definately some alternatives to consider. Friday tomorrow so gonna try see her before we close for the weekend. The HH sounds great for some work environments but unfortunately not mine. What about striking up an fb conversation based on something we have spoken about before then asking for the number and then calling her to ask her out?
truth_seeker Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 Thanks for your suggestions, definately some alternatives to consider. Friday tomorrow so gonna try see her before we close for the weekend. The HH sounds great for some work environments but unfortunately not mine. What about striking up an fb conversation based on something we have spoken about before then asking for the number and then calling her to ask her out? I've used FB as a last resort and did not have much success at all. It opens the door for game playing, her not taking you seriously...
Jabron1 Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 Don't do it. Seriously, never go out with a co-worker. This especially goes for men, with the amount of sexual harassment laws that are around. If/when it goes wrong, your life will be made hell. Ever pissed off a woman you've been seeing before? Now imagine having to work with her everyday (and her trying to make you jealous, gossiping, giving you the silent treatment, etc). All of your business will be all around the office. Women tell their girlfriends everything, and the other women want to know what a man is made of. Why make life complicated when you don't have to? There are tonnes of beautiful women out there. Don't allow yourself to develop a sniper mentality for one woman at work. Women I work with get friendzoned. Flirt and have a laugh, but keep your private life private. 1
truth_seeker Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 Don't do it. Seriously, never go out with a co-worker. This especially goes for men, with the amount of sexual harassment laws that are around. If/when it goes wrong, your life will be made hell. Ever pissed off a woman you've been seeing before? Now imagine having to work with her everyday (and her trying to make you jealous, gossiping, giving you the silent treatment, etc). All of your business will be all around the office. Women tell their girlfriends everything, and the other women want to know what a man is made of. Why make life complicated when you don't have to? There are tonnes of beautiful women out there. Don't allow yourself to develop a sniper mentality for one woman at work. Women I work with get friendzoned. Flirt and have a laugh, but keep your private life private. I think the best bet is to be friends and only make a move if one of them is leaving for another job.
AMJ Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 I know lots of couples who've met at work. It's pretty much the only place to naturally meet people after college. It's dicey, no doubt. But it's not impossible, and it's not a bad idea. Unless he just wants to hook up with her, then no. I'd suggest getting to know her better before asking her out. All companies, workplaces are different and have different cultures. I worked at a small consulting firm that had a culture like a modern-day Mad Men. One of the guys had sex with all of the hot young interns. And the entire office knew about it, would laugh about it at happy hour, no one cared. It was a super fun place to work, and somehow we all managed to actually get work done too. I've also worked at an organization where my bosses actually tried to hook me up with a coworker because they knew we all worked so many hours, the only relationships that survived were ones within the organization.
rester Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 What would you do in this situation? I agree with the above two posters. Forget about her. You're only a few months out of a 7 year relationship. Have some fun being single for awhile. I would think the likelihood of something lasting between you and this coworker are very low, for one reason you don't even know if she likes you. The other reason is that you are so newly single. If you had some history with her and you had been single for longer, maybe it could work, but I don't see how these inter-office dating situations are desirable for people. I don't agree with the risk and prefer not to have to run into women on a regular basis that I dated in the past. 1
Jabron1 Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 I think the best bet is to be friends and only make a move if one of them is leaving for another job. I've tried that before, but even that gets complicated. I change jobs often. I had great chemistry with a work-colleague in a job that I knew I wouldn't be in long at the beginning of last year. Problem is that I allowed things to go too far. She started hinting at me to ask her out all the time. When I wouldn't - she started to feel rejected and got really snappy with me. She started to make my life at work very difficult. When I left, I finally got her number and took her out. It was a disaster. We had one terrible date, and that was it. She still felt resentful that I had 'rejected' her for months. The moment had passed. It just isn't worth it. There are lots of ways to meet women that won't have the same comebacks if things go wrong. Going out with girls from work is just lazy IMO.
rester Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 I agree with the above two posters. I meant I agree with Jabron and truth_seeker. Another post snuck in there while I was typing. Don't do it. I think the best bet is to be friends and only make a move if one of them is leaving for another job.
road Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 Don't do it. Seriously, never go out with a co-worker. This especially goes for men, with the amount of sexual harassment laws that are around. If/when it goes wrong, your life will be made hell. Ever pissed off a woman you've been seeing before? Now imagine having to work with her everyday (and her trying to make you jealous, gossiping, giving you the silent treatment, etc). All of your business will be all around the office. Women tell their girlfriends everything, and the other women want to know what a man is made of. Why make life complicated when you don't have to? There are tonnes of beautiful women out there. Don't allow yourself to develop a sniper mentality for one woman at work. Women I work with get friendzoned. Flirt and have a laugh, but keep your private life private. Seriously I have known many people that met at work, from married, to long happy marriage, to enjoying grand kids.
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