Author brokengirl85 Posted March 5, 2016 Author Posted March 5, 2016 I've drunk a glass of wine and I feel more relaxed now. I'll meet him tomorrow, test the water and see what is he looking for. This is such a mess. But it keeps my mind occupied and I'm not thinking in the other horrible relationship failure I had last year.
joseb Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 That's fair enough. But, he kept her waiting for over 24 hours, and she had to tell him off to get a confirmation. Even someone that's rubbish at dating should know that is pushing his luck. A high quality woman doesn't tolerate that. I admit then I was rubbish at dating. I did exact that. Probably from reading those women's magazines
joseb Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 Calling BS on that^^...no! Not when you're truly into each other...and dating toward a common goal -- a relationship. If they both agree on casual, including casual sex, then fine, but somehow, given her behavior, I don't think BG is up for casual. Agreed, they are not really into each other. Three dates is early for me to be really into someone though. And it sounds like the op has several other dates lined up. .. So isn't she doing the same? 1
Author brokengirl85 Posted March 5, 2016 Author Posted March 5, 2016 Yes, i have some dates next week because I was feeling frustrated with this guy. But I'm not a multi dating person. When I find someone I like, I prefer to put my energy in making it work. Besides, I don't have that much time to multi date. There's one guy I'm interested, and I'm meeting him on Tuesday I think.
Jabron1 Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 I admit then I was rubbish at dating. I did exact that. Probably from reading those women's magazines And did she put up with it?
katiegrl Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 Agreed, they are not really into each other. Three dates is early for me to be really into someone though. And it sounds like the op has several other dates lined up. .. So isn't she doing the same? First paragraph -- fair enough, but if they're unsure of their feelings ... then there should have been *no* sex yet. IMO. Second paragraph -- very true!! There is a bit ife hypocrisy at play here I think. I dunno, I must be different... I just don't date this way. Just me. 2
joseb Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 And did she put up with it? No, which is why I no longer do it! Like I said, I learned
Author brokengirl85 Posted March 5, 2016 Author Posted March 5, 2016 I'm drunk right now. Too much wine. He texted me and it was nice. He told me nice things, like he wish we were together tonight. I'm going to bed now. I think calling him out was actually a good thing.
Jabron1 Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 No, which is why I no longer do it! Like I said, I learned You were experimenting, and it didn't work. Nothing wrong with that. This guy had actually made the reservation and was scared to tell her. And all this after he had just had sex with her. I really don't know. Going by everything she's said, he's either clumsy, or he is up to no good. A good case can be made for either, so giving him the benefit of the doubt and more time is probably the right decision.
Author brokengirl85 Posted March 5, 2016 Author Posted March 5, 2016 Jabron et al, let's wait and see. Maybe he's just as insecure as I am. And maybe I'm just too broken, as many have said, and only see the bad side of things. I just felt done connection in his last texts. I was surprised actually. Let's wait and see. I'm giving him another chance.
katiegrl Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 I'm drunk right now. Too much wine. He texted me and it was nice. He told me nice things, like he wish we were together tonight. I'm going to bed now. I think calling him out was actually a good thing. Could be ...it was the first time you've ever expressed an emotion! It was a negative emotion, but it was still an emotion. Your getting angry and being hurt showed him you care ....which he may have been questioning. Now that he knows you care, he may step it up! Let's hope so anyway. Who knows, all I know is I have a headache and am going to bed! Have fun tomorrow BG.....keep us posted! 2
Author brokengirl85 Posted March 5, 2016 Author Posted March 5, 2016 Could be ...it was the first time you've ever expressed an emotion! It was a negative emotion, but it was still an emotion. Your getting angry and being hurt showed him you care ....which he may have been questioning. Now that he knows you care, he may step it up! Let's hope so anyway. Who knows, all I know is I have a headache and am going to bed! Have fun tomorrow BG.....keep us posted! Ok. It was a long day today. Get some rest. I'll post again if I have news 1
joseb Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 Ok. It was a long day today. Get some rest. I'll post again if I have news Yes please do! I, for one. have no idea which way this one is going to go.
PacMann87 Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 Yes, i have some dates next week because I was feeling frustrated with this guy. But I'm not a multi dating person. When I find someone I like, I prefer to put my energy in making it work. Besides, I don't have that much time to multi date. There's one guy I'm interested, and I'm meeting him on Tuesday I think. You do realize how incredibly hypocritical you are then by saying this right? On one hand you monitor the dating site activity of the guys you date and form definitive judgments about their interest in you or lack there of. Expressing how you want them to re assure you about their intentions to see you and keep seeing you and tell you they like you etc as well as initiate every convo and date. Yet you are multi dating yourself!! You even have dates lined up and scheduled with another guy who you say you're more interested in!! What the heck are you so emotional and worried about this guy you're seeing Saturday then for? Everything you're worried about him doing.... You are doing!!! You're on the dating sites, you're not answering texts, replying with substantial communication, initiating, following up, you're interested in other guys, looking forward to seeing them mkre than you are him... You are like the female version of everything you don't like in guys. Plus... It's clearly visible that your mood is dependent on whether or not a guy makes you feel good about yourself. The moment this guy complimented you and said he wished he was with you tonight, you let out a sigh of relief and all of a sudden were back to thinking he could be the next boyfriend. There's a reason this goes on every time you start seeing someone new. I glanced back at your previous threads and there's a long line of situations exactly like this one. So I'm curious as to what you are learning as time passes? And what advise, suggestions have you taken into your future male interests? 9
introverted1 Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 (edited) So much drama! BG, you are sabotaging this relationship in a huge way. There is no way for this guy to relax nor know what the right thing is to do, because you are critical and suspicious regardless. Of course he's keeping his options open. Maybe you should take a break from dating until you can see dates as fellow human beings and not adversaries. Edited March 5, 2016 by introverted1 5
SSJROMANCE Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 First of all there are many reasons why guys don't cum. Don't just assume it's because he wasn't attracted to you although it's possible. And if that's the case it's your fault for not taking more time to get to know him before having sex. I would go online and buy some really good sex toys and a lot of lube. It's a better option in my opinion than hooking up with a bunch of guys you don't know and seeking out that great sex session you have going on in your head. Because at the end of the day how are you going to feel when you are frustrated as hell that you STILL haven't had good sex yet you have been with 20 guys now? Trust me you are going to feel pretty bad about yourself.
AMJ Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 I'm drunk right now. Too much wine. He texted me and it was nice. He told me nice things, like he wish we were together tonight. I'm going to bed now. I think calling him out was actually a good thing. So...what's the over/under that this date was a huge success? I think they hooked up again, and it was totally passion-filled, anger-ridden, but electric. Because if it had gone badly...wouldn't she have posted an update by now? 3
frus69 Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 I doubt this is going to work. This guy obviously is keeping his options open and his interest level is relatively low now. But can you blame him? After meeting a lady who is so intense and negative and lashes out when she doesn't get a text yet doesn't reply when she gets a text. It's almost scary now. I think everyone here is right: He was at least interested, then you pretty much screwed it, now he is browsing for other options (so are you, actually) while not burning the bridges with you. However it's just a matter of time he completely stops contacting you if you keep like this.You might as well check out now. But please, stop being so negative next time with the next guy. 1
losangelena Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 What the heck are you so emotional and worried about this guy you're seeing Saturday then for? Everything you're worried about him doing.... You are doing!!! You're on the dating sites, you're not answering texts, replying with substantial communication, initiating, following up, you're interested in other guys, looking forward to seeing them mkre than you are him... You are like the female version of everything you don't like in guys. Like x1,000. Oh, so very true.
yxalitis Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 I'm a good guy. If you don't believe me, you can ask my grandmother. She thinks I'm the best. Awesome quote...
yxalitis Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 See how easy it is to send the wrong message via text? What are you trying to say...huh? DAMN YOU TO HELL! Oh..wait..oh i see... Right... 1
venusishername Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 This would be his recap of where you two stand: So I've been out with this girl three times. I thought things were going pretty well, we're both attracted to each other, and get along well..and then on our last date, things heated up and we had sex. Right before we had sex though, she starts talking about how this is going to change everything, and am I okay with that...she seemed nervous about it. So I told her that I really liked her and liked spending time with her, whether or not we have sex. She says "Sure, you can say whatever now, but you won't have any sense of what's going to happen after we have sex." I'm not sure if this was a mistake or not, but we ended up having sex anyways. I was really nervous and couldn't finish, and the whole thing was just awkward. But hey, first times can be awkward right? So I text her the very next morning and ask if she wants to see me again, she says "Sure." I'm thinking, yeah she's done with it. Bad sex and she's not into me. But I text her later that day and say "the more he was thinking about me, the more he liked me, and that we're both in similar situations." She responds saying she wants me to kiss her, I send her a happy face, and then she goes silent. I don't hear from her for a few days. I sent her another stupid smiley face text just to see if she'd respond at all, but nothing. What did I do wrong?? The more I think, the more uneasy I feel. Now I think he already had the reservations made just in case (either for me or for another lady that maybe wasn't available tomorrow) I just feel weird. Do you guys feel the same weird vibe I feel? You actually have to call to make a reservation to this particular restaurant. There was no time between our texts for him to call. When did he make the reservation? Who was expecting him to have dinner with? And why, if it was me, didn't let me know earlier? One entire day passed since he proposed the date. Also, he said he was crazy busy (yeah sure) but he was still online in two different dating sites? And couldn't sent me a quick text? I'm so pissed off right now I'm not sure what I'm going to do tomorrow After reading your entire thread, laughing, confused, surprised, in disbelief, and at the same time also wanting to give you advice... I had a lot to say in response to the quotes above that stuck out to me, but here's my bottom line: You are overly invested in someone who is clearly not into you. He seems sweet and that he probably WAS into you at one point, but there's too much drama now I'm sure most of that is long gone. He tried, and you let your walls sabotage. You tried to play it cool, but you weren't at all. You were playing games. He wasn't. You didn't express your emotions in a rational, adult way, in a way that you should be able to do in order to have a successful and reciprocal relationship. Your speech about how sex will change his mind or whatever is where you got it all wrong. First of all, you don't say **** like that to people, unless you want them to pick up on your insecurity and nervousness, which is exactly what happened. I agree with Jabron also that he is low skill and low interest. Your intuition is right in that he should be pursuing you. He really hasn't, has he?! I think he did try after you slept together, but he didn't try very hard. BrokenGirl, you know better, I think you do. if you don't, you should. If it were me, I wouldn't consider this guy after he dropped off and stopped his pursuit. Bad sex, low interest, lack of pursuit... I know I have other options, and even if I didn't, why would I settled for that? I'd rather be alone. But I used to be like you. So I understand. You have a low sense of worth. You suffer from insecurity and are clearly still hurt by your last relationship(s) that you briefly mentioned. You go on dating sites to boost your ego and get validation (it's ok, I've been there too, and many of us have). The fact that you criticize every detail about this and place such a high value of what HE THINKS OF YOU AND WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK OF YOU is where you need to change. It's the core of it, I promise. You ask permission to send a text, or what will he think of I do this, what if I don't do this, what if I ignore his smiley face, etc?' Girl, you need to cut the crap. You know better that this isn't how dating someone you really like and vice versa is supposed to be. If a guy asked me out for Saturday on a Thursday, I would accept if I was free and I liked him, but expect him to make the plans, tell me when and where to expect him in advance, and not be left hanging. He left you hanging. My dad once told me 'never let a man keep you waiting.' I live by that rule now, and guess what? No one ever will again! I used to care a lot about what men thought of me, until I started building up my self worth. Now I look at men differently. I'm dating someone seriously now, my first relationship in over 4 years. During those 4 years, I was in many situations similar to the one you are describing. Even in this new relationship, I approached it differently than I had before. I don't feel the need to seek validation from his attention. Therefore, I don't feel the need to chase him, create drama in my head, obsess, etc. I mean yes, I have my moments of insecurity. But it's not running my life. Basically, my attitude is: "I'm in love with this guy. I'm gaga, head over heels, smitten, love struck, lovesick, etc. I would hate to lose him. But he's not stupid, so he's not going to let me go. I'm really confident in that. But if he disappears for a few days, or doesn't follow through, or keeps me waiting, or doesn't pursue, he's already lost me." Interestingly, men pick up on your value of yourself. When you don't tolerate their lack of interest, or indecisiveness, or lack of pursuit... they recognize you as someone of 'worth'. This is not to say that you are not worthy. You just need to act as if you are. When you express nervousness and insecurity and act immaturely, it shows that you are seeking validation and are not confident enough in yourself to stand up for what you want. An example would be when he initially contacted you after you slept together and you acted nonchalantly when you were hoping he would take the lead (as he should). A confident, secure woman would have been honest about what she wanted... because she doesn't CARE what other people think. A confident woman does not wait around for a man with low interest to chase her. She knows that a man who is really interested will pursue her and not leave her waiting. 2
Author brokengirl85 Posted March 13, 2016 Author Posted March 13, 2016 Dear all, just wanted to update you and haven't read the last comments. I will That Saturday we went to the movies and then had dinner. He said he wanted to be exclusive. I started to feel I was somehow bored but decided to give him another chance. So I invited home for dinner on Wednesday. He said yes. Right that moment I started to feel something was off and wanted to cancel but I did not. Dinner was ok but at that time I knew I was just not into him. So next day he contacted me several times and I ended dumping him. End of the story. I'm not over my ex. That's one of the reasons. The other reason is that he was horrible in bed. Terrible. Never experienced worse. I gave him the benefit of the doubt but men, I was just suffering. Thank you all. I'm taking a long break from dating.
Jabron1 Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 Dear all, just wanted to update you and haven't read the last comments. I will That Saturday we went to the movies and then had dinner. He said he wanted to be exclusive. I started to feel I was somehow bored but decided to give him another chance. So I invited home for dinner on Wednesday. He said yes. Right that moment I started to feel something was off and wanted to cancel but I did not. Dinner was ok but at that time I knew I was just not into him. So next day he contacted me several times and I ended dumping him. End of the story. I'm not over my ex. That's one of the reasons. The other reason is that he was horrible in bed. Terrible. Never experienced worse. I gave him the benefit of the doubt but men, I was just suffering. Thank you all. I'm taking a long break from dating. You sound really sure of yourself. That's a really good thing Good luck with everything.
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