Is he not interested after sex?

[truth_seeker]

He just can't let me hanging for more than 24 hours with no plan really locked down. It's disrespectful.

 

At this moment, I only think I'll block him, just to not have to experience this situation with him again.

 

Like others have said, he's keeping his options open. You'll hear from him if nothing else comes up for him.

 

You know this now. I say beat him to the punch. If he contacts you again, have a message ready.

 

Something like: "Hey... Sorry! I made plans with someone else You know, I just don't think we will work anyway. Best of luck with your search! :)"

 

It comes off like you're very happy you met someone you really like and kicking him to the curb.

[AMJ]

[quote=Jabron1;6811730

I'm not a 'bigtime player'

 

I'm a good guy. If you don't believe me, you can ask my grandmother. She thinks I'm the best.

.

 

Someone can be a good guy AND be a player. You seem to have a whole lot of rules about dating...and rules only exist when one is playing a game. Being a player isn't a bad thing, it's just approaching dating from a different perspective.

 

and....aren't you dating/hooking up/whatever kids are calling it these days with three women right now? That's a playa!

 

I still stand by my theory of this guy. Anyone who's skilled enough to be playing games would simply not be as awkward in bed as she described. Not at their age.

Edited March 5, 2016 by AMJ

[brokengirl85]

News.

 

I was growing angry, and since we had sex and this was supposed to be our fourth date, I felt I need to say something before blocking him or ignore him. I thought I didn't want to be disrespectful and fade.

 

So I texted him:

 

-I don't know why don't you communicate earlier to set our date

- sorry I was busy. You were expecting me to get back to you yesterday?

- yes, I'm not liking this honestly. I was expecting you to contact he. Should I keep waiting? Also, I have the feeling you have other options.

- I got the vibe you didn't want me to communicate every day

-sorry I'm sending mixed signals

-you said you don't know what you want and I also don't know what I want.and I sent you a smiley face and you didn't reply.

-what should i have replied, another smiley face?

-yes...I also don't want to come off as needy. I've made a reservation at xxx at xxx pm, but if you prefer to stay home, I'll go to my friends party since I was prioritizing you...

- you're being silly. Please delete this last part of your message

-I get things done. So are you thinking about it?

-sounds good, I'll meet you there

- ok

-ok bye

[katiegrl]

Someone can be a good guy AND be a player. You seem to have a whole lot of rules about dating...and rules only exist when one is playing a game. Being a player isn't a bad thing, it's just approaching dating from a different perspective.

 

and....aren't you dating/hooking up/whatever kids are calling it these days with three women right now? That's a playa!

 

I still stand by my theory of this guy. Anyone who's skilled enough to be playing games would simply not be as awkward in bed as she described. Not at their age.

 

He may not be a player AMJ, but he's definitely keeping options open and still searching, otherwise he would not be skulking around on OKCupid and Match.com.

 

He would be texting with BG instead! And confirming the date!

 

THAT is how men behave when interested....not having sex with a woman, and then continuing to skulk around searching for others.

 

No they are not exclusive, but it sure speaks volumes to his interest level which clearly could not be that high.

 

BG is only protecting her heart, and frankly can't say I blame her.

 

Her gut has been screaming this isn't right pretty much from the get go.

 

I don't think she should have had sex feeling these doubts, but what's done is done, lesson learned.

[AMJ]

News.

 

I was growing angry, and since we had sex and this was supposed to be our fourth date, I felt I need to say something before blocking him or ignore him. I thought I didn't want to be disrespectful and fade.

 

So I texted him:

 

-I don't know why don't you communicate earlier to set our date

- sorry I was busy. You were expecting me to get back to you yesterday?

- yes, I'm not liking this honestly. I was expecting you to contact he. Should I keep waiting? Also, I have the feeling you have other options.

- I got the vibe you didn't want me to communicate every day

-sorry I'm sending mixed signals

-you said you don't know what you want and I also don't know what I want.and I sent you a smiley face and you didn't reply.

-what should i have replied, another smiley face?

-yes...I also don't want to come off as needy. I've made a reservation at xxx at xxx pm, but if you prefer to stay home, I'll go to my friends party since I was prioritizing you...

- you're being silly. Please delete this last part of your message

-I get things done. So are you thinking about it?

-sounds good, I'll meet you there

- ok

-ok bye

 

Oh well, this should be a fun date

[katiegrl]

News.

 

I was growing angry, and since we had sex and this was supposed to be our fourth date, I felt I need to say something before blocking him or ignore him. I thought I didn't want to be disrespectful and fade.

 

So I texted him:

 

-I don't know why don't you communicate earlier to set our date

- sorry I was busy. You were expecting me to get back to you yesterday?

- yes, I'm not liking this honestly. I was expecting you to contact he. Should I keep waiting? Also, I have the feeling you have other options.

- I got the vibe you didn't want me to communicate every day

-sorry I'm sending mixed signals

-you said you don't know what you want and I also don't know what I want.and I sent you a smiley face and you didn't reply.

-what should i have replied, another smiley face?

-yes...I also don't want to come off as needy. I've made a reservation at xxx at xxx pm, but if you prefer to stay home, I'll go to my friends party since I was prioritizing you...

- you're being silly. Please delete this last part of your message

-I get things done. So are you thinking about it?

-sounds good, I'll meet you there

- ok

-ok bye

 

I don't know what to think anymore...except he may get off on drama, so this back and forth may continue for awhile.

 

Wish you the best BG....

[brokengirl85]

The more I think, the more uneasy I feel.

Now I think he already had the reservations made just in case (either for me or for another lady that maybe wasn't available tomorrow)

 

I just feel weird. Do you guys feel the same weird vibe I feel?

[Imajerk17]

The more I think, the more uneasy I feel.

Now I think he already had the reservations made just in case (either for me or for another lady that maybe wasn't available tomorrow)

 

I just feel weird. Do you guys feel the same weird vibe I feel?

Yes. Thing is though, the vibe is coming from YOU.

 

You just seem way too intense and way too needy. Not just from this guy, but from your other threads. Are you sure you should even be dating right now? Have you considered therapy?

 

Yes, it's that bad.

Edited March 5, 2016 by Imajerk17

[brokengirl85]

Yes. Thing is though, the vibe is coming from YOU.

 

You just seem way too intense and way too needy. Not just from this guy, but from your other threads. Are you sure you should even be dating right now? Have you considered therapy?

 

Yes, it's that bad.

 

Really... Too intense?

 

I've had sex with this guy, I never asked him anything. Is it too intense to contact him and le thom know I'm not ok with the way he's communicating with me?

What is too intense? This is the first time I EVER contacted him first (except that first message on online dating) explain why I'm being intense. I'm being rational

[PacMann87]

The more I think, the more uneasy I feel.

Now I think he already had the reservations made just in case (either for me or for another lady that maybe wasn't available tomorrow)

 

I just feel weird. Do you guys feel the same weird vibe I feel?

 

No... Just as people here have told you this guy was set to go on a date with you Saturday and everything would have worked out find if you had just stayed out of your own head and not be so pessimistic about everything.

 

You were given a suggestion of what to text him by katiegrl that you yourself said was "cute and something you would advise as well"... Yet you texted him something completely different and accusatory for no reason.

 

The replies he sent you literally say that he felt you don't want him to text you daily because when he does text you, your replies are so short and close ended. The smiley face example. You're holding it against this guy for not knowing how scared and negative you view guys and their intentions when in fact he has no idea that you feel this way. Stop making it so dramatic and saying things like "I don't know what I want right now , blah blah blah".

 

If I were you I'd text him tomorrow around lunch time and say "hey, did you want to pick me up later or have me meet you there?"..... That way you have a line of communication established early on and you're not freaking out up until a half hour before the date is set. Start listening to people here .

 

And on a side note... Look at all the replies you got putting the positive intentions of this guy and the need for you to just relax and stop thinking so much. Then look at the replies you got from Joseb that egg on your pessimism and negativity. You acted so excited and thrilled that someone else thought this was and latched onto it immediately. What does that tell you? Tells me that you are literally hoping that your worst fears are true and can't relax until you know that it's over. That's not good

[brokengirl85]

He asked me if I wanted him to pick me up but I do have a housewarming before, so I told him I'll go directly and meet him at the restaurant

[Jabron1]

Then look at the replies you got from Joseb that egg on your pessimism and negativity.

 

No one is 'egging on pessimism'.

 

When was the last time you asked out a girl, she accepted, then you booked a restaurant but didn't dare send a text afterward for fear of neediness? (all the while scoping out options on dating sites)

 

Pessimism? My arse.

[katiegrl]

 

....all the while scoping out options on dating sites

 

 

Yeah I tend to agree Jabron. I was with BG's guy until this ^^.

 

Again, no they are not *exclusive* but it speaks volumes to his interest level (low).

 

Speaking personally, after four dates with a guy, including sex, we'd be focusing on each other to see where it would lead.

 

Not skulking around searching for others on dating sites keeping options open..

 

No thank you..... Next.

[Jabron1]

Yeah I tend to agree Jabron. I was with this guy until this ^^.

 

Again, no they are not *exclusive* but it speaks volumes to his interest level (low).

 

Speaking personally, after four dates with a guy, including sex, we'd be focusing on each other to see where it would lead.

 

Not skulking around searching for others on dating sites keeping options open..

 

No thank you..... Next.

 

Seriously though, a guy gets confirmation of a date request, and then gets scared to tell her the time/place?

 

Come off it.

 

This isn't pessimism, it's rationality.

Edited March 5, 2016 by Jabron1

[katiegrl]

Seriously though, a guy gets confirmation of a date request, and then gets scared to tell her the time/place?

 

Come off it.

 

This isn't pessimism, it's rationality.

 

You don't need to tell me to *come off it* J ...I just agreed with you!

[Jabron1]

You don't need to tell me to *come off it* J ...I just agreed with you!

 

In England we say that in a general sense.

 

It wasn't directed at you

[brokengirl85]

You actually have to call to make a reservation to this particular restaurant. There was no time between our texts for him to call. When did he make the reservation?

 

Who was expecting him to have dinner with? And why, if it was me, didn't let me know earlier? One entire day passed since he proposed the date.

 

Also, he said he was crazy busy (yeah sure) but he was still online in two different dating sites? And couldn't sent me a quick text?

 

I'm so pissed off right now I'm not sure what I'm going to do tomorrow

[katiegrl]

In England we say that in a general sense.

 

It wasn't directed at you

 

Okay...but since it was posted below my post which you quoted, it appeared like it was in response to my post.

 

Appreciate the clarification.

[joseb]

Okay...but since it was posted below my post which you quoted, it appeared like it was in response to my post.

 

Appreciate the clarification.

 

See how easy it is to send the wrong message via text?

[katiegrl]

You actually have to call to make a reservation to this particular restaurant. There was no time between our texts for him to call. When did he make the reservation?

 

Who was expecting him to have dinner with? And why, if it was me, didn't let me know earlier? One entire day passed since he proposed the date.

 

Also, he said he was crazy busy (yeah sure) but he was still online in two different dating sites? And couldn't sent me a quick text?

 

I'm so pissed off right now I'm not sure what I'm going to do tomorrow

 

I'll make it easy for you BG.

 

Are you okay continuing to date (and have sex with) a guy who has low interest level and keeping options open?

 

I sure wouldn't be.

 

Protect your heart.... no one else will.

 

If it were me, it would be a clear next. No question.

[Jabron1]

You actually have to call to make a reservation to this particular restaurant. There was no time between our texts for him to call. When did he make the reservation?

 

Who was expecting him to have dinner with? And why, if it was me, didn't let me know earlier? One entire day passed since he proposed the date.

 

Also, he said he was crazy busy (yeah sure) but he was still online in two different dating sites? And couldn't sent me a quick text?

 

I'm so pissed off right now I'm not sure what I'm going to do tomorrow

 

Depends on how much you like him.

 

I think you should just next him and look forward to your other dates you have lined up. But, if you really like him, you could give him the benefit of the doubt and more time.

[joseb]

Seriously though, a guy gets confirmation of a date request, and then gets scared to tell her the time/place?

 

Come off it.

 

This isn't pessimism, it's rationality.

 

I will offer a counter point. The guy isn't very organised / very good at this. Actually, I think you even said "low skilled" before, and I think.he is.

 

I have done this in the past. Made a date, without naming a resturant. Then confirmed the place later.

I thought it reasonable, maybe even thought it might add to the intrigue, but I found that doing this seemed to make girls more likely to flake. Lesson learned.

 

. Yeah this guy is also keeping his options open. But is that such a terrible crime either? Isn't that the way these days?

[Zahara]

You actually have to call to make a reservation to this particular restaurant. There was no time between our texts for him to call. When did he make the reservation?

 

Who was expecting him to have dinner with? And why, if it was me, didn't let me know earlier? One entire day passed since he proposed the date.

 

Also, he said he was crazy busy (yeah sure) but he was still online in two different dating sites? And couldn't sent me a quick text?

 

I'm so pissed off right now I'm not sure what I'm going to do tomorrow

 

Seems odd that he would make a reservation and not let you know about it until you reach out to him. I have to wonder if he really made the reservation or just threw it out there because you called him out.

 

If you decide to go out with him tomorrow, I'd stay away from the sex as you want to stay clear headed moving forward. I think sex is going to mess you up even more if it continues this way. Or you can call it a day and move on from this. I would go for the latter -- too much angst and drama over this one. I can't imagine you continuing to stress if he keeps going on this way. Not worth it.

[katiegrl]

I will offer a counter point. The guy isn't very organised / very good at this. Actually, I think you even said "low skilled" before, and I think.he is.

 

I have done this in the past. Made a date, without naming a resturant. Then confirmed the place later.

I thought it reasonable, maybe even thought it might add to the intrigue, but I found that doing this seemed to make girls more likely to flake. Lesson learned.

 

.

 

 

 

----

 

***Yeah this guy is also keeping his options open. But is that such a terrible crime either? Isn't that the way these days?

 

Calling BS on that^^...no! Not when you're truly into each other...and dating toward a common goal -- a relationship.

 

If they both agree on casual, including casual sex, then fine, but somehow, given her behavior, I don't think BG is up for casual.

[Jabron1]

I will offer a counter point. The guy isn't very organised / very good at this. Actually, I think you even said "low skilled" before, and I think.he is.

 

I have done this in the past. Made a date, without naming a resturant. Then confirmed the place later.

I thought it reasonable, maybe even thought it might add to the intrigue, but I found that doing this seemed to make girls more likely to flake. Lesson learned.

 

. Yeah this guy is also keeping his options open. But is that such a terrible crime either? Isn't that the way these days?

 

That's fair enough. But, he kept her waiting for over 24 hours, and she had to tell him off to get a confirmation.

 

Even someone that's rubbish at dating should know that is pushing his luck.

 

A high quality woman doesn't tolerate that.