frus69 Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 B. Do nothing and wait to see if he contacts me again and eventually become a doormat PS, there is the negativity again.....sigh.... 1
stillafool Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 Alright then. We all agree he's not into me. I have two choices, please help me decide which one to choose from: A. Block him and move on B. Do nothing and wait to see if he contacts me again and eventually become a doormat B. Do nothing and wait until he contacts you again. You are not a doormat but a young lady who doesn't want her heart broken. You are right to be cautious but you also have to open your heart or you will never find love. 1
BeholdtheMan Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 For what it's worth... First 10 or so times I boinked my now-wife, I did not bust a nut. 1
clia Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 He contacted you the next day. He asked you out. He told you he liked you. You played games. You didn't respond. It seems to me he was into you, but probably isn't anymore. What are you even trying to accomplish? 1
Author brokengirl85 Posted March 3, 2016 Author Posted March 3, 2016 My gut tells me to be careful with this one. That's the only thing I could tell you guys. If I felt comfortable, I'd never had ignored his last text. Somehow his awkwardness turned me off and I don't think I can do anything about it, unless he reaches out to me. End of this, honestly. I acted following my instincts. I'm disappointed with him. I'm dissapointed with the whole situation. There's no coming back after this, so no point on signaling me or him as the one who made things wrongly. Sucks but it is what it is.
joseb Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 The pang of rejection is proportionate to the investment. I'm battle scarred - I've been rejected hundreds of times too. I've heard 'I have a boyfriend' so many times through approaching that I have several 'go to' lines for the occasion. I'm often tempted to emulate Matt Lucas: 3
Toodaloo Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 Alright, Toodaloo. You mean you should cut contact because his communication skills sucks? Or because he is not working on the other department? Just to be clear, he could not achieve orgasm but overall had good skills an stamina Oh blimey - If I had a quid for every first time sex that people didn't orgasm I would be rich I tell you - RICH! The communication skills suck. To be honest I do not see how you can get through issue 1 with out first solving issue 2. Also for me (after not having sex for a really long time after my ex and I split up) it was a massive emotional block. I felt as though I was doing something "wrong". It takes time for that to pass. Things in that department have got better and I am more relaxed about it now. Hence the last guy I slept with was more a fireworks show from the get go. Helped that we got on well and both felt comfortable to say "left a bit"! Don't sweat it. Just don't bother with this guy. There are plenty more out there. You will probably click with one of them better.
joseb Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 Oh blimey - If I had a quid for every first time sex that people didn't orgasm I would be rich I tell you - RICH! I had no idea this was common with guys before reading on LS. Don't think I've ever experienced it. Unless we were interrupted or something! 1
Toodaloo Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 I had no idea this was common with guys before reading on LS. Don't think I've ever experienced it. Unless we were interrupted or something! It is VERY common. For both men and women. First time with someone is always rubbish for me... Its never been great in comparison to what comes after. Its not been too bad if communication is there but if that isn't there it is doomed from the get go. If I am drunk its not so bad but... even still... Best lover ever, didn't pop at all first few times. Neither did I. He was also very inexperienced for a man of his age. Soon changed that round! Wowsers - it was worth the wait. I used to get wet panties just thinking about him! A simple what do you fancy for supper text would send me off thinking about all manner of things! But the communication was there. We both felt comfortable to say what was on our minds and to discuss it, try new things and explore. 2
MidwestUSA Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 I had no idea this was common with guys before reading on LS. Don't think I've ever experienced it. Unless we were interrupted or something! My husband didn't even get up till the third time. A little rusty, a bit nervous. We laughed about it. Taking any of it personally would have doomed us. Maturity and wisdom go a long way. 1
katiegrl Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 (edited) My gut tells me to be careful with this one. That's the only thing I could tell you guys. If I felt comfortable, I'd never had ignored his last text. Somehow his awkwardness turned me off and I don't think I can do anything about it, unless he reaches out to me. End of this, honestly. I acted following my instincts. I'm disappointed with him. I'm dissapointed with the whole situation. There's no coming back after this, so no point on signaling me or him as the one who made things wrongly. Sucks but it is what it is. I think that is the right decision. You do what feels right for YOU. As I said, if more people followed their gut and stopped dating someone when it didn't feel right ....a lot less people would be left feeling heartbroken, and in some cases devastated... as evidenced by some of the threads on this message board. Head high BG ....wish you the best moving forward. Edited March 3, 2016 by katiegrl
Author brokengirl85 Posted March 4, 2016 Author Posted March 4, 2016 Got some news. Today I just disabled my online dating profile because yes...I'm like this. I was just a little heartbroken about this guy honestly and I thought, Oh well I just don't want him to see if I'm online or not, besides, there's no one else I was interested there. And magic! He contacted me and asked me out this Saturday. And while I was going to text him I was thinking "mmm, todays is thursday, why is he asking me out so late in the week? But, whatever, I don't want to play games, I'm tired and I'm broken" So I said yes! Lets do something fun on Saturday! And then...well, he didn't follow up and said"I have t go now but I'll text you later" Ok...Is he playing games? Should I just wait and see if he sets a time and place or just block him and forget about him? I don't want to be his plan C or D...
xingyi Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 Got some news. Today I just disabled my online dating profile because yes...I'm like this. I was just a little heartbroken about this guy honestly and I thought, Oh well I just don't want him to see if I'm online or not, besides, there's no one else I was interested there. And magic! He contacted me and asked me out this Saturday. And while I was going to text him I was thinking "mmm, todays is thursday, why is he asking me out so late in the week? But, whatever, I don't want to play games, I'm tired and I'm broken" So I said yes! Lets do something fun on Saturday! And then...well, he didn't follow up and said"I have t go now but I'll text you later" Ok...Is he playing games? Should I just wait and see if he sets a time and place or just block him and forget about him? I don't want to be his plan C or D... He asked you out means he is interested. But if he flakes on you on Saturday you know you are his back up plan...
yxalitis Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 I'm often tempted to emulate Matt Lucas: Except that's Matt Berry... From IT crowd...
Author brokengirl85 Posted March 4, 2016 Author Posted March 4, 2016 He asked you out means he is interested. But if he flakes on you on Saturday you know you are his back up plan... He didn't set a time and place, and that was two hours ago. I'm really feeling angry right now
AMJ Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 He didn't set a time and place, and that was two hours ago. I'm really feeling angry right now OMG woman. What the hell do you expect from this guy??? If he wanted nothing to do with you, he'd not contact you at all. Men are not that complicated. You've gone out a few times, you had sex...you nearly made him commit to you before having sex, which everyone here has said is a really awkward thing to do on your part. Most men would run very far in the opposite direction and say that's needy behavior. But no, this guy contacts you the next day, wants to see you again, you blow him off and ignore him...he asks you out again and you're sitting here, demanding that he continue to plan out in full detail every single date you ever go on from now until eternity? Be an adult. Text him and say "What time do you want to meet on saturday? Where should we go?" etc. It sounds like he must have planned the first THREE dates in strict detail otherwise they never would have happened. 5
katiegrl Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 I have a date Saturday night too, and guess what? I have no idea what time or place yet either.... and I am not at all concerned about itl! He even works in my building, I saw him today, we exchanged flirty "hi's" and flirty glances, I was super excited to see him! I am not worried in the least, either he or I will touch base either tomorrow or Saturday to confirm. Relax!!! 2
SwordofFlame Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 Relax. He wants to see you again. I do that sometimes too because I don't have an idea of what to do for a date off the top of my head. It's not like I can take a girl to different bars for each date. (If only it were that easy )
PacMann87 Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 I have to echo what another poster suggested here about you seeming to be self sabotaging your chances with this guy over and over again. First, I don't understand why you questioned him on wanting to have sex. Clearly based on your following mindset, it didn't matter what he said because you were going to be skeptical either way. You basically said "whatever, you can say that now, we'll see if things change after we have sex". Which begs the question- what was your goal asking him in the first place? You were unsure about the dynamic of the relationship and his interest level before sex and worried it would change after sex. He gave you the perfect answer and said he wasn't just interested in sex with you and didn't care if you did it or not because he like you for other reasons. You have a negative perception that no one can convince otherwise. The red flags you listed are bogus. You judge people's online activity as meaning they don't like you or have interest in you. Meanwhile you're on the dating site too and if he's looking at your profile, he can think you're looking for other guys as well. So stop checking this when you begin seeing someone. It's useless. All of your other red flags focus on this guy contacting you. He's contacting you!!' That's not a red flag!! You are replying with one word answers and very close ended replies which make it impossible for him to continue a texting conversation with you. For example. When he asked you out on another date "hey, wanna bet together this weekend?"... You replied "sure". Jeez. Show some emotion. Show some interest. You could've said "yea that'd be fun. What'd you have in mind?" Or "sure, I'm free Saturday if you want, just lemme know what you wanna do?" Guaranteed he would have given you specifics . . 4
PacMann87 Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 Got some news. Today I just disabled my online dating profile because yes...I'm like this. I was just a little heartbroken about this guy honestly and I thought, Oh well I just don't want him to see if I'm online or not, besides, there's no one else I was interested there. And magic! He contacted me and asked me out this Saturday. And while I was going to text him I was thinking "mmm, todays is thursday, why is he asking me out so late in the week? But, whatever, I don't want to play games, I'm tired and I'm broken" So I said yes! Lets do something fun on Saturday! And then...well, he didn't follow up and said"I have t go now but I'll text you later" Ok...Is he playing games? Should I just wait and see if he sets a time and place or just block him and forget about him? I don't want to be his plan C or D... Just read this update. You are thinking Wayyyyy to much. All it does is make you worry and second guess everything. Just simplify everything ok? Did this guy initiate and ask you out? Yes. Did he tell you he's contact you later and talk about it? Yes Done. That's all you need to know. You told him you're free Saturday. If he doesn't text you today or tomorrow, then send him a text tomorrow afternoon and ask "what's the deal, you never got back to me yesterday?". Then you should expect details about the date. You spend so much time breaking down what he's doing when he's not with you or texting you or what he's thinkin and its useles. All it does is make you think he's shady and you should stop seeing him. As I read your posts I see that you are clearly hung up on having the guy chase you and constantly show you that he's interested. However you expect this while offering zero, or the bare minimum of expression and contact from Your end. You want the guy to text you, then be does, and you don't take advantage. That's not his fault. It's yours. When a guy texts you... Say something that allows the conversation to keep going or progress. Not one word answers or just basic replies that he can't work with and build on. I have no idea why him asking you out Thursday for this weekend would be a bad thing in your mind. Did he ask you out? Yes. What's it matter if he asked Thursday or Tuesday? Again, thinking too much 2
edgygirl Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 Sorry... the problem here is not him. It's you. You have things to resolve internally before you can date him. Who cares if he didn't set up a place and time. It's Saturday. No big deal. He asked you out and that's good. Lord. Get a drink and relax, woman. Otherwise you will be... #foreveralone. Learn to chill. Ahhhh. You keep seeing problems where there are none. He didn't set a time and place, and that was two hours ago. I'm really feeling angry right now 3
qq2016 Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 He didn't set a time and place, and that was two hours ago. I'm really feeling angry right now See if he texts you tomorrow and tells you the time Or you can ask him, be bold
AndOrchid Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 I don't understand why you questioned him on wanting to have sex. Clearly based on your following mindset, it didn't matter what he said because you were going to be skeptical either way. You basically said "whatever, you can say that now, we'll see if things change after we have sex". Which begs the question- what was your goal asking him in the first place? You were unsure about the dynamic of the relationship and his interest level before sex and worried it would change after sex. He gave you the perfect answer and said he wasn't just interested in sex with you and didn't care if you did it or not because he like you for other reasons. You have a negative perception that no one can convince otherwise. . This. You seem to have some issues around insecurity that you need to work on before you can date successfully. It is NOT a guy's job to chase you and "work for it" just to reassure you because you told him you are insecure. That is something you need to resolve on your own. If anything, telling a guy early on in the dating process about your insecurities and questioning his intentions is a turn off which may cause him to lose interest and then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you know you get attached after sex, then don't have sex before commitment. He did nothing wrong in this situation but you seem to be looking for red flags and giving very little back in your interactions with him. Dating is a two-way street. It should also not be causing so much anxiety and negative feelings. I think you may benefit from a break from it for a while until you can work out some of these issues so you can relax and maybe even have some fun. 1
Author brokengirl85 Posted March 4, 2016 Author Posted March 4, 2016 Ok, I'll do that. I'll wait until Friday night and I'll text him. Guys, I'm anxious in general. For that reason I come here for advice. And because it's much easier to give advise to others than see what's going on with my own life. Also, I suffered quite a bit in the past. Someone strung me along with lies and I got really hurt. I don't trust anyone now. And I have walls built up. I'm doing the best I can to overcome all this. But yes, I'm scared of guys.
PacMann87 Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 Ok, I'll do that. I'll wait until Friday night and I'll text him. Guys, I'm anxious in general. For that reason I come here for advice. And because it's much easier to give advise to others than see what's going on with my own life. Also, I suffered quite a bit in the past. Someone strung me along with lies and I got really hurt. I don't trust anyone now. And I have walls built up. I'm doing the best I can to overcome all this. But yes, I'm scared of guys. If you carry your past with you then you will project it onto the guys you date in the future unfairly. It's fine to remain cautious because you've been burned in the past. But don't expect a let down at every turn. Just because you want to be chased, doesn't mean that you have to make the guy jump through hoops to show you he's interested/invested. Or decide he's not a good guy or not into you because he doesn't jump through hoops that he doesn't even know exist just because you're aware of them. And keep an open mind when it comes to getting advice from others. Just because someone disagrees or gives you constructive criticism. That doesn't mean theyre attacking you. If you only take positivity away from those who share your same skepticism then you're likely rejecting the exact advice that would benefit you in the situation you're in. If you're really trying to get better then we shouldn't see a post from you until after the date with this guy. There's nothing that can happen between now and then that you need advice on which holds any significance. Find out what he wants to do and if he's picking you up, and don't think/worry about anything else until it's done with. Start there 4
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