losangelena Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 LOL I thought the same thing! Not much of a catch if he's not blowing your mind in the bedroom..lol. That said, I think it's unfair when women expect guys to be completely responsible for good sex. I feel bad when men blame themselves for bad sex. It takes two. Good chemistry has always equaled good sex, at least for me. Whatever reservations or concerns you have about the person or the relationship always end up affecting the sex. This is 100% true.
Author brokengirl85 Posted March 2, 2016 Author Posted March 2, 2016 He may be a 'catch,' but he still sucks in the sack. Cracking up right now:lmao: He's ok, not super skilled, but ok. Sad thing he could not cum, I'd have loved that. Well, maybe he's not a catch, who knows. I said he's a catch because I like to think I chose well Maybe not this case?
katiegrl Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 FWIW.... if that is you in the avatar (and I assume it is) you are adorable! 1
introverted1 Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 BG, you probably don't want to hear from me but what I think you should do is follow your gut. We weren't there.... you were, If it doesn't feel right to you, them move on. If more people would follow their gut and move on when things don't feel right....we'd have a lot less broken hearts. And you're right.... and this has actually been said before too. If things don't feel right to the point you are forced to seek advice on a message board, where people not only don't know you, but don't really know the full situation..... then it's probably not right and you should move on. I really like this advice. The only problem is that a lot of the people who post here no longer have reliable guts. Sort of like overweight people whose bodies have lost the ability to correctly determine when they're full, there are people whose guts are unable to correctly perceive interest/disinterest, sincerity/player, etc. 1
Shining One Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 BG, you probably don't want to hear from me but what I think you should do is follow your gut.This advice is not universally useful. For years, every time I was thinking about asking a woman out, my gut told me "no, she'll just reject you". It was usually right, but if I had followed it, I would never have gotten any dates or relationships.
katiegrl Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 This advice is not universally useful. For years, every time I was thinking about asking a woman out, my gut told me "no, she'll just reject you". It was usually right, but if I had followed it, I would never have gotten any dates or relationships. I am not understanding the bolded/underlined. So what if you never got dates or relationships.... those relationships weren't successful (since you said it turned out your gut was right). Why not follow your gut and hold out for the girl you DO feel right about? And not waste time with the girls you don't..... thus preventing you from meeting the right girl for you....who is able to go the distance? IMO a bad date/relationship is worse than NO relationship at all. I would rather be alone than with the wrong person. I think part of the problem is many people don't want to... or feel comfortable with being alone, sans relationship. So they take whatever they can get, right or wrong, and hopes it works. It rarely does.
katiegrl Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 I really like this advice. The only problem is that a lot of the people who post here no longer have reliable guts. Sort of like overweight people whose bodies have lost the ability to correctly determine when they're full, there are people whose guts are unable to correctly perceive interest/disinterest, sincerity/player, etc. Oh I think they DO have reliable guts...problem is they don't trust their guts....so go against it....and end up getting hurt. Or they have those proverbial blinders on and IGNORE what their gut is telling them. Many factors at play there other than they don't have reliable guts.
katiegrl Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 I am not understanding the bolded/underlined. So what if you never got dates or relationships.... those relationships weren't successful (since you said it turned out your gut was right). Why not follow your gut and hold out for the girl you DO feel right about? And not waste time with the girls you don't..... thus preventing you from meeting the right girl for you....who is able to go the distance? IMO a bad date/relationship is worse than NO relationship at all. I would rather be alone than with the wrong person. I think part of the problem is many people don't want to... or feel comfortable with being alone, sans relationship. So they take whatever they can get, right or wrong, and hopes it works. It rarely does. To add^^ -- I must've told this story a zillion times on this board....but a few years back, read a story about a man on POF who met 80 women in one year. Just quick first meets, not dates. NONE of them felt right....so after one meet he moved on. Didn't want to waste time with the wrong woman...thus preventing him from meeting the right woman. After 80 quick first meets (like a coffee)...he finally met the woman he DID feel right about....and they got married within the year. Smart guy IMO. And now he's with the right woman, probably living happily ever after. Had he settled for any of those other 80 women, for whatever reason (she was attractive, good job, whatevs) trying to fit a square peg into a round hole when his gut told him it didn't feel right.... he may have gone through one unsuccessful RL after another. He might still be alone today!
Shining One Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 I am not understanding the bolded/underlined. So what if you never got dates or relationships.... those relationships weren't successful (since you said it turned out your gut was right). Why not follow your gut and hold out for the girl you DO feel right about? And not waste time with the girls you don't..... thus preventing you from meeting the right girl for you....who is able to go the distance? IMO a bad date/relationship is worse than NO relationship at all. I would rather be alone than with the wrong person. I think part of the problem is many people don't want to... or feel comfortable with being alone, sans relationship. So they take whatever they can get, right or wrong, and hopes it works. It rarely does.You misunderstood. Every single time I thought about asking a woman out, my gut told me that she would reject me. Most of the women did reject me. However, some did not. My gut was wrong about those. If I had listened to my gut, I would not have asked any women out and thus I would not have gotten any dates or relationships. 2
stillafool Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 He may be a 'catch,' but he still sucks in the sack. Yeah and to me that isn't a 'catch' but a 'throw back'. OP, you are a cutie by your pic.
katiegrl Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 (edited) You misunderstood. Every single time I thought about asking a woman out, my gut told me that she would reject me. Most of the women did reject me. However, some did not. My gut was wrong about those. If I had listened to my gut, I would not have asked any women out and thus I would not have gotten any dates or relationships. Okay thanks for clarifying....you're right I did misunderstand. So it wasn't really your gut instinct that was wrong (in those situations where you ended up in a RL). What you thought was your gut instinct....was really your insecurity and paranoia calling the shots.... Or your gut instincts being misguided by your insecurity and paranoia..... which happens too. Edited March 2, 2016 by katiegrl
Author brokengirl85 Posted March 3, 2016 Author Posted March 3, 2016 Yeah and to me that isn't a 'catch' but a 'throw back'. OP, you are a cutie by your pic. Ha thank you. Feeling like I'm hurting right now and I wish I was over this type of guys who at the end are just not into me, but I'm not. My guess it I'll feel better as time passes, right now and even though I did not initiate and I ignored his last text, I feel rejected. He should have tried harder if he was interested.
lino Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 That pre sex talk would have killed any boner for me. Difference is I wouldn't have had sex with you afterwards like this guy did. But that's a good guys perspective, so maybe doesn't mean much in this case If you weren't already before, you're now this guys option C or D. I would advise not to sleep with or contact this guy anymore but I suspect if this guy comes looking for it again, he'll get it. Way the world works. Man if I had a dollar for each of these type of threads opened. The equivalent of the 'can't get a date' topics struggling guys start on here.
frus69 Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 (edited) Ha thank you. Feeling like I'm hurting right now and I wish I was over this type of guys who at the end are just not into me, but I'm not. My guess it I'll feel better as time passes, right now and even though I did not initiate and I ignored his last text, I feel rejected. He should have tried harder if he was interested. I read some of your previous posts and seems like you have a really negative attitude towards men in general. It's like you think 99.9% of them only want you for sex or they don't try hard enough or they are just players and you subconsciously look for evidence to prove it and eventually you convince yourself they should all be damned. Reading this post of yours and that 5 red flags, I have to say YOU are the reason you are failing at dating. I hope you can change your way of thinking. I don't think it's attractive at all Edited March 3, 2016 by frus69 3
Author brokengirl85 Posted March 3, 2016 Author Posted March 3, 2016 That pre sex talk would have killed any boner for me. Difference is I wouldn't have had sex with you afterwards like this guy did. But that's a good guys perspective, so maybe doesn't mean much in this case If you weren't already before, you're now this guys option C or D. I would advise not to sleep with or contact this guy anymore but I suspect if this guy comes looking for it again, he'll get it. Way the world works. Man if I had a dollar for each of these type of threads opened. The equivalent of the 'can't get a date' topics struggling guys start on here. Wow Lino. You sound crude. Option c or d? Sucks!! Not contacting this guy.
Leigh 87 Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 Yeah. He isn't into you. When a guy is really excited by you and feeling great sexual chemistry, they usually step it up after sex. The first time is never usually great even with amazing chemistry. ............ my friend and I had fireworks with our boyfriends yet first time sex wasn't the best. Her bf couldn't get it up. My bf stopped off at the sex shop to buy condoms that made him last longer he was that nervous! The difference from what I've experienced with men and your experience is that my bf stepped it up even after very mediocre first time sex! After a very nerve wracking first time he left the next morning and texted that he " missed me already". So bad sex won't dete a man that's truly into you based on my and my friende experience. Was the hooking up good aside from the sex? Sex in and of itself is often awkward at first despite amazing chemistry and make out sessions. He into interested though. Maybe it'll change. Perhaps he is just perturbed after a bad first time? He could be feeling embarrassed. So while there's a chance that he's just embarrassed, there is a stronger chance he isn't into you enough to overlook bad sex. If he doesn't ask you on a date this weekend he is out. There's a chance he'll ask you out this weekend and want to continue things despite the bad sex. Good luck.
yxalitis Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 Right. Reaching out at this point will show neediness. Been there. done that before, and learned my lesson. It never worked out when I initiated before. I can sense a lack of investment and a lack of interest on his part, whatever the reasons are. Not my job to figure that out. I was available for him, respectful the whole time, I gave him hints I like him and I let him to lead the whole dating process. At the end, if I start having doubts and our communication sucks, or if we are two insecure people who are scared of rejection, that is a red flag indeed. I'd clearly initiate a fourth date IF (and only if) there was no sex involved in a third date. After first time sex, it's the guy's job to set a new date, NOT MY JOB. I'll keep you posted but my guess is this story ends right this minute. you are a confused and naive young lady. You're afraid of being "needy" to the point that you expect the guy to do all the work, and yet you will hear hundreds of examples when a guy is accused of not reading the signals: "Dude, she's clearly not into you, move on, not like the sex was great anyway!" You had a chance with this guy, but for reason related to your insecurity and stubbornness, you blew him off. 3
Leigh 87 Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 To add^^ -- I must've told this story a zillion times on this board....but a few years back, read a story about a man on POF who met 80 women in one year. Just quick first meets, not dates. NONE of them felt right....so after one meet he moved on. Didn't want to waste time with the wrong woman...thus preventing him from meeting the right woman. After 80 quick first meets (like a coffee)...he finally met the woman he DID feel right about....and they got married within the year. Smart guy IMO. And now he's with the right woman, probably living happily ever after. Had he settled for any of those other 80 women, for whatever reason (she was attractive, good job, whatevs) trying to fit a square peg into a round hole when his gut told him it didn't feel right.... he may have gone through one unsuccessful RL after another. He might still be alone today! Hah. That's me. I dated half of Sydney and I dismissed perfectly cute, financially attracted guys. People thought I was crazy for not giving them more than 1 to 3 dates. Maybe this guy knows the OP os wrong on a gut level and this has dampened his enthusiasm. Sex may have cemented his suspicions. ...
xpaperxcutx Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 So I read most of the posts on this thread on this thread. In the beginning you said you made the decision to have sex with him. When you wrote that you were doing it without expectations of anything else. I sense that you've attached a lot of emotional feelings to the act, because now you expect him to reach out to ask you for another date. I really think at this point you have to walk away. You gambled by having sex and you lost. Some women just cannot have sex with growing attached ( I know I am one of them) and that's why you have to take this as a lesson that sometimes having early sex won't guarantee you love down the road. 1
Author brokengirl85 Posted March 3, 2016 Author Posted March 3, 2016 Many responses here. I thank you all. Leigh87, I don't think he'll propose another date. I'm not expecting it. Sad. At this point, and after reading so many answers here, I'm angry, so better he doesn't reach out because I'll end up ignoring him again. I haven't blown anything, yxatilis There's no way I can blow up someone by not replying to ONE stupid smiley face. If I blow him bc of this, he's a dumbass. And he probably is, btw. Xpapercutxx, Sex on a third date, honestly. It's not a first date. The problem here is that this guy, as leigh87 said before is NOT into me. And that's all. Why it seems so difficult for us women to understand this? I've written tons of replies to other women here looking for excuses on why their guy didn't follow up through their words. Bs. Guys are cowards and that's why they'll never say they're not into you to your face. Ugh And yes, guys are after sex and they can lie and do the most ridiculous things to get it. I'm honestly trying to see men more positively but unfortunately every single experience I have proved me right
frus69 Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 Many responses here. I thank you all. Leigh87, I don't think he'll propose another date. I'm not expecting it. Sad. At this point, and after reading so many answers here, I'm angry, so better he doesn't reach out because I'll end up ignoring him again. I haven't blown anything, yxatilis There's no way I can blow up someone by not replying to ONE stupid smiley face. If I blow him bc of this, he's a dumbass. And he probably is, btw. Xpapercutxx, Sex on a third date, honestly. It's not a first date. The problem here is that this guy, as leigh87 said before is NOT into me. And that's all. Why it seems so difficult for us women to understand this? I've written tons of replies to other women here looking for excuses on why their guy didn't follow up through their words. Bs. Guys are cowards and that's why they'll never say they're not into you to your face. Ugh And yes, guys are after sex and they can lie and do the most ridiculous things to get it. I'm honestly trying to see men more positively but unfortunately every single experience I have proved me right We all agree he isn't into you, but me think it's half your own fault. You made him lose interest. Your insecurity, negativeness, and self sabotaging thoughts all contributed to this. Maybe you behaved weirdly after sex that's why guys eventually all left and it just looks like they left because of sex. 3
mortensorchid Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 I'm sorry this happened to you. A few years ago, something similar happened to me. The day after he writes me an email (yes, an EMAIL) saying that he was confused and he was going to see his former gf that afternoon/evening. How considerate. Needless to say I never spoke to him again after that. It doesn't sound like you were very excited about the experience to begin with, so I'd just move on. He's not that interested either, so that's that.
Author brokengirl85 Posted March 3, 2016 Author Posted March 3, 2016 Alright then. We all agree he's not into me. I have two choices, please help me decide which one to choose from: A. Block him and move on B. Do nothing and wait to see if he contacts me again and eventually become a doormat
frus69 Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 Alright then. We all agree he's not into me. I have two choices, please help me decide which one to choose from: A. Block him and move on B. Do nothing and wait to see if he contacts me again and eventually become a doormat Move on and be different( be more positive, relaxed, light hearted and fun! And most importantly, not emphasis on "how are you gonna be like after we have sex)next time
ianna Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 do yourself a favor! never ask strangers for your life choices advices! don't sabotage yourself and jump to conclusions without not knowing the whole story. never crush guys ego so much ever again. because you will always be alone. you are puting this guy down passivley agressivley and wonder why he doesn't want to chase you so much? sorry, but i wouldnt chase you either. you act like you used him and left and dont care about him. saying to someone I want to kiss you doesn't mean a thing! boosting someone's ego and saying "dont worry, sex was a fail, but next time, i have some suprises for you" and then you should stay quite. and the last thing, don't make drama out of something casual that leading to **** buddies situation. Sex on a 3rd date and expecting for some to act like your bf and leave dating sites or call you constantly out is wrong thing.
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