How do I get over the fact that everything reminds me of him

[loveandhearts]

He used to take me to work and school (I'm still in the process of getting my license, I'm 19 but no parent ever helped me with it, so I'm excited for when I can finally get that independence). He usually goes to the same college but took this semester off, I don't know if he'll come back even though he plans to, he struggles with school.

He would still come and wait for my classes to be over when I only had two and he could go on a computer. We'd eat together, skip around together, and of course fight together but even that seems better than not being together. I miss him being my guy, waiting for him to pick me up, looking forward to seeing his face after class. Listening to the music in the car with him.

Just a week ago he was in my arms and we were cuddling, lIke usual. I remember thinking how safe and content I felt next to his body. Yet i've known for a long while something was off, I just thought it would eventually be fixed. Our fights were too much, I was never 100% happy with him when I felt like I couldn't trust him, (until we broke up and I wanted him so badly) and now I wonder if it's my fault for making him feel like I am impossible to please. He knew I loved him but towards the end he said in what I thought was a joking manner "wish we could turn back time to when I still loved him" (like that song if you're familiar). I should have known but I thought he was being silly. Of course I still loved him! Maybe more than ever. Why did he think that I didn't? It's making me cry. I had no idea he would truly break up with me because we "fake" broke up many times sometimes by my initiation. I thought I was getting better at caring for him like he needed, I began texting him while he was at work to let him know he was loved and it seemed like he really enjoyed that. He took me out to dinner a few weeks ago. I had no idea it would be the last time he did that. It's making me cry. I wish I was more fun and not a little crabby pants during the date. I never imagined losing him. How do I stop hating myself for not being nicer, couldn't it have made a difference? I mean I was nice, I cared for him. I think I felt distance from him or like I couldn't trust him anymore which made me not so nice. I just thought his love would be never ending, it seemed like that. I thought he knew I was the one for him as he always said he wanted to marry me and I was the first girl he ever loved. But he started talking to other girls and I could feel it before I even knew it, it made me stop being the sweet person I could be.

Now when I go to work I imagine him waiting around when I was a few minutes overtime. Seeing his face and him making me smile relentlessly in the last minutes before I got off work. It makes me miss him so bad. How can I ever be happy at work again when I started working their I was with him, and I was used to thinking about him while I was there. Him calling me while at work. How do I not look around at the familiar scenery and not think of him? Where I work was close to his house and I have to pass the street everytime on the way, and I live quadruple the time away now. How do I stop seeing him everywhere? That's what hurts the most. Should I try transferring my job to a closer location even though I like the people I work with? It's all women though, not like I'll ever meet someone there.

I want to tell him all these memories, let him know I'm thankful even though he hurt me. I want to say sorry for ever hurting him. I know I said it before but I want to at least do it again kbowing it's final. Is that against NC or is it worth getting things off my chest. Would it be terrible to cry in front of him/on the phone? He waneed to hang out tomorrow as friends but I'm going to take the advice I got here and not be his second best. I know he will try contacting me today, do I ignore it or tell him I'm not going to be his friend right now? I might also want to tell him thanks for the good times but it'll just make me miss him so much thinking about it like it is now.

Thanks for your advice in advance.

[Jasejasejase]

I feel your pain. Im in exactly the same place where every single thing reminds ME of her.

 

Do you want some support away from here? Yes, we prib live in different countries but sometimes it'll help. It can be a bit of instant support when you're feeking low ... Via email.

Chin up. Hopefully it gets better for all of us x

[d0nnivain]

It's only been a week.

 

 

If you "fake" broke up before your relationship was unhealthy to begin with. If you didn't trust him & he tried to make that into you being impossible to please, you are better off without him.

 

 

As time passes you will make new memories. For now, rearrange your living space, take a new route to work, avoid places you used to go together (if you can't at least change the time you go). Right now you are in the acute stages of your grief. It will pass.

 

 

Hang in there.