Bobbi7 Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 I don't get this. Is this the true answer to my problems? I've seen many happily married/long-term relationships and I'm thinking what made the men choose that particular woman? Is that a "big lie" that everyone wants us to believe in-that after 30-its do or die-just choose whatever comes your way or you'll end up alone at 40. Because in my years of "casual" dating...I've been able to get some dates, but after like 6 months, its over, no relationship, nothing long-term, I haven't captured any mans heart whatsoever-men get bored, etc, etc. In my mind-the whole-long term commitment is a crock, because anyone is replaceable and there's just a vast of young attractive singles, I just think guys like to keep their options open...but how long will they keep their options open anyway??? Until they meet that 1 woman that blows their mind away and want to settle down with her? In that case, I haven't moved mountains for any man.
Gloria25 Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 Chris Rock had a joke that was something like 'A man's desire/willingness to cheat is limited by his options'....In other words, some people don't have the option to cheat and/or date around - so they'll settle for what they can get. Yes, when you're with "the one" and/or you're of morals and character, no other person can catch your eye. But people couple up for many reasons. Some genuinely found "the one". Some settle. Some are just too comfortable and/or lazy to step out of their comfort zone and can be in horrible marriages/RLs for years on end.
Soxfaninfl Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 I knew from a young age (early 20's) that I wanted to find a women that I wanted to grow old with and have a family. I was single for a couple of years ( 1st and 2nd marriage) in my mid 30's, and it was overrated. I'm 40.
JohnAdams Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 Commitment. I have been married 44 years to the same beautiful woman. We married when I was 19 and she was 17. Even at that young age I took responsibility and commitment very seriously. When I entered into marriage it was until death do us part. I fell in love with her, I wanted her the rest of my life. I do think we live in a different time now. People often do not have the loyalties they once had. We live in a throw away society, live for today. Look for that one thing, as Billy Crystal said, that one thing important in life. You cannot describe it, but, you know it when it shows up. I was not looking when I found my bride, God delivered her. You never know, do not get hung up on having to find a relationship, let it find you. When you find that person may you live forever in wonderful bliss. 5
mikeylo Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 I was a happy go lucky guy and took dating very casually. When I met my wife , I fell in love with her. I wanted to be with her forever and the only way I could do that was committing to her and getting married. While marriages do end but not all. We had our ups and downs but the basic desire to work it out because we want to stay together , it makes our fights easier ! Marriage is a commitment. Dating forever leaves the door open and I wanted to close that door.
Lady2163 Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 I think there is love and then there is the realization, I can do more with this woman than I can by myself.
madjac74 Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 I actually dont think the Op made any sense at all. Is it just me? She is having a hard time in finding a relationship so the whole thing of commitment is a crock? Movng mountains? what?
ktya Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 I don't get this. Is this the true answer to my problems? I've seen many happily married/long-term relationships and I'm thinking what made the men choose that particular woman? Is that a "big lie" that everyone wants us to believe in-that after 30-its do or die-just choose whatever comes your way or you'll end up alone at 40. Because in my years of "casual" dating...I've been able to get some dates, but after like 6 months, its over, no relationship, nothing long-term, I haven't captured any mans heart whatsoever-men get bored, etc, etc. In my mind-the whole-long term commitment is a crock, because anyone is replaceable and there's just a vast of young attractive singles, I just think guys like to keep their options open...but how long will they keep their options open anyway??? Until they meet that 1 woman that blows their mind away and want to settle down with her? In that case, I haven't moved mountains for any man. You might not love my answer, but it works. Regular Blow jobs and swallowing. It's always locked me down. And I'm not kidding. Try it it works.
mikeylo Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 Committment and marriage are not for everyone. Some men want both of these but are not ready to lose the freedom that comes with being single. Of course once committed and married , people lose some of their independence and freedom but they also get a lot from it. It depends if the gain is more than some loss, what stage of life they are in , etc. My brother is one of them. He is in his 50s, the forever single guy. He is set in stone. He wants to get married now but is not ready to lose his independence and freedom. He can't have both ! He will reach at his own pace and probably he hasn't found THE woman yet ! OP, you could be going for the wrong guys. When a guy finds his match , even the most confirmed non commital guy will change his priorities. People who marry later in life are usually happier and more comitted. Mature love has its own sweetness.
Emilia Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 Some men are sick of waking up alone in the morning and prefer being a relationship.
Justanaverageguy Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 (edited) Every man is different and what one is looking for will not be the same as the next. You have your basics like looks, beauty, sex which are still some what specific. But beyond this honestly the only short simple answer you can give to that question is a strong emotional connection. The thing is building that is dependant on both you and his preferences, personalities and lifestyle choices. For one guy what might make him want to settle down is a stable wife who wants children and to be a stay at home mum. He might prefer to date women he has known and been friends with for a long time. That could be his ideal. For the next it could be the exact opposite. He might want a free spirit who doesn't want kids and loves adventure and travel and needs a whirlwind romance to form a strong emotional bond. Next guy maybe hes into driven and successful business women. I think honestly instead of trying to find an answer for every man .... you need to figure out how YOU form strong emotional connections with people. Who are your male and female friends ? Why do you bond with them ? What interests do you share ? Are they deeply emotional ? Are they intellectuals etc ? I find people deep down actually know very little about the way they tick. Why they do the things they do. Why they are attracted to the people they are. But if you can understand your own preferences, what you are attracted to, what really gets you enthralled in deep conversation or connected to another person ..... you will be better able to identify men who fit into that ideal and thus have a much better chance that both you and he will form a strong emotional connection. Edited March 2, 2016 by Justanaverageguy 1
Toodaloo Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 Personally I think it is a combination of factors. A man has to be ready to settle down into family life and that time is different for all of them. A man has to respect his wife. A man has to have fun with his wife. There are other factors such as loyalty, the whole thing of grabbing her before another man does.... Its a mismatch of a few things. All of which includes the person involved as well as circumstance.
PrettyEmily77 Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 Not a guy but assuming the thought process is gender-neutral, I think it comes down to choice, like most everything else. He doesn't have to be with you - he's with you out of deliberate, carefully thought-out choice (based on feelings/attraction) because he wants to, prob coming down to the fact his life is better with you in it than not, for a variety of reasons. That's essentially why I'm with my partner, and I hope he feels the same way.
Mr. Lucky Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 but how long will they keep their options open anyway??? There were quite a few women I loved to spend a weekend with. I only found one woman I'd like to spend years with. That's a pretty significant difference and a compelling reason to "settle down"... Mr. Lucky 1
Miss Peach Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 (edited) I've had a few marriage proposals but only married one of the guys. When I came out of my divorce I couldn't get into a relationship it seemed. I just kept meeting guys who wanted to treat me casually. I finally realized it was how *I* was acting that was leading to this outcome. The three most helpful resources for me were the following books: -Temptations of a Single Girl by Nina Atwood -Getting to I Do by Dr. Pat Allen -Mr. Unavailable and the Fallback Girl by Natalie Lue -Why He Didn't Call Back I also liked reading Evan Marc Katz's blog, Natalie Lue's blog called Baggage Reclaim, and Andrew Aitken's blog. It seems like once I was ready I had guys lining up trying to tie me down. Edited March 2, 2016 by Miss Peach 1
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