Girlfriend of 1 and a half years ended it due to severe depression

[metaltrees]

When we got together first she told me that she suffers with depression and is seeing a therapist, but I didn't realise just how deep her depression would get. On a number of occasions throughout our relationship she'd burst into tears at seemingly random times. I always did my best to be there for her and support her no matter how she felt, and she told me every time that it wasn't anything to do with me at all but she didn't know why she felt this way.

 

Over the last few months I'd started to notice her withdrawing from me more and more. Her texts seemed shorter and she seemed to be physically distant with me. I asked her why that was and she said again that it's nothing to do with me and that she just doesn't feel good at all. Her mood with everyone seemed to be getting worse and worse and to make matters worse her sister moved away and they were really close. She was still telling me she loved me though.

 

About a month ago she told me she didn't know if she wanted to break up or not.......and the two of us obviously got very upset. She said she thought she was a bad girlfriend because she wasn't able to show affection sometimes. Anyway, after we had this talk she completely did a 180 and changed her mind. She wanted to forget about it the next day.

 

That brings me to Sunday. I (maybe stupidly) asked her why she was backing off again. She got extremely upset and angry and told me that she can't do this any more and that she needs a break. She said she didn't know if we'd get back together or not.

 

I'm so confused........I love her a lot and I know she's suffering. Could she come back once she's had some time to herself?

 

Could she be using it as an excuse to let me down easy?

[BlueIris]

Sometimes people just need to sort themselves out, on their own, before they can handle being in a relationship. They might not know it until they’re in it.

 

I’m sorry that it hurts. I doubt that she meant to hurt you. She just has to deal with her own challenges right now and doesn’t have the reserve available to give to you or a relationship.

 

Maybe you two will reconnect one day. But I hope that you move on and have fun- and be open to finding love with someone else, because you're ready even if she isn't.

[maacus]

When we got together first she told me that she suffers with depression and is seeing a therapist, but I didn't realise just how deep her depression would get. On a number of occasions throughout our relationship she'd burst into tears at seemingly random times. I always did my best to be there for her and support her no matter how she felt, and she told me every time that it wasn't anything to do with me at all but she didn't know why she felt this way.

 

Over the last few months I'd started to notice her withdrawing from me more and more. Her texts seemed shorter and she seemed to be physically distant with me. I asked her why that was and she said again that it's nothing to do with me and that she just doesn't feel good at all. Her mood with everyone seemed to be getting worse and worse and to make matters worse her sister moved away and they were really close. She was still telling me she loved me though.

 

About a month ago she told me she didn't know if she wanted to break up or not.......and the two of us obviously got very upset. She said she thought she was a bad girlfriend because she wasn't able to show affection sometimes. Anyway, after we had this talk she completely did a 180 and changed her mind. She wanted to forget about it the next day.

 

That brings me to Sunday. I (maybe stupidly) asked her why she was backing off again. She got extremely upset and angry and told me that she can't do this any more and that she needs a break. She said she didn't know if we'd get back together or not.

 

I'm so confused........I love her a lot and I know she's suffering. Could she come back once she's had some time to herself?

 

Could she be using it as an excuse to let me down easy?

 

IDK, but it sounds to me like she suffers from severe depression. I've been there, and it completely sucks. My depression was caused by living/being married to someone who was depressed almost all of the time and refused to get help. She sucked me into her world and left me to suffer along with her, and never even tried to get help. I was expected, and did, support her for 20 years; it only got worse and she became irrational at the end.

 

I'm not saying it would be the same with this person; likely it isn't. But, it really does sound like she's dealing with a lot of personal demons. It upsets her that she has you but doesn't feel like reciprocating.

 

That's my take, anyway. Best of luck to BOTH of you.

[metaltrees]

Thanks for the feedback and support guys.

 

Well we're back together now. She told me she missed me and that she thought some time apart would help her depression, but it ended up making her feel even worse. She's decided to go and get more help for her depression. Thanks again

[d0nnivain]

I'm glad she's getting more therapy.

 

 

Next time she pulls away -- and yes there will be a next time and a time after that -- instead of asking take action. Get her out of her funk. Make her move. Not a ton of pressure, just take her for a walk & hold her hand. You have no idea how helpful it can be to feel the sun on your face.

 

 

My Ex used to take me to the beach when my depression got bad. My husband takes me on vacation. Neither made me talk about why I was upset; they just "forced" me off the couch, changed by scenery & got me some vitamin D. I put forced in quotes because they weren't hurting me but I was usually reluctant & difficult so they had to push through a lot to get me to move. As much as I complained, it always helped.

[metaltrees]

That's very helpful advice. Thank you d0nnivain