basil67 Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 Some people can do it. But I can't because it always gets messy
CarrieT Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 Depends on the ages of those involved. I'm in my 50s and my oldest and closest friends are all male. My husband has met most of them and one of them - whom I have known for 35 years - recently walked me down the aisle since my father is no longer alive. 2
yxalitis Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 When I was in my mid 20's to mid 30's, ALL my friends were female. I simply got on better with them, males were all too "blokey" and talked endlessly about football or some daft thing...
preraph Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 I have been a couple of guys' best friends. One I was in love with and he had an ED problem I didn't know about at the time. I didn't consider him my best friend. He did consider me his. Another guy considered me his but actually wanted more, eventually when his marriage fell apart. So yes, it can get messy. But I'm not saying you can't be just friends. It's just apparently much easier for the women than the men. But if a woman has a crush on you, she may waste a lot of years hoping you'll come around, and that does happen (like me and the ED one). Messy, but if you love someone enough as a person, maybe worth it.
RecentChange Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 I have had a close male friend since I was 15, I am 37 now, and we are still friends. Between 19-23 I would say he was my best friend. We hung out every weekend. Road trips, camping trips, hosted parties on and on.... Even slept in the same bed many many times (plus all of those times we skinny dipped in the river). It never got "sticky" lines have never been crossed, he's my buddy, but nothing more. Plenty of drunken nights allowed for plenty of opportunity, but I think the lack of attraction is mutual. He's my bro, I can't even "see" him any other way.
smudge21 Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 Unsure, but from personal experiences I've known and got girls who I consider just friends. I'm not physically attracted to them, but I enjoy being with them, talking to them and being there for them at time. However, there has also been time when others have had feelings, wanted more, or I've had feelings and wanted more. So then it can get messy. Once the feelings are in place (and there's no way of controlling that) it's very hard to just be the friend. I don't think it's impossible, I believe it's not only a good thing but in a lot of ways, it can help with other more serious relationships for one to have a friend of the opposite sex. It just depends on the people involved.
Emilia Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 My closest friends are male but then I don't lean on them much emotionally. I generally find the way men handle friendships (lots of space, shared activities rather than just talking) works better for my personality. 1
ASG Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 I have a couple close male friends that are nothing more. One I've known since I was 11 or 12. He was my best friend for a few years in our late teens. We're now in our 30s and still very good friends. But I live in a different country, so we don't hang out as much these days. Another close friend has been so for about 2 years. We hang out every week (if we're not away), sometimes more than once a week. Nothing sticky. He's married and I'm friends with his wife as well. So it can be done.
justanickname Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 I guess it is possible, at least if there is no condition for physical contact frequently. However, I am wondering if the differences only based on physical feelings? I have seen some posts talking about emotional sharing/ venting with your SO. For me I can vent to my best friend of the opposite sex (and vice versa), but not sure to others? With way you prefer? Vent to your SO or your best friend(s)?
GoodOnPaper Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 Would never work for me. If I feel comfortable enough with a woman to completely open up in a best-friend way, romantic feelings are going to come along for the ride. The comfort/attraction separation that so many people seem to make doesn't make any sense to me. If I'm comfortable opening up, she's attractive enough. If lack of attraction is an issue, I'm not going to be comfortable opening up.
LookAtThisPOst Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 I don't think it is possible. Thoughts? It doesn't work if you want to date them. Sometimes once they get a sig. other, you may not be getting much contact from them as you used to. I once recall a woman specifically mentioning in their dating profile that, "I'm still best friends with my ex, so you need to be okay with this." I found that particularly off-putting to go out of ones way to put that out there.
Jabron1 Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 I don't think it is possible. Thoughts? I agree with you. I don't think that a woman can be friends with me to the same extent that a guy can. In my experience, women expect leeway that my male friends would never receive: I end up feeling like I'm doing the same work with a female friend than a woman that I would be dating. Also, things always get strained when either you or she gets into a serious relationship. The very best female friends that I've ever had have all fancied me, and ended up wanting romantic relations with me - I even ended up in a long term relationship with one. I think that says a lot.
Dreamworld Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 I don't think it is possible. Thoughts? Though I do believe platonic friendships are totally possible within certain boundaries, the constant one -on -one hanging out best friend level never worked for me. Not once. It always got messy. And I lost them as friends once the lines began to blur. It sucked. The only male friendships that have stood the test of time are the guys I see in groups and not often at that. So to me, no not possible when too close.
Dreamworld Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 I guess it is possible, at least if there is no condition for physical contact frequently. However, I am wondering if the differences only based on physical feelings? I have seen some posts talking about emotional sharing/ venting with your SO. For me I can vent to my best friend of the opposite sex (and vice versa), but not sure to others? With way you prefer? Vent to your SO or your best friend(s)? The opposite sex best friend never worked for me. And I have learned through experience that venting to a male best friend about a romantic interest or SO did not help matters. I think they saw it as an opportunity. And downhill from there.
SSJROMANCE Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 I don't think it's possible - unless you're gay and even then gay people can go straight eventually. My wife had many in high school (I don't think this really counts though). One day she broke up with a 3 year boyfriend. She confided in him to let it all out and all of a sudden he gave her this big ass long sloppy tongue in mouth kiss - like he had been waiting for that day for years. Thing is she enjoyed it but afterwards stayed her distance. Another "best friend" contacted her on Facebook a few years back - one of many I should say. Anyways he was married and of course so was she. The message he left was stunning. "Let me just catch you off guard and tell you how amazingly beautiful you are. Life has treated you well. I've looked at your pictures over and over and you are the most amazing woman I have ever seen.". On and on. Something that if his wife would have seen there would have been problems. Of course I saw it and flipped out. My wife read it years back and had no clue this guy just big time hit on her. She was flattered believe it or not. So no I think it's rare. Guys just want to get in your pants eventually.
kendahke Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 I don't think it is possible. Thoughts? Of course. If you have the discipline to keep it platonic, then yeah...
LookAtThisPOst Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 There had been times where I would actually be OKAY when a woman told me that she wanted to be "friends" but it was just a lie to get me out of her life. For instance, she wouldn't think to invite me to her circle of friends bonfire outings or group gatherings. I would still get blown off from said female friend if I suggested a Meetup activity with a group of people. So it really became moot as she didn't want me her in her life as a friend NOR a romantic interest. Turns out to be moot.
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