Clark_Griswold Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 I met this girl online through a blog that we had both commented on. We began to engage in conversation and seemed to be really compatible. So we exchanged contact information and now we talk for hours each night. We've even talked for up to 8 hours in a single night/morning. It's only been 2 weeks since we've began speaking to each other, and while I wouldn't say I'm already in love, I think we already have an extremely strong connection on a mental level that I've yet to experience. I'm 24 and have been in love twice with 2 long-term girlfriends. However, both were very selfish and insecure. Very possessive and controlling. They lacked effective communication skills. They lacked compromise and a genuine desire to understand me or care about my point of view whatsoever. I think things lasted so long with them because they were highly attractive (strong element of lust), and I began to develop feelings for them before I realized they were unstable. This girl I'm now talking to seems to be extremely compatible with me in many areas. She talks about how she is very selfless and she loves to love. She loves to cater to the person she's with, she loves to talk things out immediately when there's an issue... One thing with my exes, they were extremely passive aggressive and refused to open up and talk about stuff... She can admit when she's wrong, however, I don't believe disagreements in a relationship are about who's "right or wrong", rather more so an opportunity to understand your partner better. I think conflict can strengthen a bond and help the relationship progress forward in a more fulfilling manner because you're able amend how you behave in certain situation so you can have more effective results. It's just so refreshing talking to someone who has the same desires as myself and has a similar mind set when approaching conflict. She loves to cook (I also love to cook), she loves to dance, she appreciates different points of views and is extremely open minded. She just possesses an array of attributes that is everything I've looked for. She's funny and fascinating... And to top it all off, she is absolutely stunning. Just flawless from head to toe. The only problem is she lives half the country away from me. We're making plans to see each other months down the road, but it's hard not being able to exchange physical affection. Not being able to kiss or touch her. I've never done long distance before, and I worry if I'm getting in over my head. I wonder if I'm being unrealistic about it being feasible because we both have obligations where we're at and I wonder if the lack of physical contact and being able to do things together for a long time will eventually become overwhelming. Has anyone else experienced something similar to this? I REALLY like this girl, but I don't know what to expect with the distance factor. I'd just like as much feedback as possible. Thanks for your time reading this and responding to me.
smackie9 Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 Online is 20% reality and 80% fantasy. Don't invest yourself like this because you might be very disappointed when you meet....lower your expectations. 6
Summer3 Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 Online is 20% reality and 80% fantasy. Don't invest yourself like this because you might be very disappointed when you meet....lower your expectations. And 20% might be too high in some cases. Stick to real life. 4
joseb Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 You are communicating with an online persona. "She" could be anyone, male, female, scammer, married, whatever. Read around a few threads here and you will see many many stories of people "falling in love" with their phones and computers. I have no idea how people keep doing this. 2
Author Clark_Griswold Posted March 1, 2016 Author Posted March 1, 2016 I've been trying to be as conscious as possible about deciphering who she really is. I know she isn't some man or robot or whatever else because we actually talk face to face over "face time". Also, the conversation we have ranges from being very profound/insightful, to light hearted banter. So even if she were just trying to create a persona, it would be nearly impossible for her to duplicate the things we've said in conversation without being cunning and deceptive to a degree that would be at a genius level. She's added me on social media such as Facebook and Snap Chat. So I've seen pictures that date back some time of her with family and doing other things which would verify she's an actual person. On her snap chats, her pictures and videos are consistent with everything she has told me she does in a typical day. So the question of whether she's actually really her has pretty much been confirmed. I'm VERY analytical and always utilize a critical thought process, so I was sure to pick up on anything that may be suspicious. I can tell she's authentic and genuine. But I can understand how I may idealize her more so than usual from someone in person. I also am not sure how the lack of affection may affect things and the lack of intimacy involved with not being able to see each other for a long time. 2
Rumely Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 Nothing is real until you meet. Go ahead and meet her as soon as possible, then you'll know. I know of a now married couple that met in a very similar way. Be prepared for a big let down though. 2
joseb Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 I've been trying to be as conscious as possible about deciphering who she really is. I know she isn't some man or robot or whatever else because we actually talk face to face over "face time". Also, the conversation we have ranges from being very profound/insightful, to light hearted banter. So even if she were just trying to create a persona, it would be nearly impossible for her to duplicate the things we've said in conversation without being cunning and deceptive to a degree that would be at a genius level. OK, well you have at least not fallen into that trap. That's half the battle. The rest is as you say - how can you have a relationship with someone you don't meet physically? Personally, I'd never start something like this. The only exception might be if I knew the person already, and one of us had definite plans to move in a short (3 months or less) timeframe. Are there no women in your area similar to her? 1
katiegrl Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 I know of two couples (one from this very site!) who met on-line and eventually fell in love and are now living together, one couple is now married! I am sure there are many more. So continue face-timing, skyping, texting, calling, until you meet, and if you click in person as well as you do in the virtual world - then eventually one of you will need to move. But yes it does happen. 2
Author Clark_Griswold Posted March 1, 2016 Author Posted March 1, 2016 Joseb, I just wrote a response that took about 30 minutes for me to compose that was so very thoughtful and articulate, only for this website to tell me I needed to log-in again after I hit reply, wiping clean my entire response. That just totally took the energy out of me. I don't even know where to begin after that. I'm very frustrated now... Long story short, the females my age are nothing more than merely a culmination of social influences. Completely unaware. Detached from what's important in life. They lack introspection. They have no concept of enlightenment and are completely absorbed by the ego. Of course there are some "nice" girls sprinkled in, but ones that don't really mesh with my personality and/or I'm not physically attracted to. I just hate feeling like I have to settle. It's almost hopeless at times, because I've certainly tried. Katiegrl, thank you for that. I was hoping to hear of some actual success stories. What's interesting is that I had already planned to move to the area she's in before I ever even spoke to her, but it won't be until next yr. I may plan on meeting this summer, I'm just not sure how hard it will be without the physical aspect. I wonder how others who've had success from a situation similar to mine endured that lack of intimacy and how they progressed from there. 1
katiegrl Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 >>I wonder how others who've had success from a situation similar to mine endured that lack of intimacy and how they progressed from there. Perhaps the couple (or at least one of them) who met on THIS site will read this and chime in. 2
Author Clark_Griswold Posted March 1, 2016 Author Posted March 1, 2016 That would be nice. I'd love to hear from them.
Zippy2000 Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 This has happened to me before many years ago to a girl I met now have way across the country but county. We talked for hours, days and months but as time went by I realised she wasnt the one for me. It takes time to know who someone is all about. Just becuase she tells you: "selfless and she loves to love. She loves to cater to the person she's with, she loves to talk things out immediately when there's an issue... One thing with my exes, they were extremely passive aggressive and refused to open up and talk about stuff... She can admit when she's wrong, however, I don't believe disagreements in a relationship are about who's "right or wrong", rather more so an opportunity to understand your partner better. I think conflict can strengthen a bond and help the relationship progress forward in a more fulfilling manner because you're able amend how you behave in certain situation so you can have more effective results. It's just so refreshing talking to someone who has the same desires as myself and has a similar mind set when approaching conflict. She loves to cook (I also love to cook), she loves to dance, she appreciates different points of views and is extremely open minded. She just possesses an array of attributes that is everything I've looked for. She's funny and fascinating... And to top it all off, she is absolutely stunning. Just flawless from head to toe" I think you`ve kind of put her onto a pedastal when you havent even met. People like you fall for scam artists. Youre so easily taken in. Take a step back and realistically look at who you are dealing with. A stranger. It takes time to get to know someone so take your time and find out more about this person. 2
Toodaloo Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 Perhaps the couple (or at least one of them) who met on THIS site will read this and chime in. From what I can gather those who did meet on this site and get romantically involved go a few ways... 1. Break up rather rapidly. 2. Get stick from other forum members so disappear. 3. Don't talk about it and keep themselves to themselves. Option 1 seems to be the most popular... Shame really. 2
Larryville Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 What does it take to fall in love? Very little for some but love has little to do with the person who is loved. It has to do with the person who is falling in love. Frankly it is impossible to “fall in love” with someone you have not met… Falling in love fast or out of the blue usually is a sign that you are entering a relationship to escape something, or memories of a past relationship, fear, insecurity or loneliness, attempt to fulfill unmet needs within yourself, that is NOT healthy.
Timshel Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 >>I wonder how others who've had success from a situation similar to mine endured that lack of intimacy and how they progressed from there. Perhaps the couple (or at least one of them) who met on THIS site will read this and chime in. Gaius and I met on LoveShack. We spoke on the phone for about three months before we met in person. It was only a few weeks after we first met that he moved to my city in order to continue our relationship. It will be a year in June, not counting the 3 months of phone calls. I'm sorry that I can't speak to the success of a long distance relationship since most of our relationship has been in the same place....but we did meet online and with a lot of distance between us. It has worked out great for us. It can work but I agree with others to not become overly invested before meeting, that is the real test of compatibility and chemistry. PS~ OP, press the preview post button every few minutes in order to save your post while typing. G taught me that. 2
Michelle ma Belle Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 I'm one of those who found love online. I met my partner on a very unconventional forum where he approached me and we hit it off so well we ended up talking exclusively. The conversation moved from email to phone to Skype pretty much daily for several months before we decided to meet in person and see if what we had worked as well in real life as it did with technology. Unlike you, we 'only' lived 11 hours apart (me in Ontario Canada and he was in NC). When we finally met in person the chemistry was indeed undeniable and we had the most amazing love affair for 3 years. To say that distance is challenging would be an understatement, especially when you're speaking about physical intimacy. Thankfully we weren't an ocean and time zone apart which worked in our favor compared to some but there is a lot of trust and commitment and effort that goes into making it work in real life. It's not meant for the weak. We made sure never to go more than 6 weeks without being together physically even if it meant we'd meet half way for just a long weekend. His job was flexible which meant he could travel more often than I could so he ended up coming to me most of the time. Had he another type of job that was more demanding, it would have made things much more challenging indeed. Living in another country and being so young with limited resources and funds will make this kind of relationship even more challenging! Again, it's not impossible especially if you both want it badly enough but you need to be realistic about things. You also need to set some guidelines so you're both on the same page at all times. Constant and consistent communication is also paramount. Without it, you will not survive a month. I have written more about this in other posts so I won't bore you with all the details but I'm sure you get the point. Good luck. 1
bebe23 Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 I really want to believe you CAN'T fall in love with someone you haven't met. Because something very strange and sad and guilt-inducing happened to me about 3 or so years ago. I developed an 'obsessive crush' on a guy hundreds of miles away, just from knowing 'of him' online. I'm married, and I had adulterous thoughts about wanting to actually contact this guy. I never did, and made myself stop searching him. I think I was bored, depressed, and feeling very unappreciated in my marriage for that to happen. I developed a crush on my ideal 'image' of the guy online, since I never met him in person.
gaius Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 Gaius and I met on LoveShack. We spoke on the phone for about three months before we met in person. It was only a few weeks after we first met that he moved to my city in order to continue our relationship. It will be a year in June, not counting the 3 months of phone calls. I'm sorry that I can't speak to the success of a long distance relationship since most of our relationship has been in the same place....but we did meet online and with a lot of distance between us. It has worked out great for us. It can work but I agree with others to not become overly invested before meeting, that is the real test of compatibility and chemistry. PS~ OP, press the preview post button every few minutes in order to save your post while typing. G taught me that. Why yes it has. I think the most important thing is to have a plan on how you can be together in person permanently going in. And to meet as soon as humanely possible. I knew that I was coming here if things went as well in person as they did over the phone and now it sucks ass if I have to go even the whole work week without seeing you. Let alone weeks or months. If you don't have that plan and just endlessly doddle around in different cities then good luck. You'll need it. Clark, don't wait till next summer. Put some chips on the table man. You only get one life. She could be engaged to another guy by then. 2
BeholdtheMan Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 It's only been 2 weeks since we've began speaking to each other, and while I wouldn't say I'm already in love, I think we already have an extremely strong connection on a mental level that I've yet to experience. This is unhealthy... You might be prone to becoming strongly attached because you lack options
Author Clark_Griswold Posted March 3, 2016 Author Posted March 3, 2016 I appreciate all of the feedback. I'll try to keep my response as concise as possible. First, I'm not some dim wit who is easily deceived. I actually do have a comprehensive thought process where I consider--in meticulous detail sometimes--all or mostly all variables before I come to most decisions. Also, I'm not saying I'm already in love, I was asking if it would be naive for me to fall in love with someone online that I've never met. Assuming that eventually I will eventually fall in love with her. I only assume that I may develop some strong feelings for her because she's already exhibited so many qualities which I've sought for a great deal of time. As mentioned, most females usually possess only partially what I'm looking for. They never seem to be the total package. And unlike many guys, I actually have great expectations when comes to the mental aspect. I don't have a lack of opportunity or options where I'm at, there's just a lack of females who can incite me in every way I desire. I've been with very attractive females, and usually my relationships have been founded mostly on my attraction to them because I compromised and settled for females who were lacking in maturity and insight on things that matter in life. Usually it ends with them exposing a great deal of insecurity and an inability to communicate effectively. With this particular girl, we've talked every night for hours and she's said things that are extremely thought provoking. I am conscious that I don't lead her in the conversation, that way she can't just mirror my thoughts and essentially trick me into thinking she formed certain thoughts on her own when in actuality she was just repeating what I've said. I try to maintain a great deal of awareness at all times, so I listen very closely and analyze things scrupulously. She says things without prompting from me on what to say, and she's said things that are very thought provoking. She is someone that makes me think. Someone that is able to expand my mind and that could possibly help me refine my perspective in some areas in life; effectively helping me to be a better person. Isn't that what all people look for in someone else. Moreover, I think that talking to someone for (I would estimate at this point over 40) so many hours that it's feasible to believe I have a pretty good grasp on how she thinks. Obviously there are other factors at play in person, but I also believe that on the flip side it may be beneficial to just talking, that way the physical aspect doesn't distort my image of her. Anyways, speaking bluntly, I've been with a great number of girls, and none have been able to attract me on a mental level as she has. I was referring to this coming summer when I said I wanted to meet her. It would probably be about 4 months. I'm going to keep an open mind and see where things lead, but I won't allow myself to become too emotionally invested to where I get my hopes up if things don't result how I hope.
Author Clark_Griswold Posted March 3, 2016 Author Posted March 3, 2016 Michelle ma Belle, why did things end with you and that guy?
string of letters Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 Long story short, the females my age are nothing more than merely a culmination of social influences. Completely unaware. Detached from what's important in life. They lack introspection. They have no concept of enlightenment and are completely absorbed by the ego. (emphasis added) Dude, are you in Tibet or something? If not, chill out on expecting anyone to have a "concept of enlightenment". Seriously - and, yes, I realize that you had typed a more thoughtful response but it got lost etc etc - analyzing people as 'merely a culmination of social influences' is going to get you nowhere. First of all, females don't have a monopoly on this! Second of all, if you are looking for another person (such as this woman) to "complete" you, some people might say that you are just a culmination of social influences (I myself am not saying this, just pointing something out.) Cheers, SOL
Michelle ma Belle Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 Michelle ma Belle, why did things end with you and that guy? It was a amicable break-up. My partner was a recovering alcoholic and had struggled with his sobriety whenever he was apart from me. I helped him get sober again but the only way he would have a chance at making it this time would be to make his sobriety his #1 priority without the 'distraction' of me. Despite being a great influence on him, in the eyes of AA, I wasn't helping as much as I had hoped. Ultimately, distance ended up playing a role in our break-up since we were still a few years away from being able to live closer together. He will be celebrating one year of sobriety this month, the first time he's ever gone this long without a drink. It's very bittersweet. We still love each other deeply, that hasn't changed. I wish him only the very best even if that means I can no longer be in the picture.
Zoe5.5 Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 I met this girl online through a blog that we had both commented on. We began to engage in conversation and seemed to be really compatible. So we exchanged contact information and now we talk for hours each night. We've even talked for up to 8 hours in a single night/morning. It's only been 2 weeks since we've began speaking to each other, and while I wouldn't say I'm already in love, I think we already have an extremely strong connection on a mental level that I've yet to experience. I'm 24 and have been in love twice with 2 long-term girlfriends. However, both were very selfish and insecure. Very possessive and controlling. They lacked effective communication skills. They lacked compromise and a genuine desire to understand me or care about my point of view whatsoever. I think things lasted so long with them because they were highly attractive (strong element of lust), and I began to develop feelings for them before I realized they were unstable. This girl I'm now talking to seems to be extremely compatible with me in many areas. She talks about how she is very selfless and she loves to love. She loves to cater to the person she's with, she loves to talk things out immediately when there's an issue... One thing with my exes, they were extremely passive aggressive and refused to open up and talk about stuff... She can admit when she's wrong, however, I don't believe disagreements in a relationship are about who's "right or wrong", rather more so an opportunity to understand your partner better. I think conflict can strengthen a bond and help the relationship progress forward in a more fulfilling manner because you're able amend how you behave in certain situation so you can have more effective results. It's just so refreshing talking to someone who has the same desires as myself and has a similar mind set when approaching conflict. She loves to cook (I also love to cook), she loves to dance, she appreciates different points of views and is extremely open minded. She just possesses an array of attributes that is everything I've looked for. She's funny and fascinating... And to top it all off, she is absolutely stunning. Just flawless from head to toe. The only problem is she lives half the country away from me. We're making plans to see each other months down the road, but it's hard not being able to exchange physical affection. Not being able to kiss or touch her. I've never done long distance before, and I worry if I'm getting in over my head. I wonder if I'm being unrealistic about it being feasible because we both have obligations where we're at and I wonder if the lack of physical contact and being able to do things together for a long time will eventually become overwhelming. Has anyone else experienced something similar to this? I REALLY like this girl, but I don't know what to expect with the distance factor. I'd just like as much feedback as possible. Thanks for your time reading this and responding to me. Hello , yes sir allow me to simply suggest , "Use Extreme Caution". I have already been there as a Married Man . My wife and I met someone on Facebook and stayed almost a year in constant contact and was planning to welcome the young lady who claimed to be orphaned and living in an orphanage at age 23 , to come live with us. We thought all was good. We ran all kinds of test to make sure she was legit . We were even going to send money and or try to help her take out her dads life savings that supposedly he had left to her after his passing. We read newspaper articles on the history of the family, saw photos of the Bishop she stayed under , saw the home she was in and new of the location she stayed at in England. And Here we are in America. Lets wrap this up ..a true friend of ours did something we never knew we can do . GOOGLE SEARCH the name and person. We learned the person was a fake, scamming us for money. Learned they were using the photo of a college gal who was on the cover of a magazine in California for a professional baseball team. The gal never knew of her photos being scammed . We begin unfriending this faker and blocking . We started to get threats of exposing us for something that we were not nor had done. We were chased down on Facebook and our personal emails. WE closed out of everything and started over. That is a true story that happened only 2014-2015. The wisdom I would like to share is make sure you check out everything because you can not trust anyone on Social media any longer unless by phone of by messenger , or by skype or they are local and you have already met once in person can you trust anyone . I hope this true story will save lots of heart ache and danger. I would pray the red flag can soon be removed from your situation. Thank you and have a Beautiful Day.
Rumely Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 The reason I said meet as soon as possible is if she is the one--great. If she's not the one (more than likely the case) then you'll know. The theory being, meet so you don't spend a bunch of time building up unreal expectations in your mind. In the time you spend waiting on this one, you miss out on cute server that was trying to catch your eye. When ever someone says that all the women in their area are a certain "way," I know they are looking through a distorted perspective for some reason. There is a whole spectrum of women everywhere. Just the relative proportions may be skewed one way or the other.
Recommended Posts