Dumper in Toxic Relationship

March 1, 2016

So I recently just got out of a 6 year off and on relationship. I am 28 and she is 25. We had lived together for 4 years of the six and currently we still are. She has made two moves with me for work. I will try to keep this as short as possible.

She cheated on me 4 years ago and left me. We were broken up for 6 months and I stayed in NC and she eventually came back saying the other guys couldn't compare to me. She then was mentally and physically abusive to me for years. Not sure why I put up with it. My friends and family didn't support our relationship because they knew how much pain she was putting me through. It seemed like almost everyday I was being hit or being put down.

We recently made a move to OH for my job and have been here for a year. She still hasn't changed much still blowing up over small things, putting me down, hitting me, breaking my things, etc. Eventually I felt myself noticing other women more. I knew these thoughts meant I probably should consider getting out of the relationship but I didn't.

This past December I had become so unhappy with how she has treated me that I cheated on her. She was highly upset but realized that her actions pushed me to this point. She was very quick to forgive.

We stayed together after this but it just didn't feel the same. I felt drained and beaten down from the years of torment she had put me through. I then told her I can't do this anymore last month. She was heartbroken and knows that the years of her treating me like **** led to this. She was then very needy being over the top nice to me. She was very clingy and just pushed me away even more because all I wanted was to have space and be left alone.

As of two weeks ago she just stopped talking to me and now tells me she thinks im a disgusting piece of **** and she hates me and is over me. Now Im starting to miss her after I broke it off and really don't know why because I know what kind of relationship we had. Even my friends and family don't understand why IM upset. They think I should be grateful that I am out of the relationship.

I just received a great job opportunity back home where my friends and family live in VA. She has already told me she is staying in OH. She currently does live with me but we completely avoid each other. She keeps saying she found a place and will be moving out soon yet she keeps cleaning the apartment and decorating it that we live in now.

BTW I pay full rent so really it is my apartment. She has made no progress with packing her things. And she keeps asking me what Im going to do. Like she tells me she hates me is over me and is happier without me. Yet she shows no signs of wanting to move out and she got pissed off at me for getting back on Facebook and reconnecting with people that I haven't spoken to for awhile.

I just don't get why she cares when she keeps saying how much happier she is without me and hates me. Sorry for the long post. Im just disappointed about how our relationship played out and for whatever reason Im somewhat hoping we make it work. Not sure why.

Edited March 1, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
paragraphs ~6

March 1, 2016

You are both locked into this dysfunctional and abusive relationship because neither of you has the courage to end it and walk away.

“Women may fall when there's no strength in men.”

― William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act II.

Take care.

March 1, 2016

This relationship sounds very toxic to me. You clearly have some feelings for her but there has been alot of damage done from both parties. You have both contributed to this breakup. I understand you would like to try again but I think that with all the damage done here it might be very hard to do at the moment. You should let go and move on. If in the future you guys change and mature and try getting into a NEW relationship with each other by all means do it. Believe me im going through being dumped and it's hard. Those are feelings that the person who's put you through them cannot take back. Sometimes is best to just let go and move on.

March 1, 2016

Stay well away from her and don't ever tolerate being beaten in a relationship. You need to value your life... as women like this are capable of serious bodily harm.

She's bad news... for you safety and sanity don't look back and be glad it's over.

March 2, 2016

Really struggling this morning. I type this as she is in the next room. We talked last night which turned to her blowing up on me. She tells me it's over forever and the idea of us being together disgusts me. She still wants to be friends which I cannot do. She says she has new friends that make her feel more loved than I ever did. She says she truly doesn't care about me anymore. She said she does want to get married but it wont be to me. I told her Im sorry for everything and will no longer be in contact with her and told her please to respect me and do the same. It's so hard to think 6 years and it's done. I know I broke it off initially but I couldn't take the abuse anymore. I'm not even sure why I want her back she treated me like garbage. She then came in the room and told me she went through my email and saw I just received a job opportunity out of state. Told me to take it and I asked why you were goin through my things why do you care? She responded with I don't. This is just taking such a toll n me and I know it shouldn't bc our relationship was toxic.

March 2, 2016

Can you go stay with family and regroup?

You seem to have no problem finding work.

She has damaged you alot.

You need to be FAR from her with NC.

You need to be surrounded by alot of love and positivity.

Please consider making a full confession to your family on exactly how much physical and emotional abuse. Tell them the details they dont know so they will help you get on your feet and take you in.

Im not trying to make a big dramatic deal but you are an ABUSE victim...and often you will still love your abuser until you can get some professional help and understanding.

Pack up your belongings and drive away TONIGHT and heal and be free from this toxic life.

Please seek help and get away.

It IS that serious and just because you are a guy doesnt make it one ounce different than a woman being abused.

Even if she never had hit you emotional abuse is sometimes worse.

You gotta get out of that town and to safety with family and friends.

March 2, 2016

Yes I received a great job opportunity back in VA where all my friends and family live. I need the positivity right now. My friends and family are happy to see it over bc they know the turmoil she put me through. Yes the abuse was physical too. It got to the point where she clocked me in the head with my phone and busted my head open a few months ago. I should be happy to be out of it. It's just very disappointing.

March 3, 2016

I'm so confused. I apologize for so many posts just need to vent. So I get home from work at around 4 and she's in bed asleep. Today was her day off and she told me she would start packing. She only packed one little box all day like wtf? Then she got upset that my mom took her off facebook. She then told me this has been really hard on her bc I was her best friend and but she was sticking to her decision to move on. She asked if we could be friends and I kindly replied with no. I'm just so confused by her when just last night she was telling me she wanted absolutely nothing to do with me every again.

March 3, 2016

I'm from Virginia, so let me put it to you, probably the way you heard it when you were growing up.

This girl is ****ed up. You need to get her out of your life right away.

All you really need to do is explain to her that being around her disgusts you too, and give her a date and time to be gone, maybe a week at most. Less would be better, and if she doesn't have that much stuff, then no problem, knock it down to a couple of days. Her lack of a place to stay is her problem, by the way. If you feel guilty, have her rent a room at the local Palacio del Cucaracha, and pay for the first night. Two if you're feeling generous. Have her rent it just in case she trashes the place.

While you're waiting, get a copy of your lease. If she does not meet your deadline, go get one of those $20 per day Uhaul trucks, if she needs one. Call the police and have her remove her **** and leave. Offer to take the stuff wherever she wants, but she has to get her own ride there. Don't forget to collect her keys, and explain to her in front of the cops that if she enters your apartment again without your permission, you will consider it an unlawful entry and have her arrested. They'll want to see your lease before they make her go. Do it early in the day, in case she needs to take her stuff to a self-storage facility.

Pretty ****ing harsh, right? That's the impression you want to leave so that you never hear from her again.

March 3, 2016

Yeah you are right I need to just get away from her and all the negativity. My friends and family think I'm an idiot for even caring for this girl still. They know what she has put me through. Need to start putting the foot down on her moving out so I can implement NC and start to heal.

March 4, 2016

Had a rough night. Wanted to vent on here versus doing something stupid. So she gets home from work looks at me like she used to and asked how my day was. I took this as an invite to talk. She was in the bathroom getting all dolled up. She goes out every night now which she never use to do. I asked if she was dating somebody else bc I needed help moving on and this would make it easier for me if I knew she had somebody else. She just laughed and said its none of my business anymore. Just know I will date someday, I never want to be with you again. It's over. You were all I knew for 6 years so I was afraid of letting go. I've let you go and I have new friends, my life is better without you, Im actually excited for my future now. Don't ask me anymore questions because I don't want to talk to you anymore. It just hurts hearing all of this. I need to heal and move on its just so hard when we live together.

March 4, 2016

Had a rough night. Wanted to vent on here versus doing something stupid. So she gets home from work looks at me like she used to and asked how my day was. I took this as an invite to talk. She was in the bathroom getting all dolled up. She goes out every night now which she never use to do. I asked if she was dating somebody else bc I needed help moving on and this would make it easier for me if I knew she had somebody else. She just laughed and said its none of my business anymore. Just know I will date someday, I never want to be with you again. It's over. You were all I knew for 6 years so I was afraid of letting go.

--------

**I've let you go and I have new friends, my life is better without you, Im actually excited for my future now. Don't ask me anymore questions because I don't want to talk to you anymore. It just hurts hearing all of this. I need to heal and move on its just so hard when we live together.

Wow, she sounds really REALLY angry at you. I would love to hear her side, cuz women don't get *that* angry and hurtful unless *they* have been badly hurt also...while in the RL.

Why is she so angry at you? We're you controlling, dominating? Without realizing it perhaps?

It is important to look at your own role in this craziness too.

It takes two to make a RL, and two to break it.

You are so focused on her behavior and how horrible she is, and how hurt you are, you are forgetting that she sounds hurt too, and obviously felt very hurt while IN the relationship, and it's just hitting her now and she is lashing back at you as a result.

The quote above in asterisk speaks volumes.

Move out and move on, let her go. It's over.

Edited March 4, 2016 by katiegrl

March 4, 2016

In all honestly a year ago I was talking to girls behind her. Her mental abuse which almost became a daily thing just broke me down to where I seeked companionship elsewhere. It felt nice being wanted. It meant nothing but she was crushed. I did cheat on her in December. The abuse both physical and mental didn't stop. I became somebody I didn't recognize and slept with somebody else. I regretted it immediately and she was crushed. She realized she pushed me to this point and was quick to forgive. We stayed together until probably right before feb. I had to call it off. I was a broken man and needed time to myself. She even told me she thought of suicide last month after I left. Now two weeks later she wants nothing to do with me. We both have wronged each other.

March 4, 2016

I apologize if this has been asked and answered, but why are you still living together?

March 4, 2016

It seems you are quick to blame her for everything OP, what about taking responsibility for your part in this? You are a grown man, no?

Cancel your lease and move to VA. she can go where she likes. Not your problem

March 4, 2016

It seems you are quick to blame her for everything OP, what about taking responsibility for your part in this? You are a grown man, no?

Cancel your lease and move to VA. she can go where she likes. Not your problem

I agree with this. You will pay a penalty for breaking the lease, but well worth it.

March 4, 2016

Most in unhealthy relationships do not have an easy "out", but you are so lucky, you have a job to go to in VA and you are going to be near your friends and family too.

Grab the opportunity with both hands, let your friends and family support you and never look back.

March 4, 2016

I realize I did things to her I'm not proud of. Hurting her is never something I wanted to do. We've both have caused each other pain. I think towards the end I took her for granted and I know she did bc she says she did for the majority of the relationship. But I do plan on taking that VA job and surrounding myself with family and friends.

March 4, 2016

I'm not talking about the hurt and tit for tat. I'm talking about your inability to remove yourself from the situation. What do you mean 'planning to take the job'? How about actually taking it? Don't think you could be any more passive, seriously.

March 4, 2016

I am going to take the job just waiting on the background check and drug test which I know I'll pass. Then I will be on my way out.

March 5, 2016

Today I broke I couldn't take living with her anymore. It was to hard on me and I knew I couldn't heal and move on with her constantly reminding me how great her life is without me. I moved my things out and will be staying with an aunt and uncle until I hear about the job. She kept asking me where I was going I didn't tell her. We had one last talk. Both apologized for everything that happened. She said she was done but couldn't predict the future but needed to be on her own for now and I told her I know and I will be moving on. We were both on the brink of tears. I gave her one last kiss and walked away. Will now be implementing NC and start the healing process.

March 5, 2016

Today I broke I couldn't take living with her anymore. It was to hard on me and I knew I couldn't heal and move on with her constantly reminding me how great her life is without me. I moved my things out and will be staying with an aunt and uncle until I hear about the job. She kept asking me where I was going I didn't tell her. We had one last talk. Both apologized for everything that happened. She said she was done but couldn't predict the future but needed to be on her own for now and I told her I know and I will be moving on. We were both on the brink of tears. I gave her one last kiss and walked away. Will now be implementing NC and start the healing process.

Oh man ...my heart is breaking just reading this...I can almost feel your pain.

But you made the absolute right decision...please know that.

Time heals.

Wish you the best as you move forward.

hugs

March 5, 2016

Today I broke I couldn't take living with her anymore. It was to hard on me and I knew I couldn't heal and move on with her constantly reminding me how great her life is without me. I moved my things out and will be staying with an aunt and uncle until I hear about the job. She kept asking me where I was going I didn't tell her. We had one last talk. Both apologized for everything that happened. She said she was done but couldn't predict the future but needed to be on her own for now and I told her I know and I will be moving on. We were both on the brink of tears. I gave her one last kiss and walked away. Will now be implementing NC and start the healing process.

Very proud of you. Stay strong.

March 6, 2016

Just posting on here to vent versus doing something dumb. The ex has already texted me 3 times asking me where I am. I've just ignored them. She doesn't need to know where I'm at. Its just nice being around family right now. It's really helping me start off NC on the right foot.

March 19, 2016

I broke NC today and feel like an idiot. She texted me telling me she has thought about things. Told me she will always love me and always saw herself with me. But said she was with somebody else and it was nice being able to hang out with his friends and everybody getting along. My friends didn't like her bc they knew how she treated me. I told her I was happy for her and was disappointed how everything played out. She said it would've made her happiest if we worked out and that this was really hard. She asked if we could be friends and if I could unblock her on social media. I told her I need to move on because you have and it's best that I don't see what you're up to. That was the end of the conversation. I feel like an idiot for breakING NC and now it hurts knowing she already has somebody else.

Sign In

Dumper in Toxic Relationship

Recommended Posts

Bern216

Satu

kztar

sandylee1

Bern216

privategal

Bern216

Bern216

mightycpa

Bern216

Bern216

katiegrl

Bern216

katiegrl

Emilia

katiegrl

elaine567

Bern216

Emilia

Bern216

Bern216

katiegrl

Emilia

Bern216

Bern216

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...