Kokomo Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 Hi all been on and off w my boyfriend for over 6 years . I've come to find he's very manipulative controlling and takes no responsibility or accountability for our relationship . Recently convinced me I needed therapy which he was paying for - when my therapist suggested him and I needed couples therapy he was all for it but kept stringing me along offering different reasons why we couldn't - mainly because he thought I needed the therapy more in order to process my thoughts better . Last week we had a blowout and he took the liberty to CC my therapist on what happened . I was livid and long story short cut all ties once and for all , along with my therapist because I wanted no financial ties to him controlling me w that . I thought it was inappropriate he emailed her and I was just floored . He changed his number ( which I didn't know until I heard from a mutual friend but here's the clincher he was repeadatky calling me from blocked numbers playing love songs !!!! Ugh I ended up changing my numbers as well & now needless to say in horrible pain . Thoughts ? Help ? Suggestions ? Feeling lost and I'm not a young girl I'm 47 too old for this !!! 1
GorillaTheater Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 Hi all been on and off w my boyfriend for over 6 years . What caused the on and off business? 1
Author Kokomo Posted March 1, 2016 Author Posted March 1, 2016 It's been this way for years . A pattern I guess you can say . I'll go no contact but eventually he comes back begging promising . This time he's taking the Approach that I need help !! I just decided not to allow myself to be in such a negative relationship . 2
Satu Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 A TV that only works some of the time is broken. Just like your relationship. 1
Zahara Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 Maybe continue therapy but for yourself. It would be helpful for you to work on figuring out why you stayed 6 years in an unstable relationship. You need to tell your friends to stop feeding you information about him. Complete NC. It's going to hurt regardless of whether it was bad or good. You'll get through it and again, continuing therapy for your own emotional healing and development would be a benefit to you. 1
Author Kokomo Posted March 2, 2016 Author Posted March 2, 2016 I changed my number it was a huge permanent step for me . Therapy was a luxury which he was paying for . I was emotionally abused by him for years , sometimes wasn't so bad and other times downright sick . And yes while I know all of this and you ask why I stayed ? I don't know . Not sure I'll ever understand . He's really a sick man and the relief I feel just not speaking to him is calming to me . I'm afraid he'll be back . He will be . I'm getting stronger though
Zahara Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 (edited) And yes while I know all of this and you ask why I stayed ? I don't know . Not sure I'll ever understand For starters, people stay in bad situations because they're co-dependent. Poor self-esteem/self-worth, the irrational fear of being alone, financial dependence, etc. Having an unhealthy sense of self is often times the reason why people tolerate abuse. If you can't afford therapy, invest in reading material that will help you gain insight into your behaviors. "Not sure I'll ever understand" isn't sufficient. You need to dig deep and introspect. Become self-aware. Otherwise, you're likely to make bad choices again and stay stuck in your patterns. 'm afraid he'll be back . He will be . I'm getting stronger though He may be back. Abusers want control. Make sure he is blocked from everything. Good luck to you. Stay strong. Edited March 2, 2016 by Zahara
Recommended Posts