mavlast Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 One of my classmates is totally into me, but I'm going through some stressors right now and am not ready for anything serious or even to really give signals that I'm interested (it's just my luck that one of these stressors is that I'm on meds that make me a little slower and less expressive ...) But I don't want to be cool towards her, for fear that she'll think I'm not interested and give up on me. I like her and think I would eventually want to try something with her. I thought about either (1) staying cool but friendly until I am ready or (2) asking her out, but keeping things very casual (e.g., no kissing or above, just coffee and chat). What think ye?
Methodical Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 One of my classmates is totally into me, but I'm going through some stressors right now and am not ready for anything serious or even to really give signals that I'm interested (it's just my luck that one of these stressors is that I'm on meds that make me a little slower and less expressive ...) But I don't want to be cool towards her, for fear that she'll think I'm not interested and give up on me. I like her and think I would eventually want to try something with her. I thought about either (1) staying cool but friendly until I am ready or (2) asking her out, but keeping things very casual (e.g., no kissing or above, just coffee and chat). What think ye? You aren't ready to give signals of interest, yet you are contemplating asking her out for coffee? You prob. have no intentions to follow up afterward, or to move forward with her, so asking her out, even very casually, will likely send mixed signals. Before you get involved with anyone, I think you need to work on yourself, as you have expressed.
Author mavlast Posted March 1, 2016 Author Posted March 1, 2016 My gut feeling is to not give her any signals until I'm ready ... On a side note, I don't want her to think I'm boring or no fun because I'm on these meds and am not bouncing all over the place and grinning two feet wide. And I think that that's what's stressing me out the most.
Methodical Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 What kind of meds. in general = long term such as antidepressants, or short term meds you'll finish before long and then flush from your system?
Author mavlast Posted March 1, 2016 Author Posted March 1, 2016 What kind of meds. in general = long term such as antidepressants, or short term meds you'll finish before long and then flush from your system? Short-term. More precisely, I am coming off benzodiazepines (anti-anxiety meds) and coming off those makes me really flat on the outside and moody on the inside. Hoping to be completely off within the next month or two.
Maggie4 Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 You should wait until you are ready. Don't worry about her perception of you. Who knows, maybe your stoic exterior is making you appear mysterious and that's part of the attraction. But if you go out with her then cut her off you will not get another chance. 1
introverted1 Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 I thought about either (1) staying cool but friendly until I am ready or (2) asking her out, but keeping things very casual (e.g., no kissing or above, just coffee and chat). What think ye? This is tough. If you opt for #1, she may think you are not interested. If you opt for #2, she will think you want to be buddies. I think #1 is easier to potentially recover from, but there's a risk with both approaches that she will move on to someone else. 1
thecrucible Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 You should wait until you are ready. Don't worry about her perception of you. Who knows, maybe your stoic exterior is making you appear mysterious and that's part of the attraction. But if you go out with her then cut her off you will not get another chance. I like this advice. 1 or 2 months really isn't a long time in my opinion. For instance the last month for me has passed pretty much in a flash. If she likes you, she'd still have you in her mind after that time and unless it's extremely bad timing, she will probably still be single and available.
Versacehottie Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 This is tough. If you opt for #1, she may think you are not interested. If you opt for #2, she will think you want to be buddies. I think #1 is easier to potentially recover from, but there's a risk with both approaches that she will move on to someone else. Yes this ^^^ I would just add that if you opt for #2 she might not only think you want to be buddies but if she has a crush on you as well and a bit more interest and time spent together initiated by you will send her mixed messages if you don't keep it progressing. Then she will be hurt and that will be hard to unravel or fix. A month or so does not seem so long. Do you think you can mention how busy you are with certain things for the next month or several weeks and flirt in person with the intention to ask her out or start dating in a couple of months? If you don't know if you even want to do that, well i would keep it friendly but a bit distant in person so you can ramp it up significantly when you are really ready to date or when you make your decision--that leaves it more open-ended via time frame and what type of thing you want, if any, to pursue with her. Good luck to you my friend
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