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Posted
I wanted to weigh in here, but be as tactful as possible.

 

First off, assuming you are healthy, you have a good ten years to have kids. Yes, you probably want to start earlier than 40, but you don't HAVE TO.

 

I was your age when I divorced. I was wracked by the death of a parent, then my divorce and $40,000 worth of debt. I was in school and working part time. I was renting a room. I debated on bankruptcy. Same situation, I would finish school in around three years.

 

So, I was a bit of a mess. Emotionally and financially. Also, like you, no kids.

 

It did repel men who had their act together. I couldn't pull my own weight even dating wise. I couldn't cook them a meal or have them stay over at "my place." The 70 year old woman I was living with would have frowned on a sleepover. If I wasn't studying, in class or at work, I was trying to get an extra shift.

 

You seem to have it a bit more together than I did.

 

Money is the leading cause of break ups. I may have missed how you're paying for school and wherever you live. I spent my 30s paying off my 20s. Don't be like that. Pay down your school debt as much as you can. I don't know how much it costs nowadays, but I'd be concerned about entering a serious relationship with someone who is roughly $100,000 in debt. That's a starter home in my neck of the woods. I actually had a friend who was $115,000 in debt with NOTHING to show for it. Her business failed, she took a loss, she had personal credit card problems and a car loan.

 

She did find a man to marry her and they've been together for many years. We aren't in touch anymore, so I don't know if she refinanced or was bailed out by family or what.

 

I guess what I'm saying is: it's okay to not be settled. Just be moving forward. Which in your case is to complete this term, complete school and not amass large sums of debt. What do you want to bring to the table in five years?

 

Thank you for your lengthy reply. I am currently at community college and have no debt. However, I want to get my BA at university which is expensive but it is only one year. I wish, I could complete school first and the have kids but dont want to wait for too long.

Posted

Omggggg

 

I am your age. My bf is your bfs age.

 

I too started college recently. I too will be 33 once I graduate. And 34 to 35 before I get the experience I need in order to get a decent job.

 

I feel EXACTLY the same! I often feel bad that my bf works his butt off to pay rent.

 

Being a full time student and working full time here isn't as common and isn't actually possible for me; there aren't night classes to allow for work in daylight hours and even if there were I don't have the intellectual capacity to study all day then go straight to work then have 4 to 6 hrs after work to go home sleep and study and do well. I find podiatry too challenging to be able to do as you're currently doing.

 

So what you're doing is actually amazing. Not everyone can pass their studies, study all day and then also work all day with only 8 hours or so left over! I am sure you have no choice but to sacrifice your 8 hours sleep to make way for study! It sounds like an awful way to live. You are inspiring for working this hard.

 

Heck, my own bf, who works full time, texts me how proud he is if me each weekend when I get up at 4.30 am so I can work in addition to studying. And that's just part time work that he's impressed by.... as he doesn't feel students should have to work whilst studying and says he'll happily support me ifI didn't want to work.

 

Trust me, your bf is probably very impressed by your dedication and hard work! You are totally sacrificing a social life indefinitely. The full time work and study combination takes away any life outside of work and study and most men I know would find that very impressive.

 

You should be proud. It sucks to be us right now because our mates that all work full time are on decent incomes and afford overseas trips, cruises, they can afford tostart a family and go shopping for nice things. Yet we poor studens cannot even afford to eat when we go out to dinner with our professional friends despite working twice as many hours as they do.

 

I csnt wait to graduate and am truthfully wishing the years away. I hate my predicament but my bf thinks no less of me. He knows I'm intelligent enough and that I am working towards a professional career. Who cares if I'm 8 years behind my friends and " everyone else". Who cares about " everyone else". Maybe some people are massive assholles ? Most decent men would rather date a late bloomer career wise who is a sweet woman than to date a cold and aloof stingy biatch who has her stuff together professionally.

 

We all have shortcomings. Yes ot isn't ideal, our pofessional status or lack there of.

 

But hey. That fan be fixed. A true sociopath or nasty person can't be cured. LOL.

 

But yeah. No man has cared sbout my circumstances. I work part time snd have travelled the world prior to college so it's not like men feel I am aby different to then despite their full time jobs!

  • Like 1
Posted
I wanted to weigh in here, but be as tactful as possible.

 

First off, assuming you are healthy, you have a good ten years to have kids. Yes, you probably want to start earlier than 40, but you don't HAVE TO.

 

I was your age when I divorced. I was wracked by the death of a parent, then my divorce and $40,000 worth of debt. I was in school and working part time. I was renting a room. I debated on bankruptcy. Same situation, I would finish school in around three years.

 

So, I was a bit of a mess. Emotionally and financially. Also, like you, no kids.

 

It did repel men who had their act together. I couldn't pull my own weight even dating wise. I couldn't cook them a meal or have them stay over at "my place." The 70 year old woman I was living with would have frowned on a sleepover. If I wasn't studying, in class or at work, I was trying to get an extra shift.

 

You seem to have it a bit more together than I did.

 

Money is the leading cause of break ups. I may have missed how you're paying for school and wherever you live. I spent my 30s paying off my 20s. Don't be like that. Pay down your school debt as much as you can. I don't know how much it costs nowadays, but I'd be concerned about entering a serious relationship with someone who is roughly $100,000 in debt. That's a starter home in my neck of the woods. I actually had a friend who was $115,000 in debt with NOTHING to show for it. Her business failed, she took a loss, she had personal credit card problems and a car loan.

 

She did find a man to marry her and they've been together for many years. We aren't in touch anymore, so I don't know if she refinanced or was bailed out by family or what.

 

I guess what I'm saying is: it's okay to not be settled. Just be moving forward. Which in your case is to complete this term, complete school and not amass large sums of debt. What do you want to bring to the table in five years?

 

 

I never repelled men who had their acts together.

 

I was cultured though and well travelled prior to college in my 30s so that impacted things.

Posted

I don't think it should be a problem except for maybe the most career-obsessed men who are looking at a checklist in a woman. i think most guys would be perfectly fine with "working to be the best I can be." The key is that you have momentum and are working toward something, not just dreaming.

  • Like 1
Posted

Why PA? Idk, I just find it more interesting but really havent thought about that part yet.

You think ADN is a waste of time. I really hope I can find a job after I graduate so I can get BSN.

 

Not weighing in anything other than this, but yes, you definitely want at least a BS. I have an ADN (with a BS in Chemistry). It's fine as a bridge to the next step. Many hospitals are requiring a minimum of a BS to work, altho ADNs may be grandfathered in. New ADNs still find work in home health and nursing care facilities. It may be different where you are tho.

 

Nothing wrong with a PA, go for it! Best wishes!

  • Like 2
Posted
As a woman, being good looking and having a job is enough for any man to keep you for life.

 

The only thing that could drive him away is you cheating.

 

Any woman who is stupid enough to think this is all it takes is out of her mind. Looks fade, education and a career will sustain you even after your looks are gone.

  • Like 1
Posted
I don't think it should be a problem except for maybe the most career-obsessed men who are looking at a checklist in a woman. i think most guys would be perfectly fine with "working to be the best I can be." The key is that you have momentum and are working toward something, not just dreaming.

 

This.

 

I'm not a man so can't comment on what men think but you come across as educated, hard-working and wanting to better yourself. I think this is the main point - that you are driven to make the best life and career for yourself. If a man is to judge you on your accolades, he's not the right man in my opinion. You want a man who has flexibility because if you have children, you may decide to take a career break when they are young, in which case he would be earning more money; and to be resentful of that would become a burden. I honestly think though, that most men will be happy that a woman is independent, has a social life, is working and has other interests which aren't him.

Posted

hey, OP

 

I think I understand your dilemma. I just think you are mixing 2 things up:

- how you view your personal situation

- how this man responds to you, personally

 

I will admit that yes, men look at women having their sh*t together. Sorry, it matters. Especially those who didn't have to work very hard to finish their studies and get a career (my experience was that men coming from well off families don't really understand or appreciate women who have to work their arses through school). Having a career in place and studies finished matters. That is the hard core truth and you have to be aware that there is a chance that you may not get that family you so much want until after you finish your degree. I am not saying this to discourage you, but you need to be realistic. Open to the world, but realistic. Also, you need to put in some priorities. You didn't even start school yet, you barely started to date a bloke and you mention changing states? Set your priorities right. Your priorities are your studies. Focus.

 

As to your date, I would take his desire to move state as a red flag. I wouldn't throw myself in it. You need to focus, girl. It is very very hard to work and study. Very. Especially if you are dating suckers who break your heart. So I say: focus on finishing your studies. That is the key to your success. Long distance RS only work if there is a clear plan put behind it - such as "we live apart for x time, after which we move in together in the same city - this city, around this time". Personally, I wouldn't start investing in a RS knowing I have to leave state. I will mention "long distance RS" to a woman I want to have sex with.

 

Keep it together. You are 30, you are not suffering from a terminal disease. You can have children at 34, 35, 36. The only person putting pressure on yourself is yourself. Chill. And really.. choose carefully whom you're dating.

 

If a man falls inlove with you, he will support you and respect you for your hard work.

  • Like 2
Posted

I don't see why your degree from Europe is useless in the US? I got my degrees in different European countries, and they were all accepted in the US (both for work and for continued education here). Or is it something specific for Nursing?

 

In any case, getting the same degree should be super easy, if you already have all the knowledge.

 

It is not a thing to discuss with a new BF, but if you plan to postpone kids after 35 - the safest thing to do is freeze your eggs. Just in case (egg quality/quantity drops drastically between 35 and 37, so better safe than sorry).

 

Regarding whether your BF would look down on you because you're still struggling career-wise - I guess unless you're planning to live off him, or drop your plans, he would have no reason to look down on you. Unless he's a jerk but then it is his problem, not yours.

 

I am interested in how guys see a girl who is struggling to put her life in order. Here is some background. I am a 30 year old girl. The guy I am seeing is 29. He has a nice job, comes from a somewhat wealthy family and his life is pretty interesting (vacations, events, socializing). On the other hand, I did graduate from college but my BA from Europe is pretty much useless in the States. So I decided to go back to school and it is not easy. I am a full time student and have a full time job and I am strugglig a lot. By th time I graduate with assosiate in nursing I will be 33, and BA 34. I would love to eventually become PA but cant even think about it right now. In meantime I want to have family too.

So my question is: would a girl who in her 30s hasn't even start a career, be a turn off for you? I am afraid my guy will eventually realize he needs someone who is more on the same level with him.

Posted (edited)
Yuck!! I expected more from you. She doesn't want to be wifed up, she wants to have a successful career!

 

OP the right guy will not care and love you for you. My best friend met her husband while he was living on his sister's couch and hadn't finished college at age..28. He played in a heavy metal band. Five years later, he has a master's degree, a good job, they have an adorable two year old son, and are pretty much a picture perfect family.

 

[]

 

Yes, she wants a career but she also wants a family, too. The age she is going after both is tough - lets be honest.

 

She asked a question and I gave her an answer that may or may not apply to her. If she wants a family, and this guy doesn't care that she is not at his level career wise, he'll take care of her if he's in love with her (looks, personality). It really comes down to how this guy feels about her. Love conquers all. If he loves her, he'll support her no matter what...

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
  • Like 1
Posted
This is mostly true, but I know lots of men who are attracted to a woman who's smart and successful. I've also known men who are intimidated by a woman who's smart and successful.

`

 

 

Smart and successful is a special bonus to some men as long as they are pleasing to the eye and sexually responsive to him.

 

 

To other men smart and successful is an actual strike against them.

 

 

But good looking and sexually responsive is universal.

 

 

Good looking and sexually responsive is 'good enough' for pretty much all men. Some men just appreciate the smart and successful a little more than others and some appreciate it a little less than others.

 

 

Unless a guy is a male golddigger or some kind of con man, for very few if any man is it a determining factor.

Posted

There is someone for everyone!

 

And I've seen guys like all types of women.

  • Like 1
Posted (edited)

[]

 

Just keep on with your career training and all will be ok. Your guy won't leave you for the reason you may be worried about.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Posted
I am interested in how guys see a girl who is struggling to put her life in order. Here is some background. I am a 30 year old girl. The guy I am seeing is 29. He has a nice job, comes from a somewhat wealthy family and his life is pretty interesting (vacations, events, socializing). On the other hand, I did graduate from college but my BA from Europe is pretty much useless in the States. So I decided to go back to school and it is not easy. I am a full time student and have a full time job and I am strugglig a lot. By th time I graduate with assosiate in nursing I will be 33, and BA 34. I would love to eventually become PA but cant even think about it right now. In meantime I want to have family too.

So my question is: would a girl who in her 30s hasn't even start a career, be a turn off for you? I am afraid my guy will eventually realize he needs someone who is more on the same level with him.

 

Absolutely not, on the contrary someone in your position would actually impress me for simply not giving up, facing the odds and taking on a challenge.

 

At the end of the day I only look at personality and to a much lesser extent career, I really don't think your situation would be much of an issue for most guys.

Posted
I am interested in how guys see a girl who is struggling to put her life in order. Here is some background. I am a 30 year old girl. The guy I am seeing is 29. He has a nice job, comes from a somewhat wealthy family and his life is pretty interesting (vacations, events, socializing). On the other hand, I did graduate from college but my BA from Europe is pretty much useless in the States. So I decided to go back to school and it is not easy. I am a full time student and have a full time job and I am strugglig a lot. By th time I graduate with assosiate in nursing I will be 33, and BA 34. I would love to eventually become PA but cant even think about it right now. In meantime I want to have family too.

So my question is: would a girl who in her 30s hasn't even start a career, be a turn off for you? I am afraid my guy will eventually realize he needs someone who is more on the same level with him.

 

No, I think it's admirable to get your education.

 

But you may be better off finding a date that isn't in a hurry to have kids, or maybe not at all. You might pick one or the other for now, with plans to go to PA school in a few years. It's hard enough to have a career at the same time trying to have family. But trying to raise a family and go through more school, especially an intense medical program, while also working, will require a strong network to help you with child support, etc.

Posted
He mentioned long distance relationship. But have no idea how that would work out.

Why PA? Idk, I just find it more interesting but really havent thought about that part yet.

You think ADN is a waste of time. I really hope I can find a job after I graduate so I can get BSN.

 

No no, ADN is not a waste of time. I'm just encouraging you to not stop there. Depends on your job goals and the area you live.

  • Like 1
Posted

You'll be fine. Given that you're working while you study, even if you were a guy you would be fine. The biggest hurdle for your current R would probably be the long distance bit - having a LDR when you are a broke student is NOT going to be easy. But even that can be overcome, if you both wish it to.

Posted

Last year, I finished a post-graduate program, and a few of the women in my class were your age and what I would call 'datable'.

 

Sure, you may be between a rock and a hard place at this moment, but so is 90% of our generation. The fact that you're trying to get out of it means you'll be out eventually.

Posted
I am interested in how guys see a girl who is struggling to put her life in order. Here is some background. I am a 30 year old girl. The guy I am seeing is 29. He has a nice job, comes from a somewhat wealthy family and his life is pretty interesting (vacations, events, socializing). On the other hand, I did graduate from college but my BA from Europe is pretty much useless in the States. So I decided to go back to school and it is not easy. I am a full time student and have a full time job and I am strugglig a lot. By th time I graduate with assosiate in nursing I will be 33, and BA 34. I would love to eventually become PA but cant even think about it right now. In meantime I want to have family too.

So my question is: would a girl who in her 30s hasn't even start a career, be a turn off for you? I am afraid my guy will eventually realize he needs someone who is more on the same level with him.

It's not a big deal for me since I haven't really started my career yet either but I feel I'm on track on my career path as of last Fall

Posted

OP you have your life together.

 

 

Except for one area. You think you don't have it together.

 

 

 

 

Men want a job. The best one they can get to support themselves, afford a wife and have kids.

 

 

However when they have no success making money it does not have them posting how they are not being financially successful. They keep their shoulder to the wheel and keep pushing.

 

 

Though when they can't get a woman to marry and have kids they are posting non stop for help to have a relationship.

 

 

This shows where men's minds are at and what is of the most importance too them.

 

 

So as I think it was oldshirt that said, it's not about how much money a woman can make for me and can she provide for me the life style that I want.

 

 

It's do I find her the attractive. I am lucky to of gotten a woman this attractive, no way am I getting a woman any hotter then this, ever.

 

 

It's we are sexually compatible.

 

 

It's we are in agreement on wanting kids.

 

 

It's is she going to treat me right, do her part to make a good home life.

 

 

Notice there is no requirement for advanced college degrees.

 

 

No requirement for a high paying career. Just a willingness to work if the extra income is needed.

 

 

No need to be a trust fund baby.

 

 

 

 

Men want women for her not her career or wealth.

Posted
There is someone for everyone!

 

And I've seen guys like all types of women.

 

And I've seen women like all types of guys. ;)

  • Like 1
Posted
And I've seen women like all types of guys. ;)

 

 

Also true :)

 

Popsicle

Posted
This is mostly true, but I know lots of men who are attracted to a woman who's smart and successful. I've also known men who are intimidated by a woman who's smart and successful.

 

This may be an issue, guys that are intimidated by a woman that has the guts to change her career (you said you already got a degree overseas) and go after something she wants. It doesn't matter that you're not there yet, you have a plan and are pursuing it. It also doesn't matter how accomplished a guy may be, some are still intimidated by women who are motivated and driven.

 

 

If that guy or another guy are somewhat cool towards you, before you start thinking you're not good enough try to see if he's the one not comfortable with a successful woman. But also as others have mentioned, the confidence factor is crucial too.

 

 

I worked in a high powered firm and in my circle there are highly educated and accomplished women, so we've seen both factors at work a lot of time. You'd be surprised how very successful women can still feel not good enough underneath, and guys that find some excuse to dump them because they are not top dog. But there are also very decent guys that will be impressed by you and proud of you for what you are doing. Hope you find them.

 

 

BTW, most of these women had kids in their 30's no problem.

Posted

Career isn't important to me, chemistry is. How well she can communicate, and is the communication interesting, or shallow? A big thing for me, I like her to act like a lady...women that swear alot, have street grammar, or are aggressive, - all those are no starters for me.

 

Alot of this is preference though, need to remember that while you go through all these responses. I for one, for instance, like a "girl" to be soft and weak as opposed to athletic. (get the idea?)

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