Lola2609 Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 I am interested in how guys see a girl who is struggling to put her life in order. Here is some background. I am a 30 year old girl. The guy I am seeing is 29. He has a nice job, comes from a somewhat wealthy family and his life is pretty interesting (vacations, events, socializing). On the other hand, I did graduate from college but my BA from Europe is pretty much useless in the States. So I decided to go back to school and it is not easy. I am a full time student and have a full time job and I am strugglig a lot. By th time I graduate with assosiate in nursing I will be 33, and BA 34. I would love to eventually become PA but cant even think about it right now. In meantime I want to have family too. So my question is: would a girl who in her 30s hasn't even start a career, be a turn off for you? I am afraid my guy will eventually realize he needs someone who is more on the same level with him.
DrewM68 Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 Not in the slightest! Your life/career so far holds water. I don't see that as something that would turn a guy away
stillafool Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 I am a 30 year old girl. You are no longer a girl but a woman. 8
Author Lola2609 Posted March 1, 2016 Author Posted March 1, 2016 You are no longer a girl but a woman. All right excuse me. I am a woman who is still struggling careerwise. Does it sound better? I dont think that is the point 1
SwordofFlame Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 I think the important thing is you are working towards a career. If you were just content to just sit around and do nothing, that would be a dealbreaker. 2
smackie9 Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 I think the dealbreaker here is your lack of confidence in yourself with this guy, 1
spriggan2 Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 In my opinion. As long as it wasn't extreme laziness or immaturity that slowed you down, and if it was, you've improved presently, then you should be fine. No matter where you are or what you've done/failed to do in the past, at this point, if your S.O. sees that you are serious and determined and working hard for your future on a day to day basis, that should be what influences his opinion of your capabilitis and value, and your opinion more importantly. I've seen many a "failure"/"late bloomer" do great things largely because they had to bounce back from setbacks and catch up. I think it's because they felt the full consequence and suffered. Makes you tougher to the core, fear of failure loses its power. Heck. I'm one of those. 1
Author Lola2609 Posted March 1, 2016 Author Posted March 1, 2016 I think the dealbreaker here is your lack of confidence in yourself with this guy, We just started seeing each other. He has been cool about everything so far. But once he mentioned he might need to move to another state and I was wondering how would that go. I cant relocate because of my school for the next 3 years at least. All that makes me think he wouldnt want to deal with my situation. I know it is too early to worry about these things but I still blame myself for not having my life together.
fitnessfan365 Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 It's never too late to get started. I mean I was originally going to be a professional baseball player. Was being scouted as a pitcher, hitting low 90's by the time I was 16, etc.. Then my arm went. So after high school. I spent most of my 20's in limbo. Then I wound up becoming a personal trainer and now have a successful business. The secret is finding a trade for something you can be passionate about and trying to become an entrepreneur. 2
Author Lola2609 Posted March 1, 2016 Author Posted March 1, 2016 In my opinion. As long as it wasn't extreme laziness or immaturity that slowed you down, and if it was, you've improved presently, then you should be fine. No matter where you are or what you've done/failed to do in the past, at this point, if your S.O. sees that you are serious and determined and working hard for your future on a day to day basis, that should be what influences his opinion of your capabilitis and value, and your opinion more importantly. I've seen many a "failure"/"late bloomer" do great things largely because they had to bounce back from setbacks and catch up. I think it's because they felt the full consequence and suffered. Makes you tougher to the core, fear of failure loses its power. Heck. I'm one of those. Thank you Far from being lazy, I moved to USA when I was 26. I studied in Europe and had a job after I grauated but didnt enjoy it as much and wanted to try something else. It took me few years to adjust and save some money so I could finally go back to school.
d0nnivain Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 You don't sound like a mess. You sound like someone who is still working toward a goal. Sitting around doing nothing, crying whoa is me is a mess. Some men think certain hair color or body type, or age is a turn off. So will there be men out there who think that a 30 year old doesn't have the world on a string is a turn off, sure, probably. Don't date them. Other men will think you are amazing. Do date them. 11
Author Lola2609 Posted March 1, 2016 Author Posted March 1, 2016 You don't sound like a mess. You sound like someone who is still working toward a goal. Sitting around doing nothing, crying whoa is me is a mess. Some men think certain hair color or body type, or age is a turn off. So will there be men out there who think that a 30 year old doesn't have the world on a string is a turn off, sure, probably. Don't date them. Other men will think you are amazing. Do date them. Thanks. You are right. I guess since this guy wants to date me, he agrees with you. Hopefully, he does see that I know what I want from life, even though it is going to be a challenge to get everything to work out
truth_seeker Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 So my question is: would a girl who in her 30s hasn't even start a career, be a turn off for you? I am afraid my guy will eventually realize he needs someone who is more on the same level with him. If you're hot, and have a good heart, doesn't matter. He'll wife you up and take care of you.
ManyDissapoint Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 I am interested in how guys see a girl who is struggling to put her life in order. Here is some background. I am a 30 year old girl. The guy I am seeing is 29. He has a nice job, comes from a somewhat wealthy family and his life is pretty interesting (vacations, events, socializing). On the other hand, I did graduate from college but my BA from Europe is pretty much useless in the States. So I decided to go back to school and it is not easy. I am a full time student and have a full time job and I am strugglig a lot. By th time I graduate with assosiate in nursing I will be 33, and BA 34. I would love to eventually become PA but cant even think about it right now. In meantime I want to have family too. So my question is: would a girl who in her 30s hasn't even start a career, be a turn off for you? I am afraid my guy will eventually realize he needs someone who is more on the same level with him. My experience is that most men don't care about a woman being on his 'level'. You mentioned starting a family. Is it with your boyfriend that you want this to happen? You plan to start your career at 34, but also want to start a family. Can you explain your timeline of these things because if I were your boyfriend this would be the biggest red flag for me. You seem to be showing a case of late onset indecisivitis.
Author Lola2609 Posted March 1, 2016 Author Posted March 1, 2016 (edited) My experience is that most men don't care about a woman being on his 'level'. You mentioned starting a family. Is it with your boyfriend that you want this to happen? You plan to start your career at 34, but also want to start a family. Can you explain your timeline of these things because if I were your boyfriend this would be the biggest red flag for me. You seem to be showing a case of late onset indecisivitis. As I said our relationship is at the very beginning and we have not talked about family of course but I eventually do want to have a family. I wish I could graduate in a year but schools have a limited number of credits you can take each semester. With that said, I will be 33 when I get my associate (and hopefully a job). After that, I need one more year of online school to get a BA in nursing. Then I might want a kid(s). And ideally two more years of school to become PA (even though I am very ambitious, if the last step never happens I will still be ok). Does it sound too complicated and a turn off to you? Edited March 1, 2016 by Lola2609
AMJ Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 If you're hot, and have a good heart, doesn't matter. He'll wife you up and take care of you. Yuck!! I expected more from you. She doesn't want to be wifed up, she wants to have a successful career! OP the right guy will not care and love you for you. My best friend met her husband while he was living on his sister's couch and hadn't finished college at age..28. He played in a heavy metal band. Five years later, he has a master's degree, a good job, they have an adorable two year old son, and are pretty much a picture perfect family. 1
Author Lola2609 Posted March 1, 2016 Author Posted March 1, 2016 Yuck!! I expected more from you. She doesn't want to be wifed up, she wants to have a successful career! OP the right guy will not care and love you for you. My best friend met her husband while he was living on his sister's couch and hadn't finished college at age..28. He played in a heavy metal band. Five years later, he has a master's degree, a good job, they have an adorable two year old son, and are pretty much a picture perfect family. Thanks, that is encouraging.
Alamo657 Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 As a woman, being good looking and having a job is enough for any man to keep you for life. The only thing that could drive him away is you cheating.
Author Lola2609 Posted March 1, 2016 Author Posted March 1, 2016 As a woman, being good looking and having a job is enough for any man to keep you for life. The only thing that could drive him away is you cheating. I would say I am good (ok) looking but the job I have right now while at school is not a real job (it is enough to support myself but not family or kids).
oldshirt Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 You are thinking like a girl. Women use traits and characteristics like education and career etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc as criteria for a mate. Men really don't. As long as you are good looking and sexually responsive to him and as long as you aren't completely mentally ill or make his life a living hell, he will be good with it. And if you read these forums very much you will see that many will even tolerate a woman that is bat $#!^ crazy and makes his life a living hell. Men really are simple and easy to please and aren't like women who need a looooooong list of qualifiers and have a loooong list of deal breakers. As long as you aren't completely gross, smelly or morbidly obese and as long as you are sexually responsive, you will be fine. 4
Larryville Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 I think the dealbreaker here is your lack of confidence in yourself with this guy… Yes , don’t do that…. I think the important thing is you are working towards a career. If you were just content to just sit around and do nothing, that would be a dealbreaker. In my opinion. As long as it wasn't extreme laziness or immaturity that slowed you down, and if it was, you've improved presently, then you should be fine. You don't sound like a mess. You sound like someone who is still working toward a goal. The thing is you have no kids BIG DEAL, as long as you are not bogged down in debt, attractive (confident… why first quote is important) you have a plan, you communicate that plan and if he is the type of dude who will help you attain those goals you should be cool. Now having said all of that… But once he mentioned he might need to move to another state I may be overthinking but if you are someone I am seriously pursuing I’m not even bringing that up in the meeting and get to know process. Just weird to me… Same was said to me by a couple of women and felt it was not worth the time to pursue, nothing bothers me more than having my time wasted.
PogoStick Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 If your guy is considering moving then you should expect the relationship to be temporary. You have to put your goals 1st. Curious why you are thinking about PA instead of NP? Make a BSN your top priority, the ADN won't open as many doors.
AMJ Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 You are thinking like a girl. Women use traits and characteristics like education and career etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc as criteria for a mate. Men really don't. As long as you are good looking and sexually responsive to him and as long as you aren't completely mentally ill or make his life a living hell, he will be good with it. And if you read these forums very much you will see that many will even tolerate a woman that is bat $#!^ crazy and makes his life a living hell. Men really are simple and easy to please and aren't like women who need a looooooong list of qualifiers and have a loooong list of deal breakers. As long as you aren't completely gross, smelly or morbidly obese and as long as you are sexually responsive, you will be fine. This is mostly true, but I know lots of men who are attracted to a woman who's smart and successful. I've also known men who are intimidated by a woman who's smart and successful.
Author Lola2609 Posted March 1, 2016 Author Posted March 1, 2016 If your guy is considering moving then you should expect the relationship to be temporary. You have to put your goals 1st. Curious why you are thinking about PA instead of NP? Make a BSN your top priority, the ADN won't open as many doors. He mentioned long distance relationship. But have no idea how that would work out. Why PA? Idk, I just find it more interesting but really havent thought about that part yet. You think ADN is a waste of time. I really hope I can find a job after I graduate so I can get BSN.
Lady2163 Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 I wanted to weigh in here, but be as tactful as possible. First off, assuming you are healthy, you have a good ten years to have kids. Yes, you probably want to start earlier than 40, but you don't HAVE TO. I was your age when I divorced. I was wracked by the death of a parent, then my divorce and $40,000 worth of debt. I was in school and working part time. I was renting a room. I debated on bankruptcy. Same situation, I would finish school in around three years. So, I was a bit of a mess. Emotionally and financially. Also, like you, no kids. It did repel men who had their act together. I couldn't pull my own weight even dating wise. I couldn't cook them a meal or have them stay over at "my place." The 70 year old woman I was living with would have frowned on a sleepover. If I wasn't studying, in class or at work, I was trying to get an extra shift. You seem to have it a bit more together than I did. Money is the leading cause of break ups. I may have missed how you're paying for school and wherever you live. I spent my 30s paying off my 20s. Don't be like that. Pay down your school debt as much as you can. I don't know how much it costs nowadays, but I'd be concerned about entering a serious relationship with someone who is roughly $100,000 in debt. That's a starter home in my neck of the woods. I actually had a friend who was $115,000 in debt with NOTHING to show for it. Her business failed, she took a loss, she had personal credit card problems and a car loan. She did find a man to marry her and they've been together for many years. We aren't in touch anymore, so I don't know if she refinanced or was bailed out by family or what. I guess what I'm saying is: it's okay to not be settled. Just be moving forward. Which in your case is to complete this term, complete school and not amass large sums of debt. What do you want to bring to the table in five years?
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