KindlyUnspoken23 Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 For the longest time, I thought everything with this guy was wonderful and was excited that I didn’t have to get opinions from this forum. But here I am! On Saturday, I had a 3rd date with someone. I got to his house (which he shares with his parents) and met his dad. He gave me a kiss hello and seemed excited to see me. We made plans and left. The day consisted of frozen yogurt, laser tag, a trip to the mall, grocery store and then back home. He cooked me dinner & we ate together in the kitchen. Afterwards, we decided to watch a movie. During the movie, he initiated hand holding/cuddling. We made jokes and laughed the entire time. Afterwards, we did make out a little bit & then went into his room. He showed me some things pertaining to his hobby & we talked for a bit. One thing led to another, and we ended up having sex. Afterwards, he laid back down on the bed with his arms open and held me/held my hand as we talked for another half hour. He made comments about him and I being an “us”, and didn’t seem any different. When it was time for me to leave, we kissed goodbye and he told me to text him when I got home. I did…told him I had a great time with him. He said he had a great time too, and we said goodnight. I got anxious sunday morning and texted him first. I also asked the likelihood of seeing each other this week and he said he didn’t know his schedule yet. I wanted reassurance that he wanted to see me, not when. He has an event he’s going to tomorrow night (and asked me last week, I can’t go cause of work), so he knows he’s off Wednesday, but that’s it. I texted and kept getting no answers, so I told him to have a good day & that was it. During the day, he posted a few snap stories and viewed mine, but we didn’t text again. We did text yesterday briefly in the afternoon but he was on his way into work. My friends say nothing is concerning & him answering my texts should be reassurance. It’s not unusual to go a full day for us without texting because work can get super busy for us. But, I’m not used to sleeping with someone & not spending the night. And I just want opinions as if he just wanted sex, or if he’s pulling the typical guy move of pulling away afterwards. Or, if I just have nothing to worry about! Haha
PegNosePete Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 I texted and kept getting no answers, so I told him to have a good day & that was it. Kept getting no answers? How many times did you text him?? I just want opinions as if he just wanted sex, or if he’s pulling the typical guy move of pulling away afterwards. Typical guy move? I'd like to think I'm a pretty typical guy, and I've never done that. I've no idea where you get these crazy ideas of what "typical guys" do! The best way to determine if he just wanted sex is to give it time, and see if date #4 materializes.
Lansing Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 You might make this into a self fulfilling prophecy. Just relax and stop being so anxious/contacting him. I had a girl that I dated who was so needy that she wanted to see me all the time. It made me really hesitant to be with her even though I did like her. If she had just acted normal and let things pace themselves naturally things would have gone much better.
AMJ Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 I wouldn't worry about it. Find something else to obsess about instead of texting him too much. Guys always make some distance after the first time. He doesn't sound malicious...and last time I checked, players don't live with their parents. Actually wait...sometimes they do.
Author KindlyUnspoken23 Posted March 1, 2016 Author Posted March 1, 2016 Would I be ok to text him later? Just tell him to have a great time tonight and see if he'd be interested in grabbing dinner tomorrow? The thing is, if he says no without a reason I want to ask about a future time. You can't get a date if you don't ask. I just hate that I'll look like the needy one for knowing what I deserve.
salparadise Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 Would I be ok to text him later? Just tell him to have a great time tonight and see if he'd be interested in grabbing dinner tomorrow? The thing is, if he says no without a reason I want to ask about a future time. You can't get a date if you don't ask. I just hate that I'll look like the needy one for knowing what I deserve. My intuition is that you should keep the texting light and easy. Back off a bit and don't press for reassurance about the next date. Match his enthusiasm and contact frequency. You'd be better served by making him wonder how interested you are. 4
AMJ Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 Yeah don't text him at all or initiate another date at all right now. Just let him come back to you. He will. 1
MidwestUSA Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 He just let his guard down, not just by the sex, but by talking about 'us'. He needs time to process it; guys aren't all that different from us in that regard. Don't push, wait for him. 1
ribeto Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 You gave it up after only 3 dates then pulled the whole needy clingy thing. Nothing will send a guy packing faster than that. Don't contact him at all, let him reach out first, if he never does then you learned a valuable lesson. No third date sex, no sex for a month or so at least if you want the guy to respect you and see you as relationship material. No asking for reassurance, it's a really turn off. No texting sequentially without getting a response. One or two unanswered texts MAX.
thecrucible Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 No third date sex, no sex for a month or so at least if you want the guy to respect you and see you as relationship material. Not strictly true. I can think of plenty of men who respect a woman regardless of when they choose to have sex. The third date is not too early for a lot of people. In this case, I can't really tell but I do know that plenty of guys will hug and hold you after sex and still not look at you as a romantic partner. He probably asked her to text him when she got home to make sure that she got home safely, rather than as an invitation for a conversation. No asking for reassurance, it's a really turn off. No texting sequentially without getting a response. One or two unanswered texts MAX. This makes sense though. I agree with others. You should hold back and see if he texts you. He may think you come across as mothering if you text him anxiously. If he likes you, he should put forth more effort if you give him space. 1
thecrucible Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 OP, can you share your text conversations on here to see the wording? Sometimes this is useful to suss things out (although obviously you'd want to remove anything too personal).
basil67 Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 No third date sex, no sex for a month or so at least if you want the guy to respect you and see you as relationship material. This only holds true for men who haven't evolutionised past Lizard Brain. There are plenty of men who don't think this way. Though I agree that being needy will drive a person (man or woman!) away. 4
ribeto Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 This only holds true for men who haven't evolutionised past Lizard Brain. There are plenty of men who don't think this way. No, women who give it up after only a few dates undervalue their body and give it away too freely, and guys who get it without having to try that hard will not see it as anything special. Dating is a game to some extent and part of playing the game is not to jump right into bed with someone you only know from a few meetups. Even if you're so freaking horney you can barely exercise restraint. We're not animals.
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