In love with friend

[carina]

So there's this guy who works with me.. it's always a guy who works with me lol.. I've known him since November, and we've been good friends ever since. There's always been a physical attraction between us but we never did anything about it.. that is until last week. We went to have a couple beers and then we went to his house, and we made out and stuff (we didn't have sex, he didn't try either) and then we stopped and he said I was his good friend and he couldn't believe he was doing that, but after a while we went back to kissing. It was all very sweet, the way he looked at me.. He kept saying it was only a physical thing, that nothing romantic could happen because then everything would go wrong, and I went along with it, to please him I guess.. But after that night I kept thinking about him all week long (just like before, nothing new), and I tried to convince myself that he was only a friend but I couldn't, I can't deny that I've fallen in love with him (I've been with other guys since I met him but he's always been more important than them even though I was never with him), I think I was in love with him before but inevitably the physical contact made it stronger. So I told him how I felt.. and this is another short story. About a month ago I told him how I felt and he said that he only saw me as a friend, so I started seeing this other guy again and told him that I was confused for a while, that I didn't really like him that way (which was a lie but I didn't want things to be different between us, the friendship). And so I kept up my act until last weekend when I went to his house.. During this past week I acted like everything was normal but I couldn't keep it up anymore so this morning I wrote him an email and told him how I really felt. He said that I kept contradicting myself and to please drop the topic cuz he feels very depressed with his life (and this is true, we talk a lot about stuff like that). And I said that it was okay, that I wouldn't mention it again but that I would get away from him, cuz it was hurting me. This was all through text messaging, he didn't say anything after that. The thing is sometimes he acts like he wants something else, when he doesn't hear from me for a few days he starts calling me and saying that he misses me and stuff like that, so I don't know.. It truly hurts me to talk to him so much while wanting to be with him so bad, so I think it's best if I stop talking to him or at least minimize my contact with him, even though we see each other at work almost daily but I can just avoid him. Any thoughts?

[carina]

So I emailed him that I did not want to ruin the friendship, that sometimes I got confused because I felt lonely (which could be true, maybe I'm not really in love with him, maybe I am, but it doesn't matter cuz it's very clear that I can't approach the subject with him), that I trusted him a lot and didn't wanna lose that, and basically I said I was sorry if I made him feel pressured, and that I hoped he didn't hate me. A few hours later I asked him by text message if he'd read the email and if he hated me and he never answered. That was 4 hours ago, and I know he read the email in the afternoon cuz I saw him online. And it makes me so sad, I made such a huge mistake but I really don't wanna lose his friendship. Should I assume that he doesn't wanna be friends with me anymore?

[RoseyLife]

hi,

 

i don't see why he should hate you. he is probably going through a rough time in his life right now (mentioning depression) and it is most likely not you that is causing it. still be there to support him, don't pull away completely, but don't do that "are you sure you aren't mad at me? you don't hate me? etc" thing. because to me it does not seem like he is, and it might just get him confused or wanting to avoid a possible source of more confusion and stress in his life.

 

if you remain a solid friend, continue hanging out with him til he sorts things out a bit in his life, then i'm sure good things will follow. getting romantically involved with him now though might not be a good idea, as he seems a little unstable and may unintentionally hurt you, or you to him.

 

you never did anything bad to him, don't worry, nothing is your fault. people sometimes just have issues to straighten out, and their frustration with their lives sometimes bleeds out and is mistaken as hostility or the "cold shoulder" etc. by those close to them... including old friends. i hope everything will work out...!

 

-rosey