Author chillydown Posted March 1, 2016 Author Posted March 1, 2016 He said flat out he's gone for good. So don't think he'll do that. I'm just so overwhelmed with fear of ending up alone, because he was perfect. 2
TheScientist Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 He said flat out he's gone for good. So don't think he'll do that. I'm just so overwhelmed with fear of ending up alone, because he was perfect. Well someone that is perfect, or at least perfect for you, would at least work at whatever is causing him to leave - unless of course they aren't and whats out there seems more appealing. I'm going through a similar thing except my ex has left his leg in the door and i'm finding it hard to shut it, except i'm reading too far into this 'leg' and misreading it for his bloody heart! I can't tell you to let go, because i would be a complete hypocrite, but what I can say is that by focusing on how perfect he is your subconsciously devaluing yourself in comparison. xx 2
Satu Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 (edited) He said flat out he's gone for good. So don't think he'll do that. I'm just so overwhelmed with fear of ending up alone, because *he was perfect. *The image of him in your head is perfect. In reality, he is not perfect. It might even be the case that your idealisation of him is what drove him away. Take care. Edited March 1, 2016 by Satu 3
Zahara Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 And I think, what it boils down to it, is that he was all I wanted in a man, and I feel like there is no chance I'll find all that in one man again. This is how I felt when an ex left. Infact this guy sounds just like him. I read your past thread. There were red flags that you weren't aware of, or maybe you saw them but chose not see. He's super picky, always found a fault, but then he met me. He said he knew something special was here from the get-go, and so did I. I can bet you my bottom dollar that for every relationship he was in, he said those same words to each and every woman. Just as you were "different" from the rest, at one point, those women were different as well but they all ended up being faulty in his head. You weren't different to him, you were new. And now, this has become faulty too and it isn't you that's the problem, it's him. He moved in with me after less than two months, Red flag. After around 3-4 months he even mentioned a future, marriage, we made plans. Another red flag. When people are driven by their emotions during the honeymoon period. Be wary of those that shoot off the blocks really fast because most times, they crash and burn. I'm complicated and I now understand I let stuff underneath the surface run me. I got the same line. When predictability, normality, monotony set in -- you became just like the rest of his other relationships -- he had no ability to sustain it. The honeymoon was over for him. He's not the perfect man and he would have never made a perfect partner. I'm guessing this was a relatively short relationship (months) and you're idealizing and romanticizing him -- understandably so because you were in highs of it all. In time when you will be able to see it for what it is because he was perfect as you say he was, you wouldn't be where you are. 1
Toodaloo Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 And I think, what it boils down to it, is that he was all I wanted in a man, and I feel like there is no chance I'll find all that in one man again. Chilly. I can't get my head round all you wanting in a man is one that is going to leave you... No he is not all you wanted. You think he is all you wanted. Be kind to yourself and start eating again. Get down to the gym and find some happy things like concerts etc to cheer yourself up. Perfect people are as boring as hell. Look for someone with imperfections you like when you are ready again. 2
maacus Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 Well someone that is perfect, or at least perfect for you, would at least work at whatever is causing him to leave - unless of course they aren't and whats out there seems more appealing. I'm going through a similar thing except my ex has left his leg in the door and i'm finding it hard to shut it, except i'm reading too far into this 'leg' and misreading it for his bloody heart! I can't tell you to let go, because i would be a complete hypocrite, but what I can say is that by focusing on how perfect he is your subconsciously devaluing yourself in comparison. xx This, X 10. I don't believe that he is being completely honest with you, and obviously he is not perfect, otherwise he would handle things differently. I suspect he met someone else and is infatuated with them, but doesn't want to drag your feelings through the mud. That's my 2 cents FWIW. 3
Raina314 Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 My ex didn't leave quite so dramatically but these guys just turning away out of the blue does seem to be a recurring theme, and I definitely know how you feel. I wish there were something I could say to make it better, because it really is one of the most awful, hurtful things that can happen to you, and you can't just turn off the love switch after having it in for so long. Best wishes <3 2
TheScientist Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 This, X 10. I don't believe that he is being completely honest with you, and obviously he is not perfect, otherwise he would handle things differently. I suspect he met someone else and is infatuated with them, but doesn't want to drag your feelings through the mud. That's my 2 cents FWIW. Yup, what starts quickly, often ends quickly, and they get off on the honeymoon period...once it ends it's off to start another one! 2
elaine567 Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 I tried to get some answers, this is all I could get: I didn't stop loving you, I tried to write something that will make sense for both of us about what happened, but I can't. I'm complicated and I now understand I let stuff underneath the surface run me. Friday I just woke up with feeling that I just have to go away, I felt stressed out of my mind. I don't know why. I asked him if it was cold feet. He said "No, i've had cold feet before, this is something else, I don't know what it is...". He said "I don't need to wait years, I know we we had and what I had and that I might never find someone like you again and that it's 100% my fault". So after all these insights and the fact he still loves me, I was sure he'd want to come back. He said no. It's final. Can't make sense of it. And that's that. He's gone. He knows exactly why he broke up with you, only he doesn't want to tell you for some reason A man genuinely confused would say something like "I don't know if I want to come back", but this man tells you he is SOOO confused, yet he is SOOO adamant it is finished. Whatever it was that made him think like that, was a deal breaker for him. With no ifs, buts and maybes to mull over, it is a hard shock, but you have the benefit of a clean break here. It may not feel like a benefit right now, but you can move on with your life without some guy popping in and out of your life, not really knowing what he wants and stringing you along. 1
Author chillydown Posted March 1, 2016 Author Posted March 1, 2016 Thank you all for your words and input. Of all the things he may be, or it may be, it's not another woman. He was at work or at home. Our virtual lives were open and transparent (mutually) - I always saw his phone or emails or whatever, he never "worked late", and even if he met a friend I know for a fact that's what happened. So let it go, that's not it. That's actually the only thing I know for a fact didn't happen. The one good thing I can say about him, is that he was always brutally honest. He never lied to me. He told me he's ****ed up emotionally, but because he was always so aware of it, so mature about it...I was foolish to think this kind of thing can never happen (also, I thought ****ed up emotionally means "I'm a bit closed off", not "I will stress the F out, run out on you, without even saying a word"). I never thought someone can just up and go like that. Yesterday he wrote to me he tried all weekend and even consulted with a friend to try and make sense of why he did what he did - not just to me, but for himself. He says all he was able to feel, was waking up Friday morning, panicky to his core and he HAD to go. As to why would someone who loves me and had it all, just go without even one fight? that is what kills me. that is why I am having trouble moving on. WHY. 2
Zahara Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 As to why would someone who loves me and had it all, just go without even one fight? that is what kills me. that is why I am having trouble moving on. WHY. That's the difference between you and him. His "love" is of a different kind, OP. In all his past relationships, he was picky and he found fault -- the common denominator here is him. Love is supposed to run deep but his is shallow that cannot be sustained long term. He can't fight for something that he doesn't feel strongly about. It's run it's course for him, just like his other relationships. And even if he did, it is likely that those emotional issues will surface and cause him to exit again. He knows that because it's been his cycle. And that is why he made his decision final -- he knows who he is. I'm sorry you are hurting. 3
Satu Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 All in all Each man in all men all men in each man All being in each being Each being in all being All in each Each in all All distinctions are mind, by mind, in mind, of mind No distinctions no mind to distinguish - RD Laing, Knots.
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