SummerRaes Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 I think I've been in a state of denial all these years we've been apart and it was only the last I saw of him that it hit me that I really lost him and worst of all it was my own fault.... My ex and I broke up 7 years ago after a 6 year relationship/engagement, and 4.5 years of living together. We had ONE nasty fight (we argued before over little things, but nothing like this) and I let my temper get the best of me and ended things with him and moved out. Avoided contact for 2.5 months. He called and begged everyday for the first month. After 2.5 months we got back together and a week or so later, but it was too late. During that time, he had slept with a 19 year old stripper and gotten her pregnant. He swore it was one time and meant nothing; that he needed a distraction. I tried to forgive him because I wanted to still be with him, but I couldn't accept the child. Whenever she would try to call him we would argue. I wanted him to have nothing to do with this girl or her baby and for that he left me. I was too angry to care at first to care and furious when I learned that he was around her during her pregnancy even though we no longer had contact. After about a year, I reached out to him hoping to reconcile. We met up for drinks; it didn't go well and he asked me not to contact him again. I moved away for 5 years and just came back home around Christmas. I've never really dealt with the pain he caused me, just sort of buried it. All this is hitting me because I saw him a month ago out with her. I heard they had gotten together, but was hoping that was just a rumor I just want to cry, throw up, hide from the pain. The worse of it all is I know I only feel this way because I am still in love with him.
Satu Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 You lost something/someone. You didn't surrender to the grieving process. So you have blocked grief. You need to surrender to the grieving process to be able to put your life into perspective. If you don't know how to do that, find a grief counsellor. Take care. 1
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