Dealing with my firstbreak up...is there a chance she may come back?

[lman22]

I'm 24, she is 22. We were together for 2 years.

 

I'm dealing with my first ever break up here and finding it real tough. It began a few weeks ago..I noticed she was off with me and has been all over the place emotionally. She said she wanted a break and I knew at that point it was over.

 

She has gone from contacting me every hour of the day, to nothing. I get the odd text and we still have conversations, but I'm hurt at how quickly she just dropped me. She has never been one for going out drinking but now she is constantly going to the bars with her friends, she said it's to mask the pain and socialise to keep busy, which is fair enough. But she is drinking HEAVILY multiple nights a week and it's quite alarming to see. What upsets me is she feels the need to tell me about guys trying to hit on her, as if to make me jealous? I act like I don't care but my heart sinks whenever I think of another guy near her. She talks about new people she's met to party with, but never goes into detail with who she has met. It's like she is torturing my mind and making a point how much more social she is now.

 

Last night we had a discussion about what went wrong. She said she is dealing with sever depression and that she keeps breaking down in tears whenever she is reminded of me. She still declares her love for me and said our old hangouts reduces her to tears, but she just seems lost at what she wants. I keep replaying a thousands scenarios in my head - does she like someone else? Have I done something wrong? Was it something I said? etc etc.

 

I am going insane and I hope she feels just as sad as I am after 2 years. I consider myself strong emotionally but this has reduced me to tears. I know the best option now would be to leave her alone and cut all contact, which is very hard. I've behaved desperately and I understand that it's probably pushing her further away. She doesn't like the idea of me leaving but i don't want to become a shoulder to cry on. I have too much emotion attached to continue as a friend. This is more of a rant because I don't have anyone to talk to. Any advice would be nice...it sounds like G.I.G.S

[PegNosePete]

I know the best option now would be to leave her alone and cut all contact

Yes, this constant contact you're having is dragging you down and making you feel much worse.

 

Sorry to say that actions speak louder than words. She is saying how much she misses you, bla bla bla... but she still dumped you. If she really missed you that much then she would be trying to patch things up, right? But she isn't. Sorry but she doesn't want to try again. The best thing you can do now is to use NC to heal and move on.

[lman22]

Yes, this constant contact you're having is dragging you down and making you feel much worse.

 

Sorry to say that actions speak louder than words. She is saying how much she misses you, bla bla bla... but she still dumped you. If she really missed you that much then she would be trying to patch things up, right? But she isn't. Sorry but she doesn't want to try again. The best thing you can do now is to use NC to heal and move on.

 

You're right. I'm just trying to justify it in my head, blinded by love but not looking at it logically. Thanks for the reply.

[Jasejasejase]

Hi. Hang in there mate. This is never easy.

 

Im currently going through my own issues but this is about you. Reading your post, I feel for both of you. Unfortunately she needs to leave you alone. She needs someone else to turn to and help her ... Someone who isn't in love with her and liable to be destroyed in the process. I wouldn't go no contaxt without a word. I would send one last text ... Explain how much you care about her, how you wish you could hold her hand through this, but also be honest that you too are a mess and you need to look after yourself too and move on. Explain that seeing a text from her will kill you, will kill you not to reply, but you need to look after your own pain. You May have some lingering hope ... That's natural ... But if it's not to be that will fade.

 

I wish I could take my own advice. Im a mess too. But it's easier to give sage advice when it's not happening to you

[smudge21]

As Pete says, actions speak louder than words. All that talk dumpers give is often to make themselves feel better, not you. The fact remains, if she wanted to be with you, then she would be with you. No contact is one of the hardest things you will ever do emotionally, but you must do it. You can't expect to heal when you're still speaking to her. I truly know how hard it is to cut contact, especially when you're still getting those breadcrumbs thrown at your feet. I'm currently forcing myself every day not to make contact with someone I care for. It's hard but the alternative is just to become their love sick puppy dog, following them around, hanging on their every word right up until the moment they meet someone and then you'll left out in the rain. The fact you show signs of really worrying about her, noticing her changes and thinking you can save her. Your heart is telling you that if you do save, then she'll come back. This isn't about saving someone though. It's about you showing her that you're still around and you still care. One thing common with all dumpers is that ego trip they get when being chased from the person who's heart they've just ripped out. They thrive on it, some not intentionally, but they all do it. The moment you go NC, they reach out, not because they want you back, but because they want you stroking that ego. Don't fall for it. Focus on yourself and yourself only. No one else matters from now on, just you and whatever you need to do to heal and get better.

[lman22]

Thank you all still coming to terms with it all