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Do you think drinking every weekend makes you an alcoholic ?

Aisling.25

By Aisling.25
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Aisling.25 Member

Aisling.25

Posted
Posted

The guy I've been seeing binges every weekend sometimes only getting little sleep. He told me on our first date that he hopes I can keep him out of trouble that he hates staying in. I thought he was just joking around but I've noticed since the moment I met every weekend he disappears for 3 days getting drunk. But for the first time it's effected us he done something that was really hurtful and now he has the cheek to ignore me like I'm in the wrong.

 

What should I do about him ? I'm heartbroken that he'd choose a drink over me, and I have no one to turn too to ask. I don't want to put the full story here because I'm embarrassed.

Zapbasket Established Member

Zapbasket

Posted
Posted

Maybe, maybe not.... What's more important is how his drinking jibes with what you want out of a relationship. Do you want to spend time on weekends doing fun activities together, or doing things on your own while your man is sloshed out on the couch with a hangover or worse, not even coming home because he and his buddies all were too sloshed to make it out of the bar?

 

Answer the question of whether this really is how you envision spending your time in a relationship, and the question of whether or not he fits some defined category of "alcoholic" really doesn't matter. We all should spend less time diagnosing in troubled relationships and more time determining whether we can live with what's going on, or not.

 

I suspect you already have your answers--to both of these questions.

SSJROMANCE Established Member

SSJROMANCE

Posted
Posted

I don't think it's a problem having a few every night to unwind and relax. But what this dude is doing IS out of control. Once or twice a year on special occasions? OK I can see that. Not what he is doing. He either seeks help or I would run the other direction.

Jim nine three Established Member

Jim nine three

Posted
Posted

First of all,don't be embarrassed about sharing your story here.Most of us have done so and it has helped everyone feel better about himself.Also,the people here will do their best to help you out.If you feel like sharing something you can't share elsewhere believe me this is the place :)

 

Now,from what you have already shared it seems like this guy doesn't respect you like he should.I don't think i need to explain why you as a person are much more important than a drink.If he is putting his drinking life and bad habits above you and doesn't put the effort in your relationship then he is not worthy of your time.You shouldn't have to put up with someone's bad behavior.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
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Does having a drink every weekend or even every day make you an alcoholic? No. Does binge drinking every weekend? Maybe. I might give him a pass if he's in college & stops upon graduation.

 

If you need support & don't know what to do about him, go to an Al Anon meeting which is a support group for people who love people addicted to alcohol.

Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

Posted
Posted
The guy I've been seeing binges every weekend sometimes only getting little sleep. He told me on our first date that he hopes I can keep him out of trouble that he hates staying in. I thought he was just joking around but I've noticed since the moment I met every weekend he disappears for 3 days getting drunk. But for the first time it's effected us he done something that was really hurtful and now he has the cheek to ignore me like I'm in the wrong.

 

What should I do about him ? I'm heartbroken that he'd choose a drink over me, and I have no one to turn too to ask. I don't want to put the full story here because I'm embarrassed.

 

He is an alcoholic.

 

What should I do about him ? -- Nothing. It's his problem to deal with. He will always choose alcohol over everything else.

  • Like 1
pteromom Established Member

pteromom

Posted
Posted

I don't think it matters whether he is an alcoholic or not. His lifestyle is not compatible with yours. That is the only thing you need to know.

 

Next him.

  • Like 2
Michelle ma Belle Established Member

Michelle ma Belle

Posted
Posted
I don't think it matters whether he is an alcoholic or not. His lifestyle is not compatible with yours. That is the only thing you need to know.

 

Next him.

 

I second this.

 

And take it from someone who was in a relationship with an alcoholic - YOU CANNOT CHANGE HIM! That is up to HIM and HIM ALONE. Period.

 

PLEASE do not try and be a martyr and waste years of your life thinking you can save someone who isn't even aware of how his actions are affecting others including himself.

 

Save yourself the heartache.

  • Like 3
spiderowl Established Member

spiderowl

Posted
Posted

If he is pulled by alcohol now, to the extent that he hurt you in connection with it, then I'd suggest you back right out of this relationship. It's not going to improve until he recognises he has a problem and does something about it. He probably won't until he hits rock bottom and you don't want to be there with him. When he chose alchohol over you that one time, he was showing you the way it would be in the future.

 

I know it's hurtful but don't fall for the pleas to help him or support him while he continues on his benders. He will want to keep you but he won't give up the alcohol unless he chooses to. Get out while you can.

Neffer Established Member

Neffer

Posted
Posted (edited)

Binge drinking is problem drinking. It falls under functional substance abuse, much like people who only go overboard with the drug of their choice on wkends.

 

You can't fix someone with a substance problem - they have to see it themselves. A lot of alcoholics/addicts don't see themselves as having a problem as it isn't every day. You can't do anything to change this, sorry. He has to realize it himself.

 

This - "PLEASE do not try and be a martyr and waste years of your life thinking you can save someone who isn't even aware of how his actions are affecting others including himself.

" (Michelle Ma Belle put it perfectly)

Edited by Neffer
Methodical Established Member

Methodical

Posted
Posted
The guy I've been seeing binges every weekend sometimes only getting little sleep. He told me on our first date that he hopes I can keep him out of trouble that he hates staying in. I thought he was just joking around but I've noticed since the moment I met every weekend he disappears for 3 days getting drunk. But for the first time it's effected us he done something that was really hurtful and now he has the cheek to ignore me like I'm in the wrong.

 

What should I do about him ? I'm heartbroken that he'd choose a drink over me, and I have no one to turn too to ask. I don't want to put the full story here because I'm embarrassed.

 

I don't know how old he is, but if he is old enough to drink, then he should be mature enough to seek treatment and not ask you to help him out of trouble. Him telling you that on the first date should have sent up a huge red flag.

 

Without knowing your full story, the bottom line is his behavior negatively impacts you. Plus, he has the audacity to ignore you...classic sign of abusive behavior. He is not going to accept responsibility. The best thing you can do is remove yourself from this relationship immediately.

amaysngrace Established Member

amaysngrace

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Posted

When someone puts alcohol above people they may or may not be alcoholic but they are definitely a crappy partner.

  • Like 1
basil67 Established Member

basil67

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Posted

Your Irish name makes me think that you're either living in Ireland or perhaps in the UK. Binge drinking is part of the lifestyle of both cultures. And we inherited it here in Australia too ;)

 

Odds on he will grow out of it. Most (not all) of us do. But It's not worth waiting for because it may not happen. Just look at what you've got now and decide if it's the type of relationship you want.

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Aisling.25 Member

Aisling.25

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Your Irish name makes me think that you're either living in Ireland or perhaps in the UK. Binge drinking is part of the lifestyle of both cultures. And we inherited it here in Australia too ;)

 

Odds on he will grow out of it. Most (not all) of us do. But It's not worth waiting for because it may not happen. Just look at what you've got now and decide if it's the type of relationship you want.

 

I'm Irish, I drink a lot myself I'm no saint but even to me his drinking is extreme. I would never stand him him to go drinking. I know everyone thinks it's that easy just to walk away from him. But I really like him and I don't think that even a possibility to walk away from him yet. We had a really big fight so hopefully in a few we can sit down and talk about it. And then I'll decide what's best,

mightycpa Established Member

mightycpa

Posted
Posted

A lot of people like to put labels on behavior that they don't approve of. I don't think it is alcoholism. If it was alcoholism, he'd be drinking during the week to keep his system properly fueled.

 

It is substance abuse? I guess it depends on how hammered he gets. I don't buy the "he disappears for three days getting drunk." I'll bet there's plenty of recovery time in there too. Plus, if he disappears, how do you know what he's doing? He might be a total lightweight, and he's coming back with stories that are way, way worse than what actually happened.

 

I have no idea how he "affected you"... did he come to your parents' house violently drunk and wreck the place and beat the dog? Or did he skip something at the last minute, using that as an excuse? Or something in between?

 

I'd go with this: WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE? If you're not happy, you're not happy. You don't even have to be reasonable about your complaint. You get to decide what you like and what you don't like. But don't make the mistake of sticking around and trying to change him, or waiting for him to change for you. If you want him to change, then leave him, and maybe he will and maybe he won't. But at least you won't have to put up with it any more.

Simon Phoenix Established Member

Simon Phoenix

Posted
Posted

No, drinking on the weekends does not make one an alcoholic. Drinking a six-pack to get your day going makes you an alcoholic.

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