nymetsfan Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 Hey All I am trying to really get an idea of what I should feel about this. My girlfriend and I who do NOT live together but live 5 minutes apart work a lot. I work every day except Thursday and Sunday and she works every day except Sat and Sun. She has a 90 minute commute to work each day each way so her days total about 13 hours of time taken. We usually hang out every Sunday. I love her and she tells me she loves me (Although she has not said it to me in front of her 14 year old son). She says she loves me and thinks I am the right guy fro her. Even talks about us moving together in June. She is odd in the sense that sometimes she says very nice affection things one day and then can go 3 or 4 without saying anything super mushy other then I love you at night. My biggest concern is on the 6 days we do not see each other see seems perfectly fine with maybe 5 minutes of texting and a quick 5 minute phone call to say good night at the end of the night. On top of that whenever I tell her I miss her she never says it back. Yet on the flip side she wants to move in, lets me take her son out alone, lets me talk to her mother. But then beats around the bush at times. Like I was hurt in an accident the other day and nothing serious and see was happy I was ok and said "I am so happy, I might need you, you know? " What do you mean might lol? I just don't get it why go through all this with someone and make future plans to move in if you never even miss the person or need to talk to them much? Can someone explain am I over reacting or should I be concerned? If it matters I am 38 and she is 35 Thanks
Emilia Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 Well, many people here work 5 days and see their other half more than once a week. Her 90 minutes commute isn't an exception either. Would you say you are making excuses? Don't you think going from once a week to living together is too big a jump? It's supposed to be a transition.
Popsicle Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 Yes she should miss you, but she is probably not very sentimental.
Emilia Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 I think there is a difference between not being sentimental and not missing someone. I find gushing off putting but I'd want to see my man 2-3 a week at least if I loved him.
Redhead14 Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 Hey All I am trying to really get an idea of what I should feel about this. My girlfriend and I who do NOT live together but live 5 minutes apart work a lot. I work every day except Thursday and Sunday and she works every day except Sat and Sun. She has a 90 minute commute to work each day each way so her days total about 13 hours of time taken. We usually hang out every Sunday. I love her and she tells me she loves me (Although she has not said it to me in front of her 14 year old son). She says she loves me and thinks I am the right guy fro her. Even talks about us moving together in June. She is odd in the sense that sometimes she says very nice affection things one day and then can go 3 or 4 without saying anything super mushy other then I love you at night. My biggest concern is on the 6 days we do not see each other see seems perfectly fine with maybe 5 minutes of texting and a quick 5 minute phone call to say good night at the end of the night. On top of that whenever I tell her I miss her she never says it back. Yet on the flip side she wants to move in, lets me take her son out alone, lets me talk to her mother. But then beats around the bush at times. Like I was hurt in an accident the other day and nothing serious and see was happy I was ok and said "I am so happy, I might need you, you know? " What do you mean might lol? I just don't get it why go through all this with someone and make future plans to move in if you never even miss the person or need to talk to them much? Can someone explain am I over reacting or should I be concerned? If it matters I am 38 and she is 35 Thanks Perhaps she's wondering why you let 6 days go by without hearing that from you . . .
Qboro90 Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 Don't read into things so much. Her saying "I might need you" was just her saying something playfully lighthearted and obviously blatant about the "realization" about how important to her you are after the brief accident scare. You could've turned it back on her "I might need you" by saying "well you should figure it out soon because you never know what might happen" and reference the accident that just happened. So it's a way of saying anything could happen tomorrow and she should realize if there was a second slower or faster you could've been seriously hurt or killed so she needs to grasp onto the people she cares about when she has the chance. But even if you don't say things like that, you can't overanalyze a single word that rubs you the wrong way and question the entire way she feels about you. That's usually what girls do. She gave you a move in date correct? June? So why don't you just trust that and look forward to it. I think most of your doubts are because of the fact you only see one another once a week. So there is so much pressure and expectations around that one night where you want to get an entire weeks worth of feelings and love and excitement into the time you're with her. Then if she's not feeling well, or someone's tired, or not in the best mood, or whatever, you start to question whether you guys are starting to fall apart. Try and resist having those doubts. Trust me, I've experienced this too when I only saw my gf on weekends or once a week for a year during her new job schedule. It was tough and the routine sometimes feels like it will never end. You just have to make the most of the time you're with and talk to her and not hold onto the things that aren't perfect or negative. You're going to go from seeing each other once a week to living with her and being together every day. So be careful what you wish for. By August you might be saying "sheesh, I need a break, this is a lot " Once we get into April and May start taking steps to make the transition of moving your things. Or have the talks get more serious and detailed. If she doesn't participate or give you the confirmation that it's still what she wants, then you need to have a serious talk with her. But until then, assume that this is just the rut that's happened from the once a week visits. Focus on the fact that it's coming to an end in a few months 1
Author nymetsfan Posted February 29, 2016 Author Posted February 29, 2016 I will try and respond to all replies here. Emilia- I sorta agree with you. Everyone is busy, everyone has jobs and kids. you need to make time if you love someone. Popsicle- She is not very sentimental. I am not sure if that is a product of her first marriage being very bad for her and her son or if its her culture Redhead- she knows I miss her and want to see her. If she wanted 15 minutes from me every few days I would come see her Qboro- What you say makes sense as well. It does worry me and it is a transition. I just want to know that she is really into me and I am not just filling a void for her. Cause before she got this job she was calling all the time, on her days off wanted to talk or see me. Missed me more. I want to trust in her love
Popsicle Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 Popsicle- She is not very sentimental. I am not sure if that is a product of her first marriage being very bad for her and her son or if its her culture I believe people are born that way. They've never been sentimental ever.
Author nymetsfan Posted February 29, 2016 Author Posted February 29, 2016 I believe people are born that way. They've never been sentimental ever. So you believe I just have to be able to figure out if I can live with someone who will not be mushy all the time and who does not need to miss me to be with me? 1
five2nine Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 How long have you been together? She is not that affectionate but she can become that way over time if you express how important it is for you to hear/feel those things. Why don't you talk to her about it? And yes there's a chance it may never changw and she will always be a little distant You have to decide if you can be satisfied with that or not.
preraph Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 Not trying to hurt feelings, but it sounds to me that the problem is you are very insecure and need more than the normal amount of confirmation. There are puhlenty of happy couples who don't go around saying "I love you, I miss you" all the time. You may need to work on your own need for validation with a little counseling to see where the insecurity comes from before the neediness makes her pack up and leave. 1
WhirlwindGuy Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 I've got a very similar situation with my girlfriend. I am back and forth with trying to figure out if it is just me being overly needy, or is it something legitimate that I should consider.
Author nymetsfan Posted March 1, 2016 Author Posted March 1, 2016 Not trying to hurt feelings, but it sounds to me that the problem is you are very insecure and need more than the normal amount of confirmation. There are puhlenty of happy couples who don't go around saying "I love you, I miss you" all the time. You may need to work on your own need for validation with a little counseling to see where the insecurity comes from before the neediness makes her pack up and leave. I highly doubt I would break up with her, I love her. I just trying to understand
SunBird Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 I agree with others - talk to her about it. If you are serious enough to be planning to move in, you should be able to talk openly about how you feel. Have you heard or read about the idea of '5 love languages' - we all have different needs. Google it, it's quite interesting and can help understand others who have different love languages from your own
Popsicle Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 So you believe I just have to be able to figure out if I can live with someone who will not be mushy all the time and who does not need to miss me to be with me? Yes pretty much, that's it, but since you are in love with her, I doubt you'll dump her right now. Instead it will be a slow drain on you and this will slowly chip away at your love for her.
preraph Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 I highly doubt I would break up with her, I love her. I just trying to understand I'm not saying you'd break up with her. I'm saying you being overly insecure and needy isn't attractive and that may make her lose interest in you if you don't accept that that's your problem, not hers.
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