Parrotlet Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 My ex and I were together for almost five years. We broke up approximately 5 months ago on good terms. I initiated the breakup, yet I still find myself missing him and being sad over the break up. Don't get me wrong, I DO NOT want to get back together with him. He was bad for me, and I was bad for him. He would have ruined my life. I have cut off all contact and am trying to move forward. I have even met a new guy who I really like a lot. However, there are still these utterly unexpected moments of sadness where I really miss my ex. When will these feelings go away? I have never had a major break up before, and find my feelings over my ex while still being really excited about my new boyfriend very confusing. Any help would be much appreciated...
Jim nine three Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 Well,truth is,no one can set a definite date for when you truly get over somebody.However,with time these thoughts and feelings go away.For that to happen though someone must accept it is over,make the effort to go out there and enjoy life and eventually meet someone new who will knock his shocks off.You seem to be in the right track so keep doing what you are doing and eventually these sad moments will go away!
Sipping Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 Truth is they never go away. you just have to overcome it all. As time passes you think about them less and its all just memories really. So let time work for you.
kasop Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 5 years is a pretty long time to be with someone. Like others have said there really no defined time limit. You have to actively remove from your mind, heart, and life. Its going to take time to process but it will happen. You wont forget them but the feelings will fade. I still to this day think of ex's from way back in the past but dont feel anything towards them. Except for my most recent of course. Good luck.
K2z Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 You don't. But you function again, and their impact diminishes.
smudge21 Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 We all heal when we heal. Yeah, not a great answer that but I believe we're all different. There are no set rules either; I had short term relationships that ended suddenly and they have taken ages to get over... whereas some long term ones seemed to have faded fairly quickly. I do know you can't rush these things though, you can't force yourself to heal and in much the same way, you should never beat yourself up if you haven't healed in a certain time. It will happen when it happens. There's no rules but there's also no problem with feeling this way. One day you'll just remember them and be like "meh.. whatever" and know that you no longer feel that way.
CDJ Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 If you start putting time frames and estimates on it, you will only frustrate yourself and will probably hinder your healing process. You just have to let it happen naturally and gradually - don't try to do anything to force it (I'm speaking from experience here!) as it will just make things worse. As others have said, I don't think you ever 'get over' or forget such things; you just come to accept them and the pain diminishes.
Toodaloo Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 It really does vary. Took me several months to get over a three week fling, yet my last ex of 7 years I was over it before he was out of the door. Instead of putting time scales on your healing how about concentrating on what you can do to help yourself heal? Concentrate on going out to see friends, involve yourself with projects and fun things to do. The thing is you are mourning what could have been rather than what was. As soon as you accept what was instead of thinking about what could of been you will find it easier.
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