WaitingForBardot Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 I believe use of the word flocking is insensitive to some of us... ..lol.. 1
sportygirl89 Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 I think its the same with everyone when you are taken. Especially at the beginning of a relationship you feel /look happy. When I was in process of talking to my ex. I had three guys come up to me. I was like um it took me this long to talk to one guy I couldn't take it with the others. . Now that I've been single for three years not even a bite. I will get guys who are naturally a flirt but nothing else. Its a strange philosophy for sure.
sandylee1 Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 Have you ever thought the type of woman to hit on a married man really isn't worth it? When guys hit on me knowing I'm married..... I find it offensive..... it's showing disrespect towards me as a MW, thinking I'd take them up on their offer. I'll excuse them if they didn't realise. Those are what people refer to as 'good time girls' and I know it can boost your ego no end to get that attention..... I just shut it down pretty fast 3
PrettyEmily77 Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 (edited) Somehow women always know...and want to pursue when you're taken. This phenomenon has always been interesting to me. It's partially as if the universe is testing you to see if you'll remain faithful. Also, it's like guys in a relationship give off a different aura than guys who are single..LOL Within the last few months alone : 1) Three women from my past reached out trying to re-spark 2) A woman at my work that knows I have a GF, has a massive crush on me and is always flirting at work. She even got my number out of the employee book and started to text me flirtatiously, saying how cute I am, etc.. 3) In Vegas, my GF almost got into it with a woman that was openly hitting on me right in front of her. So that's really only 5 in a few months - I'd hardly call it 'flocking' . But yeah, I've seen it happen but I can't really get my head around it. Never went anywhere near a taken guy when single myself - just can't see the appeal. Edited February 29, 2016 by PrettyEmily77 1
katiegrl Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 (edited) Somehow women always know...and want to pursue when you're taken. Just wanted to add something to my previous post. I don't agree women always know (when you're taken). In fact, I would venture to guess many of them don't know. What they DO know is that you are relaxed, genuine, comfortable in your own skin, with no pretenses. You project a different energy/vibe when you're taken and/or otherwise unavailable. All because, as has been discussed, you don't give a crap about attracting them (because you have a GF!)...and are perhaps a bit aloof in how you come across..... and THAT is what is attractive to them!! Just my experience, but many single men I meet who want to date me hover over me like a stage-five clinger. I had one guy actually get down on his knees literally begging me to go on a date with him- no joke. I actually thought it was a joke! Turned out he was perfectly serious. Many, NOT ALL, single guys act totally desperate, come on like gangbusters, and that is a huge turn off. So when a guy comes along who acts a bit aloof.... he becomes very attractive. Just my experience and opinion. Edited February 29, 2016 by katiegrl
brothers343 Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 Most man that are married have this (I don't give a **** attitude). And more woman then none like that kind of bravado. Maybe is the challege of trying to break through it.
Revolver Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 I feel like In many cases women don't trust their own instincts when it comes to picking guys. Like he has to be validated by other women before it's ok to like him. Even if its just one woman. I've seen it all the damn time, dude is single for years finally gets a gf and the floodgates open.
Gloria25 Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 (edited) Why do some people have over inflated egos to think people want them cuz they're "taken"? Like some already posted, it has to do with how you carry yourself when you got someone. You look happier, confident, etc...and "that's" what gets people's attention. Ever hear some people say they meet someone when they're not looking? Cuz when you're busy with "life" and are happy, it shows and it makes you attractive. If you're single, miserable, desperate, and/or lonely and/or dying to meet someone in hopes that they'll fill a void in your miserable existence - people can see/smell that on you and it's a turn off. For me, if I find out that someone I was attracted to was "taken" I don't have increased attraction - worst if what they're "taken" by isn't anything to brag about. My 6 yr guy? His concubine, I liked her a lot. I didn't ever feel in "competition" with her. I admired her cuz we were both professionals, hard working and graduated from the same high school - where we coincidentally were leaders in the class. Her fashion sense sorta rubbed off on me. It was a turn on that my 6yr guy had good taste in picking women. Some guys on OLD, for some absurd reason post pics of them with other women in hopes that makes them more attractive, but to me it's a turn off that screams "player" and/or "desperate". Edited March 1, 2016 by Gloria25 1
katiegrl Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 (edited) I feel like In many cases women don't trust their own instincts when it comes to picking guys. Like he has to be validated by other women before it's ok to like him. Even if its just one woman. I've seen it all the damn time, dude is single for years finally gets a gf and the floodgates open. Nah, not for me. Most, if not all, the time, when I first meet a man, I have no idea how many women are after him, and don't care. My attraction has never been determined by or based on that. Frankly I think that's rather f'cked up. Edited March 1, 2016 by katiegrl
SSJROMANCE Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 If single men all have something wrong with them, then how do people ever get into relationships? That's a good point lol. When I used to wear my wedding ring I used to get hit on all the time. I took it off years ago and ever since I did I don't remember ever being hit on. Go figure.
Gettingbrave Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 When a guy is taken, especially an attractive guy, it raises his value 10 fold. It appears that he has 'keeper' qualities to other women and many times, women will try to get 'closer' to him to find out what he's all about. They want a sample. My husband is witty and attractive- a killer combo. At a wedding a few summers ago, I found him outside at a round table surrounded by women..at least 8-10 of them. All looking at him, laughing, talking. I was inside dancing so I guess these ladies thought it was a good opportunity to move in. I think, as annoying as it is, that if desperate single women can snag a little bit of the married/taken man's attention, it's an ego boost for her..it can possibly validate her own attractiveness. Not the best method, but it can happen, nonetheless. The taken man is unavailable as well and sometimes those women with little values, will attempt to shake him, to see what kind of power they can influence over him. As a wife, this makes me want to punch them all in the face.
MidwestUSA Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 I believe use of the word flocking is insensitive to some of us... ..lol.. Says the seagull. Heck, you have a band named after you! Stand tall! And flock! 1
mikeylo Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 This is not gender biased. Many men also go after taken women. Same rules / mindset applies. Those who do this, are just trying to see how much power they have to ' steal ' someone elses partner. A man is fighting another man and a woman is fighting another woman ,lol ! and that too for someone who is committed to another ! Its up to the partner to maintain boundary and not get carried away with the cheap attention. Women look at me , just I look at them , casually , but not let them flock around me.I'm no attention seeker of such women.Look but dont come closer. As it is, I'm not interested in any woman as I get enough attention from my wife.I give her more than she needs. There are those who like attention from others while being in committed relationship.How committed are they , ahem ? 1
GoodOnPaper Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 I suspect that taken guys who notice an uptick in attention would still do just fine without the ring or the presence of their arm candy. Speaking from the opposite end of the spectrum, I went from virtually zero attention from women to zero attention (from other women) since I've been with my wife. I'd love the external validation but when push comes to shove, I'm just a "boring" family man who doesn't even put himself in positions where being flirted with is a possibility. I do notice that LS seems to be full of women whose husbands are hit on regularly or otherwise "could have had any woman they wanted" - so maybe there is sort of a humblebragging type of pride element?
WaitingForBardot Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 Says the seagull. Heck, you have a band named after you! Stand tall! And flock! See, I'm attached, and they're flocking to me right here on LS! Myth proven... 1
carhill Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 My recap: 1. 20 or so years of dating and girlfriends - no flock; invisible 2. Minor flocking in early married years 3. Flocking increased as social exposure grew wider, meaning we traveled a lot and become known to a wider social circle. 4. Flocking peaked when the M was going south and I was pretty raw and vulnerable. 5. Experimented while divorcing but before dissolution final and was more popular/approached/flirted with when wearing wedding ring. I think I posted up some of my experiments on that topic because this topic has recurred many times. 6. Took wedding ring off, got divorced, back to invisible. The most common flock was married folks but the single women started showing up towards the end. Flocking means, to me, active and unsolicited flirtation from strangers. I don't count MW's I know, or female friends, in that tally. Strictly strangers, and more than one in a short period of time. An example of a flock is a young friend of mine, now married, whom, when single, could enter the room and women would 'flock' to him. They didn't know him, but wanted to. It didn't matter if they were young or old, married or single. He didn't have to speak; merely enter the room. That's an extreme version but indicative of what I mean by flock. When I was invisible there were no approaches; no one wanted to get to know me. After getting married, that changed. Something about marriage in my demographic does that. I have no idea what it is. It's in the past so will remain a mystery.
Dylon Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 I would have been skeptical of some of the points made in this thread if it wasn't for the fact that I got into a situation that "educated" me in this regard. The girl who pursued me, a married guy, shared some things. As some of you have said, a taken person is tested. I'm going to just refer to a taken guy because I don't know if the opposite can be said since I have no experience with that. The taken man is relationship quality. A single guy, who knows how many girls he is bedding, whether he can commit, is a greater risk. It's a mindset too depending on the pursuer, whether she thinks or has the confidence/moral or lack of, to take on winning a taken man over. This girl had no problem thinking she will win me over and I will leave my wife. She said if I'm her husband, she would ask me not to wear a ring, because it just catches girls' attention more. Even some of her male friends, would wear a ring just to get attention. Well, I thought it was a silly discussion. Of course it's more than being taken, there has to be other factors at well. No one care about that married pig smelly drunk at the bar. For me, she saw all the qualities a married guy has: wanted, a career, stability, ect.....I told her she just wants to cheat and skip all the discovering herself with a single guy. Not to say that she prefers a married man, but certainly, a married or taken guy, passed some tests that are appealing to women. This is why I don't know if the reverse can be true since women and men after different things. She wanted to feel safe and secure. Ironically, the situation has an opposite effect.
TheBathWater Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 Somehow women always know...and want to pursue when you're taken. This phenomenon has always been interesting to me. It's partially as if the universe is testing you to see if you'll remain faithful. Also, it's like guys in a relationship give off a different aura than guys who are single..LOL Within the last few months alone : 1) Three women from my past reached out trying to re-spark 2) A woman at my work that knows I have a GF, has a massive crush on me and is always flirting at work. She even got my number out of the employee book and started to text me flirtatiously, saying how cute I am, etc.. 3) In Vegas, my GF almost got into it with a woman that was openly hitting on me right in front of her. Women are like seagulls. When they see one pecking, they all come swooping in.
BlueIris Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 Somehow women always know...and want to pursue when you're taken. This phenomenon has always been interesting to me. It's partially as if the universe is testing you to see if you'll remain faithful. Also, it's like guys in a relationship give off a different aura than guys who are single..LOL Within the last few months alone : 1) Three women from my past reached out trying to re-spark 2) A woman at my work that knows I have a GF, has a massive crush on me and is always flirting at work. She even got my number out of the employee book and started to text me flirtatiously, saying how cute I am, etc.. 3) In Vegas, my GF almost got into it with a woman that was openly hitting on me right in front of her. You're prescreened. Given that you are with a seemingly normal woman, odds are good that you're not a psycho, leech or doormat. You're golden!
lino Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 This is a surprise to anyone? Doesn't even have to be a guy in a marriage/relationship, just a guy who gets heaps of women. It's that 'she wants it so I have to want it too.' Serial womanisers are technically single even if they're bonking half a dozen women at once and women throw themselves at them. How else would they be womanisers? It's much like how they are in other areas in life. Look how sheepishly they all follow some of those horrendous fashion trends!! I feel like In many cases women don't trust their own instincts when it comes to picking guys. Like he has to be validated by other women before it's ok to like him. Even if its just one woman. I've seen it all the damn time, dude is single for years finally gets a gf and the floodgates open. Everyone has seen it. It's more predictable than the sun rising.
string of letters Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 Some scientists (or "scientists" - you can be the judge) have a hypothesis that is rather less flattering to women than the 'I like him now because he exudes a new confidence' etc etc You could google "mate choice copying" (but not for the squeamish, and certainly advised if you don't want to hear, for instance, that some behavioral traits *may* be shared by both humans and common fruit flies. )
JustGettingBy Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 Could also be a bias at play here: Lets say someone is hit on once per month. When they're single, being hit on once per month can feel like forever. However, when with a partner, once per month feels a lot more often.
thefooloftheyear Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 Its kinda like garbage....... You throw out a piece of furniture to the curb because its no longer what you want...Some people drive by, stop and check it out...You see them, and all of a sudden you bring it back in the house, dust it off, and put a fresh coat of wax on it... Just human nature, I suppose.... TFY
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