ayeshau Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 I met a guy on tinder we talked for a week and had our first date about 5-6 weeks back, we both told eachother it was the best date we'd ever been on. Since then he's initiated every date, he lives an hour away and drives down to come to see me and we have an amazing time every time. He texts me like right after the date and since our first date, there hasnt been one day we haven't texted, i never feel like i have to initiate it, so we talk every day, he calls a lot too we have like 6 hour convos all night and since i only see him once a week he'll facetime too. We've had about 4 dates because of the distance (i wasnt able to meet last week) and its pretty much been established neither of us is talking to anyone else. I'll be honest, and I know its early, but I think I'm already falling for him. But still if he told me he loved me i'd still get a bit freaked out since its so early. But we haven't gone in at all into making it official. I'm hoping after more time we spend actually together it'll naturally come up, but how many dates or what amount of time is usually a good time to expect that kind of talk? I really want to let him bring it up.
EatYourVeggies Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 Everything sounds great. What does making it official mean? Clicking some buttons on a website? Both agreeing verbally you wont see other people? Sounds like you already think that is happening.
Author ayeshau Posted February 28, 2016 Author Posted February 28, 2016 I know it sounds silly but we don't have that label i guess. we both just kind of first assumed were not dating anyone else and talked about it a bit on the phone, but I don't see him as boyfriend and I know he wouldn't see me as a girlfriend right now, we just really havent that whole "what are we..?" talk. We both told eachother in the beginning we want to see where things go and now that its been some time I'm not sure when we should figure out what we are and where we stand
EatYourVeggies Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 I don't thing you have a thing to worry about. You've done a number on this boy based on what little you shared. He is probably talking to his buddies wondering how long he suppose to wait so he doesnt look like an axe murderer.
loveiswar101 Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 Through experience lately I wouldn't push putting a tag on it. Just enjoy it! Only thing I would want if possible would be to try see each other more if possible as then your know if it is what both want. Don't want to get into a routine of every weekend cathing up, get boring quick where the fun in routine. But all round great. Enjoy!
hippychick3 Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 Just relax and enjoy. It's still a little early to put labels on each other. At this point, my bf called me "his girl" but the word "girlfriend" wasn't used until about 3 months of dating. Sounds like things are going at a good pace as they are!
morecup Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 It all depends.. Are you having sex with him?
Author ayeshau Posted February 29, 2016 Author Posted February 29, 2016 It all depends.. Are you having sex with him? were not having sex, i'm a virgin, and he's been extremely cool about that, he basically told me he doesn't mind waiting however long i need to feel comfortable, i haven't felt pressured at all
katiegrl Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 (edited) What's the rush making it "official"? It's only been six weeks. Why not just enjoy the RL and let it progress gradually and naturally? In any event, don't push it - you're likely to push him right at the door. Patience! Things are going well, you know he's into you - RELAX! Edited February 29, 2016 by katiegrl
Miss Peach Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 For the amount of time you've spent together he is acting like a BF so it's a good sign of his interest in you. At this stage it's nerve wracking but just enjoy getting to know him and make sure you would want to be with him. My personal wait is 3 months... but in 3-4 months if he hasn't brought up wanting to make things official you can initiate it. My advice is if he can't figure out if he wants to be in a relationship with you by then isn't not a good sign, break it off and move on.
katiegrl Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 (edited) For the amount of time you've spent together he is acting like a BF so it's a good sign of his interest in you. At this stage it's nerve wracking but just enjoy getting to know him and make sure you would want to be with him. My personal wait is 3 months... but in 3-4 months if he hasn't brought up wanting to make things official you can initiate it. My advice is if he can't figure out if he wants to be in a relationship with you by then isn't not a good sign, break it off and move on. Posted this on another thread but it took my friend's now-finance eight months to make it "official." Before that, they were exclusively dating, spending most of their free time together, meeting each other's friends and family, BUT he was not comfortable with the "R" word or the word "official" until such time he fell in love with her, and that took around eight months. They are now engaged and getting married in June. My brother didn't even tell us he had a girlfriend for TWO YEARS. He and his wife have been happily married five years. Every man is different. If you're exclusive, having fun, he is consistent and you trust him....then don't worry about a title or making anything "official." I am not sure what that even means as nothing changes once you become official.... whatever your RL was like before making it official will be the same after making it official. I say, just relax and enjoy and don't push. Pushing does no good whatsoever, in fact like I said before if you nag him about it, you may succeed in pushing him right out the door. Go by his actions and how he treats you. Edited February 29, 2016 by katiegrl
Gaeta Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 My personal timeline is 5 dates. If a man had 5 dates with me then he had enough time to figure out if he wants to date me exclusively. I would never invest 3 months in someone without an official talk on exclusivity. Each time you meet someone you develop attachment. There is no such a thing as 'guarding your feelings'. We feel, that's what humans do, and we have no control over falling or not for someone. OP simply wants to avoid investing feeling into a man that doesn't feel the same as her. Give him 2 more dates and tell him you are looking to date exclusively at this point and ask him what he thinks about it.
Gaeta Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 Posted this on another thread but it took my friend's now-finance eight months to make it "official." Before that, they were exclusively dating, spending most of their free time together, meeting each other's friends and family, BUT he was not comfortable with the "R" word or the word "official" until such time he fell in love with her, and that took around eight months. They are now engaged and getting married in June. My brother didn't even tell us he had a girlfriend for TWO YEARS. He and his wife have been happily married five years. Every man is different. If you're exclusive, having fun, he is consistent and you trust him....then don't worry about a title or making anything "official." I am not sure what that even means as nothing changes once you become official.... whatever your RL was like before making it official will be the same after making it official. I say, just relax and enjoy and don't push. Pushing does no good whatsoever, in fact like I said before if you nag him about it, you may succeed in pushing him right out the door. Go by his actions and how he treats you. The key word here is 'every man is different'. Yes they are, that's why it's best to stick with men that have the same dating style as us. I would not wait 8 months for a man to make it official with me. I would not date a man that kept me a secret from his family for 2 years. For some women it's ok and they're happy in this, good for them. OP has to respect her dating style and her time frame. A woman should never 'endure' being in the dark, longer than what she considers reasonable, just to give 'time' to a man.
katiegrl Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 (edited) My personal timeline is 5 dates. If a man had 5 dates with me then he had enough time to figure out if he wants to date me exclusively. I would never invest 3 months in someone without an official talk on exclusivity. Each time you meet someone you develop attachment. There is no such a thing as 'guarding your feelings'. We feel, that's what humans do, and we have no control over falling or not for someone. OP simply wants to avoid investing feeling into a man that doesn't feel the same as her. Give him 2 more dates and tell him you are looking to date exclusively at this point and ask him what he thinks about it. I agree...with respect to exclusivity. But is that what she meant by making it official? There is another thread running where the woman was (is) exclusivity dating her boyfriend, consistently, for four months. Everything was great, spending weekends together, etc. But she needed that official "title". I am not sure what that even means. Can someone explain? If you are exclusive and dating consistently, you trust each other, having a great time, why does making anything "official" matter? And again what does it mean? You are already exclusive!! And even if you did make it official....he could still meet someone else, fade or ghost or break up with you. Go read the break up section.... Very confused about that. Edited February 29, 2016 by katiegrl
katiegrl Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 I met a guy on tinder we talked for a week and had our first date about 5-6 weeks back, we both told eachother it was the best date we'd ever been on. Since then he's initiated every date, he lives an hour away and drives down to come to see me and we have an amazing time every time. He texts me like right after the date and since our first date, there hasnt been one day we haven't texted, i never feel like i have to initiate it, so we talk every day, he calls a lot too we have like 6 hour convos all night and since i only see him once a week he'll facetime too. We've had about 4 dates because of the distance (i wasnt able to meet last week) and its pretty much been established neither of us is talking to anyone else.. OP, since it's been established that you are exclusive....can you explain what you mean by "official?" Thanks a bunch.
thecrucible Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 I just want to say that things will happen due course and there should be some upping the ante in terms of your discussions of how serious your relationship is if he really likes you. But I also want to say that at the same time the label makes no difference as I have had guys want to be official with me but they weren't that invested, they just wanted to have me on a hook and invested in them. 1
katiegrl Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 I would not date a man that kept me a secret from his family for 2 years. Yeah I hear ya. My brother is a stubborn, slow moving Taurus, what can I say. Took him seven years to marry her....but they are super happy now so it all worked out. Apparently his beautiful wife understands him in a way we, his family, never could!
frus69 Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 And even if you did make it official....he could still meet someone else, fade or ghost or break up with you. Go read the break up section.... Very confused about that. well this is true. I once was dating someone who would make effort to see me everyday, and text me if not seeing me and call me if not texting me. And we had "the talk" after 1 month. All so good right? Guess what he broke up with me after second month. Anyway, If you are happy now OP don't worry about the title. A title does not guarantee you a thing.
Gaeta Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 OP, since it's been established that you are exclusive....can you explain what you mean by "official?" Thanks a bunch. and its pretty much been established neither of us is talking to anyone else.. In this situation it's like she is saying: it all seems to be pointing at we're not seeing other people but.........but it still needs to be confirmed. It's like a potential employer calling you saying: The interview was great, your file is complete, it looks like we will be offering you a position. It's nice but not something you can take to the bank. OP wants to make sure what she sees is actually what she's getting.
yxalitis Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 until the sun rises in the west and sets in the east. until the rivers run dry and the mountains blow in the wind like leaves
adarna Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 Posted this on another thread but it took my friend's now-finance eight months to make it "official." Before that, they were exclusively dating, spending most of their free time together, meeting each other's friends and family, BUT he was not comfortable with the "R" word or the word "official" until such time he fell in love with her, and that took around eight months. They are now engaged and getting married in June. My brother didn't even tell us he had a girlfriend for TWO YEARS. He and his wife have been happily married five years. Every man is different. If you're exclusive, having fun, he is consistent and you trust him....then don't worry about a title or making anything "official." I am not sure what that even means as nothing changes once you become official.... whatever your RL was like before making it official will be the same after making it official. I say, just relax and enjoy and don't push. Pushing does no good whatsoever, in fact like I said before if you nag him about it, you may succeed in pushing him right out the door. Go by his actions and how he treats you. I generally agree to just relax and enjoy and not push. BUT the problem with the above is that this puts the relationship in the man's control. Some women are okay with that and are willing to wait -- such as your friend and brother's wife -- but OP clearly is not. Every man is different -- While true, a woman also has her own standards and "timeline" as to how long she's willing to not be official and has every right to assert that. So if it has been 6 weeks and this is when OP feels ready for it to be official, she should be able to address it relatively soon, or maybe wait a few weeks or so or however long she can hold out for him to bring it up. By putting the relationship in her man's control and timeline, when she's ready already, it will lead only to frustration if she is not the type of woman like Katie's friend. For me personally that's 6 months to a year, depending on the circumstances. I've met men who make it official anywhere from a few weeks to an entire year or so. Question is, OP, what are you comfortable with? And is that in line with your SO's expectations?
adarna Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 and its pretty much been established neither of us is talking to anyone else.. In this situation it's like she is saying: it all seems to be pointing at we're not seeing other people but.........but it still needs to be confirmed. It's like a potential employer calling you saying: The interview was great, your file is complete, it looks like we will be offering you a position. It's nice but not something you can take to the bank. OP wants to make sure what she sees is actually what she's getting. Great analogy!! Bold -- I love this and I think that's what anyone who is still in the early part of a relationship or is in relationship limbo ultimately wants. 1
joseb Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 Great analogy!! Bold -- I love this and I think that's what anyone who is still in the early part of a relationship or is in relationship limbo ultimately wants. I do like the anology. It helps me understand a little what is going through women's heads about this "official" thing. For me it's hard to understand the whole idea. I've never become "official" with anyone. It just happens. 1
adarna Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 I do like the anology. It helps me understand a little what is going through women's heads about this "official" thing. For me it's hard to understand the whole idea. I've never become "official" with anyone. It just happens. Same here! Up until my current guy, I've never had to have the "official" talk. It just sort of happened where one day we both knew we were a officially a couple or something happened to indicate that we were. Reading through this forum though, it looks like making things official formally is something a lot of people do and need to define the relationship. I definitely understand why.
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