DenverLady Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 I've had pretty good luck in the initial dating stages in the past so this one has me confused. I met a man at a networking event and he seemed interested. We got to chatting and I mentioned a festival/outdoor event that's was thinking of going to that weekend and he said he would've there with friends and I should come. So I did and his friends were great. He bought me a couple off drinks (I offered to pay) and we just had a fun day. He sends a couple "had fun" "hope you had a good day" texts. He asks me to dinner and a movie. He pays for the movie (I offer again) and we go to dinner. It may have been the wine but, he talked about himself non stop. The check came. I offered to pay and he said okay. I'll be honest I was taken back. I know it's wrong but, I am so used guys saying "no way!" I know this mans job and it wasn't because he was strapped for money. He took me home and didn't kiss me (and didn't the other nights either). But, then starts the texts again and asks me to go out again. I said I couldn't so he suggested another day. I said I'd have to get back with him. I'm lost. Is this guy just looking for a buddy? If so I'm fine with that but, if he thinks this is the start of something special I would have to disagree. Do I even bother talking to him again or just assume we are friends? 1
deep_night Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 he treated you twice, you treated him once. seems quite fair to me. he wants to see you again, that means he liked being around you. don't overthink. just go and see how you feel :3 4
Satu Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 It isn't anything yet, beyond a very tentative 'meeting up' arrangement. Its too early to define it as anything other than that. Take care.
Author DenverLady Posted February 28, 2016 Author Posted February 28, 2016 he treated you twice, you treated him once. seems quite fair to me. he wants to see you again, that means he liked being around you. don't overthink. just go and see how you feel :3 Not that it makes a difference but, to clarify. He only bought a couple of drinks at a festival. I paid for a bottle of wine and two dinners.
deep_night Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 Not that it makes a difference but, to clarify. He only bought a couple of drinks at a festival. I paid for a bottle of wine and two dinners. didnt he pay for the movie too? dont offer the next time, this way it'll even out... 1
Satu Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 Not that it makes a difference but, to clarify. He only bought a couple of drinks at a festival. I paid for a bottle of wine and two dinners. There is a very common and false belief which holds that everything in relationships has to be equal. I bought six eggs and that means you have to buy six eggs, or something of equal value like a cake. Nonsense. You pay when you want to pay, without keeping a ledger. Don't pay and then regret it later because you didn't get the cake. 1
EatYourVeggies Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 Not that it makes a difference but, to clarify. He only bought a couple of drinks at a festival. I paid for a bottle of wine and two dinners. Does the fact that you paid for X and he paid for Y cause you to wonder if he is after Z or not? If so, stop offering to pay. It's counterproductive and causes you confusion. Nothing wrong with going "old school"... It still works you know. 1
Author DenverLady Posted February 28, 2016 Author Posted February 28, 2016 didnt he pay for the movie too? dont offer the next time, this way it'll even out... You're right. It is not that I have a big objection to paying. In relationships I like to take turns paying. It is more that I would think that if this man was interested he would offer to split the bill or something. My problem is that I don't want to date him but, I had fun with him and his friends and would like to keep it at that level. So, how do I get that across when I really don't know his intentions either? 1
Author DenverLady Posted February 28, 2016 Author Posted February 28, 2016 There is a very common and false belief which holds that everything in relationships has to be equal. I bought six eggs and that means you have to buy six eggs, or something of equal value like a cake. Nonsense. You pay when you want to pay, without keeping a ledger. Don't pay and then regret it later because you didn't get the cake. This issue is honestly not about who paid. It is more is he looking at me as just a friend. I am just used to men paying on a first date. 1
smudge21 Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 I would guess he's taking his time, playing it straight, happy to pay his way but also wants to know you're willing to pay and happy to do so. I'm similar with girls in that I usually pay initially, let them offer a few times, let them pay later on. I do reckon you are overthinking and need to just see where this goes. So far it sounds just nice, so if you're enjoying his company then continue to do so. 1
Shining One Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 I will never understand the logic of offering to do something and then being taken aback when someone accepts my offer. 2
EatYourVeggies Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 I will never understand the logic of offering to do something and then being taken aback when someone accepts my offer. I don't think it's that. It just confuses her and blurs the lines. I'm a guy and when a girl offers to pay I assume she isn't interested and it's a turn off. Had the last few who did it circle back weeks later when I didn't ask them out again and they knew exactly what the issue was and even said they never had a guy let them pay but read / heard it's how it is now. How many guys want a girl to pay? 2 out 10 maybe? I would play the odds and stick with what works and not what a small percent of people would have us do. 1
Emilia Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 I never offer to pay the full whack early on but I insist on sharing the bill. I want no obligation and a man paying for everything is too old school for me. 1
Satu Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 I always like to pay, but a friend of mine outwitted me the other day by telling the waitress when I was in the bathroom, that she must not, under any circumstances, even show me the bill! Fait accompli. "He drew a circle that shut me out — Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout. But Love and I had the wit to win: We drew a circle that took him in." -- Edwin Markham, "Outwitted", from The Shoes of Happiness, and Other Poems (1913)
smackie9 Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 Good lord just ask him what his intentions are....then whatever answer he gives you, you can work it form there. Pretty simple.
fitnessfan365 Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 I will never understand the logic of offering to do something and then being taken aback when someone accepts my offer. This has always been strange to me as well. It has been becoming kind of a regular trend on here. A woman starts a thread saying she offered to pay and then was upset by the fact that the guy let her. If you don't want to pay, don't offer. It's that simple.
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