Overcoming social awkwardness/ anxiety and gaining confidence.

February 28, 2016

I'm a pretty chill guy. Cool and fun. Had a break up that broke me badly and changed me. I got like a liitle girl really. Just quiet and easy going. Never really wanting to go out and talking to people. Avoiding going places and talking to people.

Im getting a bit better but i still struggle. I cant really keep a convo going and be fun like I use to. Its hard to find myself and be happy and enjoy myself again. I want to be that way because that's the person I am

That's the guy i enjoy being. Happy, funny, great personality.

Its all changed since the break up and I want that guy back.

I want to regain my confidence and myself. Be able to go out there, talk to people and get myself up and feeling good again.

February 28, 2016

How long ago was the break up?

February 28, 2016

Since June last year. But we stopped talking September. Well I stopped. We just talked on and off December but nothing really. She wanted to meet up n stuff talking bout us and later on and what not but never followed through with anything.

February 28, 2016

Repeatedly do something you are good at so you can get re-used to enjoying a feeling of success. Then take that confidence boost on to something you aren't so good at.

Consider joining a group called ToastMasters. It's really about public speaking but it touches on social interaction.

February 28, 2016

Engage with everyone you come into contact with.

Neighbours, the guy at the corner store, the librarians in your library, everyone.

These simple innocent encounters will make you feel connected and part of the world you live in.

Pay attention to people and give them some attention.

February 28, 2016

Repeatedly do something you are good at so you can get re-used to enjoying a feeling of success. Then take that confidence boost on to something you aren't so good at.

Consider joining a group called ToastMasters. It's really about public speaking but it touches on social interaction.

I am doing this. I have made plans for myself to start back getting fit, putting on muscle and just treat and take care of myself.

I am struggling to motivate myself so much tho. And I can't pin down the reason why.

February 28, 2016

It sounds to me like you need to start seeing people casually. However, you will definitely need confidence to do this. The beauty of just trying to find people to casually see or sleep with is that it should hopefully take the pressure and emotion out of it. Have you thought about getting some self help books on game/dating/etc? Maybe just visiting some dating websites that specialize in flirting for men? From the sound of it I had a lot of the same problems that you are currently having. These were not from me being dumped though. It was more that I had just was inexperienced and had a lot of social hang ups. It made it easier for me to have script to go off though. I think I am allowed to plug a book so I would recommend "Text That Girl" or something similar. You want a copy paste book where it walks you through everything. Another guy I visit who has a lot of advice and a good personal story is "Modernmack.com". He is newish but I found him while telling people about "Text That Girl". He used it and even has a decent review on it.

Back on subject though I hope everything works out for you. It sucks being a guy sometimes because there is a lot more pressure on us when it comes to dating. Hang in there though and just remember above all that you are there to have fun. You are there to enjoy yourself and meet someone who is going to make "you" happy.

February 28, 2016

Engage with everyone you come into contact with.

Neighbours, the guy at the corner store, the librarians in your library, everyone.

These simple innocent encounters will make you feel connected and part of the world you live in.

Pay attention to people and give them some attention.

I try to and I do. Even if its a simple hi or how are you. I engage with people, if its just a smile and I am starting back to get that positive feeling. Just get that depressed isolated feeling sometimes.

February 28, 2016

It sounds to me like you need to start seeing people casually. However, you will definitely need confidence to do this. The beauty of just trying to find people to casually see or sleep with is that it should hopefully take the pressure and emotion out of it. Have you thought about getting some self help books on game/dating/etc? Maybe just visiting some dating websites that specialize in flirting for men? From the sound of it I had a lot of the same problems that you are currently having. These were not from me being dumped though. It was more that I had just was inexperienced and had a lot of social hang ups. It made it easier for me to have script to go off though. I think I am allowed to plug a book so I would recommend "Text That Girl" or something similar. You want a copy paste book where it walks you through everything. Another guy I visit who has a lot of advice and a good personal story is "Modernmack.com". He is newish but I found him while telling people about "Text That Girl". He used it and even has a decent review on it.

Back on subject though I hope everything works out for you. It sucks being a guy sometimes because there is a lot more pressure on us when it comes to dating. Hang in there though and just remember above all that you are there to have fun. You are there to enjoy yourself and meet someone who is going to make "you" happy.

Hey thanks a lot. I do need those things and I will take your advice. Trying to put my life back on track is a lot more difficult than I ever thought it was gonna be. I thought it would happen naturally but it is taking so much out of me and I still haven't reached the place I wanted to.

Thanks man. I'm hoping to get my self back in order soon.

February 28, 2016

I try to and I do. Even if its a simple hi or how are you. I engage with people, if its just a smile and I am starting back to get that positive feeling. *Just get that depressed isolated feeling sometimes.

*That might indicate that you're holding back in some way, or being guarded after being hurt.

Thats not so unusual, and won't be a permanent thing.

Just try to notice when you feel connected and when you feel isolated.

Decide to open up more with people.

Decide to listen better.

Think about what it means to 'be' with people.

Whenever we interact with people, we should 'be' with ourselves, whilst 'being' with them.

I like to put it like this:

"Everyone gets all of me."

February 28, 2016

So you last had contact in December? If you haven't gone no contact for long then you can't expect to heal that quickly. It's like having a broken bone but instead of getting it fixed you're favouring the other leg and trying to ignore it, but every now and then, you use that leg and it hurts. You need to heal and only time will do that. Yeah it hurts, I've been there (pretty much sort of there now) but there's nothing you can do to speed up the process. You just have to follow what others have said and try to live life best you can. Force yourself out and experience new things, or even old things you used to do. The best medicine is always no contact at all and simply time. Don't stress it that you haven't healed as that will hold you back more. Just accept that one day you will be fine, but up until that happens, you will hurt... and that's okay. We all hurt occasionally, but it always gets better.

February 28, 2016

*That might indicate that you're holding back in some way, or being guarded after being hurt.

Thats not so unusual, and won't be a permanent thing.

Just try to notice when you feel connected and when you feel isolated.

Decide to open up more with people.

Decide to listen better.

Think about what it means to 'be' with people.

Whenever we interact with people, we should 'be' with ourselves, whilst 'being' with them.

I like to put it like this:

"Everyone gets all of me."

I understand what your saying. I feel better when im with people, when im talking to them and communicating. like at work, or when i go gym with my cousins but when im by myself i dont really feel all that.. Like early in the morning or when i get home from work.

I wanted to start back running often, i do think bout stuff when i run but i feel better and my minds free and calm. and the places i go to run are quiet, green and calm.

February 28, 2016

So you last had contact in December? If you haven't gone no contact for long then you can't expect to heal that quickly. It's like having a broken bone but instead of getting it fixed you're favouring the other leg and trying to ignore it, but every now and then, you use that leg and it hurts. You need to heal and only time will do that. Yeah it hurts, I've been there (pretty much sort of there now) but there's nothing you can do to speed up the process. You just have to follow what others have said and try to live life best you can. Force yourself out and experience new things, or even old things you used to do. The best medicine is always no contact at all and simply time. Don't stress it that you haven't healed as that will hold you back more. Just accept that one day you will be fine, but up until that happens, you will hurt... and that's okay. We all hurt occasionally, but it always gets better.

No its not. i asked her out one time after that because she was hinting that and she just shut me down. I have never meassaged her after that. she messaged me and i didnt really say much. but i wont budge anymore, and i am at a place where i can shut that door completely on her.

I never rushed the healing process and im quite healed to be fair, just other factors of my life need sorting out and i still do think about her. But i have let her go.

February 28, 2016

I understand what your saying. I feel better when im with people, when im talking to them and communicating. like at work, or when i go gym with my cousins but when im by myself i dont really feel all that.. Like early in the morning or when i get home from work.

I wanted to start back running often, i do think bout stuff when i run but i feel better and my minds free and calm. and the places i go to run are quiet, green and calm.

I've never actually recommended this to someone here before, but what you are saying makes me think that you'd enjoy the practice of meditation.

Vigorous activity, counterbalanced by deep relaxation, is an awesome thing.

In any case, you'll do fine, because you talk 100% good sense.

Take care.

February 28, 2016

No its not. i asked her out one time after that because she was hinting that and she just shut me down. I have never meassaged her after that. she messaged me and i didnt really say much. but i wont budge anymore, and i am at a place where i can shut that door completely on her.

I never rushed the healing process and im quite healed to be fair, just other factors of my life need sorting out and i still do think about her. But i have let her go.

You're not healed if you are still thinking about her. The other factors in your life are being affected by the connection you still have; by the fact she is still in your thoughts. I know. I've been there. You can't expect to run with a broken leg when you can't even walk yet.

It's good that you know that door is shut firmly, but there's still a lot of memories keeping you from accepting that. I can tell you that the ex that brought me here, it took months, close to a year before I could honestly say I was healed. During that time, I would have days, weeks when I thought I was fine and then she'd slip into my mind. Only once I was fully healed did I know it, as the memories I had of her didn't mean anything. I had no love or hate for her, just nothing. It's like now, I'm walking away from someone I truly have feelings for who doesn't feel the same way... it will take time to get past that and I accept it, so I'll just face each day as it comes and do my best to carry on.

Just accept that you're not 100% healed and those other factors will start to fall into place slowly as you continue to become yourself again. It sucks, it hurts, but let it in, let it out and you will get better. We all heal, just at different rates. The fact you are still struggling simply indicates you did love this person with all your heart and that's nothing to be ashamed of. It's a quality to be admire and something that someone, somewhere at sometime will appreciate.

February 28, 2016

I've never actually recommended this to someone here before, but what you are saying makes me think that you'd enjoy the practice of meditation.

Vigorous activity, counterbalanced by deep relaxation, is an awesome thing.

In any case, you'll do fine, because you talk 100% good sense.

Take care.

I will give it a shot. Thank you very much for your helpful replies. All the best

February 28, 2016

I will give it a shot. Thank you very much for your helpful replies. *All the best

And the same from me, to you

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Overcoming social awkwardness/ anxiety and gaining confidence.

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