She never really loved me.

[Sipping]

In a few months its gonna be a year since we broke up. It'll be a year since I lost my best friend, my family, my girl, and my everything really. Or that's what I thought she was to me. Unfortunately she didn't feel the same way and things ended.

 

The more I look at it though, I was just happy that I had somebody because i grew up in an extremely tough life. I met her in school and we got together, fell in love and things just happened.

 

But i dont think i really felt loved , i never felt like i was really hers. She never talked to me like i was her man, was now and then really. After school when she started working i was really never a priority. I tried alot to see her, to spend time with her but she never reciprocated those feelings. She never even wanted to skype when we couldnt see each other.

 

We never had sex or anything. I tried but i never forced her and I don't think she really cared about me. Her actions never showed it. When I was injured she never made an attemp to see me. She never even tried to make a date with me or something as simple as lunch.

 

You know how first relationships are, you never experiened something and you dont really know what you want for yourself. I don't rationalise or anything. Its simple now and I understand.

 

She doesn't have to say it but ik. And idk if that makes break ups more worst when you gave so much and recieved so little. We talk on and off, i tried to meet up with her but she never made and effort. I always had things i wanted to say to her, but i wont. I wpuld leave it as it is.

 

It was a bad 3 year relationship and im alot betyer than i was a few months ago. This girl put me lower than my knees. I was so pathetic, weak and the worst place a man should be.

 

But like alot of first relationships i leaned alot and have grown. We still talk now and then but i dont think she deserves that from me. She wanted me out of her life she has that now, and im fine with it.

 

Dont know what im reallh looking for here

Just feels a little better to talk about than have it inside my head.

 

Anybody else had a relationship like this. Where you literally carried the relationship?

[Wewon]

The more I look at it though, I was just happy that I had somebody because i grew up in an extremely tough life. I met her in school and we got together, fell in love and things just happened.

 

...

 

We never had sex or anything. I tried but i never forced her and I don't think she really cared about me. Her actions never showed it. When I was injured she never made an attemp to see me. She never even tried to make a date with me or something as simple as lunch.

 

 

It sounds like you're on the right path and doing well, the toughest part of a breakup (and one of the reasons I really like NC) is getting to the point that you reached above. Its painful, but it seems that the real healing begins when we've reached a point where we no longer are living what we wished the relationship had been and instead face what it really was.

[Sipping]

Yeah I agree with you 100% .. That time in no contact you really analyse things. It taught me so much. Showed me how poorly I was treated and the things that I put up with that no man should put up with. So we learn a lot and grow.

[Raina314]

Yeah, I definitely experienced that in my last relationship. He was into it in the beginning, but he rarely initiated hanging out/dates (only once in a while when he had nothing better to do) and when he broke up with me he told me it was because he couldn't say that he loved me. He never called, texted maybe twice a week, and just generally never made me feel like a priority.

And yet I'm still stuck on those times when he did. So I completely understand your position and the way you're feeling. It's humiliating and leaves you feeling like nothing. If you've already tried contacting her and she isn't reciprocating effort, NC is definitely the right move. It's hard, but it's better than feeling humiliated. Hope it gets better for you soon

[Sipping]

You do feel humiliated and just used. I mean if they really didnt feel it they couldve broken it up early. Instead of having things lag along. At thr end tho i will just take the good drom it. And ik how i want and should and deserve to be treated.

 

These break ups may not be as damaging but they do take a toll on you and have you thinking alot. Especially about yourself and why you allowed yourself to be treated that way. I'm still tryna figure that out but I understand more.

 

And I dont want her back. Ever

[contel3]

You do feel humiliated and just used. I mean if they really didnt feel it they couldve broken it up early. Instead of having things lag along.

 

I've had a few experiences similar to yours. It was painful at first, but once I had reached indifference I figured out they must be pretty pathetic to string someone along for such a long time.

 

Let this be a wake up call. If you never allow anyone to treat you this way again it was well worth the experience. Next time you date someone, read the signs.

 

Go on baggagereclaim and memorise everything on there. This blog helped me so much.

[Satu]

People grieve for what they had and lost, but they also grieve for what they needed and wanted, but didn't get.

 

Its often both, in reality.

 

Grief is a noble thing, but it should not become permanent, or a settled state of being.

 

Do your grieving and move on.

 

 

Take care.

[Sipping]

I've had a few experiences similar to yours. It was painful at first, but once I had reached indifference I figured out they must be pretty pathetic to string someone along for such a long time.

 

Let this be a wake up call. If you never allow anyone to treat you this way again it was well worth the experience. Next time you date someone, read the signs.

 

Go on baggagereclaim and memorise everything on there. This blog helped me so much.

 

I will do that thanks a lot. I do take the lessons i learned and i needed this break up to grow. Sometimes you need to lose it all to gain what you need.

[Sipping]

People grieve for what they had and lost, but they also grieve for what they needed and wanted, but didn't get.

 

Its often both, in reality.

 

Grief is a noble thing, but it should not become permanent, or a settled state of being.

 

Do your grieving and move on.

 

 

Take care.

 

Sure right about that. Whatever happens in life you needbto overcome and be happy. I did love her very much

I liked her alot but at the end of it she doesnt want to be with me. And i will leave that right there.

 

I dont contact her anymore. She messages me now and then.

[sorano]

My gf dumped me last month. I loved her. Mine is a complex and long story on how we were at different levels of liking each other. But I did love her very very much. I honestly think she didnt even get close to loving me. Just lies and lies and lies. I was being dragged along. I know how you feel

[Sipping]

My gf dumped me last month. I loved her. Mine is a complex and long story on how we were at different levels of liking each other. But I did love her very very much. I honestly think she didnt even get close to loving me. Just lies and lies and lies. I was being dragged along. I know how you feel

 

Yeah dude its tough to deal with. Knowing you made so much emotional investment and they could care less. Its something we will have to learn from . And actions speak louder than words. i will look now at how someone treats me than just what they say.

[sorano]

Yeah dude its tough to deal with. Knowing you made so much emotional investment and they could care less. Its something we will have to learn from . And actions speak louder than words. i will look now at how someone treats me than just what they say.

 

yup. Its tough. I don't even know if I have it in me anymore to do what I did in this last relationship. I went ALL OUT. Above and beyond isn't even the word. I pulled stuff off that I would never think I would for a woman. Meaning, certain date ideas, surprises, stuff like that.

 

She was very animated as well. so she came in my life boy and just made it look like we were about to get married. just very loud so to say. I was so happy. Then I just got dropped. over. I hate her so much for that. Hate is a strong word. But I hate her. Yet, I still have feelings for her. Go figure that out

[Sipping]

yup. Its tough. I don't even know if I have it in me anymore to do what I did in this last relationship. I went ALL OUT. Above and beyond isn't even the word. I pulled stuff off that I would never think I would for a woman. Meaning, certain date ideas, surprises, stuff like that.

 

She was very animated as well. so she came in my life boy and just made it look like we were about to get married. just very loud so to say. I was so happy. Then I just got dropped. over. I hate her so much for that. Hate is a strong word. But I hate her. Yet, I still have feelings for her. Go figure that out

 

Yeah man i can relate to that. The things i did were just unbelieveable. I even wrote a letter, so damn long and i poured out my heart. But she never even gave me a chance, never even cared to see me again just maybe talk to ease up her guilt. But i dont care, and you will learn what i did, we came out ontop here because we needed and deserve a whole lot better than what we had. Now we could find that.

[sorano]

you know, I think she jumped too quick with our relationship and never gave me the chance as well. she always kept on saying she is on a time line. she is 32 Im 34. time line time line. she wanted instant gradification as well. rush rush. so much more to my story. messed up.

 

I just need to turn this negative energy into something positive. Make myself better. Improve myself and wake up.

[Sipping]

you know, I think she jumped too quick with our relationship and never gave me the chance as well. she always kept on saying she is on a time line. she is 32 Im 34. time line time line. she wanted instant gradification as well. rush rush. so much more to my story. messed up.

 

I just need to turn this negative energy into something positive. Make myself better. Improve myself and wake up.

 

 

Im hoping to do the same. I was young and stupid so it was my fault. I made her more to me than she supposed to be. Shes just poison man, feelings gonna always be there, hate and resentment but get back out there and start meeting people. Its good. I met a girl in work, we are completely opposite but w get along really well and have fun , i can tell she likes me but im just enjoying spending time with her, whatever happens happens.

 

Heres a thing thought though, is there something you liked and never tried. some hobby or sport or anything. l recommend you try it. Not because you should try new things to get over her or what not. But you feel good after. you really do. and hey you might meet some chics too.

[Itspointless]

Sipping, she sounds emotionally unavailable. You best read about adult attachment-styles. I would recommend the book by dr. Shirley Impellizzeri: Why Can't I Change? How to Conquer Your Self-Destructive Patterns. I think that also might teach you why you accepted certain things. I recommend the book a lot, as I think it deserves a lot more credit than most books or websites that you usually are tipped. It is the best overview in easy language that I have found do far. Other good reads are out there, but a lot more dense. Anyway, I wasn't writing an review of the book

[Raina314]

I often wonder how much awareness these people have of their own feelings, though. I don't know if they always string us along on purpose. I think sometimes they're just as confused as we are. They don't really always know the feeling they're looking for and be hoping that they'll come to the point of love, and don't always realize right away that they won't.

I don't know what one does about that, but just a thought.

[geronimo]

Holy **** dude, your story is EXACTLY like mine, except the fact that my relationship was 5 years long and she left me for another guy.

 

But same sh*t, i carried the relationship, she never seemed like she loved me, she was my first, we never had sex, etc etc etc.

 

What was worse is that she jumped into this new relationship and I felt worse than garbage, cuz she replaced me so easily and the fact that she chose this guy over me and god knows whats happening between them.

 

But like you said you learn from your past and your experiences and first relationships are there to teach us about ourselves, what we want from a relationship and how to handle these situations in the right way. And most of all what to look for and the red flags so that we don't get put in the same position again.

 

My ex and I have been broken up for about a year and 3 months and I do feel alot better, you just gotta focus on yourself now and have fun with life and enjoy your single time because there will come a day where you will regret not being single even though I know being in a relationship is great. You just gotta embrace life and roll with the punches. As they say, if life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Focus on yourself, make the best of this situation that you're in and build yourself, go to the gym, pick up a hobby, get a bucket list and cross things out that you want done.

[sorano]

Im hoping to do the same. I was young and stupid so it was my fault. I made her more to me than she supposed to be. Shes just poison man, feelings gonna always be there, hate and resentment but get back out there and start meeting people. Its good. I met a girl in work, we are completely opposite but w get along really well and have fun , i can tell she likes me but im just enjoying spending time with her, whatever happens happens.

 

Heres a thing thought though, is there something you liked and never tried. some hobby or sport or anything. l recommend you try it. Not because you should try new things to get over her or what not. But you feel good after. you really do. and hey you might meet some chics too.

 

Thats the plan. I want to try new things. I want to better myself. I will try to get back into the dating game. Its going to be hard. But I will try

[kztar]

Yeah man i can relate to that. The things i did were just unbelieveable. I even wrote a letter, so damn long and i poured out my heart. But she never even gave me a chance, never even cared to see me again just maybe talk to ease up her guilt. But i dont care, and you will learn what i did, we came out ontop here because we needed and deserve a whole lot better than what we had. Now we could find that.

 

Sipping I did the same thing SMH. My friends told me to burn that letter along with my feelings for my ex. Me like an idiot didn't do this but gave him the letter instead. Im pretty sure it means NOTHING to them. I would of saved my paper if it was today. Sadly two weeks ago my mind was still with the hopes of getting back. Two weeks later I want NOTHING to do with this man.

[Sipping]

Sipping, she sounds emotionally unavailable. You best read about adult attachment-styles. I would recommend the book by dr. Shirley Impellizzeri: Why Can't I Change? How to Conquer Your Self-Destructive Patterns. I think that also might teach you why you accepted certain things. I recommend the book a lot, as I think it deserves a lot more credit than most books or websites that you usually are tipped. It is the best overview in easy language that I have found do far. Other good reads are out there, but a lot more dense. Anyway, I wasn't writing an review of the book

 

Yeah i think the same about her., i mean she said she loved me and all that but when it came to showing it, she never really did. so makes things easier in a way. I let go alot easier. I would read it thank you. Never hurts to keep learning

[Sipping]

I often wonder how much awareness these people have of their own feelings, though. I don't know if they always string us along on purpose. I think sometimes they're just as confused as we are. They don't really always know the feeling they're looking for and be hoping that they'll come to the point of love, and don't always realize right away that they won't.

I don't know what one does about that, but just a thought.

 

I use to think the same way but i think once your in a relationship, once its no long distance or anything, you can scope out a person within the few weeks and months and decide if you really want to be with them and love them. not after 2 or 3 years you come along and just end it all like it doesnt matter. I dont believe in that crap that they just didnt feel anything, its either they did and werent happy after which i understand, or they suck and drag people along for years for god know why. Karma will work its magic.

[Sipping]

Holy **** dude, your story is EXACTLY like mine, except the fact that my relationship was 5 years long and she left me for another guy.

 

But same sh*t, i carried the relationship, she never seemed like she loved me, she was my first, we never had sex, etc etc etc.

 

What was worse is that she jumped into this new relationship and I felt worse than garbage, cuz she replaced me so easily and the fact that she chose this guy over me and god knows whats happening between them.

 

But like you said you learn from your past and your experiences and first relationships are there to teach us about ourselves, what we want from a relationship and how to handle these situations in the right way. And most of all what to look for and the red flags so that we don't get put in the same position again.

 

My ex and I have been broken up for about a year and 3 months and I do feel alot better, you just gotta focus on yourself now and have fun with life and enjoy your single time because there will come a day where you will regret not being single even though I know being in a relationship is great. You just gotta embrace life and roll with the punches. As they say, if life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Focus on yourself, make the best of this situation that you're in and build yourself, go to the gym, pick up a hobby, get a bucket list and cross things out that you want done.

 

 

5 years is a long time man. shes not worth it though, and she deserves nothing from you. if i were you id ignore her completely. dont give her an inch on anything because thats what she deserves.

 

Starting over is a difficult thing but we gotta do it. im trying right now, its hard but its better than feeling crappy all day. Self improvement is always the best way to do things, especially when your single do as much as you can for yourself because a new relationship may come along soon and its no longer gonna be about you alone lol..

 

You'll be good bro. move on from her completely. i did recently and i feel awesome. i honestly havent blocked her from messaging me, feels good when i see the messages, then just look at it and delete that **** lol

[Sipping]

Thats the plan. I want to try new things. I want to better myself. I will try to get back into the dating game. Its going to be hard. But I will try

 

It is hard but you just gotta dive in really. dont think about it, go brave and go hard. see a girl, screw it. walk over and talk to her, ask her out, ask her how shes doing. as men we need to be men after break ups and i think thats the best thing really.

[Sipping]

Sipping I did the same thing SMH. My friends told me to burn that letter along with my feelings for my ex. Me like an idiot didn't do this but gave him the letter instead. Im pretty sure it means NOTHING to them. I would of saved my paper if it was today. Sadly two weeks ago my mind was still with the hopes of getting back. Two weeks later I want NOTHING to do with this man.

 

lol ikr. i hated it after so damn much. but you feel broken and battered after a break up and you just want them back so bad you'll do anything to get back together. Its never the right thing though. Relationships are and always will be 50/50 and will never change. So the lessons learnt are amazing really. so when you find someone better you can work through problems and have a better healthier relationship.

 

At the end i dont think i regret everything i did after the break up. I was crazy about her and i did what i could to try and keep things going. and boy did i do some embarassing stuff that belittled me as a man. i would share more if you wish lol.