FlipMonkey Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 I think I've exhausted my friends and family's patience with talking about my breakup, and I feel the need to just put how I'm feeling out there and hopefully avoid any judgement from people I know... Basically, my Ex ended up suffering from PTSD due to childhood abuse and depression, which eventually lead to her abusing Codeine, developing an addiction, and stealing money from myself and her workplace. This also impacted her work life, and she struggled to find any work. It reached a point where I was extremely frustrated with her (I should have gotten my own support in dealing with the situation) and she seemed to have grown distant from me, and said I was being over-controlling (which to some degree I was, but she was incapable of making rational decisions). We had been together for 10 years, with the last 2-3 years being about the drug abuse. It eventually reached a point, where she left the house and gave me some ultimatums around trusting her, and looking after her better. This separation alone destroyed me, and I felt lost and hurt, and become convinced by my family that I couldn't continue a relationship with a drug addict. So after a week and a half of separation, we called it quits. We only spoke about the relationship over the next month, and the way we felt etc, and then that stopped after the month, and it was only pure logistics around sorting out property etc. I crashed hard for the first couple of months, but then began a very strong program of building myself up and rebuilding my life. I eventually hit a 'high' about 3 months after breaking up where I felt great about myself and my life, so started dating again. I met some lovely woman, and met one in particular that I continued to date for a while. At the 4 month mark, I had to go to a wedding where my Ex was at - I spent most of the day staying amicable with her, and tending to actually avoid her where I can. She had worn something to accentuate her body, and did her best to show off (confirmed via a posting on Facebook, about her 'baiting' herself for the wedding). I resisted all night, but right at the end, because I had ignored her, she came up and started having a conversation with me - I did my best to keep it short and sharp, as I had no real desire to talk to her, and all she did was say how great I was looking and how great her life was. I then was silly enough to ask her home that night, and that started a whole new conversation, where basically she told me she was dating and sleeping with other guys now, and that the breakup was all my fault etc - this obviously hurt me a lot and I suffered badly for the next couple of weeks. She also claimed that she was off the drugs, and had her life back in order again with work, and was also going to the gym to get herself back in shape. Basically, her claims had her turning 180, and back into the person who I had first met, and not the disaster that she had become. Now we're 3 months after that and I'm still struggling with forgetting about the Ex - I have angry thoughts where I blame her, regret about ending it with her, and how I behaved, hope that she might come crawling back and boost my ego a bit. I also consider what restarting a relationship might look like and how'd we go about it. And through all this, I've begun to see someone else who I do like a lot and have a great time with (which started around the same time as the wedding). My brain knows my Ex is no good for me - she's probably still lying about things, probably hasn't fully recovered, and generally will probably still hide things if we ever got back together. Being an addict, she will also have low points, and I suspect the Codeine abuse will start again sometime in her life, and well I shouldn't have to deal with this ever again! So with all what my brain knows, why do my emotions betray me?? I've maintained NC since the wedding except for logistical matters and have done my best to avoid following her on Facebook etc. Word from other mutual people is that she has gone off the rails, and whilst she thinks she's living a great life, she is compromising herself regularly - particularly her professionalism (googling her now shows that she sells sex toys on the side - not a good look for an accountant), and with her sleeping around with many guys. But through all this, I still have a desire to speak to her again, see her and yes, I still want to sleep with her. I'm doing my best to put her out of my mind, but the thoughts just keep popping back up, which I acknowledge and then place aside again. I really don't know what I'm asking for here, but thought just writing down about what I feel might help, and who knows, maybe someone here will have the right words of encouragement or advice for me. I really want to start moving on beyond this, and I really want to make the most of my current relationship!
Itspointless Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 Basically, my Ex ended up suffering from PTSD due to childhood abuse and depression, which eventually lead to her abusing Codeine, developing an addiction, and stealing money from myself and her workplace. [..] It eventually reached a point, where she left the house and gave me some ultimatums around trusting her, and looking after her better. This separation alone destroyed me, and I felt lost and hurt, and become convinced by my family that I couldn't continue a relationship with a drug addict. So after a week and a half of separation, we called it quits. [...] I crashed hard for the first couple of months, but then began a very strong program of building myself up and rebuilding my life. I eventually hit a 'high' about 3 months after breaking up where I felt great about myself and my life, so started dating again. [...] At the 4 month mark, I had to go to a wedding where my Ex was [...] I did my best to keep it short and sharp, as I had no real desire to talk to her [...] I then was silly enough to ask her home that night, and that started a whole new conversation, where basically she told me she was dating and sleeping with other guys now, and that the breakup was all my fault etc [...] who knows, maybe someone here will have the right words of encouragement or advice for me. I really want to start moving on beyond this, and I really want to make the most of my current relationship! Why a new relationship? it sounds like you had quite a traumatic experience which you understandably tried to block. I think you should set that new woman free and work some more on you, grief! This is one of those instances where we can't bent iron with our bare hands.
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