walkdontrun Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 Hello L.S. I recently broke up with my (then) soon to be husband. We met one evening at a grocery store... Even though we didn't have the same circle of friends, we soon found out that we had lots in common AND a few differences. That sounds normal as I listen to so many other couples. So while with him/my ex-fiance, we both discussed how getting advice from others about our relationship might be helpful,but harmful as well because people(family) don't always share the true issues in their own relationships. In a particular discussion with my ex-F, we were talking about our families giving us advice. My ex-f was about to say something about people having their own agendas for not wanting our relationship to work. So I asked him what he meant specifically, but he stopped himself,saying "Na, i won't say what I was about to say". I tried a few times to get him to finish his statement but he refused. Giving me the impression that he didn't want to offend me by saying something about my family. In retrospect now, I've wondered a few times if my older brother had his own reasons for giving his feedback to convince me to leave my fiance. Granted, my ex did have a real temper problem and some questionable ways. But so does my brother's wife. Mind you they married as I was breaking up. My brother is used to being the center of attention and has a lot of pride about being viewed as top dog, handsome, leader, alpha male, etc. My ex was all that and more,but there were a few things that I felt I needed to share with my brother while going through the difficult time with my ex. My brother would try telling me what to do and act holier than though ,but his own wife has her own issues that he never opened up about. But I've had ways of confirming things... Could my ex have been trying to say that the men in my family were jealous of him or that my brother didn't want to see me happier than him and with a handsome man joining the family?...(especially since he was about to propose to his own girlfriend at the time). It may sound weird but I've known stuff like this to exist. I get sad sometimes just thinking about it. Thanks for your responses.
Author walkdontrun Posted February 28, 2016 Author Posted February 28, 2016 And , no I don't allow others to boss me around but I was about to have a nervous breakdown during this time due to several stressful things in my life. My relationship condition was a big concern for me at that time... So I needed support and input from the individuals who I assume would give me the best advice. Thanks and I look forward to some responses very soon. I've still trying to get over the hurt of my breakup. I have feeling this way.
basil67 Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 Could my ex have been trying to say that the men in my family were jealous of him or that my brother didn't want to see me happier than him and with a handsome man joining the family?...(especially since he was about to propose to his own girlfriend at the time). It could have been what he was trying to say. But if it was what he was trying to say, I'd probably assume that your ex is nothing short of delusional. When my family and I tried to encourage my sister to not be with her ex, it was simply because he was an arsehole.
Author walkdontrun Posted February 28, 2016 Author Posted February 28, 2016 It could have been what he was trying to say. But if it was what he was trying to say, I'd probably assume that your ex is nothing short of delusional. When my family and I tried to encourage my sister to not be with her ex, it was simply because he was an arsehole. Well my ex's, judgement was a bit skewed sometimes. Other times though, he was right on point... I don't think family is always right just because they're family. I'd never assume anything like this about my mom, my dad or my sister, but mainly my brother because I feel like he's wanted to complete with me so much and he of course wants to look good, better, best in the eyes of his own mate. Not sure if you read my entire post but my brother got married as my relationship fell apart... He brought up things about my ex, that I could say about his now wife... But I'm not going to get into his business deep unless the time is right and I feel he can take my feedback purely.
surferchic Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 (edited) None of us know your ex well enough to say for sure, but I will say that your thoughts are not too far fetched. It happened to one of my girlfriends who had an abortion because her family insisted. Mind you she was an adult, she just wasn't quite as established then, add she is now. She now has regrets... In life and love, we sometimes can place too much value on "opinions". Everyone has one... They can all be different based on the listener's familial background, personal relationship experience or their own mental health... If you give people all the facts they need to make a careful assessment, then you should be paying them as your therapist. Even then, who is going to give every single good and BAD detail of their relationship to someone. Close sisters or twins maybe, but I'm still not sure about that. I think it's human nature to show favoritism to blood, since it's thicker than water... I'm just saying that perhaps there were things to work on with your ex rather than breakup. OP, were you the dumper or dumpee? Edited February 28, 2016 by surferchic
Recommended Posts