Heloooo Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 I met this great guy 3 weeks ago, we hit it off straight away. But tonight he stood me up and never got in contact to even cancel the date. I've never been so hurt that somebody could do this to someone. On the weekends he drinks a lot like a binge. He told me this weekend he'd try be good but told me he finds it hard to stay in. So last night he text me, he was getting out with his friends, He sent me a picture of himself with a joke and saying goodnight,I asked him not to disappear drinking for the weekend because I had a feeling he'd do it. I had even asked the night before so am I definitely seeing you tomorrow and he said yes, I'll come get you etc. Today after calling him 3 times with no answer, I left him voicemail saying that I thought he had more respect for me than to stand me up and not even send a lousy text so I told him I'd never bother him again. I don't know if I even made sense on the voicemail cause I started to cry. The reason I'm so upset is because he treated me amazingly. He really was just so kind and sweet just a good guy. We talked about the future and family events we have coming up so we can be each others dates. So I don't get it. But what do I do now?And what would you have done in my situation ? I know sending him a voicemail wasn't the best thing especially because I'm so upset but this is definitely the worst thing I've ever had to done to me.
preraph Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 Are you kidding? Why would you want anything to do with this guy now? He's an irresponsible jackass drunk. Think about why you'd want to crawl to this guy who's treated you like an old sock. Set some standards and stick to them! 10
Satu Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 Do you really want to be with someone who has drink problem? 4
Author Heloooo Posted February 28, 2016 Author Posted February 28, 2016 Do you really want to be with someone who has drink problem? No, I just thought he'd pick spending time with me over a drink. I never realized how bad he was until he drank for two days straight. I just feel hurt at the moment because he was such a great guy honestly before this he never put a foot wrong. 1
Lady2163 Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 I don't know how old you are or how old he is....but RUN!!! Don't give him a chance to explain. Even if someone died or he was in a horrible accident, it is NOT normal to drink away a weekend. This is not going to blossom into a healthy relationship. I know it hurts, but I dated an alcoholic for way too long. You have no idea the bullet you're dodging. 2
NYC-BigKat Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 I met this great guy 3 weeks ago, we hit it off straight away. But tonight he stood me up and never got in contact to even cancel the date. I've never been so hurt that somebody could do this to someone. On the weekends he drinks a lot like a binge. He told me this weekend he'd try be good but told me he finds it hard to stay in. So last night he text me, he was getting out with his friends, He sent me a picture of himself with a joke and saying goodnight,I asked him not to disappear drinking for the weekend because I had a feeling he'd do it. I had even asked the night before so am I definitely seeing you tomorrow and he said yes, I'll come get you etc. Today after calling him 3 times with no answer, I left him voicemail saying that I thought he had more respect for me than to stand me up and not even send a lousy text so I told him I'd never bother him again. I don't know if I even made sense on the voicemail cause I started to cry. The reason I'm so upset is because he treated me amazingly. He really was just so kind and sweet just a good guy. We talked about the future and family events we have coming up so we can be each others dates. So I don't get it. But what do I do now?And what would you have done in my situation ? I know sending him a voicemail wasn't the best thing especially because I'm so upset but this is definitely the worst thing I've ever had to done to me. Um...not to offend u but u kinda had this coming when u said about how he likes to binge drink & stuff. He sounds like an alcoholic & not many of those guys are responsible 'cause he's not a responsible drinker so how can he be responsible in keeping the date with u hmm? He probably doesn't remember having a date . 3
Redhead14 Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 (edited) I met this great guy 3 weeks ago, we hit it off straight away. But tonight he stood me up and never got in contact to even cancel the date. I've never been so hurt that somebody could do this to someone. On the weekends he drinks a lot like a binge. He told me this weekend he'd try be good but told me he finds it hard to stay in. So last night he text me, he was getting out with his friends, He sent me a picture of himself with a joke and saying goodnight,I asked him not to disappear drinking for the weekend because I had a feeling he'd do it. I had even asked the night before so am I definitely seeing you tomorrow and he said yes, I'll come get you etc. Today after calling him 3 times with no answer, I left him voicemail saying that I thought he had more respect for me than to stand me up and not even send a lousy text so I told him I'd never bother him again. I don't know if I even made sense on the voicemail cause I started to cry. The reason I'm so upset is because he treated me amazingly. He really was just so kind and sweet just a good guy. We talked about the future and family events we have coming up so we can be each others dates. So I don't get it. But what do I do now?And what would you have done in my situation ? I know sending him a voicemail wasn't the best thing especially because I'm so upset but this is definitely the worst thing I've ever had to done to me. Come on now. You've only known him for three weeks. You are seeing the "real" him already. I had a feeling he'd do it -- you already knew he would choose alcohol over you . . . And what would you have done in my situation ? - I would have taken note of the fact that he binge drinks on the weekends, paid attention to my feeling that he'd bail and not expected him to follow through. When he didn't show up, I would have blocked his number and never spoken to him again. I would not have texted a guy I'd been seeing for 3 weeks, 3 times with no response when a date had been planned. One text, no response. I'm going out with my friends. See ya! If he contacted me later with a legitimate, viable reason for his behavior, I might entertain seeing him again. But, unless he's contacting me from the grave, there's pretty much no excuse I would accept. Block his number and keep moving. Done. By the way, a person who says they binge drink on the weekends, is an alcoholic. Edited February 28, 2016 by Redhead14 2
kendahke Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 I met this great guy 3 weeks ago, we hit it off straight away. But tonight he stood me up and never got in contact to even cancel the date. I've never been so hurt that somebody could do this to someone. On the weekends he drinks a lot like a binge. He told me this weekend he'd try be good but told me he finds it hard to stay in. So last night he text me, he was getting out with his friends, He sent me a picture of himself with a joke and saying goodnight,I asked him not to disappear drinking for the weekend because I had a feeling he'd do it. I had even asked the night before so am I definitely seeing you tomorrow and he said yes, I'll come get you etc. Today after calling him 3 times with no answer, I left him voicemail saying that I thought he had more respect for me than to stand me up and not even send a lousy text so I told him I'd never bother him again. I don't know if I even made sense on the voicemail cause I started to cry. The reason I'm so upset is because he treated me amazingly. He really was just so kind and sweet just a good guy. We talked about the future and family events we have coming up so we can be each others dates. So I don't get it. But what do I do now?And what would you have done in my situation ? I know sending him a voicemail wasn't the best thing especially because I'm so upset but this is definitely the worst thing I've ever had to done to me. The best advice anyone here can give you is to end this right now. Let this one go. He is an alcoholic and all you will end up doing is learning how to become his enabler. He has years of getting sober and consistently living soberly before he can deliver on any fantasies he's filling your head up with about the future. Liquor is his first love: and that's because alcoholism is a disease, not some condition where if you remind him not to vanish, it'll cure him. You won't replace liquor until he's hit bottom and is ready to give up drinking. Yeah, he treats you great--when he's not drunk--but when the opportunity to drink presents itself, you are relegated to the bottom of the list and a weekend gets lost in the process. The minute he told you he'd "try to be good", you were being put on notice that he was going out drinking. Asking him not to disappear wasn't going to accomplish anything because his mind was already made up by then to go drinking. You have no future with a drunk. You will have misery and unhappiness--and lost youth. What you should do now and what I would have done in that situation is this: end it. Staying with him means you are willing to put up with ever increasing worse things being done--because, as I said, until he hits rock bottom and wants to get clean and sober, there are hundreds of stand-up dates awaiting you. Can your self esteem survive that? 1
kendahke Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 No, I just thought he'd pick spending time with me over a drink. I never realized how bad he was until he drank for two days straight. I just feel hurt at the moment because he was such a great guy honestly before this he never put a foot wrong. With an alcoholic, when the choice is between you and liquor, liquor is always going to win. It might do you some good to research alcoholism because you're not viewing this through that lens, like you should. 2
xcupid Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 What you do now is block and delete him and move on. 3
smackie9 Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 Please don't take his behavior personally, this has nothing to do with you. He's an alcoholic. You should be glad you don't have to put up with his nonsense anymore. You dodged a bullet. 2
Wewon Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 Move on, chalk this up to 'people suck'. I had a similar situation when I was a teenager, she flirted, came on strong and gave buying signals out the ying yang, then blew me off. The worse part is that it doesn't make sense, none of the behavior adds up, so you have to accept that some people are jerks and not worth the energy of being figured out. 2
preraph Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 He's not only an irresponsible alcoholic who chooses booze over relationships, but he actually warned you ahead of time he is irresponsible so that now when he is, his conscience is clear because you chose to stick around anyway, even though he knows he doesn't deserve it. 3
Toodaloo Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 Heloooo. I was living with an amazing guy. He was everything anyone could ever ask for BUT he drank... a lot... Killed the relationship. Killed his friendships. God alone knows how he holds down a job or if he still is. Walk away. Do not look back. As for being stood up the best way to deal with it is to OWN IT! I have been stood up on several occasions and ended up meeting amazing people and having awesome nights out with fantastic people that I met that night because I got stood up! Never ever see being stood up as your loss. See it as theirs and instead of being glum get up and use the opportunity to talk to others and have a great time with new people. Chin up chook. This one is a tosser. Don't look back. There are loads of far better guys out there. 1
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