faithfully Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 Hi everyone, I had a fwb arrangement with a guy younger than me 8 years for 7 months, I started having feelings but was in denial about it til last Sat we went out drinking, I lashed out and said the most hurtful things which I don't even remember word for word. I've since apologised the next day Sun after waking up, he's not replied, he's read them as they were on whatsapp, just choose to ignore me, it's been day 7 and not heard a word from him. What's abit confusing and some of you will say who cares is that he hasn't blocked my number, whatsapp, he is still friends on facebook, well I've deactivated my account now, he reads my snapchat, if he didn't want to know surely he would have been like **** off or leave me alone by the fact he is saying nothing. I've read up passive aggressive and silent treatment, is it just his way of saying I don't want to talk right now. Part of me is wondering why am I even bothered. I just want your output on things
basil67 Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 Sorry but I don't think that his behaviour is passive aggressive. It's more about "this woman is a nutter and I don't want her in my life anymore". He probably hasn't blocked you because seeing your posts doesn't bother him in any way. Just to be clear, if you said the most hurtful things to him - then he doesn't owe you anything. He doesn't need to acknowledge your apology. He doesn't need to formally end things because you know what caused him to walk away. The only thing he needs to do is protect himself from people who say dreadful things. If you don't want to see his posts on social media, then unfriend and block him. 6
Author faithfully Posted February 27, 2016 Author Posted February 27, 2016 Sorry but I don't think that his behaviour is passive aggressive. It's more about "this woman is a nutter and I don't want her in my life anymore". He probably hasn't blocked you because seeing your posts doesn't bother him in any way. Just to be clear, if you said the most hurtful things to him - then he doesn't owe you anything. He doesn't need to acknowledge your apology. He doesn't need to formally end things because you know what caused him to walk away. The only thing he needs to do is protect himself from people who say dreadful things. If you don't want to see his posts on social media, then unfriend and block him. I don't remember what I said word for word as I was drunk, badly drunk, but iI'm guessing it must have been bad if he's not talking to me 1
Satu Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 I don't remember what I said word for word as I was drunk, badly drunk, but iI'm guessing it must have been bad if he's not talking to me Be assured that most people would ignore you if they were in the same situation as him. Thats just how it is. Take care. 2
spiderowl Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 (edited) He may have gone and given up now. If you want him to communicate again, then I would suggest apologising once more and saying you'd love to hear from him, then leave it at that. If he doesn't get in touch, you'll know to move on. Edited February 28, 2016 by spiderowl 1
Popsicle Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 You apologized for being mean and now you have to stop communicating with him. Leave him alone. 3
Author faithfully Posted February 28, 2016 Author Posted February 28, 2016 (edited) Thanks for the reply guys, I'm not one of these mean people, if I'm in the wrong I hold my hands up and apologise, I'm too much of a people pleaser and hate hurting anyone. Even if he never speaks to me again, that's fine as I only have myself to blame. I feel bad but can't beat myself up I won't msg him, I've apologized and don't want to seem like a pest, I've said if he is ready to talk door is open, it's been day 7 and no response not even **** off, don't speak to me. I've not sent him a message since Tue gone, I've only sent 2 messages and that's it. Even til this day I haven't a clue what I said and that's what eating me. I am never drinking tequila again, ever Edited February 28, 2016 by faithfully mistake 2
stillafool Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 Maybe in the future don't drink so much that you forget what you say to people. It doesn't sound like you can handle alcohol. 1
Satu Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 Snip Even til this day I haven't a clue what I said and that's what eating me. I am never drinking tequila again, ever Now would be a good time to review your usage of alcohol.
Methodical Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 This is why I say FWB are hard to maintain. If two ppl are really friends, feelings are involved. (Even tho no strings attached is implied.) IMO, sooner or later one becomes more invested and feelings get hurt. Then, it seems one of two things happen. There's a falling out/lashing out as you did, or the silent treatment/fade. In your case, both have happened, respectively. The damage has been done and you have apologized. At this point, don't send anymore messages. The ball is in his court. For a romp in the sack with no strings attached, FB work much better. No toes get stepped on. 3
Zippy2000 Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 I lashed out and said the most hurtful things which I don't even remember word for word. I've since apologised the next day Sun after waking up, he's not replied, he's read them as they were on whatsapp, just choose to ignore me, Everything in this post doesnt add up You remember most of the night bar what hurtful things you had said. Well, what did you say? Depending on what you said will at least give us an indication of how likely he is going to get back in touch with you. Now, what did you say? 2
Wewon Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 This is the problem with saying mean things either while drunk or in the heat of the moment. People always have to wonder when they're seeing the real you and if they're being a fool when they let things slide. There's no need to know exactly what you said, but if you struck a nerve or confirmed something that he suspected you felt, that would explain his reaction. I wouldn't call his behavior passive aggressive, he may be trying to avoid saying something that he can never take back. 2
Author faithfully Posted February 28, 2016 Author Posted February 28, 2016 Everything in this post doesnt add up You remember most of the night bar what hurtful things you had said. Well, what did you say? Depending on what you said will at least give us an indication of how likely he is going to get back in touch with you. Now, what did you say? I was that drunk that I fell down the stairs in the club resulting in tearing my knees open and being infected, that's how drunk I was, don't judge me but I did some cocaine too. I remember fighting or arguing with another girl, I think he was trying to defend her or something, I can't remember, I don't even remember getting in the car to go home, and getting in the lift to get to my apartment, all I remember is him walking out, didn't follow him but rang him, when I looked at the msges I sent in that night at 5am, something said this is why I would never put up with your bull****, no wonder youre ex left you. There is more but I genuinely can't remember
Author faithfully Posted February 28, 2016 Author Posted February 28, 2016 This is why I say FWB are hard to maintain. If two ppl are really friends, feelings are involved. (Even tho no strings attached is implied.) IMO, sooner or later one becomes more invested and feelings get hurt. Then, it seems one of two things happen. There's a falling out/lashing out as you did, or the silent treatment/fade. In your case, both have happened, respectively. The damage has been done and you have apologized. At this point, don't send anymore messages. The ball is in his court. For a romp in the sack with no strings attached, FB work much better. No toes get stepped on. You are very right in this, I've never done this fwb before, thought I could handle it but obviously not, I was in denial even when friends said I liked him I would deny it, we've never argued like this before, I personally think he will be back, maybe when his other options dry out, we did genuinely got on as mates too, but then I could be wrong, but 98% of the guys I've ever been involved with come back
mikeylo Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 Have you heard ' silence is golden ' ? This could be his approach. He doesn't even think any reason to communicate to you. Keep some dignity and let him be. It's not silent ' treatment '. It's breaking up. 1
Author faithfully Posted February 28, 2016 Author Posted February 28, 2016 Have you heard ' silence is golden ' ? This could be his approach. He doesn't even think any reason to communicate to you. Keep some dignity and let him be. It's not silent ' treatment '. It's breaking up. Yeah I have and I'm a believer in silent is golden, I can't take back what I said I understand that but I'm remorseful and apology is just words, I get all that, I made a mistake I'm human but I will take everything into consideration and just move on, it's done and said and I only have myself to blame, I have learnt a few things from this, I've enjoyed the time spent with this person, I only wish them success and happiness in life. I won't ever bother him again but I will leave the door open in case they ever change their mind but won't hold my breath. Thanks to everyone that has took time out to voice their opinion, I appreciate it 1
sandylee1 Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 Perhaps you need to think carefully if alcohol and cocaine in the future .....as it hasn't turned out so good for you.
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