Is this Normal? (New Girl and Ex)

[Bo34]

Backstory: My ex dumped me roughly 8-9 months ago after a year and a half of a very loving relationship. I was blind-sided, heart-broken and depressed for a long time. I was planning on proposing to her within the year, so it completely shattered a lot of my dreams I had. It took me many months to finally get out of my depression and slump of what happened. I went NC from day 1 despite all the pain and have never contacted her or heard from her since.

 

Present I stopped thinking about her or even caring around the 6 month mark. I don't know why or how it happened, but I just reached a stage where I realized it was over for good and she was not coming back. That false hope of reconciliation that I had been carrying finally died, and in finally accepting that, I was able to let go in living in the past and constantly thinking of her. I have not thought of her at all these past 2.5 months, something that I NEVER thought would ever happen. About a month and a half ago, I met a new girl who I have been talking to and dating. I really like this girl a lot, and although she is very different, some in a better way (more fun loving, bubbly compatibility), and some in a worse way than my ex (less sexual tension), I feel as though there is potential here and that in many ways things can work out because I like her and can see a potential future. However, very recently, within the past 2 weeks or so, I have started thinking about my ex again. I don't know why this is happening. It not as though I'm constantly thinking about my ex, but thoughts are popping up far more than they have been the past 3 months and I don't understand why. Some has to do with comparing this new girl to my ex but some of it also has to do with having random thoughts about the past again. This was all resurfaced recently because of this new girl. So what I wanted to know is:

 

- Is this normal?

- Is this a bad sign? I mean, I should be completely not thinking about my ex, especially given the fact that I have something in front of me right now in this new potential partner, so why is it that the complete opposite is happening???? Again, it's not as though there is pain or I'm constantly thinking about her, but the thoughts have increased and they coincide with em seeing this new girl.

[Satu]

A snip from my journal:

 

 

Freud and Jung discovered that most mental and emotional pain comes from:

 

Resistance

 

Conflict

 

and

 

Failure to adapt.

 

All you will achieve by trying not to think about this, is the creation of terrific tension in your psyche.

 

The thoughts come, but you try not to think about them = resistance.

 

You try not to think about the thoughts but you do = conflict.

 

Conflict + Resistance = Mental and emotional pain.

 

 

Let the thoughts come and go just like any other thoughts.

 

Let them come, let them go.

 

If you don't, they will slam in hard at inconvenient times.

 

Let them come, let them go.

 

Gradually the thoughts are drained of energy, and become something of little significance.

 

 

You get what you resist.

 

What you resist persists.

 

 

Take care.

[contel3]

This also happened to me. I wouldn't worry about it much. Usually passes after a few days or weeks.

 

Are you in any way unhappy with the new girl?

[Gretzky99]

I think in the beginning it is normal because you're comparing the new prospect who can potentially be your future partner to your ex and in doing so, you're resurfacing thoughts on the past again. So, there's a reason. I think if you really like this new girl and things are meant to be, you will eventually soon stop thinking about the past and your ex again like you did before.

[Emilia]

It's normal because you are considering a relationship so you are looking back to past experience.