joecartwright Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 You know the old saying "nice guys finish last" but is it always true If a girl says you are a nice guy, does that mean you are done for and you are in the friend-zone Well last night a girl I have been sleeping with said "you're such a nice guy" I just sat and thought "oh shoot" but wait, nice guys shouldn't be getting laid right? So is it really that bad to be called a "nice guy"? 1
DoesntGetIt Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 Nope, I'm routinely called a nice guy and to be blunt, I have no problem getting women. There's a difference between nice and a pushover. Women don't want a pushover, but they do appreciate a nice, fun, caring guy. 5
fitnessfan365 Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 Not a woman, so can't speak for them. But this is what it seems like to me. Ever read a woman's dating profile and it says she wants a "nice guy"? I think a woman's definition of a nice guy and what a guy thinks that means are two different things. A typical "nice guy" tends to be a huge push-over. Never stands up for himself, never states his opinions and always agrees with her, kisses her ass, tries too hard, and basically puts a woman on a pedestal. This is boring and predictable which is why that type of nice guy typically gets the "let's be friends" speech. However, being a genuinely nice person is actually a good thing IMO. You just need to have a backbone and a pair of balls to go with it. 9
Author joecartwright Posted February 27, 2016 Author Posted February 27, 2016 Nope, I'm routinely called a nice guy and to be blunt, I have no problem getting women. There's a difference between nice and a pushover. Women don't want a pushover, but they do appreciate a nice, fun, caring guy. So a nice guy could be a guy who listens to a girl, will help if she needs it (not money, but say she needs help with a flat tire or something), and just cares for her? a pushover would be a guy who always agrees with her, always asks for her opinion? 3
EatYourVeggies Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 "Is being called a nice guy a death sentence?" Yes. They are either in their "bad boy" phase or just spent the last decade (their 20s) dating the idiots, have tons of baggage, drama, etc. have no clue what love or normal is and looking for a soft landing spot / sucker to settle (not in a good way) with. Regardless, you will never "blow their hair back" like a "bad boy" can / will and they eventually will leave you for one. Don't believe me? Go skim through 50 or so pages in the Married, Divorce, Break up, Cheating, Other Man, etc. forums and see what all these woman or "Nice Guys" say / end up for yourself. 4
deep_night Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 hmm, i dont really use "nice guy". it indeed sounds a bit patronising. i do use "nice person" though. and that means just that, that he's a nice person... which i like :3 1
Lady2163 Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 Nice guys always finish last. Because they make sure their women finish first. Many, many times! :-) 10
Wewon Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 If you're getting laid its a moot point. Before the internet the phrase 'nice guys finish last' centered around women dated men that made them complain about their antics and then went back in for the same treatment. After the internet it was recentered to mean 'horrible guys that can't get dates'. 2
GoodOnPaper Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 Well last night a girl I have been sleeping with said "you're such a nice guy" I just sat and thought "oh shoot" but wait, nice guys shouldn't be getting laid right? So is it really that bad to be called a "nice guy"? If you are having sex with her, that's a major hurdle overcome. If it's something casual or "purely physical", then you are in the clear. If you sense that her "relationship attraction" to you overshadows the physical part - hard to define but you'd know it if it was the case - then there's always the chance that you could slip into being thought of as "too nice", especially if you seem more attracted to her than she is to you. I've been married a long time but my "nice guy" battle scars run so deep that I still worry about every little nicety and gesture of considerateness coming off as weakness. 2
DoesntGetIt Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 So a nice guy could be a guy who listens to a girl, will help if she needs it (not money, but say she needs help with a flat tire or something), and just cares for her? a pushover would be a guy who always agrees with her, always asks for her opinion? Basically. A pushover always does the things she wants, and never does the things he wants. Always caves to her arguments/wishes. A not pushover makes sure there is equality and balance in the relationship for both people and takes time for himself/does some of the things he wants to do.
Ferret Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 Err I say "nice guy" when I think the guy is you know a genuinely nice person and not a loser its a complement and its a attractive trait im not crazy,needy,into bad boys, or any of the above I don't get why something so simple has such a stigma attached to it.. End of the day your ether a nice person or your a ass hat its not rocket science if a female prefers men who treat her poorly then that's a reflection on her mental health not the guys fault..don't try to chase mentally unstable women I guess *shrugs* 1
Wewon Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 Err I say "nice guy" when I think the guy is you know a genuinely nice person and not a loser its a complement and its a attractive trait im not crazy,needy,into bad boys, or any of the above I don't get why something so simple has such a stigma attached to it.. End of the day your ether a nice person or your a ass hat its not rocket science if a female prefers men who treat her poorly then that's a reflection on her mental health not the guys fault..don't try to chase mentally unstable women I guess *shrugs* Because historically its been tied to a soft-shoe rejection, sort of like telling a woman that "she has a great personality". The offense comes in its blandness. 2
basil67 Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 Being told that you're a nice guy is only bad if it's followed by a "but..." Most women who have their heads screwed on properly want a man who's thoughtful and caring, but who also has good boundaries. Sure, there are broken women who want broken men - but you're better off avoiding such women anyway. 4
EatYourVeggies Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 Being told that you're a nice guy is only bad if it's followed by a "but..." I'm in my 40s... So far "Nice Guys" are 0 for 1,232 and I'm only counting people I know (friends, co-workers, etc) or their friends. If I included LS, it would 0 for 1,395,355+ and will easily hit 1.4 Million by the end of the month.
Popsicle Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 I love nice guys. But I want him to be more than just nice. 3
basil67 Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 I'm in my 40s... So far "Nice Guys" are 0 for 1,232 and I'm only counting people I know (friends, co-workers, etc) or their friends. If I included LS, it would 0 for 1,395,355+ and will easily hit 1.4 Million by the end of the month. I'm not sure I understand your post. Are you saying that you don't know any men who are respectful and caring and who are also successful in love and life? If so, that's very sad. I know many so men who fit this description.
basil67 Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 I love nice guys. But I want him to be more than just nice. Yes! Being nice is just a basic requirement of being a decent human. There are a whole lot of other compatibility things which have to sit on top of being a decent human. 3
EatYourVeggies Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 (edited) Are you saying that you don't know any men who are respectful and caring and who are also successful in love and life? What I am saying is... At a very basic level not all women set their bare minimum / floor as you just describe. If they do, they will never call or refer to you as a "Nice Guy". They just call you their BF, Husband, Babe, Honey Bunny, etc. I already said earlier in the thread what type of women call certain guys "Nice Guys". And yes, it's 100% never ever a good thing. Edited February 28, 2016 by EatYourVeggies
strawberryshortstack Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 Not a woman, so can't speak for them. But this is what it seems like to me. Ever read a woman's dating profile and it says she wants a "nice guy"? I think a woman's definition of a nice guy and what a guy thinks that means are two different things. A typical "nice guy" tends to be a huge push-over. Never stands up for himself, never states his opinions and always agrees with her, kisses her ass, tries too hard, and basically puts a woman on a pedestal. This is boring and predictable which is why that type of nice guy typically gets the "let's be friends" speech. However, being a genuinely nice person is actually a good thing IMO. You just need to have a backbone and a pair of balls to go with it. Bingo. I want (and have) a man who treats me right, shows me he cares, but doesn't forget who he is just to please me. Know your boundaries, and assert them - respectfully. 1
loveiswar101 Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 Unfortunately I have to agree, I'm way to nice, but find it hard not to be, it's my nature and is in my blood. But I always finish last and have never managed to hang onto a woman or get the one I want. Especially the one I like at the moment!
PrettyEmily77 Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 Nice, sexy, thoughtful, considerate, proactive, genuine, intuitive, loyal, faithful, respectful, friendly, open-minded, discerning, attractive, emotionally intelligent, know what they want and set out to get - yes. 'Just' nice - no. Self-described 'nice' - no, no, no.
Alamo657 Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 Yes. A nice guy is only nice. A great guy is nice + other things.
Jabron1 Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 The inconvenient truth is that being 'nice' is not what sparks attraction. Attraction is edgy, exciting, and a little dangerous. I watch some of my friends and relatives that try to appease women by being 'nice'. At best, women tell them they are 'busy'; at worse, women use them. Being 'nice' is considered weakness. As a man, It's better to be respected than liked. Any relationship should be based on respect first and foremost. I'll give you a brief story about my cousin. He's a bodybuilder who wouldn't take any nonsense from men, but has been messed around by women his whole life. He wouldn't listen to any advice from me or anyone else. His wife dumped him after a period of disrespecting him, even going so far as to call him names in public. He thought that the best way to get back with her is by appeasing her. So, he tries to 'make things work'. He was always available to her. He listened to her family when they would tell him off for being a 'bad husband and father'. He got talked into going to counseling (which I told him not to do). None of this works, and she is clearly just messing him around - playing him for attention and enjoying the power trip. Then, he finally has enough. He goes out and starts dating other women. The tables turned. Now she is desperate to win him back, but he no longer wants her. He's exploring his options and finding out that he can do a lot better. Now that she sees his appeal to other women, and his ability to walk away and have other options, she respects him again as a man. All the counseling in the world wasn't going to change that. He didn't need counseling; he needed game. Being nice doesn't cut it. It's better to be respected than liked. 1
morrowrd Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 Naw, you're safe and in a good position. Don't listen to all that bs advice out there on the net about being "bad" when it's not in your blood. Keep being good, treat your girlfriend well, with respect and don't let her feel like she comes in second. She will love you back. Keep romancing her, not clingy types of behavior, just little acts on a consistent basis that demonstrate your love for her. Friendzoned nice guys, yep they're out, and you're in. Enjoy your relationship.
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