How long does the emotion last?

[OXS550]

Unfortunately I have to live looking at a house full of things from my MIA ex. I can deal with that, they can be boxed up or put away. However today I wake up with the sense of I don't care, knowing tonight it will be a different story. Is there a trick to keeping the mentality I have at this moment? Anger and keeping her out of my head is my goal. I know how it feels once u get past them and start moving on. I just want that feeling now. I do not understand why there's a time limit.

[Satu]

Freud and Jung discovered that most mental and emotional pain comes from:

 

Resistance

 

Conflict

 

and

 

Failure to adapt.

 

All you will achieve by trying not to think about this is the creation of terrific tension in your psyche.

 

The thoughts come, but you try not to think about them = resistance.

 

You try not to think about the thoughts but you do = conflict.

 

Conflict + Resistance = Mental and emotional pain.

 

 

Let the thoughts come and go just like any other thoughts.

 

Let them come, let them go.

 

If you don't, they will slam in hard at inconvenient times.

 

Let them come, let them go.

 

Gradually the thoughts are drained of energy, and become something of little significance.

 

 

You get what you resist.

 

What you resist persists.

 

 

"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate."

 

—C. G. Jung

 

 

Take care.

[dyna85]

The emotions last however long they last.

 

However, the pain and torment intensifies with resistance, as noted above by Satu.

 

Feeling the emotions and moving through them without avoiding/resisting, will reduce the intensity of discomfort and will allow you to cope more effectively.

 

Also, time... and lots of it. Just keep moving and if you're goin' thru hell, keep going... and going... and going... and one day you won't feel that weight making you feel like death.

 

One day, you'll notice you're not as tormented and zombie-ish and you'll be like 'damn, I think I can do this...I think I'm gonna be okay...'

 

It takes strength, perseverance, and the ability to let go.

[OXS550]

So how do I stop th resistance part? I'm not afraid of feeling. I cared about all my exes at one point. For some reason lately I can't stop getting flashes of her car mainly because I see tons of then on the road. Just constent reminders here and there.

[Satu]

So how do I stop th resistance part? I'm not afraid of feeling. I cared about all my exes at one point. For some reason lately *I can't stop getting flashes of her car mainly because I see tons of then on the road. Just constent reminders here and there.

 

 

 

That doesn't have to be a problem.

 

It's only a thought.

 

Try saying aloud, "That car is like my exes," every time you see one.

 

Tell yourself that it's ok to notice that.

 

 

 

Take care.

[Redhead14]

So how do I stop th resistance part? I'm not afraid of feeling. I cared about all my exes at one point. For some reason lately I can't stop getting flashes of her car mainly because I see tons of then on the road. Just constent reminders here and there.

 

It is important to honor your feelings. Not squash them. They are fluid because if one or more feelings remain constant -- anger, sadness, etc. especially, it overwhelms the mind and in fact causes rumination/dwelling on those aspects. The mind wants and needs to "look" at all those emotions in order to be able to get to the point of acceptance.

 

Some people find it useful to set aside a period of time each day -- say 15 minutes to 1/2 and hour to just sit with emotions, thoughts, etc. At the end of that period of time, you force yourself to do something else, anything else but think about the situation. As time goes by, the person usually needs less and less of that allocated time for processing. It allows them to deal with them a little at a time. Like a tea kettle releasing steam so that it doesn't boil over.

[thespacey1]

OP,I empathize with you. It's been about a year since I broke up with my ex-fiance. While we were together I didn't even notice cars like his. It's soooo crazy how now all I see are cars like his and even a few people that look like him.

 

They're giving you some pretty good advice in here... But it's different for everybody. One thing that's true for everybody though is that you can't force yourself to heal faster... It is, what it is. Feel your pain or it will last even longer. Trust me.

 

I'm better than I was a year ago, but even today I still think of my ex and the expression on his face when I told him I wanted us to separate/break up. I wasn't cheating on him or anything like that, we were just more different than I realized and I felt my peace of mind fading fast. So it was a tough decision, that hurt me probably just as much or more than him.

 

You will be ok in due time.... In due time my friend and in YOUR own time.

 

*excuse the typos that I just corrected ;-p

Edited February 29, 2016 by thespacey1

[OXS550]

Thank you all for the replies. When we first split in June 15, I had heard she was seeing someone so I moved past it. The minute I hit that point I was moving on (about 2 months) I posted a picture with a friend and I think that put her in a panic. Making excuses to try and get me to talk to her. After a while I made the mistake and did.

 

Now i've been on all ends of the dating spectrum, used, made my own mistakes and learned over the past 16 years. Also have been in Law enforcement for 10. Reason I bring that up is I know people, behavior and lies. It was always my assumption she was still talking to the guy but I didnt care. If we didn't talk for a week i'd just go hang with someone else, assuming she was. Obviously this was an unhealthy relationship but I tried to stay in it hoping shed get better and for her son.

 

Finally after a month of not seeing her, someone randomly emailed me a picture of her with the guy at a NBA game this sunday. Shed being denying it for months, but I knew. Just think I didn't care. However I must say it was a great feeling, to fill in the gaps of the unknown and gave me that push to never talk to her again. If she ever reaches out again, I have my learning lesson to keep me motivated. So ultimately now I feel relieved, little angry but not obsessed.

 

So how do i now feel the anger, yet help it pass through so I can just turn it off for good?

[maacus]

Such great input from the above posters to your question, there is nothing much for me to offer but to say they are absolutely correct. You have to confront the emotions and let them flow through you, no matter how unpleasant. Ultimately, this takes away their power over you, and you will be able to move on. I'm still in the process of doing this, and it gets better each and every day. Best of luck to you.