contel3 Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 To summarise what I have to put up with: 1) Guys with girlfriends (LOTS of them) 2) Guys who only want sex/perverts 3) People on the rebound 4) Moody, self-entitled, narcisistic, various forms of psychological disorders... I've met a few ones who were pretty nice, but the number is insignificant compared to the rest. Before everyone says the problem is online dating: I've met the craziest of them all in real life! At work, at events and through friends. What are your experiences? I'm starting to feel like a crazies magnet.
Gaeta Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 My experience has been the same as you. I had close to 200 coffee-meetings in the past 4 years. Most of them never went past 3rd date, a couple turned into a 1-2 month dating. I didn't give up and didn't let that drag me down. Finally I met my someone and we've been dating 3 months. He's into me, his attention is consistent, he means what he says and he says what he means. He's a 'normal' human being with no hang ups, addictions, and no unsolved past issues. Here's the trick, when I met him I didn't feel much attraction, but I felt he was a 'good man' so I went on more dates with him and in no time I felt head over heels for him. That means I finally met when I gave up believing that when I meet a man I should feel butterflies. 5
Maggie4 Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 I haven't had to deal with those those things you listed. Just lucky I guess? Dating should be enjoyable, otherwise why do it, right? 3
bu2002 Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 I'm a guy and have done online dating really for 3 years. *Haven't gone out with any crazy women. I'm pretty good at screening and following my instincts. *The online process makes it seem like a personal shopping tool, and since many are unable to talk to one person at a time, they're always looking for something better or think the next swipe will be the one. *I need to have that sexual attraction early on in the dating environment. It's different then getting to know someone through school or work where you truly can be friends first and let things develop organically. *In person is usually never as good as their photos. I myself feel i look better in person than i do my pictures, so I'm always giving the benefit of the doubt and I constantly fall into that trap. I'm surprised sites don't allow people to create short videos to upload as part of their profile. The sounds of people's voices and attitude they speak with is a huge part of attraction that most don't realize how big a part it plays with their perception of someone. 1
Gaeta Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 I'm surprised sites don't allow people to create short videos to upload as part of their profile. Most popular dating sites do.
Jabron1 Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 Here's the trick, when I met him I didn't feel much attraction, but I felt he was a 'good man' so I went on more dates with him and in no time I felt head over heels for him. That means I finally met when I gave up believing that when I meet a man I should feel butterflies. I think this is great advice. Good relationships don't come pre-packaged. We have to forge them ourselves.
TheBathWater Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 To summarise what I have to put up with: 1) Guys with girlfriends (LOTS of them) 2) Guys who only want sex/perverts 3) People on the rebound 4) Moody, self-entitled, narcisistic, various forms of psychological disorders... I've met a few ones who were pretty nice, but the number is insignificant compared to the rest. Before everyone says the problem is online dating: I've met the craziest of them all in real life! At work, at events and through friends. What are your experiences? I'm starting to feel like a crazies magnet. I'm a man attracted to women, but I could have easily written what you did above. Until there is some kind of cultural rebellion against the current trend of relationships as oversexualized, self-interested, and disposable, we're all screwed. I've seen this coming for years and don't see it changing soon. Strangely though, everyone is complaining about and no one is really doing anything about it. Technology seems to be directing everyone's behavior and thinking, even when the result is feeling empty and unfulfilled. Swipe. 2
AMJ Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 I've been on dates with all of those in your list and I'll add this really fun one: 5) Socially awkward men. Blurting out bizarre things in the conversation, interrupting me to grab a magazine and flip through it while I'm answering his question, stuttering, taking the conversation from one place to a completely different place with no normal transition. Oh and then nearly jumping onto me while I'm practically running to get to my car, saying "I wanted to give you a kiss!" while I'm basically throwing my arms in front of me to keep him at a distance...he managed to kiss me anyway, I felt like I was being tackled on the football field. As I'm shutting my car door and he's walking away he yells, "I really like you!" 1
truth_seeker Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 What are your experiences? I'm starting to feel like a crazies magnet. 1) Met girl, hit it off, she decided to go for another guy. She sees me in the city driving my car, next thing you know, girl is chasing me wanting to go out. File under: Gold Digger. 2) Girl hits on me, I'm not that into her - we met at a charity event. We're friends on social media, see her on Tinder, swipe left. She deletes me from social media and come to find out bad mouthed me to people. File under: Woman Scorned. 3) Multiple 20 somethings (I'm in my 30s) stalking me to no end. I make an effort to chat and instead end up walking away like someone put my head threw a wall. File Under: Immature Girls.
d0nnivain Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 What are your experiences? I have been out of the dating pool for a while, almost 10 years & didn't date much as an adult. I was a serial monogamist, seamlessly gliding from one LTR to the next. There was a 2 year period when I was a single 30 something. I admit it was hard to meet people. I tried a lot of different ways: being fixed up; OLD; singles events; joining groups; going to events even by myself. As an adult I rarely met guys who only wanted sex. I don't know what that says about me. Was I not paying attention? Am I unappealing? The one that springs to mind, while I had fun on our date & enjoyed the fooling around we did do, when he didn't call I chalked it up to his loss & moved on. I didn't waste my time wondering if I'd blown it; would he have stuck around if I'd been more demure. I wanted the physical things we did & I enjoyed them. Had he stuck around could there have been more, probably but if he couldn't be bothered I wasn't going to fret over his disappearance. I only went on a handful of 1st dates. They were all perfectly nice guys, steady jobs, intelligent etc but they didn't do it for me. There was no spark. OK one was beyond socially awkward; I met him on OLD & it was the worst date of my life. The other two from OLD were sweet & serious but just blah. There was no pizzazz. A guy I met at a Meet Up event was still hung up on his EX. Ironically he was the only one I went on 2 dates with. It was during the 2nd date I realized just how not ready to date he was. A guy I was fixed up with rejected me as being too egotistical. I may have been trying to impress him but if I didn't work for him, there was no sense in changing myself. Bottom line if you have self confidence, people won't try to manipulate you & if they do, they simply make it easier for you to reject them rather than wasting time. 1
truth_seeker Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 Not sure if other guys have experienced this but multiple times with 20 something year old girls they pull me in with their behavior, we talk, chat, sometimes hook up, then its like they were never into me to begin with and the lies start to fly. I'm really starting to believe there is no hope and I should get on a boat and sail away.
Shining One Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 She sees me in the city driving my car, next thing you know, girl is chasing me wanting to go out. File under: Gold Digger.What kind of car?
road Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 To summarise what I have to put up with: 1) Guys with girlfriends (LOTS of them) 2) Guys who only want sex/perverts 3) People on the rebound 4) Moody, self-entitled, narcisistic, various forms of psychological disorders... I've met a few ones who were pretty nice, but the number is insignificant compared to the rest. Before everyone says the problem is online dating: I've met the craziest of them all in real life! At work, at events and through friends. What are your experiences? I'm starting to feel like a crazies magnet. Because as time moves on the good one's get snatched up first. As the years go by the best of what's left then gets taken. What left is the one's that have issues and problems, in short not as desirable. Victory belongs to those that move swiftly instead of delaying. 1
truth_seeker Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 Victory belongs to those that move swiftly instead of delaying. That hit a nerve.
AMJ Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 Because as time moves on the good one's get snatched up first. As the years go by the best of what's left then gets taken. What left is the one's that have issues and problems, in short not as desirable. Victory belongs to those that move swiftly instead of delaying. What about all the people who divorce in their 30s because they married too young and grew apart? As we get older there are less available people on the market, which is why it's difficult to find quality people. When I was younger there were more people available to date, sure, but not necessarily more quality people.
truth_seeker Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 What about all the people who divorce in their 30s because they married too young and grew apart? As we get older there are less available people on the market, which is why it's difficult to find quality people. When I was younger there were more people available to date, sure, but not necessarily more quality people. I would say because of college there were more outlets for opportunity. I think there are opportunities for people in their 30s but you have to be good-looking and have money. Guy with looks and cash can will have his choice of ladies at just about any age. A hot woman will always have opportunities...
Jabron1 Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 Guy with looks and cash can will have his choice of ladies at just about any age. 1. Looks 2. Game 3. Assets ($) Men need to have two out of three to be very successful in the modern dating scene. My grandfather had all three, and he was seeing multiple younger women well into his eighties.
DoesntGetIt Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 To summarise what I have to put up with: 1) Guys with girlfriends (LOTS of them) 2) Guys who only want sex/perverts 3) People on the rebound 4) Moody, self-entitled, narcisistic, various forms of psychological disorders... I've met a few ones who were pretty nice, but the number is insignificant compared to the rest. Before everyone says the problem is online dating: I've met the craziest of them all in real life! At work, at events and through friends. What are your experiences? I'm starting to feel like a crazies magnet. Have you considered changing the type of guys you usually go for? It could be certain other characteristics you pursue tend to be connected with the negatives you're seeing. Try dating someone you normally wouldn't go after.
LydiaLong Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 Why not try a more reputable dating site like eharmony. It might be a bit of an investment, but I have a few friends who have found their soulmates on it.
EatYourVeggies Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 To summarise what I have to put up with: 1) Guys with girlfriends (LOTS of them) 2) Guys who only want sex/perverts 3) People on the rebound 4) Moody, self-entitled, narcisistic, various forms of psychological disorders... I would guess one of three things. 1. Young, in school or do what young people frequenting do. Places like bars and clubs which attracts in high numbers these type of guys. 2. An online dater 3. 1 and 2 above Online dating is a joke and perhaps try going to places and getting involved in activities that attracts the type of people you want to meet.
fitnessfan365 Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 Have met a few weird women online. But for the most part, all were well adjusted socially. The only thing that kept happening to me repeatedly was being "Catfished" by large women who claimed to have "curvy" or "athletic and toned" body types. However, I always tried to keep a sense of humor about it since I'm a personal trainer. A lot of irony there. It's almost like they've started to teach classes on photo trickery..LOL
candie13 Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 I admit I did a few mistakes, but I am the one responsible for this. My mistakes: - not learning what my dealbreakers are - not being aware of that character traits are important to me - not taking my time in the dating process - not taking my time to get to know the person in front of me - jumping in a RS with both feet - not asking all questions I had to asks from the beginning - dwelling too much over the past - second guessing myself and my instincts - trying to please the men I was dating instead of looking at them to understand if I really liked them In all honesty, it's not the men, it was ME. It was my fault, because I was letting myself get run my by my irrational needs and desires and was throwing them onto men, hoping they would fulfill them, instead of attending to those needs and desires myself. I wasted 5 years of my life so stupidly. But at least, I've learnt. I'm still learning . I mean... let's look at it: - rebounds? I could have found out if I had asked sooner when his last RS was. Didn't take my time, didn't ask. How's that his fault? etc etc. 3
EatYourVeggies Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 (edited) I would say because of college there were more outlets for opportunity. I think there are opportunities for people in their 30s but you have to be good-looking and have money. Guy with looks and cash can will have his choice of ladies at just about any age. For all of my friends and I, we found the exact opposite to be true. Most guys usually get their asses handed too then in their early 20s. They are immature, lack confidence, starting out / struggling to find a career, usually poor, doesn't have much game, etc. On top of the fact you are now "competing" against guys in their mid / late 20s and early 30s who has his crap together, confident, secure, more mature, money, etc. basically "more to offer" than you and has "game" to go along with it. Mid to late 20s / 30s (and beyond) for my friends and I is like shooting fish out of a barrel. Dating pool has never been this big or better. You have all women your age plus all the 20 somethings who once passed you by. Not to mention far less "competition" because young guys don't stand a chance and a lot of guys your age have either met the person they will marry or already have. Who in their right mind would wonder / question why a 23 year old woman would be more attracted to the 27 year old that is more interesting, charming and has a lot more to "offer" using the scenario above? You see that same sort of dynamic play out in the Animal Kingdom and as much as the girly men on TV say and articles you might read in Beta Male Monthly... Humans / Women aren't wired any different. If you are a guy struggling in mid / late 20s / 30s (and beyond), the problem is looking back at you in the mirror, it's not your available dating pool and most certainly not women. Edited February 27, 2016 by EatYourVeggies 1
joseb Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 I think anyone who says that everyone they meet is wrong because x y z, then they need to look at themselves, and how they are choosing the people they date. Sure, you will always get a mix of good and bad. Online dating, in particular, is pretty shyte. But if it's all bad, then maybe look at what the common deniminator is. 1
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