ilovemusic3 Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 I'm a 26 year old female, and I've been on dating sites for about 5 or 6 years. In that time I've sent like a million messages and messaged like a million guys back and forth but I've never had a bf and casually dated 1 guy. Had anyone else sent this many messages and talked to this many people with pretty much no results?
TheArtist Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 It could be any number of things here. Your profile write up, your pictures, what you put in your message, how long your message is, what guys you're getting in touch with, and so on. There isn't a quick fix to this stuff but you can always improve your profile. In fact it should be something you change around regularly, just to keep it fresh. According to some of the threads on here you're definitely not the only person that has problems with online dating, so don't get discouraged. Just remember that online dating is only one way of finding a partner, there are a lot more ways out there.
Author ilovemusic3 Posted February 28, 2016 Author Posted February 28, 2016 I know, but it seems to be the only place I have.
EatYourVeggies Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 (edited) I know, but it seems to be the only place I have. Share some more about yourself. Where you live, hobbies,, whay you do fpr a living, what you are looking for, etc. we could probably offer you some good suggestions and ideas. I think you killed online dating and we can rule it out now. Edited February 28, 2016 by EatYourVeggies
PogoStick Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 If you have messaged that many guys and had such poor results, I can only conclude you are doing something wrong.
angel.eyes Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 First, if you've been at this for 5-6 years straight, please take a break from OLD for a while. You'll be surprised at how much better you feel about the process when you come back refreshed. I know, but it seems to be the only place I have. Second, OLD should be one of many...many ways you meet guys. Do you have hobbies? Friends? How about school? (You were ~20 when you started on OLD.) How are you spending your free time? What do you like to do for fun? Think about why a guy should want to date you. Make a list of all your positives. In terms of OLD, if you're exchanging messages with a guy and he's not asking you out, just move on to the next. Some people are just looking for a pen pal and will waste as much of your time as you give them. Now in terms of OLD, let's start with the basics: Profile: Is it well-written and concise while giving a clear idea of who you are as a person and unique individual? Include specifics.Photos: Do you have at least several clear pictures of yourself, including a head shot and a full body shot Some of my photos show me actively involved in the hobbies and interests I mention in my profile. Each section of my profile reinforces the picture of me I'm trying to convey.Stats: are you limiting yourself unnecessarily? For example, do you have a very narrow age range (e.g. 26-28)? When you use a site, are you active on the site every day? Guys are more likely to reach out if you've been active recently (past 24 hours).Are you on the right dating site for your needs, target demographic, and geography? Finally, have a few guy friends who you trust and who have many of the traits you seek in a partner read and critique your profile. You may have inadvertently phrased some things in such a way that they are turnoffs to the other gender, without even realizing it. Hope that helps. 1
Versacehottie Posted February 28, 2016 Posted February 28, 2016 First, if you've been at this for 5-6 years straight, please take a break from OLD for a while. You'll be surprised at how much better you feel about the process when you come back refreshed. Second, OLD should be one of many...many ways you meet guys. Do you have hobbies? Friends? How about school? (You were ~20 when you started on OLD.) How are you spending your free time? What do you like to do for fun? Think about why a guy should want to date you. Make a list of all your positives. In terms of OLD, if you're exchanging messages with a guy and he's not asking you out, just move on to the next. Some people are just looking for a pen pal and will waste as much of your time as you give them. Now in terms of OLD, let's start with the basics: Profile: Is it well-written and concise while giving a clear idea of who you are as a person and unique individual? Include specifics.Photos: Do you have at least several clear pictures of yourself, including a head shot and a full body shot Some of my photos show me actively involved in the hobbies and interests I mention in my profile. Each section of my profile reinforces the picture of me I'm trying to convey.Stats: are you limiting yourself unnecessarily? For example, do you have a very narrow age range (e.g. 26-28)? When you use a site, are you active on the site every day? Guys are more likely to reach out if you've been active recently (past 24 hours).Are you on the right dating site for your needs, target demographic, and geography? Finally, have a few guy friends who you trust and who have many of the traits you seek in a partner read and critique your profile. You may have inadvertently phrased some things in such a way that they are turnoffs to the other gender, without even realizing it. Hope that helps. I agree that you need to seek out other ways to meet people. Even girl friends as those lead to more outings, parties, activities where you are likely to meet guys. I think online has a reputation for people being very fickle and flakey, which is accurate. Most of the couples I know did not meet that way sooooooo that should tell you something. I wholeheartedly believe that the best and most lasting connections are made in real life. That said, for your own experience, it sure sounds like you've put in a tremendous effort with online dating--don't you think you owe it to yourself to add other avenues of ways to try? Sure you can and probably should tweek your profile a bit based on some of the tips people may give but you also need to create opportunities in other ways. Good luck 1
Author ilovemusic3 Posted February 29, 2016 Author Posted February 29, 2016 I go to meetup/social events. That doesn't work either, if anything, they seem even more hopeless.
trippi1432 Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 Meetup groups are not OLD, but if people treat them like OLD, they will get the same results. I've met some of my best friends from Meetup groups and did have a LTR for over a year with one who joined my group. Granted, we met on OLD first, but the group was a better way to get to know each other. I'm not really sure how meetup/social events are more hopeless unless you are joining ones you really aren't interested in. What are your interests and what sort of social aspects meet them?? I mean if you join a photography meetup group and have no interest in photography, it can be pretty transparent. I ran/still run a karaoke group in my town, not as active as I was, but it was pretty transparent those who joined for fun and a shared interest as those who joined to "date" members. Meetup groups are for getting out and doing what you are interested in, and meet similar people and building your own persona of yourself..........it shouldn't be hopeless unless you have expectations, being your own person and doing things you like to do should be empowering.
LookAtThisPOst Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 Meetup groups are not OLD, but if people treat them like OLD, they will get the same results. I've met some of my best friends from Meetup groups and did have a LTR for over a year with one who joined my group. Granted, we met on OLD first, but the group was a better way to get to know each other. I'm not really sure how meetup/social events are more hopeless unless you are joining ones you really aren't interested in. What are your interests and what sort of social aspects meet them?? I mean if you join a photography meetup group and have no interest in photography, it can be pretty transparent. I ran/still run a karaoke group in my town, not as active as I was, but it was pretty transparent those who joined for fun and a shared interest as those who joined to "date" members. Meetup groups are for getting out and doing what you are interested in, and meet similar people and building your own persona of yourself..........it shouldn't be hopeless unless you have expectations, being your own person and doing things you like to do should be empowering. Funny you mentioned this Trippi, I'm starting to see more Meetup members in my area on POF. lol. So it's all kind of moot who is where and for what, but apparently there'es an overlap. Saw a woman I had an interest in recently that I met from a Meetup, then saw her POF profile just today...saw she was "separated". Yikes. She's a major flirt with the guys in public. lol So now I'm seeing them in both areas.
Emilia Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 When I was on OLD for a few months I chatted to various degree with lots of guys. They all had different stories, personalities, wants, etc. I've found however that building a connection through a website wasn't for me. I prefer real life.
PegNosePete Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 I chatted to a lot and met quite a few. I wouldn't say quite 1 million, though.
Toodaloo Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 My stats are actually very low with OLD compared to many others. But I have still met people through it and although it hasn't worked out yet it has proved to be a useful tool for meeting people. I do take regular breaks and go and do my own thing. I was very sceptical about POF at first but after trying it I have to admit it has given the best results in terms of potential matches etc so far. It is really important to take breaks from OLD every now and then. Just deactivate your account or hide it and go and do your own thing for a bit and recharge. It isn't the same as meeting people in real life. It is hard work. As for how to meet men... Gym Social clubs Classes Through friends While shopping Standing at the bus stop Volunteering Fun clubs like running clubs, walking groups, cycling clubs. Good men are everywhere. Quite literally all around you. The trick is to learn how to speak to them and engage them in conversation. Learning how to be open to meet new people in every day surroundings is difficult. More so I think for your age range as you are probably more into tech than actual socialising (like we used to in the olden days). It takes practice even for those of us who are more used to picking up a phone than wanging out an email. But all you need to do is talk to them. Say hello. Ask if they can help by reaching something for you in the supermarket. Ask their opinion on something. Comment on how lovely it is to see the sun after the winter. Speak to people. Practice by speaking to all sorts of people. Everyone and anyone. Just smile and talk to them.
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