Sinead1981 Posted June 12, 2005 Posted June 12, 2005 Ok, I'll try to make this as short as possible while still including the necessary information. I'm an American and I've been living in Ireland since September while I complete my Masters degree, but I've always had every intention of remaining here longterm. Anyway, I've been with my Irish boyfriend, who is 11 years older than me, for 8 months. The age difference has never been an issue for either of us. On the contrary, I feel more in tune with him than I do with men my own age. The first night we met we ended up walking around the city all night. It was the most romantic night of my life, and I started to fall for him then, even though, as I've been hurt in the past, I tend not to trust people easily. But with him, it was like I couldn't NOT trust him because he's such a good guy. I realized I was in love with him after five weeks and told him this when we were both really drunk. It made him cry and he said he was afraid to get too close to me because he thought I would leave (as in, the country) but I told him not to worry about that and not to hold back from me because you can't do that in love if it's going to work (or something to that effect) and over the last 7 months he's gradually been more and more open with me. He always makes me feel like the most special woman in the world. This is my first serious relationship and I'm so in love with him that I could see "going the distance" as they say. I was never really into dating around or anything. My ideal was always to find the right "one" and that would be "it." I guess I'm sort of a hopeless romantic. Although my boyfriend hasn't told me he loves me yet, I know that he does. I never doubt that at all. We see each other every weekend, all weekend. In fact, since we met he has seen very little of his friends, and he keeps any little scrap of paper that I write on, and he tells me when people he works with ask about me and he says he has a collection of stuff I've given him at home, even silly games we've played and stuff like that. Still, sometimes I can't help but feel scared at times, even though the majority of the time I feel really secure with him. Like last weekend he said to me "I hope you don't love me TOO much" and when I asked him why he said "I don't want to let you down. You're the last person in the world I'd want to let down." That kind of scared me a little because it almost felt like he was saying "don't expect too much out of me" or something, but I don't know. On the one hand I have that and on the other I have a man who is always telling me how beautiful I am, a man who keeps any little thing I give him, a man who was keeping a log of the places he and I would visit each weekend, and a man who is "really excited" to meet my mom, who's coming for a visit on Thursday. I don't know. Maybe I'm just having one of my rare insecure moments, because honestly 9/10 I feel like we are (mutually) madly in love with each other. Help!
moimeme Posted June 13, 2005 Posted June 13, 2005 How are you with him? Do you behave like you adore him? Are you glued to him? Can he do no wrong in your eyes? If you appear too besotted, he's being cautious that you're infatuated rather than in love, particularly since you decided you were 'in love' after five weeks.
Guest Posted June 13, 2005 Posted June 13, 2005 Is there something he is not telling you? Have you noticed any incongruities, inconsistencies, or is your intuition informing you that you do not have the entire picture? I believe he is telling you the truth but isn't telling you WHY.
Author Sinead1981 Posted June 13, 2005 Author Posted June 13, 2005 I never get the feeling that I don't have the "whole picture" with him. Well, it has taken him awhile to open up to me, but recently things have been getting better. Before I would ask him about his week and he would say "Well, nothing really interesting happened" or tell me about something that happened to a guy he works with. Now he tells me things having to do with HIM more rather than other people. He has never given me reason not to trust him, so I don't worry if he doesn't tell me every little detail of his life. And you know, I was thinking about it, and maybe sometimes I CAN seem a bit "infatuated" with him, but he does the same with me. Not a day goes by where he doesn't say how beautiful I am and he never seems to want to stop touching me. For example, he always walks with his arm around me. If anything, it seems to me that we're equally "besotted."
Author Sinead1981 Posted June 13, 2005 Author Posted June 13, 2005 Tried to go back and edit my last post after awhile but it didn't work so here I am again... I know it may seem kind of crazy that I was in love with him after five weeks, but who ever said love was logical? On the night that we met we ended up walking around the city all night (for about 6 hours) just talking to each other. We share a lot of the same beliefs and values. Never before had I met somebody who so totally "got" me. I can be myself more with him than with anyone outside of my own family. I always tell him stuff like he's my prince and my knight in shining armour, so a part of me is thinking that maybe he's afraid to show any weakness that would undermine that opinion. Like one night when we went out together I noticed that he wasn't himself at all. He seemed kind of down--distant, even--and of course, since he didn't say anything to me about it, I assumed it had to do with me. Well, it turned out that it wasn't about me at all. He had a bad toothache and he didn't want to say anything about it because he didn't want to spoil my good times. One thing he always says about me is that whenever he's with me I'm always happy and smiling and that lifts him up as well. But I told him that he doesn't have to be afraid to tell me anything and that I WANT to know these things so I can help make it better. Another time (this was before the toothache incident) I asked him if he wanted to do something the next night (it was a Saturday night and we were out. I was asking him about Sunday) and he seemed really hesitant about it. So, again, I was thinking it was about me, but the next morning (he always stays at my place on the weekends) he was in a rush to leave and again I felt kind of insecure about that, but then he told me that his Dad, who is in his 80s, would be home alone because his sister, who also lives with them, was out of town. I got kind of angry with him then. I was like "Well, if you had told me that before, I would have understood!" Since those two times he's gotten better about it though, but I still wish he would open up to me a BIT more. We're working on that. I have noticed, also, that lately he's been wanting to stay around me longer. This past weekend we went out of town together (our first weekend away). We left early Saturday morning (he spent the night with me on Friday) and our train got back into town around 9:00 last (Sunday) night. But instead of going home right away, as I thought he would want to do, he came back to my place with me and only left when we were both falling asleep, which was around 11. I know he has a life outside of me and I want him to live it. We usually see each other on Friday and Saturday nights and he occasionally comes over on Wednesday. He always phones me on Tuesday and again on Friday night before we go out. So really there are only three days a week where we don't talk to each other, and often fewer than that. And two weeks ago on Friday when he came over he said to me, almost straight away "I missed you" without any provocation from me. I have a really hard time saying how I feel, and the only times I have ever said "I love you" to him I had at least one alcoholic beverage in me. I know that's not a good thing and I need to work on it, but I'm getting better about it. And on the "I love you" front on his end, although he hasn't said the words just like that, he has alluded to it. For example, early on in the relationship he said "I even love your pouty face" and another time he said (we have a nickname for his penis but I won't get too graphic about that) "NICKNAME HERE loves you to bits" and yesterday he said to me "I love your butt!" ha ha. Sorry this was so long. Hope it makes sense!
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