Hopes, fears, new attitude

[ksol9]

He sat on the patio while I packed my things. I loaded mostly everything in the car when I decided I should go talk to him. There were things that needed to be said. See I had been with him for one year. I'm a 31 year old woman. Never married, no children. I was looking to settle down. He is 37. 3 children, custody of 2. Divorced. The reality that I want to start a family would come up sooner than later. It was something that always was in the back of my mind. I wanted to enjoy the relationship. Enjoy all the love he was giving me. Sooner or later I started to question the future of our relationship. In fact, when I brought it up, he would say things like have faith in me, let us grow, focus on our future, I will never steer your wrong. Never confirming he wanted more children. Other issues followed because I was pressuring for an answer. I started to think all kinds of things...he didn't love me ect. It made me miserable as I struggled with this. In turn, I made him miserable. I drove him to the point of frustration. 2 days ago he asks me to stay at my parents house. He needed time to think. I did. He didn't call me at all the following day. I left him alone. He is passive aggressive so i knew I wouldn't hear from him unless I initiated. I waiting until the following day which was yesterday. I called, he answered to my surprise. I said this isn't normal to not speak or resolve things. I said I feel he doesn't know how to tell me to move on. He said he made a decision and he feels we should break up.

 

I was in shock. As we talked outside on the patio, he explained he didn't want to have anymore children and it wouldn't be fair to me. He said he would have considered it but things we deteoriating between him and I so he felt that wouldn't want more children. He spoke about how I took on too much responsibility with the children and raising them when that should be his job. He said I didn't give things a try and that it wasn't going to get better. He said this was for the best for both of us. I agreed and said I understood. I told I loved him and didn't want this. I didn't want to do this and then I walked away with my head held high. He was very cold.

 

I'm devastated. Heartbroken. All I'm thinking about is him and the children. I want him. I want my life with him back. Love conquers all obstacles. I know we could have made it past this. We both did wrong but I pushed things. I didn't let things breathe. I didn't allow everything to fall into its rightful place. Now the damage is done. What do I do? After non stop crying, I somehow put my thoughts together. I've decided to take this in strides. I'll make small goals for myself each day. Wash car, organize this, work on that. I'm going to full us on work and being healthy. If in 2 weeks I'm still longing for him, I'm going to tell him that I'm still thinking of him. I'll keep it light and I won't plead for another chance. After all, the decision to save our relationship has to come from him. He is not a communicative person and very passive aggressive, so I'm expecting rejection. He will most likely ignore it all together. Do you think we can recover from this? I would also like to add that we have separated briefly in the past on numerous occasions. For stupid matters I guess. I ran scared. Packed my things only to return a week later. I've always been the one to initiate communication again. This time, however, I haven't said a word since walking out of there and I won't bother him in the days to follow. I'm going to give him time to let go of the anger and to let this all sink in. I need time to.

 

Thoughts are appreciated.

[dreamingoftigers]

This man was not considerate of your needs, treated you like childcare. Does not want to have children with you and ignores you sexually.

 

As well as told you it was over and that he didn't have feelings for you anymore.

 

Frankly, it MAY be possible to reconcile, but you are doing yourself a deep disservice. You weren't happy with the relationship to begin with, that's why you moved your stuff out.

 

Dating is supposed to be waaaaay better than this. Dating is an audition for a mate. If it were me in your shoes I would clearly say he failed the audition.

 

Please read "How to Break Your Addiction to a Person." I think in this case it would be really helpful. I had to read it and it really helped me overcome a seriously dysfunctional relationship.

[ksol9]

I'm so devastated. I can't stop crying. I fell asleep around 10 last night. Slept for an hour or so. When I looked at my phone I saw 3 text messages from his 10 year old son. Hi [my name]. [my name]?? And then some crying face emojis as I did not answer. I sent a text back saying hi. My response was late and I'm sure he was sleeping so I didn't hear back from him. I miss them terribly and I'm pretty sure the children know by now that we have broken up permanently this time. All the other times I've left were my decision. Sometimes I would leave and not say anything. This time we had a final talk and his reasons were very serious, deal breaking. I haven't contacted him and normally there would be text messages exchanged. This time is different. This time it is final. I want him back but him saying he doesn't want more children is speaking to me louder and louder. How would I be able to stay in a relationship knowing he doesn't want children? It would bother me daily and it is bound to create some problems later on. He would have to give me an answer before going back. He would have to compromise and he would have to offer something more permanent for me. Now that is asking to move mountains. I don't think I will get that wish. I'll be waiting forever if I decided to wait. I want him back. I want the children. I'm feeling like I can't live without them. Maybe that is for right now. Maybe I will feel better as the days go by. I'm going to let things be and leave it to God for now. If I know what's good for me, I'll leave it alone and I'll allow him to time to think and I'll allow myself time to think. We have to go through this. I have to go through this in order to see if what we have is real. If in time neither of us feels compelled to reconnect, I will understand. As for right now, it's too soon to hear from him or reach out.

 

I don't know why I feel like I don't want to move on with my life. I guess because I love them with my heart and soul. I am just feeling deep down inside that I don't want to let him go. I keep feeling like true love can conquer any obstacle. I'm just in so much pain and I believe it will get worse as the days go by and I don't hear from him.

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm so devastated. I can't stop crying. I fell asleep around 10 last night. Slept for an hour or so. When I looked at my phone I saw 3 text messages from his 10 year old son. Hi [my name]. [my name]?? And then some crying face emojis as I did not answer. I sent a text back saying hi. My response was late and I'm sure he was sleeping so I didn't hear back from him. I miss them terribly and I'm pretty sure the children know by now that we have broken up permanently this time. All the other times I've left were my decision. Sometimes I would leave and not say anything. This time we had a final talk and his reasons were very serious, deal breaking. I haven't contacted him and normally there would be text messages exchanged. This time is different. This time it is final. I want him back but him saying he doesn't want more children is speaking to me louder and louder. How would I be able to stay in a relationship knowing he doesn't want children? It would bother me daily and it is bound to create some problems later on. He would have to give me an answer before going back. He would have to compromise and he would have to offer something more permanent for me. Now that is asking to move mountains. I don't think I will get that wish. I'll be waiting forever if I decided to wait. I want him back. I want the children. I'm feeling like I can't live without them. Maybe that is for right now. Maybe I will feel better as the days go by. I'm going to let things be and leave it to God for now. If I know what's good for me, I'll leave it alone and I'll allow him to time to think and I'll allow myself time to think. We have to go through this. I have to go through this in order to see if what we have is real. If in time neither of us feels compelled to reconnect, I will understand. As for right now, it's too soon to hear from him or reach out.

 

I don't know why I feel like I don't want to move on with my life. I guess because I love them with my heart and soul. I am just feeling deep down inside that I don't want to let him go. I keep feeling like true love can conquer any obstacle. I'm just in so much pain and I believe it will get worse as the days go by and I don't hear from him.

 

OP, the bolded indicates this relationship has had problems for some time. Breaking up multiple times is a sign something is very wrong with the relationship. You leaving without saying anything is also concerning - why did you do so? Why were there previous break-ups? That type of turbulence is terribly unhealthy for you both, but also for his children. Seeing you come in and out of their lives isn't good. It sounds like he recognized that this is toxic for all parties involved, including those little ones who have no choice in the matter.

 

The harsh reality is that love doesn't conquer all obstacles. You want to have your own children; he doesn't want more kids. That is fundamental difference that cannot really be compromised on. And you're right; I can darn-near guarantee it would have eaten you up if you'd stayed.

 

You can live without them. You need to remember that. It will be painful for the first little while, but you have to give yourself time to grieve. I don't know if reconciliation is possible. At this point, it probably isn't a good idea since your visions for the future are very different. Concentrate your energy in healing and achieving those little goals you've mentioned. Vent here. But give yourself a ton of space from him. .

[ksol9]

OP, the bolded indicates this relationship has had problems for some time. Breaking up multiple times is a sign something is very wrong with the relationship. You leaving without saying anything is also concerning - why did you do so? Why were there previous break-ups? That type of turbulence is terribly unhealthy for you both, but also for his children. Seeing you come in and out of their lives isn't good. It sounds like he recognized that this is toxic for all parties involved, including those little ones who have no choice in the matter.

 

The harsh reality is that love doesn't conquer all obstacles. You want to have your own children; he doesn't want more kids. That is fundamental difference that cannot really be compromised on. And you're right; I can darn-near guarantee it would have eaten you up if you'd stayed.

 

You can live without them. You need to remember that. It will be painful for the first little while, but you have to give yourself time to grieve. I don't know if reconciliation is possible. At this point, it probably isn't a good idea since your visions for the future are very different. Concentrate your energy in healing and achieving those little goals you've mentioned. Vent here. But give yourself a ton of space from him. .

 

 

I am far from perfect. I came from an abusive relationship of 3 years. I developed some very unhealthy ways of coping with things. My bf and I did not have any serious issues. Any time an issue would arise, I would run. We moved too quickly. We met and soon after I moved in with him. We were inseparable. He wanted me around all he time and I was hesisitsnt. It took me a very long time to adapt to his life, the children, the ex, and the entire lifestyle as a whole. I would run to my parent's house and stay for a few days sometimes without saying anything. He would leave me alone and days later I would contact him to resolve after I did some thinking. It was so wrong of me to do that. That was a problem within myself and I'm sure it did its damage to the relationship from early on. It was only until recently that I started to feel comfortable with those things i.e. The children, my life with him, ect. So I stopped running from my problems. I made a commitment to myself and to him that I wouldn't leave when things got tough anymore. I did and I was able to break that habit. Then it was only about a month ago, he started to withdraw. I questioned, I assumed, I nagged. All of this lead me to where I am right now...alone and without them. No matter what anyone says, there is something inside of me that is not ready to walk away. I have not acted on it. Have not called or sent any text messages, but he is on my mind at all times. I am rethinking the whole situation over and over and I'm trying to make sense of it all. I value and appreciate him so much more. It's sad that it took me losing them to realize what they really meant to me. I took it for granted that he wouldn't leave. I thought to myself, there's no way he would ever want to break up with me. I figured it would play out just as it did all the other times. I was wrong. I believe I pushed him to his limit and he has made up his mind. I don't think I will ever see them again and the thought of that is heart wrenching.

Edited February 20, 2016 by ksol9

[CarrieT]

All the other times I've left were my decision. Sometimes I would leave and not say anything.

Here is the crux. You have left before because you knew it wasn't going to work out in the long run.

 

Truthfully, it was not fair to his children to have you move in and become part of their lives without being engaged and confirmed towards starting a family.

 

You need to go 100% No Contact with ALL OF THEM, as hard as it is.

[ksol9]

Here is the crux. You have left before because you knew it wasn't going to work out in the long run.

 

Truthfully, it was not fair to his children to have you move in and become part of their lives without being engaged and confirmed towards starting a family.

 

You need to go 100% No Contact with ALL OF THEM, as hard as it is.

 

 

I agree with everything you said. I had hesitations from the start and for good reason.

 

I know I am making things harder, but the little boy contacted me again. He said I love you. I just went to get a haircut. He sent a selfie of himself and I responded by saying he looked cute and that was that. I'm sure his father explained what happened and eventually everything will fizzle away. They won't see me again. They won't look for me again. I don't want that to be the case but their father has made a decision about our relationship. I must accept that.

 

Do you think I will hear from any of them again? Even the father, will he ever speak to me again?

[CarrieT]

Do you think I will hear from any of them again? Even the father, will he ever speak to me again?

 

Doesn't matter. You KNOW that it is best you don't speak to the father, especially.

 

Block their numbers so their messages don't come through. That is what you need to do to keep the wounds from bleeding.

 

If you NEED to, write a card to the children and tell them you will always hold a special place in your heart for them and then let them go....

[ksol9]

Doesn't matter. You KNOW that it is best you don't speak to the father, especially.

 

Block their numbers so their messages don't come through. That is what you need to do to keep the wounds from bleeding.

 

If you NEED to, write a card to the children and tell them you will always hold a special place in your heart for them and then let them go....

 

 

We broke up on Thursday. I am not ready to follow your sound advice right now. I just can't. I want them back. I want him back. I don't want to move on with my life. I want what I want and will sort the rest out later. Am I thinking rationally? No and maybe that's why I've always got myself into trouble regarding relationships. My poor choices. Truth is, I am where I am right now. He has made a decision and I have no choice to accept it. I am not going to act on my feelings right now. I am not going to contact him or initiate anything with him. He has to decide that he has made the right decision. If he changes his mind, it has to come from him. I know deep down in my heart and based on the type of person he is, he will NOT be the one to contact me. I'm taking this in strides and I pray each day gets easier.

 

Thank you for your advice. I do need to hear that. I need to hear the truth.

[elaine567]

There is no reconciling with a person who was so miserable he, and I emphasize the "he" part, didn't want to have sex with you.

 

He was someone who doesn't want any more children, someone YOU were also miserable with, someone you broke up with numerous times, and someone who has told you calmly and coolly that it is all over.

This wasn't ever going to work, no matter how much you wanted it to.

 

YOU cannot mould people to be what you want them to be, a man with 3 kids and a divorce was unlikely to want to complicate his life with more children anytime soon - it was doomed from the start.

[Satu]

The simple truth is that he isn't the right man for you.

 

Grieve the loss and move on.

 

You deserve much more than he would ever give you.

[ksol9]

I need to give myself time. This just happened 2 days. Maybe I am holding on to false hope. Maybe I haven't let it all sink yet. That is why I have to keep my emotions under control the best I can and just try to readjust. Though time is just crawling, everything seems like blur. I need to get ahold of myself

[ksol9]

I think I've possibly made things worse for myself. Ex and I broke up 5 days ago. I immediately went NC, took down Facebook, have not contacted him by txt or call. He drove past my job yesterday, but other than that I have not heard anything from him until today. I deactivated my Facebook because I didn't want him to delete me. I guess I figured I'd do it when I'm ready. I went back on to check his page and I see he posted a status which he rarely does, if ever. He says, Jeeze! Being single sucks, now I have to make my own meals! I thought that was so mean so I purposefully liked the status. I knew he would get a notification. I deactivated again. Within minutes, if not seconds, I get a text from him saying..I did that on purpose. I knew you were stalking my page. You blocked me so I can't block you. I didn't respond so about 10 minutes later he sent another text asking for his gate pass back. I still didn't respond at that point.

 

Boy do I feel like I opened a can of worms. I don't want him to have a bad taste in his mouth for me, much less think I'm a stalker. He probably thinks I'm driving around his place at night when that hasn't crossed my mind. I love him and miss him terribly. I wait a few hours and decide to write back. I sent a simple text saying I'll send the gate pass and I'll unfriend him from Facebook...I don't have a problem with that. I don't expect a reply. I'm already hurting so much, but I think I hurt myself further. Now he thinks I'm watching so he will in turn do more to hurt me. I sense this. I don't know what he is trying to accomplish. It's immature and damaging. I feel like

I've ruined chances of him reconsidering. If he was reconsidering in the first place.

[ksol9]

I think I made things much worse for myself. It's been 5 days since the breakup. I immediately went nc. No texts, emails, or calls. I deactivated facebook so he couldn't delete me. I guess I figured I would delete when i was ready. I'm curious so I still wanted to be able to see what he was doing. Other than him driving past my job yesterday, I have not heard anything from him, no calls, texts nothing until today. I went back on Facebook and I saw he posted a status. He rarely, if ever posts a status. He wrote..Jeeze! Being single sucks. Now I have to make my own meals! This angered me. I purposefully liked the status knowing he would get a notification. I deactivated my page again. Within a minute, maybe seconds, I get a text from him saying..I did that s*** on purpose because I knew you were stalking my page. You blocked me so I couldn't block you. That was very slick of you. I didn't respond. About 5 minutes later I get another text saying, I need my gate pass back please and thank you. I still didn't respond.

 

A couple of hours later I responded saying I will send back his gate pass and I'll unfriend him from Facebook. I don't think in any way he wants to reconcile with me after that. I don't think he was even considering it. He had made up his mind before I left and his mind is still made up. He just probably had a feeling I was looking through his page and figured he would post things to get a reaction out of me...for whatever reason. I definitely think made things worse. Now he may even do things to make me jealous or hurt my feelings further. He doesn't indicate he wants to be with me at all. In fact, he indicates he doesn't like me at all. Probably dislikes me. I just thought that was so rude of him to write a status like that but I guess that was his intentions. I have no choice but to go back into nc. I'm going to mail him his belongings and as for the furniture, I'm going to have my mom contact him to make arrangements.

[Zahara]

-Sex life was not so great.

-I feel undesirable. I feel unloved, unwanted, and used.

-I feel I have become convenient to him.

-I'm raising another woman's children.

-I'm bound to feel that way if he is withholding sex.

-Furthermore, I feel maybe he could be cheating.

-He sent me a text saying that this isn't working and that he can't have sex if he doesn't feel happy and content.

-He says I am making him miserable by feeling the way I am feeling and reacting the way I'm reacting.

-I found that to be very manipulative.

-I'm hurt. Beyond hurt.

 

-He sat on the patio while I packed my things.

-He is passive aggressive

-He said he made a decision and he feels we should break up.

-He explained he didn't want to have anymore children and it wouldn't be fair to me.

-He said this was for the best for both of us.

-He was very cold.

-He is not a communicative person and very passive aggressive

 

Above are a few snips from you past two threads. Remind yourself of your reality.

 

And yes, you hurt yourself.

 

The question is -- what are you trying to accomplish? I'm not sure what you think he may be reconsidering and even if he was, why would you? He's been very clear about ending it.

 

You're 31. If you have dreams, hopes and goals, don't invest yourself in someone that isn't on the same page as you are. One day you'll look back and regret the years gone by.

Edited February 23, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[ksol9]

Above are a few snips from you past two threads. Remind yourself of your reality.

 

And yes, you hurt yourself.

 

The question is -- what are you trying to accomplish? I'm not sure what you think he may be reconsidering and even if he was, why would you? He's been very clear about ending it.

 

You're 31. If you have dreams, hopes and goals, don't invest yourself in someone that isn't on the same page as you are. One day you'll look back and regret the years gone by.

 

I wish I could work things out with him. I wasn't ready to end the relationship and I'm still not. I'm not acting on it, although I did act on something today. I haven't told him how I feel in fear he will reject me. I know I have to stay away. I know if he wanted to be with me, he would say so. He seems so angry with me. I guess because I am invading his privacy after he broke up with me. That is the only thing that makes sense. I need to respect his decision, but I just couldn't help myself today. The devil in me told me to like the status. This angered him. All I did was make things worse.

Edited February 23, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
fixed quote formatting ~6

[Zahara]

I wish I could work things out with him. I wasn't ready to end the relationship and I'm still not. I'm not acting on it, although I did act on something today. I haven't told him how I feel in fear he will reject me. I know I have to stay away. I know if he wanted to be with me, he would say so. He seems so angry with me. I guess because I am invading his privacy after he broke up with me. That is the only thing that makes sense. I need to respect his decision, but I just couldn't help myself today. The devil in me told me to like the status. This angered him. All I did was make things worse.

 

Work what out with him? Staying in a relationship that was not fulfilling you? It's a blessing that it ended when it ended and while you don't see it right now, you're going to realize one day that another day wasted on someone that clearly wasn't invested in you was the best thing that could have happened to you.

 

We stay in bad situations because we're afraid to be alone. It's not about love. It's about dependency.

 

You're clouded. You keep mentioning you made it worse. You didn't make it worse. He didn't want to be with you and ended it before this game on FB. It may have irritated him on some level but it didn't solidify his decision. He was sure about that when he was coldly watching you pack your car while he was relaxing on the patio.

[ksol9]

You are right. Very right. I'm in denial. What is meant to be will be. I need to change my attitude and I need to do it quickly. He wants nothing to do with me and he did not give the slightest indication of that so why am I trying to read into these things? I made myself look like a fool at the same time I wanted him to see I read what he posted.

 

I am not thinking clearly. The 5 days that I worked so hard to remain in nc just went out the window. I initiated contact with him and it wasn't positive contact, so what reaction was I expecting to get. I am only hurting myself further by doing what I am doing. I need to make an extra effort to change. I want it to be imminent but I know that is not possible. What is possible though, I need to make a promise to myself to make a REAL effort to break some of these bad habits. I think about him all the time. I need to stop that. I need to keep myself busy. I need to find something else to occupy my time. I would like to post more here. Whatever it is. I need to get myself occupied asap.

[Mittens]

The best thing you can do now for yourself is maintain your dignity. Don't get dragged into playing silly games like this Facebook one. You need to make it so there is no way he can contact you directly...no Facebook, no email, no mobile calls, etc. Deactivate all social media and change numbers. Yes, some of this is a PITA and it seems unfair that you have to do it, but believe me, there will come a time when you will be pleased that you did.

[Zahara]

The 5 days that I worked so hard to remain in nc just went out the window.

 

Don't be so hard on yourself. In my days of NC, I've had to fall really hard a few times before I finally was able to embrace it and push forward. You'll stumble for awhile and when you do, don't beat yourself up, just get back on the NC wagon and keep going.

 

I initiated contact with him and it wasn't positive contact, so what reaction was I expecting to get. I am only hurting myself further by doing what I am doing. I need to make an extra effort to change.

 

And if you want to stop hurting yourself, block him on FB. I know we leave the communication door open because we're hopeful but if someone really wanted to be with you, trust they'll find ways to make it known.

 

What is possible though, I need to make a promise to myself to make a REAL effort to break some of these bad habits. I think about him all the time. I need to stop that. I need to keep myself busy. I need to find something else to occupy my time. I would like to post more here. Whatever it is. I need to get myself occupied asap.

 

You're self-aware and you know what needs to be done. Keep posting here for motivation and support and whenever you feel like breaking contact, come here first.

[ksol9]

The best thing you can do now for yourself is maintain your dignity. Don't get dragged into playing silly games like this Facebook one. You need to make it so there is no way he can contact you directly...no Facebook, no email, no mobile calls, etc. Deactivate all social media and change numbers. Yes, some of this is a PITA and it seems unfair that you have to do it, but believe me, there will come a time when you will be pleased that you did.

 

I agree with you. I do think this is a matter of respect. I need to respect his wishes and stop sending him thr wrong message about myself. The Facebook I have deactivated, but I need to stop looking at it. I need to retrain my brain. He asked for his gate pass. I need to return it. Why am I holding on to it? We are not going to reconcile.

[thecharade]

ksol9, your constant focus on his not wanting you and rejecting you is deeply disturbing. Can you see how unhealthy this is? Your abandonment issues are twisting things, making you desperate for any love that pushes you away, but this guy is no good for you. You should NOT want him, yet you do. I am sure the tape in your head keeps saying, "He doesn't want me. He doesn't love me. I am unworthy." Very sad because this is hugely untrue. It is just the opposite.

 

Please get some professional help so that you can end up with the kind of healthy relationship you deserve. Do it for you.

[thecharade]

You do NOT need to respect his wishes! He is an idiot! You need to respect yourself by not giving him any more of your time or attention.

[ksol9]

As I'm reading all these responses, I'm appreciative but im also realizing that I am not thinking rationally at all. The objective here is for me to move on from this. I do not need to be thinking about what this individual is thinking about and if he wants to be with me or not. Chances are, he doesn't. I can't go to him this time around to apologize or try. This is my time to heal and get myself in order. My life has just been turned upside down. I have to start over. I have to figure out where I am going and what I am doing. I shouldn't be thinking about someone who is isn't worrying about me. I need to change my thinking. The way I think about this situation is so unhealthy and to top it off I can feel how unattractive it looks.

 

I feel like I stooped to his level by liking his status. It's Facebook. What is a 37 year old man posting things like that just to get under skin in the first place. I should have never went there. He is thinking about silliness and I shouldn't join him. I am going to make right by all of this. I am going to mail out his gate pass and whatever belongings I have of his. I will do this tomorrow. I don't know what kind of message this will send. I'm so afraid that he will see that as me wanting nothing to do with him, but I just need to make steps to move on for me..not for him.

 

Please continue to support me. This is such a challenging time in my life. Hope I can get through this soon. I would hate to be stuck here for the next few months. I'm committed to changing but I just don't know if I'm able.

[ksol9]

Sent his gate sticker and his daughters iPod via ups. He should be receiving it tomorrow. I felt kind of stupid mailing it when his house is in the same city, but I didn't want to go anywhere near his house. He asked for the sticker, so I sent it. I'm feeling sad and down, but I'm determined to change my mindset about this and I think taking steps, like mailing his belongings, are helping me. I need to just blow everything in the wind. There is nothing I could say or do about what decision he made. All I can do is do what's best for with all that has been out before me. I should see him for what he is. I wasn't asking for much, so it doesn't matter how many different ways I tried to be a good woman, he wasn't ready for the things I wanted in my life. I deserve so much more. I deserve someone who will do anything to share this life with me. I need to have more self confidence in myself. There's nothing wrong with me. I am educated, in shape, and I don't have any baggage. I've just made very bad choices when it has come to relationships. I took a chance on the wrong man. The odds were against use from the beginning. We all have issues. I think he has some emotional issues as do i, but I am not damaged as to say that I can not lead a healthy life. For the first time in my life, I need to take a chance on myself. I need to set myself free of all of these restrictions. I need to live for myself and hope I get it all right before its too late to start a family. I've got a few good years left to make right by myself. The right person will walk into my life when the time is right.

 

I wish things were different for him and I. I'm forcing myself to let go of the life I pictured for us. He is happy with his life the way it is. He is not striving for more. I am. I want to live a fulfilled life. The longer I hold on to him, the longer I will be stuck in the same place. I am hurt, I miss them, I want to cry, and I'll probably never hear from them again, but I have to move on.