loveiswar101 Posted February 26, 2016 Posted February 26, 2016 Ok, continuing on from previous post. I met the woman, separated 18mths (different states from ex, never getting back together from what I hear and tell, he's moved on and so has she), she has 3 young kids. Now we've hung out heaps, got on well so I thought. Kissed cuddled, had sex one night (incredible, she commented it was good). She is studying full time, not working and 3 young kids. Big thing is none of this puts me off, I like her alot, I mean alot. Get on well with her kids, to which does not put me off at all. I felt we have got on great, if anything I've been a bit needy as wanting to see her all the time and she has up until a week ago been happy to catch up weekends. But catching up as 80% been my suggestion but she told me that's how she liked it. Now all of a sudden thats it no messaging, basically said she is snowed under with uni and hasn't time for me. I'm devastated, gutted blown away, as really though even though alot on her plate we were getting on well. I'm really finding it hard to not message her and try and work something out, but feel if do I will just make things worse. What shall I do? Anything or just nothing?
EatYourVeggies Posted February 26, 2016 Posted February 26, 2016 What shall I do? Forget this noise and go date a single women who is not married / separated with 3 kids with 3 truckloads of baggage. or just nothing? Doing nothing is still doing something.
acrosstheuniverse Posted February 26, 2016 Posted February 26, 2016 Do nothing. Well, send her a message if you haven't already saying 'it's a shame you're so busy, let me know when things die down, take care' and then leave it. You're leaving the door open but making it clear you're not gonna chase and that you expect her to put some effort in if you're to continue seeing her. With three young kids and full time study there's a slight chance she actually is too busy to see you right now, usually I'd say that's an excuse but with her it's possible. I remember when I was doing my MA and suddenly had a deadline with fifteen thousand words to meet, there was no way I was spending time with anyone but my tutors at that stage. But the beauty of messaging her as above and then leaving her alone is you'll know in time if it is just that she was really snowed under, as she'll be in touch when it's over. In the meantime get busy dating other women, it'll take your obsession away from this one girl and help you get over the rejection. And you might just meet someone who is able to give you what you deserve right now. 1
Author loveiswar101 Posted February 26, 2016 Author Posted February 26, 2016 Everyone is going to tell me this. &^$*&$&^ I really like this woman. Not very often I find anyone I like, but this one I do... I hate being single, but I don't want to be with someone I don't like ffs.... Do nothing I guess is the way to go and die alone. Beer talking..
elaine567 Posted February 26, 2016 Posted February 26, 2016 Ok, continuing on from previous post. I met the woman, separated 18mths (different states from ex, never getting back together from what I hear and tell, he's moved on and so has she), she has 3 young kids. Now we've hung out heaps, got on well so I thought. Kissed cuddled, had sex one night (incredible, she commented it was good). She is studying full time, not working and 3 young kids. ...Now all of a sudden thats it no messaging, basically said she is snowed under with uni and hasn't time for me. I'm devastated, gutted blown away, as really though even though alot on her plate we were getting on well. What shall I do? Anything or just nothing? She has made it clear it is over. She maybe is snowed under, 3 young kids and university will be very hard, maybe she just genuinely just doesn't have time for a relationship on top. BUT there could also be a million other reasons why she doesn't want to continue with you. Eg she is just not feeling it, she still loves her ex, she as a habit of self-sabotaging, she feels smothered, she does not think it is going anywhere, she doesn't see you a a father to her children, she is not ready for a relationship, she has her eye on someone else ... etc. etc. YOU just have to accept here that is is over and move on with your life.
Zippy2000 Posted February 26, 2016 Posted February 26, 2016 She has made it clear it is over. She maybe is snowed under, 3 young kids and university will be very hard, maybe she just genuinely just doesn't have time for a relationship on top. BUT there could also be a million other reasons why she doesn't want to continue with you. Eg she is just not feeling it, she still loves her ex, she as a habit of self-sabotaging, she feels smothered, she does not think it is going anywhere, she doesn't see you a a father to her children, she is not ready for a relationship, she has her eye on someone else ... etc. etc. YOU just have to accept here that is is over and move on with your life. Bit harsh saying shes made it clear its over. We dont know that. In my opinion, I agree with the poster Acrosstheuniverse" and send her an open message and let her get back to him Give it time and give it a chance instead of writing someone off so soon. 1
brokengirl85 Posted February 26, 2016 Posted February 26, 2016 She's not interested. Sorry to be harsh with you, but you're basically a doormat fir her. She doesn't see you or respect you as a man. Please move on and concentrate in yourself. You are being needy and clingy. Don't you have other options? Friends? Hobbies?
Author loveiswar101 Posted February 26, 2016 Author Posted February 26, 2016 Your right Brokengirl85, but as in the title...im devastated. I've moved on before and sure I will here. Just that very rarely do I find someone I actually like, call it fussy call it what you like. Just every time this happens it gets harder and harder to keep trying and dating.
road Posted February 26, 2016 Posted February 26, 2016 She can be busy she can be trying to dump you. I don't know. All I can say is send her a message: missing you let me know when you have time for a date. Her response or non-response will let you know how she feels. Also never date married women. Yes she is married. Separated is not divorced. Separated is not single. Many a separated husband have pull their head out of their butt and said what the hell am I doing and try to get back with their wife. This woman is also surrounded all day at school with an unlimited supply of single men and she could of found someone else. Sucks to get dumped and feel for you. If in fact you do get dumped they way you found her you will find another.
elaine567 Posted February 26, 2016 Posted February 26, 2016 Bit harsh saying shes made it clear its over. We dont know that. Now all of a sudden thats it no messaging, basically said she is snowed under with uni and hasn't time for me. What part of this do you not understand??? Its over.
Summer3 Posted February 26, 2016 Posted February 26, 2016 I'm really finding it hard to not message her and try and work something out, but feel if do I will just make things worse. What shall I do? Anything or just nothing? I can understand you wanting to message her because you think somehow a heartfelt message will make her change her mind and fall in love with you. You might get a response but it will probably be brief and cold. Maybe you'll send a follow up email hoping this email will be so endearing that she'll stop being cold and again "fall in love with you." What will probably happen: You'll send the emails and feel worse and write another thread on Loveshack. First, I want to say all of this online stuff sucks. It makes emails or no emails so important and it isn't. Emails are just pixels on a little screen. This is what you should do: Get up. Go into the real world and experience life. Leave your phone at home and be free. You'll meet someone else. I promise you. 2
Author loveiswar101 Posted February 26, 2016 Author Posted February 26, 2016 Thanks Summer3... Sent message and well she messaged me back asap and we have been messaging back and forth for 30 mins or so......in a nutshel it was this She says she wants to hang out and thinks Im awesome... She feels I want more than she can offer (I do obviously) She then says that we are incompatible... I ask about petting, kissing etc when hanging out and she says she loves it but its a no go with a winky face.... ;-) OMG what do I do, I want to hang out with this woman...but I sort of know the end result. But the old 1 in a million hope/think something comes of us down the track if we hang out ?? I really wish some days I was put on this earth as a rock. No thinking, no feelings...
Maggie4 Posted February 26, 2016 Posted February 26, 2016 What is the incompatibility? Did she say? Is it that you are too clingy? Her uni studies is seasonal, summers are off, right? Why not offer to watch her kids while she studies. Maybe you have been demanding too much evening time from her.
kendahke Posted February 26, 2016 Posted February 26, 2016 Thanks Summer3... Sent message and well she messaged me back asap and we have been messaging back and forth for 30 mins or so......in a nutshel it was this She says she wants to hang out and thinks Im awesome... She feels I want more than she can offer (I do obviously) She then says that we are incompatible... I ask about petting, kissing etc when hanging out and she says she loves it but its a no go with a winky face.... ;-) OMG what do I do, I want to hang out with this woman...but I sort of know the end result. But the old 1 in a million hope/think something comes of us down the track if we hang out ?? I really wish some days I was put on this earth as a rock. No thinking, no feelings... Are you in school? Do you work? Summer is right--you need to get off the online and go out in the world and start pursuing some interests--anything that would get your mind off of her. If it's school or her time is limited because of her familial responsibilities, it still all comes to the same conclusion: she's got time for a shag every now and then, but she doesn't have the stamina to run the marathon that is a relationship. And quite frankly, as long as she's legally married, she can't entertain a new relationship until she's cleaned up that mess. How soon til her divorce is final? From what you've said above, she's keeping you at bay and that's no place to be. It will destroy your self esteem faster than anything; so develop the discipline to end it with her, put her on block and get busy cultivating your interests in your life because that passion can be an attractive thing to someone else who is available and interested in what you have to offer, even if by then, your time may be limited because of your interests. 1
kgcolonel Posted February 26, 2016 Posted February 26, 2016 LIW....just take a step back for a second and look at this from her perspective.... 1. she has three young kids that have got to be her first priority, not a self rewarding relationship. 2. she is going to school to better her ability to earn a living for her and her three young kiddos.... 3. she is willing to be friends but that is all she has room for in her life.... From where i sit, she has her priorities well in line with where they should be. Would you want her to take time from her kids who are already without their dad to go and satisfy your needs???? Yes, I believe she did enjoy the moments of fun and games but her kids upbringing and future come before both her desires / personal life and your desire not to be single....if you're serious about her.....be her friend. Be there for her. Take your time and possibly you'll be invited into the "family's life"....you would be seriously wrong to pursue her without considering what's really best for the kids. I totally respect her and you have a choice, are you in this for the long haul or just short term? If youre in this longterm, start with being happy with a budding friendship and then see where things go... This comes from a father of a son who is now raised, educated, employed and self sufficient.... Now is the time to play.
Summer3 Posted February 26, 2016 Posted February 26, 2016 Thanks Summer3... Sent message and well she messaged me back asap and we have been messaging back and forth for 30 mins or so......in a nutshel it was this She says she wants to hang out and thinks Im awesome... She feels I want more than she can offer (I do obviously) She then says that we are incompatible... I ask about petting, kissing etc when hanging out and she says she loves it but its a no go with a winky face.... ;-) OMG what do I do, I want to hang out with this woman...but I sort of know the end result. But the old 1 in a million hope/think something comes of us down the track if we hang out ?? I really wish some days I was put on this earth as a rock. No thinking, no feelings... ...wow. To tell you the truth it sounds likes she's playing with you. She is playing "hot and cold games" so she keeps you addicted (like gambling) but doesn't have to put in too much effort. This won't end well. IMHO.
elaine567 Posted February 26, 2016 Posted February 26, 2016 Is she actually playing games or is just trying to take the sting out of the breakup? Yes, you are a great guy (it is not your fault), yes I enjoyed the kissing and the sex (it was not that that put me off you, so do not get any hang ups) yes we can be friends (if you want). But... and it is a big BUT - I do not want the same things you do, I cannot offer you the relationship you want, and we are not compatible. 2
brokengirl85 Posted February 26, 2016 Posted February 26, 2016 Your right Brokengirl85, but as in the title...im devastated. I've moved on before and sure I will here. Just that very rarely do I find someone I actually like, call it fussy call it what you like. Just every time this happens it gets harder and harder to keep trying and dating. No, every time it happens it get easier. Rejection is part of life. One gets used and move onto the next one. You need to understand that it's her choice, and it's something about her. At this moment, she doesn't want more. You're not the one for her, but you're the one for others. So, cmon, try to go out and meet some other ladies. You'll do fine 1
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