Stone Posted June 12, 2005 Posted June 12, 2005 Greg and I deciede to co-habitate. this was working out fine, he was at some friends house this weekend and I started having huge cramps in my abdomen, I am 36 weeks pregnant I called my mid wife and she instrusted me to go to the hospital, so I thought I was in labor, I called him and he said he was on his way at 5am..... he never showed up, he is drinking with his friends. I am so upset and devistated. I knew he was a jerk but I can't believe this, it's like he refused his own daughter, he's drunk now I don't know WTF he is but I am afraid for him to come home because I am going to Freak the heck out and it's not healthy for me right now
Mr Spock Posted June 12, 2005 Posted June 12, 2005 Every time you try and involve him in some way in this you get dissapointed Stone. You need to stop setting yourself up like this.
moimeme Posted June 12, 2005 Posted June 12, 2005 Stone, he's not healthy for you. Never was. Never gonna be. And you just keep hoping he'll change. Not gonna happen, girl. And the sooner you eliminate this constant source of stress and disappointment from your life, the better it will be. The way he makes you feel is no good for either you or the baby.
Author Stone Posted June 12, 2005 Author Posted June 12, 2005 I know he's not, I just feel like a complete loser being a single mom of two kids at my age, I guess I hold on waiting for some miricale, hoping he will change but he is so selfish I am very scared and depressed, I can't even take care of my son right now becaue all he see's is me crying. I just wanted to get thru the pregnancy with some type of support from him even if it was fake
Naive Posted June 12, 2005 Posted June 12, 2005 Stone, I am sorry that you are going through all of this BS but you have to put it into your head that this man is not going to change. You are a strong woman and now you have to be even stronger for your baby. A father can be anyone but there is only one mother. Enjoy the last stages of your pregnancy and let the scum miss out on something as special as the birth of your child. Sooner or later he will regret it, but thankfully you will NOT have anything in your conscience because you have done what is right. Keep at it girl!!!!
moimeme Posted June 13, 2005 Posted June 13, 2005 I know he's not, I just feel like a complete loser being a single mom of two kids at my age It's brave to be a single mom of two kids. Losers run away. Losers beat their kids. You're no loser. I guess I hold on waiting for some miricale, hoping he will change Booze has him in her grip. Booze is the worst mistress because she has to be fought off by someone who wants to dump her. He doesn't want to dump her and may never. I can't even take care of my son right now becaue all he see's is me crying. See - this is no good at all. You just keep getting disappointed again and again. Time to quit hoping things will change. Right now, that hope is your enemy because it keeps you tied to this schmuck. Throw him and his stuff out and shut the door. I just wanted to get thru the pregnancy with some type of support from him even if it was fake And he's been little to zero use to you and that's what will continue to happen. Call your doc and ask where you can find a mom's group. I've known single moms who did great being single moms because they found groups of single moms to provide support and they could help each other out with babysitting and stuff.
johan Posted June 13, 2005 Posted June 13, 2005 See - this is no good at all. You just keep getting disappointed again and again. Time to quit hoping things will change. Right now, that hope is your enemy because it keeps you tied to this schmuck. Throw him and his stuff out and shut the door. I'm not sure I buy the simplistic "dump him, he's no good for you" stuff in this case. Maybe after the kid is born. But during the pregnancy, it may be smarter to hang in there and get what you can out of him, just so you don't have to do it completely alone. Maybe plan around him, since he is not reliable. He's definitely unreliable. He should have been home with you. If not that, he should have been at the doctor's office. If not that he should be there now. I hope you can keep cool. You don't need the stress.
moimeme Posted June 13, 2005 Posted June 13, 2005 But during the pregnancy, it may be smarter to hang in there and get what you can out of him, just so you don't have to do it completely alone. Studies have actually shown that a pregnant woman's stress and depression can have bad effects on the child. I might agree with you, Johan, except that this guy's presence brings her nothing but pain and neither she nor her baby need that upheaval. It's medically unwise, actually. As for not being alone, she's much worse off. She thinks she can count on him only to be disappointed again and again. If she's alone, at least she knows she's on her own. And Stone you must have friends who'll help out and who you CAN count on.
Author Stone Posted June 13, 2005 Author Posted June 13, 2005 Actually my best friend and her mother came over tonight and she brought her daughter to play with Noah and we talked for along time, it was nice to have some company and I feel better now. or atleast untill morning I think I will ask my mid wife if I can have any anti depressants, I don't want to neglect my son over this a hole
shamen Posted June 13, 2005 Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by Stone Greg and I deciede to co-habitate. this was working out fine, he was at some friends house this weekend and I started having huge cramps in my abdomen, I am 36 weeks pregnant I called my mid wife and she instrusted me to go to the hospital, so I thought I was in labor, I called him and he said he was on his way at 5am..... he never showed up, he is drinking with his friends. I am so upset and devistated. I knew he was a jerk but I can't believe this, it's like he refused his own daughter, he's drunk now I don't know WTF he is but I am afraid for him to come home because I am going to Freak the heck out and it's not healthy for me right now Sorry to hear this Stone. Admittedly, I don't know much about the relationship that you have with this man but living with an alcoholic is no way to live. Is that indeed what he is? Based on what he did, I would say so... I lived with one for years and I left him, finally, for good, January 1st of this year. Best move that I've made in a long time. I am so much happier. Tried and tried to get him into rehab but to no avail. So, I tend to agree with Moi and everyone else who says walk away if he does these kinds of things on a regular basis and you're living with an alcoholic. NO FUN! Do you have other posts on your relationship with him? One that describes your relationship with him well? Link?
SoleMate Posted June 13, 2005 Posted June 13, 2005 Stone, as you know, you are no loser, just a dedicated and caring mother who has perhaps made a few judgments to be regretted. I understand your feelings, I think - you want to have a stable life for your kid(s) and not look like someone who doesn't know about birth control - am I right? Yet everyone who knows you admires and respects you for the loving care you give your first child and the love you have demonstrated again and again for the one soon to be born. There is nothing wrong in principle with you depending on your baby's father for financial and emotiuonal support while you are busy incubating and bearing a child. He SHOULD be ready, willing and able to give that to you. But he's not. I think the next months for you will be all about the joy of birth and surviving and thriving. Then, when you have receovered from the birth, please give a call to that really nice guy who offered you his love and support in marriage just a few months ago. Just to talk. And good luck with the birth - with all the preparatory labor, you should be good and limbered up for a fast, safe, easy birth.
Author Stone Posted June 13, 2005 Author Posted June 13, 2005 He came knocking at the window at 8:00 this morning and I would not let him in I am proud of myself for that He was crying saying how "sorry" he is and he won't drink again, bla bla I've heard that a million times. I told him that someone will call him this afternoon to schedule a time when he can get his stuff, I don't want to do this infront of my son, my son adores him. nor do I want to even deal with him right now. I think I am going to let my father handel it, My dad and him we're great friends for the years we we're togeather and Greg loves my dad like he is his, my dad likes him alot to but he has pushed everyone to far to the point where everyone wants him away from us... It's like he broke the "circle of trust" with my dad. LOL Maby getting him involved is inapropriate, but I just can't deal with him now
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