Girl broke it off with me because of "gray area" relationship..I really want her back

[Kaykaymillz]

I was recently in sort of a "gray area" relationship with a girl. We weren't officially boyfriend and girlfriend but we went on dates often and cuddled/kissed/hung out at her place. We were "dating" but not official on Facebook or official boyfriend and girlfriend. She told me she never would have sex with guy unless she was dating him. When I had the chance to have sex with her I told her I wasn't trying to, respecting what she told me a few months earlier. She seemed very happy in the relationship, bought me gifts, posted the pictures of the valentines flowers/gifts I got her, talked about me on social media, texted me every day, seemed happy on all of our dates, etc. However a week after our valetine dinner (last Sunday), she broke it off with me. She got drunk on Saturday and was saying "how she didn't know if our relationship was going to work." And "how it wasn't growing." I live about 1 hour away from her and visit her every 2 weeks or so distance is not the problem, she lives in my hometown. I waited until the next day to talk to her about it, but she wouldn't see me or talk to me on the phone about it. She texted me that "she lost feelings, because the relationship was taking too long." and that she saw me as nothing more than a friend. I accepted it and haven't contacted her since. I'm confused on how the relationship did such a 180. A week earlier she was all over me, and texting me happy stuff. Is it because I didn't make it official quick enough, did she want me to make it official on Valentine's Day? Do I have any chance of getting her back? Also after the breakup she was posting on social media, "I hope I made the right decision" and "I feel like I screw everything up." Did she really lose her feelings for me? What can I do to reestablish our relationship? I am 20 she is 18.

[Cinnamonstix]

Seeing your partner once every 2 weeks when you live an hour away is not enough for most people in relationships to be happy.

[road]

I was recently in sort of a "gray area" relationship with a girl. We weren't officially boyfriend and girlfriend but we went on dates often and cuddled/kissed/hung out at her place. We were "dating" but not official on Facebook or official boyfriend and girlfriend. She told me she never would have sex with guy unless she was dating him. When I had the chance to have sex with her I told her I wasn't trying to, respecting what she told me a few months earlier. She seemed very happy in the relationship, bought me gifts, posted the pictures of the valentines flowers/gifts I got her, talked about me on social media, texted me every day, seemed happy on all of our dates, etc. However a week after our valetine dinner (last Sunday), she broke it off with me. She got drunk on Saturday and was saying "how she didn't know if our relationship was going to work." And "how it wasn't growing." I live about 1 hour away from her and visit her every 2 weeks or so distance is not the problem, she lives in my hometown. I waited until the next day to talk to her about it, but she wouldn't see me or talk to me on the phone about it. She texted me that "she lost feelings, because the relationship was taking too long." and that she saw me as nothing more than a friend. I accepted it and haven't contacted her since. I'm confused on how the relationship did such a 180. A week earlier she was all over me, and texting me happy stuff. Is it because I didn't make it official quick enough, did she want me to make it official on Valentine's Day? Do I have any chance of getting her back? Also after the breakup she was posting on social media, "I hope I made the right decision" and "I feel like I screw everything up." Did she really lose her feelings for me? What can I do to reestablish our relationship? I am 20 she is 18.

 

 

BOLD: She gave you the green light to do her and you in her eyes woosed out and appeared weak. She gave that no sex now speech because she did not want to appear easy.

 

 

Also seeing someone once every two weeks is why LDR's fail.

 

 

I do not think you have any chance to get her back.

[Kaykaymillz]

I am in college and can only come back on the weekends. She is also in school. I know she understands that. She was fine with it because I'd chill with her every day when I came back, and we found other ways to communicate. Most students are busy during the week regardless. When I had my chance to have sex with her, she told me she was on her period so I did some other sexual acts to her instead of full intercourse, so I don't think I appeared week because she was really into it, also she was drunk at the time and so was I. My question was more of "do girls want the title of girlfriend?" It almost seems like the title and her feelings went hand in hand. The relationship wasn't moving quick enough for her (title of girlfriend/possibly sex) so she lost her feelings. How would you interpret the social media posts? And do you really think it's over permanently, she seemed happy a week ago, I don't know what happened?

[frus69]

Yes sometimes girls could feel the relationship isn't going anywhere because you haven't made it official, or haven't given her the title and that could make her feel insecure and think you aren't that serious. And this could be the reason she broke up with you.

 

 

Or, it could also be she met someone else.

[Kaykaymillz]

Is there anyway I could get her back? I was planning on making it official, but now I feel like I'll never have the chance to.

[red.velvet]

Been in this situation before. Feeling like a guy is taking too long to make the relationship official so I left.

 

I would say, seeing as she is saying she has lost feelings, it might be hard to get her back.

 

But in case she still feels even a little for you, then you can get her back.

I suggest you ask her to talk. Tell her everything, the truth, that you wanted to make it official...etc. you have to start seeing her more often that once in 2 weeks.

[xpaperxcutx]

Maybe she met someone else. You do not initiate contact after she dumped you; it will make you look weak in her eyes.

 

 

You should go on with your life and be happy. Sometimes dumpers come back but when they do you will already have moved on.

[EatYourVeggies]

We weren't officially boyfriend and girlfriend but we went on dates often and cuddled/kissed/hung out at her place. We were "dating" but not official on Facebook or official boyfriend and girlfriend. She told me she never would have sex with guy unless she was dating him.

 

Now people let Social Media decide for them if / when to have sex or not?

 

What was wrong with dinner and movie?

 

Jesus... Kids today are screwed.

 

She seemed very happy in the relationship, bought me gifts, posted the pictures of the valentines flowers/gifts I got her, talked about me on social media, texted me every day, seemed happy on all of our dates, etc.

 

Also after the breakup she was posting on social media, "I hope I made the right decision" and "I feel like I screw everything up."

 

Dude, it's social media (people showing off, stalking and pretending to be someone they are not) don't take it too seriously and stop thinking it's some mystical all powerful God who you are beholden and answer too or let it have any say / control over you or your life.

 

Take it from an old guy, my advice... Be a rebel and go against the grain and ditch Social Media, it's for tools / wimps. Nothing wrong with standing out, being edgy, having some swagger and being mysterious.

 

Compared to your peers, you will already have a leg up and be more interesting. Plus, it is literally impossible for you to create an online profile that comes close to doing what a woman's mind can. You think the loser with pics in a wife beater with all his loser friends bragging about some stupid guy crap and the fact he ate an egg sandwich for lunch is better than not knowing much at all about you? Hell no! She rolled her eyes at social media poser, clicked somewhere else on the web and already forgot his name. But she is still thinking / wondering / imagining all kinds of things about you and trying to figuring out in her head which outfits you will like on date 1, 2 and 3.

 

Did she really lose her feelings for me?

 

Sorry kid that it didn't work out but don't worry you didn't miss anything. At your age, women are like trains. So do not sweat it or take any of their crap. Remember, there is always another train coming, they come every 15 minutes, they are always on time and run on schedule.

Edited February 26, 2016 by EatYourVeggies

[Buddhist]

Here's a tip. Grey area relationships are great for men and women will bolt from them every single time. If you can't call her hour girlfriend you really can't expect her to stick around. Yes you messed up big time by sitting on your arse and taking advantage of the fact that she wasn't trying to pressure you by stringing her along.

 

Ask yourself this. Why would any women in her right mind stick it out in a nothing relationship when she could easily date someone else and get commitment? Men are plentiful on the planet, quite a few of them don't have hangups about calling someone their girlfriend. Women will try and find one of those every single time. Why? Because we get sick and tired of investing our emotions in relationships where we get nothing back. Simple.

[lino]

BOLD: She gave you the green light to do her and you in her eyes woosed out and appeared weak. She gave that no sex now speech because she did not want to appear easy.

 

 

Also seeing someone once every two weeks is why LDR's fail.

 

 

I do not think you have any chance to get her back.

 

Agree.

 

A man rarely should refuse sex with a girl he is interested in because he'll be seen as gay, inexperienced, frigid, whatever else a man isn't allowed to be.

 

She'll quickly find a guy that WILL f#ck her and after that, you end up with what you have now.

[EatYourVeggies]

Why would any women in her right mind stick it out in a nothing relationship when she could easily date someone else and get commitment?

 

Men are plentiful on the planet, quite a few of them don't have hangups about calling someone their girlfriend. Women will try and find one of those every single time. Why? Because we get sick and tired of investing our emotions in relationships where we get nothing back. Simple.

 

Huh? Since when did they outlaw dating?

 

I was out last weekend and met men and women who just want to have "fun" and have no interest or desire to be in a committed relationship for a whole host of reasons.

 

In the OPs case, if you are telling me that you have to sign up for social media and click around and check some freaking buttons which then communicates to the other person that their "relationship was going to work" and "will make it grow" is completely laughable and would think the chick is crazy and off her meds.

 

The OPs ex was 18 years old and dumped his ass SURPRISE right after Valentines day. How many times have we heard / seen this story before? Not to mention, she was out drunk that weekend in some bar and probably had a one night stand with some drunk ass guy she just met and whos name she can't remember. How serious and committed was "this" every really going to be?

[Kaykaymillz]

Huh? Since when did they outlaw dating?

 

I was out last weekend and met men and women who just want to have "fun" and have no interest or desire to be in a committed relationship for a whole host of reasons.

 

In the OPs case, if you are telling me that you have to sign up for social media and click around and check some freaking buttons which then communicates to the other person that their "relationship was going to work" and "will make it grow" is completely laughable and would think the chick is crazy and off her meds.

 

The OPs ex was 18 years old and dumped his ass SURPRISE right after Valentines day. How many times have we heard / seen this story before? Not to mention, she was out drunk that weekend in some bar and probably had a one night stand with some drunk ass guy she just met and whos name she can't remember. How serious and committed was "this" every really going to be?

 

I feel like you're acting like our entire relationship was based on social media. I was just bringing up the social media aspect because you put your thoughts on there often. I thought she was regretting the decision to end things with me with comments like "I feel like I screw everything up."

 

I understand that I should probably move on from this but I really cared about her a lot and planned on making it official with her next time I saw her which would have been this weekend. I let her know when she was breaking it off with me that I had strong feelings for her and planned on moving our relationship to the next level soon.

 

Also she did not get drunk and cheat, she got drunk and was texting me all night then confirmed her feelings (or apparent lack of) the next day when she was sober.

[Kaykaymillz]

Agree.

 

A man rarely should refuse sex with a girl he is interested in because he'll be seen as gay, inexperienced, frigid, whatever else a man isn't allowed to be.

 

She'll quickly find a guy that WILL f#ck her and after that, you end up with what you have now.

 

I didn't have sex with her when she was drunk and on her period for our first time so I'm gay, inexperienced, and frigid? She told me that wouldn't have sex unless she is dating the guy so I respected her decision and was going to wait until we were official and in a better mindset. I don't think this was the issue but thanks for your reply.

[Kaykaymillz]

Been in this situation before. Feeling like a guy is taking too long to make the relationship official so I left.

 

I would say, seeing as she is saying she has lost feelings, it might be hard to get her back.

 

But in case she still feels even a little for you, then you can get her back.

I suggest you ask her to talk. Tell her everything, the truth, that you wanted to make it official...etc. you have to start seeing her more often that once in 2 weeks.

 

Do you really feel like the approach of begging for her to come back is the right one? I really cared about her. It's upsetting to me that her "feelings" went hand in hand with the title of girlfriend. Since that title didn't arrive on time, she lost the romantic feelings (even after we made out, cuddled, did some sexual stuff together, slept overnight with each other) that she'd once had for me. I don't know how that can happen within a matter of a week.

 

If she didn't think I was committed to her/invested in our relationship, why would I come back from 2 hours away any weekend she was free to see her and spend as much time with her as I could? Not to mention the contact if have with her every day through the phone.

[EatYourVeggies]

I understand that I should probably move on from this but I really cared about her a lot and planned on making it official with her next time I saw her which would have been this weekend. I let her know when she was breaking it off with me that I had strong feelings for her and planned on moving our relationship to the next level soon.

 

Dude, she is 18 and don't buy for a second the crock of BS she selling about dumping you because you wouldn't make it "official".

 

You never once acted like a player, you never disrespected her and clearly were not using / after her for just sex. You were COURTING her from the very time you called her after getting her number and this was always leading somewhere and she never questioned that for a second.

 

Let me guess, you two have only a few months. Met sometime before or after Thanksgiving, spent Christmas, New Years together and made it to Valentines Day and SURPISE... Not a week after?

 

Dude, it's like clockwork every year. Go take a look in the Break Up forum... it's full of guys around your age who like you met a girl right around the holidays and SURPISE all of sudden were dumped right after Valentines Day. Like you, they were given the lamest excuses as to what happened. The truth is, you were arm candy for the holidays and Valentines Day and now that spring fever is full effect and bikini / summer is almost here... Ta-Ta to Kaykaymillz.

 

Also she did not get drunk and cheat

 

It was never possible for either of you to cheat on one another. You two were never in a committed relationship and you are no longer dating.

 

I am not busting your chops. I think it's great that you take it slow, hold back from jumping into a relationship and entering into a committed relationship. I would continue to do it. It served you well with your ex and will continue to do so well into the future.

 

As some others have alluded too, you were probably a little naive on the whole sex thing but that is okay you will figure that out on your own eventually. I'm more than twice your age and my friends and I haven't met girl who does not say "I won't have sex guy unless she I am dating him". Then magically somehow, I would say 90% or more ended up doing the same night exactly what they said they never do. If me or one of my friends ended up dated one of them we never could seem to make the math work either. They always had more sexual partners than BFs or guys than they dated.

[iphone_user1]

Interesting thing about young girls dumping boys after Valentine's Day...