Dzed Posted February 25, 2016 Posted February 25, 2016 At the end of a 10 year failing marriage and at work there is this girl I was friends with for a year or so. We were awesome friends, talked well, laughed, walked each other to the cars, hung out , lots in common, ETC. Toward the time I was going for separation with my wife I realized I had some heavy feelings for the friend at work. I never felt anything like this before not even for my wife. At the same time the friend started keeping a little distance. We spoke and it turned out we had mutual heavy feelings, we had some nice moments over about two weeks, we held hands and lightly kissed a few times. I can make her blush on the drop of a hat. But even with that she kept pulling back outright told me she was afraid of getting into a relationship, she felt like she fell too hard to fast, and I am still technically married. She had some real bad relationships which has left her alone with kids. To be honest the first few weeks after we expressed our feelings I pushed her a bit while all the time her telling me she doesn’t know if she should get into a relationship. Though I just wanted to take it slow anyway, it didn’t matter. She kept telling me she just doesn’t know what to do she says she has been over thinking it and the pressure internally is killing her, she is afraid the more time we are together the more it will feed into her feelings. At that point I finally backed off, it was tough decision but I was being selfish, I knew that. I am in love with her and I am fairly certain she is in love with me but I don’t want to be any cause of any pressure. The fact is I am broken, this really sucks. And it doesn’t help that she sits nearby at work and I hear her voice all day. We are down to awkward hi, byes in the hallways followed up by locking stares, sometimes brief conversation. I backed off about a few weeks ago but I "failed" a couple times and sent her a txt saying I miss her. Sometimes I get a mutual positive reply sometimes I get static. I did get her flowers for her a few weeks ago too, I still do not know why I did it. She responded well and was speechless. She did tell me shes still got them even though they are mostly dead and she has pencils holding up as splints. At this point I am going to keep up the backing off without any “failures” because I have no Idea what else to do. This has been the most crazy roller coaster few of months of my life. Do i think we could be perfect together, i don't know for sure but i see a lot of potential and was hoping to explore it. I wasn't consciously looking for this, i never wanted this, i was looking forward to ending with the wife and having some FUN. I tend to be more friends with females anyway, always have, so my friendship with her i thought nothing of it. I woke up one day and started thinking about her and haven't stopped since. I have never thought like that for anyone even for my STBX. Ive tried everything to just forget her even dating, thinking that may help me forget, nope made it worse. I sit on these dates with these beautiful girls thinking of this one, totally sucks.. Anyway, Sorry for the babble. Any advice would be great but nothing about my marriage please its over and just waiting for the courts.
Buddhist Posted February 25, 2016 Posted February 25, 2016 You've put it out there and she's not in the space to reciprocate. There is nothing you can do with that. It sucks and it will be hard but you'll just have to let it go and move on. There's no magic fix for your feelings and trying to shove them aside by dating others won't help, as you've discovered. Just let time take care of it, eventually the intensity of everything will fade. The thing is, you can't move her out of where she is, she has to do that for herself and you have to accept that she might never get there.
smackie9 Posted February 25, 2016 Posted February 25, 2016 Be aware you are rebounding off her. You are infatuated at this time, not in love. Plus dating coworkers is a really really really bad idea. Clean up your own backyard before you get involved with someone new. 1
Author Dzed Posted February 25, 2016 Author Posted February 25, 2016 You've put it out there and she's not in the space to reciprocate. There is nothing you can do with that. It sucks and it will be hard but you'll just have to let it go and move on. There's no magic fix for your feelings and trying to shove them aside by dating others won't help, as you've discovered. Just let time take care of it, eventually the intensity of everything will fade. The thing is, you can't move her out of where she is, she has to do that for herself and you have to accept that she might never get there. Thanks for the advice. I have been trying to move on, as you know it isn't easy. The whole thing just sucks.
Author Dzed Posted February 25, 2016 Author Posted February 25, 2016 Be aware you are rebounding off her. You are infatuated at this time, not in love. Plus dating coworkers is a really really really bad idea. Clean up your own backyard before you get involved with someone new. I'm not a fan of labeling what I feel like, infatuated or in love. Who cares what it is. I care for this girl she cares for me I want more she dont. Call it what you want it sucks. Dating co workers can be tough but its just fine if all are adult like.
Redhead14 Posted February 26, 2016 Posted February 26, 2016 I'm not a fan of labeling what I feel like, infatuated or in love. Who cares what it is. I care for this girl she cares for me I want more she dont. Call it what you want it sucks. Dating co workers can be tough but its just fine if all are adult like. Who cares what it is -- You need to care what it is! And, a mature adult should be able to identify their emotions as well as manage them because they understand the big picture. This is the kind of thinking that cheaters use to justify their behavior when they are faced with the consequences of that behavior at some point. "Gee, I didn't really think about it at the time. It felt like love. I thought it was love. It feels good." Call it what you want it sucks -- You know what would really suck? Getting into the relationship, getting her to the point of thinking she was in love with you, only to have you realize that you had "baggage" from the previous relationship and backed off yourself. And then, you come to the realization that you'd been sh*tting everywhere you eat. Get a grip. Accept and move on.
Author Dzed Posted February 26, 2016 Author Posted February 26, 2016 Who cares what it is -- You need to care what it is! And, a mature adult should be able to identify their emotions as well as manage them because they understand the big picture. This is the kind of thinking that cheaters use to justify their behavior when they are faced with the consequences of that behavior at some point. "Gee, I didn't really think about it at the time. It felt like love. I thought it was love. It feels good." Call it what you want it sucks -- You know what would really suck? Getting into the relationship, getting her to the point of thinking she was in love with you, only to have you realize that you had "baggage" from the previous relationship and backed off yourself. And then, you come to the realization that you'd been sh*tting everywhere you eat. Get a grip. Accept and move on. um sounds like your angry and need to get a grip. Someone cheat on you? its wrong but don't project it onto me. Who cares what its called why would that justify something one way or the other? If i was was truly in love would that make my pain any more relevant? I'm in a place ive never been and i hate it. I dont need angry trolls yelling at me.....
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