dinar001 Posted February 25, 2016 Posted February 25, 2016 So, I was seeing someone for a little over a year. We were inseparable, yet not immune to the occasional fights. In fact, some of our fights were slightly dramatic with us wanting to call off the whole thing. That being said, we were in love and happy. About two months ago, he decided to end things because he thought that our egos were just indestructible and always interfered in our issues. Also, he started worrying that our age gap (he's three years younger) might start causing bigger issues at a later stage. Amidst tears, he ended things with me half-heartedly. He made very serious attempts to move on and completely cut me off. I picked up my pieces and started working on the whole healing process, ignoring him completely. A few days back, we happened to get texting because of something and he checked if I was seeing someone else. He also asked me what I was doing and i told him that I'm keeping busy with work. He said he's glad that I've figured my stuff out. But his tone made it obvious that things are not really hunky dory at his end. In fact, he stated once again that he will regret his decision forever. I didn't touch upon that topic but chose to ignore it. We haven't spoken after that. What am i to make of this? Do I go about my life or do I try to make contact with him again?
TaraMaiden2 Posted February 25, 2016 Posted February 25, 2016 WHat do you mean, he ended things with you 'half-heartedly'...? He either ended it, or he didn't. If he didn't he's hopping from foot to foot waiting for you to be decisive. (I think if you're in your 20's and he's younger than you, it may be a problem... what ARE your ages....?) If he did end it, you should be in total No Contact, without any need for communication. Go No Contact and do not respond, reply, react or give him any indication that you've even received his message, let alone read it. If he contacts you, he isn't breaking No Contact. But if you reply - you ARE. If he really wants to get back together with you.... aw shucks, look. Read the NC Guide in my signature. Anmd stick to it as if your life depended on it. 1
ilovemefirst Posted February 25, 2016 Posted February 25, 2016 He wants to make sure you do not stop pining for him..so that when hes ready to come back to you, you will be there waiting. Let him go and start healing. You can do this! 1
Author dinar001 Posted February 25, 2016 Author Posted February 25, 2016 WHat do you mean, he ended things with you 'half-heartedly'...? He either ended it, or he didn't. If he didn't he's hopping from foot to foot waiting for you to be decisive. (I think if you're in your 20's and he's younger than you, it may be a problem... what ARE your ages....?) If he did end it, you should be in total No Contact, without any need for communication. Go No Contact and do not respond, reply, react or give him any indication that you've even received his message, let alone read it. If he contacts you, he isn't breaking No Contact. But if you reply - you ARE. If he really wants to get back together with you.... aw shucks, look. Read the NC Guide in my signature. Anmd stick to it as if your life depended on it. Well, he wasn't entirely happy to take the decision. I'm 25 and he's 22. So, you're suggesting that I don't contact him and don't respond to his messages even if he wants to work on things again?
Author dinar001 Posted February 25, 2016 Author Posted February 25, 2016 WHat do you mean, he ended things with you 'half-heartedly'...? He either ended it, or he didn't. If he didn't he's hopping from foot to foot waiting for you to be decisive. (I think if you're in your 20's and he's younger than you, it may be a problem... what ARE your ages....?) If he did end it, you should be in total No Contact, without any need for communication. Go No Contact and do not respond, reply, react or give him any indication that you've even received his message, let alone read it. If he contacts you, he isn't breaking No Contact. But if you reply - you ARE. If he really wants to get back together with you.... aw shucks, look. Read the NC Guide in my signature. Anmd stick to it as if your life depended on it. Okay I just read your NC guide. It was helpful. I did have one question though. What if in our attempts to completely cut off, we give off the vibe that we have actually moved past the relationship. What if the ex actually begins to believe that we have moved on and gives up attempts? People react differently to situations don't they? And it isn't always necessary that people come straight to the point where they ask for forgiveness. Maybe they want to initiate it with some small talk first and then once they think that the timing is right, they bring up the whole relationship talk. I am not referring to my case here, it's a general question.
TaraMaiden2 Posted February 25, 2016 Posted February 25, 2016 Well, he wasn't entirely happy to take the decision. No dumper ever is. But there's nothing half-hearted about it. I'm 25 and he's 22. The age gap is not a factor (I'm 5 years older than my H.) His maturity levels however, are highly suspect. he's not 'fully-cooked' yet, and is not old enough to hold down a responsible relationship. Honest, he really isn't, and won't be until he's nearly 30. Seriously. So, you're suggesting that I don't contact him and don't respond to his messages even if he wants to work on things again? Correct. Except I'm not 'suggesting'. I'm emphatically recommending.
Author dinar001 Posted February 25, 2016 Author Posted February 25, 2016 Correct. Except I'm not 'suggesting'. I'm emphatically recommending. So, you're saying that he is immature and he probably doesn't know what he wants and that he is not likely to come back and even if he does, he may repeat the same thing because he is not 'fully cooked' yet?
Author dinar001 Posted February 25, 2016 Author Posted February 25, 2016 He wants to make sure you do not stop pining for him..so that when hes ready to come back to you, you will be there waiting. Let him go and start healing. You can do this! Hey. Yeah, in the last few days I had been doing well with the whole healing process. I think I should just go back to that @ilovemefirst. If he wants in, he will ask for it, I suppose. Then, I can make a choice.
TaraMaiden2 Posted February 25, 2016 Posted February 25, 2016 Correct. Except I'm not 'suggesting'. I'm emphatically recommending. So, you're saying that he is immature and he probably doesn't know what he wants and that he is not likely to come back and even if he does, he may repeat the same thing because he is not 'fully cooked' yet? You're picking up wonderfully. I think you've got it, hun. Simply because of his behaviour, you can do better. I'm sure he will be wonderful for someone, eventually, but right now, he's not for you. And you need someone a bit more.... fricasseed!
d0nnivain Posted February 25, 2016 Posted February 25, 2016 So, you're suggesting that I don't contact him and don't respond to his messages even if he wants to work on things again? What do you want to do? Do you want to get back together with him? If so get in touch with him, arrange to meet & really talk about your issues. Do not attempt a reconciliation via text message. If like most people you prefer not to go backwards in life & you have no desire to date somebody who throws your relationship away & hurts your feelings rather than being mature & staying to work things out then tell him to leave you alone & move on with your life. The choice is yours. Act accordingly.
Recommended Posts