Author TheScientist Posted February 29, 2016 Author Posted February 29, 2016 Scientist I am not a psychologist, and even professionals cannot diagnose over the internet. We just warn you what could be, as I think he is very manipulative. Also there are diffident types of narcissist, overt and covert as I understand: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201601/7-signs-covert-introvert-narcissist Your healing depends on your resilience. Do not worry about how other people healed. You may be a bit codependent but you sound strong! Care a bit less about him and a bit more about yourself. You are very right I need to stop focusing on him and make this about me and my choices, I had already decided both him and this situation were no good for me before being made aware of the narc tendencies. I'm seeing a therapist on Friday so hopefully that will help me be stronger. I've been having a read and apparently there are general cross overs and avoidant and narcs share similar traits too so he can be avoidant with narc tendencies. However if anything everyone sees this different version of him, this closed off protective hard person, not showing much emotion, just very well put together and with me he opens up, makes himself vulnerable, and almost looks at me like a baby that needs his mum, it's very odd and like he has made a complete u-turn. I know you're just as shocked as me!!
TaraMaiden2 Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 Yes, I'd like to add, it's only what he sounds like to me, I'm not offering a diagnosis either. We all possess certain traits that are vaguely apparent to others but not necessarily to any clinical level of seriousness. I'm quite "OCD" about some things, but no psychologist has ever told me, in an official capacity (or at all, even!) that I am a classic 'sufferer' of an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. But can I help it (for example) if I like to hang my washing in a specific order, and in a particular way...?!
Itspointless Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 But can I help it (for example) if I like to hang my washing in a specific order, and in a particular way...?! Well as long as they are not ordered to form secret codes, I think you will be fine :bunny: 1
Redhead14 Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 (edited) Scientist I am not a psychologist, and even professionals cannot diagnose over the internet. We just warn you what could be, as I think he is very manipulative. Also there are diffident types of narcissist, overt and covert as I understand: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201601/7-signs-covert-introvert-narcissist Your healing depends on your resilience. Do not worry about how other people healed. You may be a bit codependent but you sound strong! Care a bit less about him and a bit more about yourself. This guy was not a narcissist. The OP would have appeared on this board with an entirely different demeanor and attitude. -l The fact is that everyone has some narcissistic "traits" if they are emotionally healthy -- they can and do love themselves. But a diagnosable narcissist has a contaminated/malignant self-love. While it may appear that they are in love with themselves, they in fact are living a chaotic and dark inner world. They can be very dangerous to a woman's emotional well-being and she will become depressed and feel devalued on every level. She will become exhausted. If the OP were with a Narc, she wouldn't be talking about him the way she has. One of the first things she would mention is the fact that she always was made to feel like everything was her fault or that she was somehow crazy. Gaslighting is the hallmark trait of a Narc and that usually affects the woman right away. If the OP was having this kind of experience, she would be talking about that. She's just with a non-committal guy. Not that they are that much fun either If you want to read a post that really shows what being with a Narc does to a woman, read this post: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/571701-what-wrong-me Edited February 29, 2016 by Redhead14
Author TheScientist Posted February 29, 2016 Author Posted February 29, 2016 Yes, I'd like to add, it's only what he sounds like to me, I'm not offering a diagnosis either. We all possess certain traits that are vaguely apparent to others but not necessarily to any clinical level of seriousness. I'm quite "OCD" about some things, but no psychologist has ever told me, in an official capacity (or at all, even!) that I am a classic 'sufferer' of an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. But can I help it (for example) if I like to hang my washing in a specific order, and in a particular way...?! Ha ha ha well my love, I have plenty of washing I have been anxiously avoiding doing... What are your feelings on one drawer being left open and perhaps a knife and fork being adjacent but not aligned correctly? Or does that kind of madness not occur in your household I was really funny about light switches as a teenager, oh and rituals that had to be done at certain times! Definitely agre that he has narc tendencies, still am don't think he is a full blown narc. Whether subconsciously or not, when they hurt us or make devaluing comments, it's still being done and, either way doesn't make us feel great. I must not forget all the ways he made me feel crappy and low when we were together, I keep amplifying how good he is, because that's what I see now (well only because I'm not in the firing line!) but when I was his girlfriend I spent the last three-four months in absolute hell, lost all focus and self belief, not being able to work out why he was being so cold then so loving etc. Xxx
Itspointless Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 The fact is that everyone has some narcissistic "traits" if they are emotionally healthy -- they can and do love themselves. Yes. Thank you for the extra information. I am only familiar with the overt type of narcissists, but have read for example that fearful-avoidant can have narcissistic tendencies in the more covert form. Either way her ex is pretty manipulative.
Author TheScientist Posted February 29, 2016 Author Posted February 29, 2016 This guy was not a narcissist. The OP would have appeared on this board with an entirely different demeanor and attitude. -l The fact is that everyone has some narcissistic "traits" if they are emotionally healthy -- they can and do love themselves. But a diagnosable narcissist has a contaminated/malignant self-love. While it may appear that they are in love with themselves, they in fact are living a chaotic and dark inner world. They can be very dangerous to a woman's emotional well-being and she will become depressed and feel devalued on every level. She will become exhausted. If the OP were with a Narc, she wouldn't be talking about him the way she has. One of the first things she would mention is the fact that she always was made to feel like everything was her fault or that she was somehow crazy. Gaslighting is the hallmark trait of a Narc and that usually affects the woman right away. If the OP was having this kind of experience, she would be talking about that. She's just with a non-committal guy. Not that they are that much fun either If you want to read a post that really shows what being with a Narc does to a woman, read this post: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/571701-what-wrong-me Yes that's what I thought as whenever I see a narc victim they are absolutely destroyed, I'm not saying my ride was easy but they have it really bad, made to feel like they are the ones in the wrong. My ex was never like that. I felt rejected because of all the hot and cold behaviour, the fact he was having sex with other people and not me(!!!) and the fact he had this ideal perfect person I was told he was looking for, and although I know I'm not completely unattractive, I'm still insecure and all the circumstances highlighted every bad thing I felt about myself. So a combination of his issues and mine really!
TaraMaiden2 Posted February 29, 2016 Posted February 29, 2016 Ha ha ha well my love, I have plenty of washing I have been anxiously avoiding doing... What are your feelings on one drawer being left open and perhaps a knife and fork being adjacent but not aligned correctly? Or does that kind of madness not occur in your household I was really funny about light switches as a teenager, oh and rituals that had to be done at certain times! OMG...light switches? You REALLY do NOT want to get me started! They had to be flicked a specific way. I mean, they had to align, right....? And cutlery....? Does the name Jon Richardson ring any bells with you? Oh Lordy.... Definitely agre that he has narc tendencies, still am don't think he is a full blown narc. I'm sure you're probably right. But something's amiss.... Whether subconsciously or not, when they hurt us or make devaluing comments, it's still being done and, either way doesn't make us feel great. I must not forget all the ways he made me feel crappy and low when we were together, I keep amplifying how good he is, because that's what I see now (well only because I'm not in the firing line!) but when I was his girlfriend I spent the last three-four months in absolute hell, lost all focus and self belief, not being able to work out why he was being so cold then so loving etc. Exactly. XXX back atcha. 1
Author TheScientist Posted March 1, 2016 Author Posted March 1, 2016 (edited) OMG...light switches? You REALLY do NOT want to get me started! They had to be flicked a specific way. I mean, they had to align, right....? And cutlery....? Does the name Jon Richardson ring any bells with you? Oh Lordy.... I'm sure you're probably right. But something's amiss.... Exactly. XXX back atcha. Good morning! I agree that something is a little fishy, I don't know if it's just because I lack self control or if it's because he is overly manipulating. Anyway thank you for everything yesterday guys. He is still emailing me which I have to deal with at this point and would be lying if it didn't cause a little heart stir when I see his name, but I'm hoping after some much required therapy i will be a little more into me, and a little more over him. Nonetheless, I was typing up the assessment form for the therapist and couldn't help bursting into tears when typing it all up, how do we find ourselves in this position, my attachment to L ran so deep, like an addiction, I didn't quite realise I have read so much on the subject, or that so much has happened, how much hurt he caused and I still couldn't and haven't let go. I will do it!!!!!! What it is about this situation that I can't seem to accept? He doesn't want you! He doesn't want you!! He is dating other people, yet he ended things with you...because he doesn't want to be in a relationship, or date...right?!!! Yet I still get butterflies when I see his name, hope that one day he will change. In the same way you all watch people seem like they understand what is happening and seem to logically accept it, and that action needs to be taken, I have one side of me that knows whats happening and feels strong and sensible and the other half rationilises it all and thinks 'it's going to be OK, just see him it will be fine' Lord I need therapy. Edited March 1, 2016 by TheScientist
Itspointless Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 Nonetheless, I was typing up the assessment form for the therapist and couldn't help bursting into tears when typing it all up, how do we find ourselves in this position, my attachment to L ran so deep, like an addiction, I didn't quite realise I have read so much on the subject, or that so much has happened, how much hurt he caused and I still couldn't and haven't let go. It took me months to be able to distance, and she wasn't manipulative towards me. Expect her mentioning a lot of maybe's that kept me hooked. Letting her go was not a logical but an emotional decision. The meaning of the things she told me - how she always distanced when stressed - sank in after the nth meaningless text. It also took me that long because I was worried, she had a (non life threatening) severe medical condition that was one of the stressors that caused her pushing me away. But what can we do if they do not let us near? Your ex seems to have pushed you away out of convenience to convenient length that makes him able to dictate everything. In the end we need the distance to be able to heal. If I were you - yes it is easy to tell another person - I would tell him that you will say hello to him at the event, but that you cannot be friends with him. And that his means that you will delete his messages when he sends them (or as Tara says block him). He had his chances to have you near and choose that he did not want that. He wants you as his safe-haven but isn't one for you. Well it doesn't work like that! 1
Author TheScientist Posted March 1, 2016 Author Posted March 1, 2016 (edited) It took me months to be able to distance, and she wasn't manipulative towards me. Expect her mentioning a lot of maybe's that kept me hooked. Letting her go was not a logical but an emotional decision. The meaning of the things she told me - how she always distanced when stressed - sank in after the nth meaningless text. It also took me that long because I was worried, she had a (non life threatening) severe medical condition that was one of the stressors that caused her pushing me away. But what can we do if they do not let us near? Your ex seems to have pushed you away out of convenience to convenient length that makes him able to dictate everything. In the end we need the distance to be able to heal. If I were you - yes it is easy to tell another person - I would tell him that you will say hello to him at the event, but that you cannot be friends with him. And that his means that you will delete his messages when he sends them (or as Tara says block him). He had his chances to have you near and choose that he did not want that. He wants you as his safe-haven but isn't one for you. Well it doesn't work like that! Indeed! By staying like this it feels like very little has changed, and that he is still mine when he isn't and never really was. There is a swinging party on Saturday...he will be naked, having sex with random girls. Lovely. I completely forgot about it and feel an anxious spell coming on, I might have to organise cover as I don't think I can handle seeing him all over some girl. Part of me wants to attend just to see, to accept, that there is nothing for me to hold on to anymore. To let go. I mean part of me already has, i'm not completely deluded as I was weeks ago. Part of me feels like without a proper shock I will not really accept it...does that make sense? Edited March 1, 2016 by TheScientist
Itspointless Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 Indeed! There is a swinging party on Saturday...he will be naked, having sex with random girls. Lovely. I completely forgot about it and feel an anxious spell coming on, I might have to organise cover as I don't think I can handle seeing him all over some girl. Part of me wants to attend just to see, to accept, that there is nothing for me to hold on to anymore. To let go. I mean part of me already has, i'm not completely deluded as I was weeks ago. Part of me feels like without a proper shock I will not really accept it...does that make sense? I wont be answering until late tonight after this one. I understand it, but I would not call it sense. You are searching for prove, but in fact what you are deluding yourself with (as I did) is that deep down you hope to find another answer while you know better. Plus you neurological system craves him near: you body makes endorphin's when he is in you surroundings making you think you are OK with this. That is why you felt OK this weekend. The fact that you think he will do that makes him an insensitive prick. My ex wasn't really able to imagine the reality of other people, I noticed that several times before she pushed me away and have seen it explained in videos by psychologists. But at least she tried. 1
Author TheScientist Posted March 1, 2016 Author Posted March 1, 2016 I wont be answering until tonight after this one. I understand it, but I would not call it sense. You are searching for prove, but in fact what you are deluding yourself with (as I did) is that deep down you hope to find another answer while you know better. Plus you neurological system craves him near: you body makes endorphin's when he is in you surroundings making you think you are OK with this. That is why you felt OK this weekend. The fact that you think he will do that makes him an insensitive prick. My ex wasn't really able to imagine the reality of other people, I noticed that several times before she pushed me away and have seen it explained in videos by psychologists. But at least she tried. He did it when we were 'together' too, it's a lifestyle choice and I make no judgements - many normal people in normal relationships enjoy this as a hobby, but for him its more than that, as he has intimacy issues he uses it as a vice to get as intimate as he wants without the actually intimacy, but that didn't mean it made me feel good when he wouldn't have sex with me. Yes I see what you mean, it always feels ok till a few hours after they leave and I'm left feeling empty. Madness absolute madness.
Itspointless Posted March 1, 2016 Posted March 1, 2016 He did it when we were 'together' too, it's a lifestyle choice and I make no judgements - many normal people in normal relationships enjoy this as a hobby, but for him its more than that, as he has intimacy issues he uses it as a vice to get as intimate as he wants without the actually intimacy, but that didn't mean it made me feel good when he wouldn't have sex with me. Yes I see what you mean, it always feels ok till a few hours after they leave and I'm left feeling empty. Madness absolute madness. Breaking my own promise, but wanted to react that I wasn't making a value judgement about swingers. And yes, you are right that it gives him a chance to have easy intimacy. 1
Author TheScientist Posted March 1, 2016 Author Posted March 1, 2016 (edited) Breaking my own promise, but wanted to react that I wasn't making a value judgement about swingers. And yes, you are right that it gives him a chance to have easy intimacy. Hey! Sorry had to type that up in a hurry, didn't assume for one second you would be that small minded, but it's just in my experience since starting these parties that people have a certain limited view on things like that, especially if they have never been around it or know the kind of people that attend! Anyway yes he definitely uses it for cheap, easy intimacy. While I just have to accept that while he may actually care - (I remember a discussion from the weekend when we were discussing our dads, he said 'how do you manage to be so giving, loving, kind and amazing to everyone you meet when you've experienced so much loss' He always saying things like that to me (sober and drunk) the way he looked at me was so sweet, like a vulnerable little kitten - well a kitten that has the ability to hurt me so. ) - that ultimately he has demoted me where I am safe, but still a distance he can reach me if he was to need me. :roll eyes: while he chases his endless honeymoon periods and happy endings, his endless search for the 'perfect wife' (Even though he admitted that he knows he will be single forever if he carries on this way, pushing people away and the unlimited excuses to end things) now while I wasn't searching for 'all or nothing', 'something but nothing' doesn't sound as attractive. NC is underway...especially until I see the therapist on Friday as i need a clear head. xxxx Edited March 1, 2016 by TheScientist
Author TheScientist Posted March 1, 2016 Author Posted March 1, 2016 I have let things slip since things started going cold cold cold with L - and even worse during the break - up till now. Things to do - -Spend less time on the internet trying to figure out ways to understand and change things, what has happened has happened and things are not changing until he seeks help. Stop reading books and bloody articles, you have done more reading than the average psychologist. :roll eyes: -Stop dreaming up ways you can make him happy, I don't care how happy it makes you feel seeing him happy, real or fantasy it changes nothing and always making him a priority is counterproductive especially as you have accepted you have no future. -Start loving/looking after yourself. Prioritise your health and wellbeing. Eat well and consistantly, not dependant on mood or if he messaged you or not. Punishing your self in this way does not help you, to heal you need strength, so eat well. Without worrying if he has eaten or given himself food poisoning...again - Don't spend too much time obsessing or thinking what if. Designate a time for that each day, and take breaks if you feel the need too overwhelming. -Don't be hard on yourself and don't expect to heal over night. - Make a list of things you want to cover with your therapist. (anxiety etc) - Go for a run little oneeeeee So far so good.
Author TheScientist Posted March 2, 2016 Author Posted March 2, 2016 (edited) Good morning my lovely internet friends, Day one Limited Contact - I have started my day off in a positive way, to only be bogged down with lots of negative memories from the weekend 1. 'So we went on a date and then kissed etc, I don't have to tell you this stuff if you don't want to hear....' He says kissing so casually, but remember thats all I really had with him in terms of physical intimacy, yes we hugged, but thats where it ended, he even got really uneasy about sharing a bed for the last four months and avoided it at all costs, so to hear him say kissing so casually, really stung. I know he has heard of a mutual friend that recently introduced me to some guy that has since taken great interest in me (L keeps asking about him) but rubbing my nose in your adventures it is not fair. PLUS, I SENT YOU A MESSAGE 8 DAYS AGO AFTER WE SPENT THE EVENING TOGETHER 'AS FRIENDS' SAYING THAT SOMETIMES THINGS HURT AND i WISH IT DIDN'T HAVE TO BE THIS WAY. Of course I don't want to hurt, I'm not like you, I can't turn off feelings in an instant. You know me, you know that. 2. 'God she was crazy, and I said to myself I will see you tomorrow, I really wanted to see you, I mean when was the last time I MESSAGED YOU FIRST, I really wanted to see you' Seriously I mean he even mentioned how I have never rejected an offer for lunch before and this time I didn't even reply. He knows I message him first, he knows I hurt, I'm not saying he is enjoying my misery but he knows I try and he is well aware that he didn't, until now. :(:( This trust, why me? Is it because he knows I care and it's unlikely to change, and he takes some comfort in knowing that's available to him?? He speaks to me about everything, fears, regrets, deep thoughts, sexual fantasies, and things he has tried and tested he isn't proud of, sadness he carries, he clearly trusts me, and i know how hard it was for him to get to the point of wanting to share these things with me, but to be honest this whole situation scares me. I was demoted, but then trusted into his little world, like I'm on emotional layaway. Maybe that's all he thinks he can give me, but I deserve so much more. Edited March 2, 2016 by TheScientist
Author TheScientist Posted March 3, 2016 Author Posted March 3, 2016 Lets be very honest, limited contact doesn't work if you're not in the right frame of mind for it, them buzzing away at your phone for work related matters or otherwise doesn't work, especially as you know and they know you have to reply. Plus it's unnecessary torture. I have made some big choice RE the next few months, if he starts playing games once I start no contact - I am going to speak to him properly before starting it, and not just withdraw- I will hire someone to take on the events that he attends, I need to start protecting myself. However if he cares for me even an inch of what he says he does then I will not need to, but time will tell. I will make sure it's not going to be cut throat rejection, I will explain first, I don't want to hurt him. As a poster shared some wonderful advice to another poster yesterday...hurting doesn't mean losing, loving someone isn't a weakness. He hasn't won because he hurt me. I think the fact that I see him not returning my intentions as losing screams issues. There is no winning and losing in matters of the heart, as all experiences are lessons learnt. I need to be honest with him, and move on. I am looking forward to my therapy session tomorrow. I have made a list of things to speak about. I have also booked a holiday for the end of this month for a week. I am not expecting it to help with the feeling of loss, but new places and new experiences will at least help give me perspective. Dear L I don't want to let you go. Understand that beyond the diagnostics and traits that you share with all these other disappearing acts, you are a good guy, you are all sorts of messed up and we both recognise that, but you are kind, caring, hard working, all the things I saw in you before counting the abs on your stomach that so many other girls want you for. I have learnt to love you a million times more with your clothes on. The happy over attached sentimental hormones have calmed down and I am back to feeling sad. I realised that my happiness depends on whether you are in my life, but at what cost? I want to be there for you, hearing things you have held back...but at what cost? I want to pretend that I have moved on and be OK whenever you mention the latest girl you dated and kissed...but at what cost? I want to pretend that I don't feel rejection when you tell me that you could see us working out and it scared you, you didn't want to see me as a threat, you want me around, but then you continue to date girl and girl after that and wonder why it's not working???? I have to act like I am not thinking 'why not stay with someone you know it works with...at what cost?? I have to pretend to not be terrified each day we don't speak worrying you're going to meet the girl of your dreams while I have to be OK with it even if you do as we are friends right....at what cost? I want to hold on and hope we will one day work out, but with you as you are, always distancing yourself, even after this weekend I sense you worrying a little, and me there on the sidelines trying to wave my little flag, trying to save you...trying to keep you...at what cost? There are so many more things, so many more things, but I will always care for you more than you care for me, I will always fight for the both of us, even when there is nothing to fight for. You chose your sanity over mine, and as much as I feel like my heart has been rearranged to prioritise your happiness over mine....at what cost?
Itspointless Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 Hi scientist, I hope you are not sending that to him, as that would be a huge ego-boost. 1
Author TheScientist Posted March 3, 2016 Author Posted March 3, 2016 Hi scientist, I hope you are not sending that to him, as that would be a huge ego-boost. Oh god no, can you imagine, think i have given him far too many boosts. 'I mean when was the last time I messaged you first' Just realising a few things and speaking out loud. None of this is OK anymore, the highs just don't get me high enough. xx 1
Author TheScientist Posted March 5, 2016 Author Posted March 5, 2016 Good morning internet buddies, I do hope you are enjoying the beginning of a fantastic weekend. I had my first therapy session yesterday, it was the initial consultation. I explained my situation and my worries, and hopes for the future. She asked me a lot of questions, mainly trying to assess my level of dependence on L. I don't know if I mentioned this but last Saturday L said to me he always felt I was so good to him, that he feels he slapped one side of my face and I care so much that I gave him the other one, and then followed that comment up with 'I would be very surprised if you hurt me, I trust you more than anyone in the UK, you will never hurt me right'? I am sure you will all agree that the above statements alone are a psychologists dream. 'She isn't going to leave me, she isn't going to reject me, I can do what I want, push whatever boundaries, I am safe here, she isn't going anywhere' Now as a codependent this made me happy...but as someone that's slowly waking up from this messed up dream, this is actually a nightmare. She told me this relationship has the markers of a highly emotional abusive relationship. Which I kind of knew, but it was a relief to hear it. She asked me what keeps me in his life, and I say because it often feels like my happiness depends on his existance in my life. The fact he wont tell me we aren't compatible - even though everything screams that in terms of circumstances and his actions, he always tells me that I am his dream girl and that we would work. I am aware that his actions tell me otherwise. The therapist was fantastic. She looked at me reassuringly and then said 'This man isn't going to let you go. I am so glad you are here, we will work on why this happens, why you let this happen and to try and stop it happening in the future.' I asked if I should cut complete contact with him possibly speaking to him and telling him this can't continue, and she asked about circumstances, she suggested I continue limiting contact with him, but insisted i don't cause a 'I need you to let me go' conversation for the sole sake of a reaction, especially as it will set of my anxiety and into a possibly very dark and isolated place. Especially if he has a chance to hurt me in retaliation. I agreed, so will just continue little contact and not speak to him till I am stronger and willing to back it up, and stand my ground. She then made me aware that my hand always travels to my chest and upwards to my neck when I speak about losing him AND keeping him in my life. I had never noticed that, but I told my friend about it yesterday evening and she pointed it out three times within a few hours - when I was mid L fantasy. Pretty amazing. xx 1
Itspointless Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 She then made me aware that my hand always travels to my chest and upwards to my neck when I speak about losing him AND keeping him in my life. I had never noticed that, but I told my friend about it yesterday evening and she pointed it out three times within a few hours - when I was mid L fantasy. Pretty amazing. Good to read you have a therapist who makes you aware of your body too. Our body is telling us a lot if we learn to listen to it. It is no coincidence that your hand was going to your heart and neck. It comes from holding in emotions in which can also cause trouble with breathing among things. He is not worth a heart-attack in the making.
Author TheScientist Posted March 5, 2016 Author Posted March 5, 2016 Good to read you have a therapist who makes you aware of your body too. Our body is telling us a lot if we learn to listen to it. It is no coincidence that your hand was going to your heart and neck. It comes from holding in emotions in which can also cause trouble with breathing among things. He is not worth a heart-attack in the making. I am making me ill, the majority of my day is spent obsessing and overthinking, even when I make the conscious choice to not, my mind wonders, i am now stopping myself and actively pushing myself to not contact him, not for a reaction (because to be honest if anything I can't handle a negative backlash at this precise time) but because I just need space. She said he is trying to control me and for once I actually feel it. I feel suffocated.
Itspointless Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 I am making me ill, the majority of my day is spent obsessing and overthinking, even when I make the conscious choice to not, my mind wonders, i am now stopping myself and actively pushing myself to not contact him, not for a reaction (because to be honest if anything I can't handle a negative backlash at this precise time) but because I just need space. She said he is trying to control me and for once I actually feel it. I feel suffocated. Yes, as we said he is very manipulative. Becoming aware of the effects in your body is a good thing. There are things you can do like meditation (making your head empty), sports (running), going to the sauna, treat yourself with a massage, etc. Sometimes it also works to put a towel in your mouth between your teeth (to dampen the sound) and scream for a while as hard as you can. This last one actually has been a tip by therapist, and it works
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 6, 2016 Posted March 6, 2016 We are not therapists. We cannot claim to be therapists. We cannot even begin to insinuate that what we give here - is therapy. It isn't. It's a broad-spectrum mass of shoulders to lean on. But it's immensely comforting to know 2 things: One: You are now seeing a professional, qualified real-life solid, physical therapist, who is helping you determine the right course of actions to extricate yourself from this dysfunctional situation. Two: We had it right. And we helped you. And that - if we just make one difference to just one person - is a life-fulfilling thing. Keep at it, honey. We're with you all the way. 1
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