ConfundindoNiño Posted February 25, 2016 Posted February 25, 2016 Bit of a long one this but I have been going out of my head trying to work out what the heck to do these last 8 weeks or so... So the long and short of the story is; in a relationship that is fairly new (under one year) ex of four years still wants to be with me, and truth be told... I still want to be with him. So lets go back; I met the ex in 2008 originally, we struck up a great friendship - it was only two years later that it turned to romance, and for a long time things were perfect. Sadly I was quite needy and demanding of attention back then (In my early 20s I wanted so much attention from my partner - I was young, insecure and needed it constantly!) But we had a mostly great relationship for five years. He could be a bit distant sometimes; I just wanted reassurance I guess that we were in this for the long haul and that I was loved (and at the time I didnt feel it) Now it has become painfully obvious how much he loved me... We split around 18 months ago (May '14) and did the whole no contact thing for three months... by September '14 we were acting like a couple again. I saw no issue with this as I knew I would be overseas until at least summer 2015 and assumed he was having one last fling with me and that my half a year abroad would create the distance between us. We spoke fairly frequently, he would tell me he missed me and that he was sad he wouldn't see me for so long (Especially when I extended my time away). I was stubborn as a mule when I returned, refusing to see him. And then I met someone else.... It was only after getting into a new relationship in June 2015 that I met up with my ex, in a public place for a drink as I am a huge believer in salvaging something (I hate to see so much love and good energy go to waste, I am friends with the majority of my exes and we will now laugh and joke about our past relationships together!) So, we met around 2 months into the new relationship as I felt I was happy - I was with someone else, I could see my ex and not dwell on past feelings. So we drank and I was deliberately cold and aloof and we said our goodbyes and thought no more of it. Then he was in my town again a few weeks later so again we met and had a drink and a catchup and despite a deep nagging feeling that I still wanted him we had a nice time - as friends. It was November '15 - I needed staff for an event I was hosting and my ex was a pro at this sort of thing so I invited him to work for me for the day, which would require him staying over the night before as he lives a good 200 miles away from me. He stayed, we chatted and that was when things turned . . . strange. Whilst we were chatting he just dropped that it 'was a shame I have a new boyfriend as he would have stayed with me forever' (the words I ALWAYS wanted him to say but he never did). We worked the event and nothing more. I continue on in my happy relationship with the other man, but feeling slightly odd inside. I continue the friendship with my ex. Perhaps now is the best time to drop in some back story about the new boyfriend; Known him as long as we have been together - it was all rather a whirlwind - met in June, in a relationship by July, told me he loved me by August (too fast for me but I went with it...) Things were great until these last few months when he had become obsessive over my movements (Im really not an untrustworthy person - He can read my messages, check my location on his phone at any point - I have nothing to hide), he has become increasingly needy - every time we see each other we argue over such ridiculous, petty things. His visits have become something I dread rather than look forward to, as I am constantly treading on egg shells. This guy is 23, lives at home with his mom, works for his uncle.... seems to be a bit sheltered? I am 28, run two businesses and have a lot going on - which he is jealous of and accuses me of being handed everything on a plate (lets forget that I worked my arse off for 8 years, nearly lost it all and spent a good 2 years living on a food budget of about £10 a week... Yes, I was handed my success on a plate) Saying this he is a very sweet boy, very attractive but . . . is me 5 years ago. SO now I am in a predicament; I am the biggest non believer in going back to an ex. BUT my ex and I both agree that it was 'right person, wrong timing' with our relationship. My ex has openly on many occasions said he would take me back; but that right now he does not want to be involved in the current drama, and certainly does not want to be the catalyst for breaking us up (even though he inadvertently is). I have had a string of flings since our breakup whereas he has had none, and has openly told me he doesn't want to get emotionally attached to anyone. I believe what I have with my ex is genuine love; I still think of him as my best friend and he is still the person I talk to in my darkest moments. I cannot slate him, we split amicably, and cannot imagine my life without him. I know if I split with the current partner he is the type that I will never see or hear from again, and that crushes me as clearly I saw something in him - but perhaps more as a friend than a relationship? Is it unfair of me to keep him hanging on? Should I go backwards if I know in my heart of hearts that the right guy for me is right there?
MidwestUSA Posted February 25, 2016 Posted February 25, 2016 Whether you plan to go back to the ex or not, you should break up with the current guy. This isn't fair to him at all.
sunking101 Posted February 25, 2016 Posted February 25, 2016 Seems like your boyfriend is entitled to distrust you. All these exes are baggage, and your current predicament is proof of what can happen when you don't make a clean break. You split for a reason. Now you should make a clean break with one or the other because you're emotionally cheating.
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